:WARNING: A lemon will be written in this chapter if you don't want to read it just skim over the few paragraphs it takes up near the end. Sorry, had to get that out of the way. Anyway thoroughly disappointed in my lack of reviews I'm revising this atrocity that I've been working on. This chapter alone is ten pages long in word. I'm hoping that if I combine the old with the new it'll make sense and be hell of a lot better. But I'm not the one who judges these things. You, the reader are, so when you get to the end..drop a review. Tell me you like it, hell tell me you hate it. Just tell me something so I can find what you people like and don't like. I'm going to head out and look for a beta, someone to nudge me into working faster. If you're interested drop a word here or PM me, and I'll get back to you. Thanks lovely reviewers and enjoy!
There are times when you stop to see who is still around, and you hold on to them with everything that lies within and you live for them as they live for you.
--
The sky was clear, the scent of the flowers and the meadow, the very life all around her...accumulated within her nose, confined to the very recesses of her mind.
The day was sunny and bright and there was squabbling behind her, in the distance somewhere there was her friends, her comrades and her allies. The kimono she wore drifted in the wind and she relished the feel of the warm air on her skin.
This was paradise, the silence of this world, where one could forget about the past. Someone could forget about their mistakes, their regrets, all the things that made their heart break. Someone, anyone, except for her, her pain was too far etched into her soul that she feared she would only half live.
She feared to live, to wish, to yearn for something she could never have. It was palpable around her, within her, her soul at times ached for a family, for someone to love her like she was a true gem, a diamond amongst the dirt. Not meant to be cradled for she was not fragile, but not meant to blend in with her surroundings.
For she shone brightly, with her pride and her strength. She shined from within, but her pain was still there, a slight reminder at the back of her head. Every once in a while it would knock on a mental door and whisper that, yes it was still here and it would like some company, perhaps misery can come and join?
She banished that particular line of thought on the grounds that it was ridiculous. Making her mind blank she allowed the sounds all around too drift in her direction. Kouga was arguing with Inuyasha while the half-dog, half-human waved Tetsusaiga in the general vicinity towards Sesshomaru. Who really looked like he always did, honestly was it possible for someone to look so uncaring?
Kagome was having a hard time keeping her anger in check as the two demons who were currently fighting, were doing it right over top of her head. Sango shook her head, yep if her clenching fists were anything to go by she'd lose her temper soon, the girl was ticking like a time clock. It was foolish not to notice.
"STOP IT!!" Both ookami youkai and dog demon winced at the high pitched scream in her voice. Even Sesshomaru wrinkled a brow at the volume her voice had gotten to. Stomping away was the easiest thing and they watched her go.
"Men." Sango didn't turn to know that three pairs of eyes were either staring or glaring.
"Hey what does that mean Sango!"
"Yeah!"
"As if she was including me with these mongrels." Sango just rolled her eyes. Returning to the circle of friends she pulled Hiraikotsu onto her shoulders.
"I'm going for a walk." Miroku stepped up and beside her.
"That's a great idea Sango! I'll join you to make sure you're protected."
"Aw that's sweet of you Miroku." His hand rubbed her rump and seconds later he was out cold thanks to Hiraikotsu. "But I'd rather be alone." Stepping around the monk Sango noticed her sister figure still fuming.
"Hey Kagome I'm going for a walk wanna come?" Kagome jumped to her feet and waited and as fast as she reacted Inuyasha was replying.
"Hey wench where do you think you're going?" Kagome glared at him with a very, very evil look. His ears flattened in preparation and Kagome didn't disappoint.
"Sit boy!" Sango shook her head as she led Kagome away with Kirara at their heels. Rin chased Shippo as he was fleeing, neither aware of the outside world. Sango knew full well that Kagome needed to blow off some steam. They walked deeper into the forest and Kagome spoke abruptly.
"I'm worried Sango."
"About what?" Kagome turned to her as tears brimmed her eyes.
"About everything. I'm worried if we'll be able to win in the end. I'm worried if we'll survive the last battle." Sango hugged the young priestess as she sobbed into her chest.
"It'll be all right. I know I'll fight as best as I can. I'll fight until the absolute end and I won't stop until my people have been avenged. Until my brother has been freed from Naraku."
Kagome shook in her arms and Sango was only too glad that the young woman was holding onto her as well. It was nice to feel wanted, to be comforted by someone you trust. But training as a Taijiya cost Sango her ability to trust others easily and too deal with all kinds of different emotions.
"Sango if Kohaku doesn't live what will you do?"
I'll follow him to the grave.
"I don't know." Kagome pulled back just enough to look Sango in the eyes and what Sango saw in those depths was the knowledge of inevitability. It released her breath and Sango was unable to catch it again.
"Promise me that if Kohaku doesn't live you will." Silence stretched between them until Sango spoke and broke it.
"I promise." Kagome hugged her once more before smiling and pulling away.
"Come on Sango-chan let's enjoy our privacy!" Yanked from the solemn atmosphere Sango could only follow. There was a foreboding feeling in the air and Sango knew that something was coming to change their future. For better or for worse.
--
"What the hell took so long?" Irate as usual Inuyasha's only reply was a bouquet shoved into his face.
"Aren't they pretty? I found them on our walk." Kagome brought the flowers to her nose and walked around Inuyasha, plopping down next to Kouga instead. Seeing an opportunity, he took Kagome's hands in his careful not to get the flowers shoved in his face.
"They're lovely Kagome but nothing compared to you." Inuyasha would have ripped off Kouga's arms if he wasn't in the process of trying to keep his nose on straight.
"Get your (achoo) hands (achoo) off of her!" Instead of having her hands ripped away Kagome maneuvered so as to take her hands back and bring the blossoms to her nose.
"They smell good as well Kouga-kun but with your demon nose I'm sure I don't have to tell you that." Kouga only watched her as Inuyasha fell oddly quiet. Leaning towards Sango he whispered.
"What's wrong with her? Why isn't she mad?" Sango smacked the back of his head without even looking at him. Inuyasha pulled his face from the dirt and glared at the Taijiya. "What was that for?"
"Stupid she is mad. She's just trying to keep her anger in check." Inuyasha looked at her confused before looking between her and Kagome.
"How can you tell?" Sango glared at him which made the hanyou fear for safety.
"I'm a woman. And if I had too put up with you like she does I would have beat you into the dirt years ago. But unlike her you'd never be able to walk again."
Inuyasha scooted far away from the pissed Taijiya and her trusty bone boomerang. He knew she wouldn't kill him but he didn't trust himself right now to not test her patience. Clearing his throat Inuyasha began to speak.
"We should get moving now that we have a direction and everyone is here and accounted for. Even though some bastards aren't welcomed." He mumbled that last part but it was heard by those who were meant to hear it.
"What was that mutt-face I'll kick your ass!"
"It is not as if I, Lord Sesshomaru cares too stay with you mongrels." Sesshomaru scoffed before leading the others away leaving behind the two bickering rivals. Kouga and Inuyasha followed after exchanging remarks back in forth. While Sesshomaru's temper and irritation mounted.
Naraku better show soon or I'll be the one to kill these fools.
Sensing the rising youki of the western lord both rivals shut up, but didn't stop sending hateful looks to one another. Kagome sighed up ahead and knew that today was going to be one long day.
--
"Finally we get too relax! Inuyasha has been so pushy ever since Sesshomaru and Kouga showed up." Kagome sunk deeper into the water as she listened to Rin and Shippo splash and laugh.
"Well you know what Inuyasha's opinion is of both of them. But still it's grating my nerves having to be bossed around by him more than usual." Sango slipped beneath the water and lathered the soap into her hair.
"Kagome-chan after this do you want to play tag with me and Shippo?" Sango smiled, the girl was so carefree and fearless. Guess that's what comes when Lord Sesshomaru is your protector.
"Maybe Rin-chan, I don't know if I want to get so dirty right after I'm clean."
"Okay!" Rin giggled as she dropped more water onto Shippo's head. Both women relaxed into the water and let the silence come over them. The only noise heard was the children's giggling and splashing.
"Do you think Miroku loves me?" That caught Kagome's attention, she sat up straighter.
"Is this what you've been thinking about this afternoon?" Sango nodded but kept her eyes closed and her head lolled back. "I'd have to say yes just by the way he looks at you. I mean sure he's got some bad qualities." Sango's eyebrow cocked.
"Some?"
"Okay a lot, but he loves you Sango and cares very deeply about you." Sango's eyes opened and there was a gloomy air that settled around her.
"I think that too sometimes but in his actions and in his words I can't help but doubt." Their hands met and Kagome gave a reassuring squeeze.
"No worries Sango he cares." Sango watched as slowly Kagome's expression saddened into one she knew far too well.
"You loves you Kagome. He loved Kikyou first and he feels guilty about not seeing through Naraku's trap. He does love you but as a hanyou it's hard for him to admit something like that."
Kagome smiled widely and hugged Sango as if this was the last time to be able to do so.
"Oh thank you Sango-chan!" Sango smiled and returned the hug to her long time friend and sister figure.
"Kagome-chan look I'm all pruny! Can we go now?" Kagome laughed and treaded water to get to them.
"Yes we can go. You coming Sango?"
"Yeah I'll be there in a moment Kagome-chan." Kagome nodded and did what was necessary to be decent. She helped the kids into their clothes and headed back. Meanwhile the boys were getting ready to eat.
"What's taking so long? Someone should go and get them!" Kouga jumped to his feet.
"I'll do it!"
"There's no way in hell I'm letting you go!" Miroku raised his hand a lecherous look coming over him. "There's no way you're going either you lech!" Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged glances.
"We can go." Both Kouga and Inuyasha whirled on them at that point with simultaneous answers.
"NO!" Miroku looked around and noticed something that was supposed to be there but wasn't. He raised his hand again and received two menacing glares for his trouble.
"What is it monk?" Miroku pointed towards the resting dragon and sleeping Jaken.
"Where is Sesshomaru?" Both demons exchanged a glance before getting into a punching match about who can get their first.
--
Sango ducked beneath the water and pulled her hair over her right shoulder. Combing through and making sure none of the great smelling soap was in it she was ready to get back to the group.
"It seems the miko and children have all ready left." Sango jerked around, fists clenched and arms ready to attack only to find Sesshomaru at the water's edge. His eyes trailed down and Sango's cheeks heated, she covered her bared chest, blocking them from his vision.
Sesshomaru scoffed at this action and it made Sango feel a tad more naked with him there.
"Foolish human, are you that shamed with your body that you feel the need to cover yourself? It is most ridiculous. I could never find desires in the body of a human female." He had a point, and a damn good one at that. She removed her hands and ignored the lowering of his gaze.
It wasn't as if he'd enjoy the view let alone put action to it. It would be degrading to him if he ever had any sexual involvement with humans. Sango climbed out and began toweling herself off. She could feel Sesshomaru's gaze but didn't bother facing him. She kept him in her peripheral vision waiting for any movements but didn't sense any.
"I have a question my lord." Sesshomaru connected eyes with her and it reminded her of how inferior she SHOULD feel to this god-like male.
"What is it slayer?" The way he said that word have put a lesser being in fear of their life. Instead of turning her back to him, because that would have been suicide, she turned towards him. Completely naked, yes she was reminded of that too when his eyes briefly scanned her body.
"Why do you keep Rin with you?" Sliding one foot into her slayer's outfit, Sango kept her eyes on his.
"She is my ward and therefore I am honor bound to keep her safe." Sango nodded before adjusting the silk suit over her hips. "It's an interesting scar on your back slayer."
"Call me Sango and I'll tell you who did it." Sesshomaru's brow drew together and Sango tensed in anticipation for an attack. None came.
"Fine, Sango who gave you that scar?" Feeling no urge to keep secrets she spoke truthfully which looked like it stunned the demon.
"My brother Kohaku did this to me. I was buried with some of my fallen clansmen and Kohaku as well. But I didn't die, I crawled from the grave and was nursed back to life." Sesshomaru turned away, his silver hair catching the moon's light.
"I was curious...because you have the body of a warrior. Oh and my half breed-brother wants you back at camp." Sango finished dressing and watched him begin to leave.
"My lord one more question." Sesshomaru stopped but didn't face her and Sango found discontent with it. "What do you plan to do after Naraku is dead?" This time he turned and regarded her.
"I will create my own empire." Then he disappeared and Sango rolled her eyes. Typical demon thoughts, power for them is everything. At her return to camp she found an Inuyasha sized hole with Kouga nursing his wounds.
"Guess I don't have to ask what you guys were doing." Kagome blushed, Kouga grunted and Inuyasha cursed colorfully from inside his hole.
"Food's done!" Miroku chimed in hoping that everyone would focus on other things then fighting. Miraculously it worked, everyone except Sesshomaru and the wolf pack took the cooked meat. Kouga cupped Kagome's hands as Inuyasha bitched in the background.
"Thank you Kagome but my pack and I eat raw meat. We shall go hunting but I shall return." Kagome smiled but on the inside she squirmed.
That's gross.
"Kouga go but be careful." The wolf prince smirked before leaving in a tornado with Ginta and Hakkaku trying to catch up.
"Bye sister!" Kagome waved as Inuyasha crossed his arms.
"That's one flea bag down now for number two." Inuyasha cracked his knuckles as Sesshomaru glared.
"I assure you half breed, this Sesshomaru does not have fleas." The lord looked affronted before his features fell into a perfect bank.
"Keh you bastard I'll--"
"Inuyasha sit." Kagome sighed, this wasn't going to work at all if Inuyasha wouldn't stop being so hostile. She bit into her fish alternating with the cooked raven somebody caught and killed. The food was always taken care of by her but this was just as good. "Who cooked this anyway?"
"Inuyasha caught the food and I cooked it. Why does it taste bad?"
"No Miroku it tastes good! I was only curious." Miroku smiled at her before coming to sit down next to the silent slayer.
"Hey Sango?" She looked up at him and noticed the serious expression he was wearing.
"Yeah?"
"Can we talk?" Sango finished up her skewered food and stood.
"Sure let's go. Kagome-chan we'll be right back." A wave was her answer as both Miroku and her walked into the forest in the opposite direction the wolf tribe went in. "Was there something important Miroku?"
The monk stopped and paused before whirling around and kissing her. Sango stepped out of his arms and smacked him.
"Pervert!" He held his hand to his cheek, bowing down in front of her.
"Forgive me Sango but I can't help but feel this is our last chance for anything. For another step to happen in our relationship. It's putting me on edge."
Miroku stood up and his saddened eyes touched her very heart. She stepped closer and smoothed her hand over the red mark.
"I'm sorry for hitting you houshi-sama. I feel the end is coming as well. Something major will happen in this oncoming battle. And I...I'm scared houshi-sama." Miroku took her hands in his and smiled, kissing every finger lightly.
"I know we agreed to get married after Naraku is dead. I know that I've asked millions of women this but I'm changing it. Sango will you..." At this the monk scratched his head and Sango's cheeks felt as hot as fire.
"You want me to..lay with you?" Miroku sighed gratefully looking into her eyes.
"Sango will you allow me to make love to you?" Sango gasped and Miroku waved his hands.
"You don't have to if you don't want to but I--" He was silenced by a kiss. She looked bashful when she pulled away but nodded. With the hold on her hands he led her deeper into the forest away from prying eyes and perking ears.
Finally they found a place beneath an oak and Miroku laid down his shakujo staff. Sango laid down her Hiraikotsu and her sheathed sword she looked to the lecher for guidance. He was by far more experienced and her hesitance only had him smiling encouragingly.
"If you are certain Sango please start to remove your armor." She watched Miroku peel back his outer robes and created a sort of blanket to use. Slowly she removed her pink armor feeling the pounding of her heart in every movement she made.
What if I do something wrong? What if doesn't like my body? I am scarred, what if doesn't find me attractive?
Many of her thoughts held merit allowing her doubt and fear to rise more and more. Suddenly Miroku hugged her causing a gasp to part her lips. Miroku kissed her, coaxing her to relax into him. He removed his lips from hers all the while unbuttoning her top.
"Miroku wait..I'm scarred..my body isn't flawless." Which was true she was taijiya and there were always things that couldn't be avoided. She was a fighter not a princess or a geisha! Her body was a tool for her too kill with and--Miroku kissed her once more.
"No worries. You'll always be beautiful in my eyes." Sango felt tears gather her eyes before crushing the young monk to her. "Come Sango we don't want to be caught in the act now do we?" Sango glared at him slapping his hands away.
"Fine but if we're caught I'll be permitted to beat you." Miroku gulped before taking the woman he loved in his arms.
"Agreed." He kissed her while leading her down too the ground.
"Miroku." Peeling the silk suit back Miroku kissed his way to her breasts and feathered his lips across. She moaned as he took her breast into her mouth as one hand laid her flat on his clothes. She complied as Miroku's fingers found the waistband of her suit.
Deftly they both were naked and Sango was suddenly reminded of how much a pervert he was. She mewled as his fingers moved inside of her. The pleasure of his talented fingers making her quite away of her own inexperienced state. He kept kissing her stoking the fires within her very soul. His kisses were hot and needy growing more and more bold by the moans he tasted from her lips. She couldn't focus on anything but the steady rhythm that was making her hotter by the second.
When she was peaked at the very top, fearing the fall that was sure to come, his fingers left her leaving a wet trail in his wake.
"Miroku!" His laugh was short as he leaned over top of her and she could feel the tip of his manhood brush against her thigh.
The monk looked up to her, his indigo eyes concentrated on her face kissing her in apology. That's when she felt his member thrust inside, her fingers held his shoulders as she cried out but none the less adjusted to the intrusion. He was gentle with the lovemaking and Sango was thankful. She hadn't known he was this talented as the only coherent words she could say was 'please.'
It wasn't like her hymen was intact, not after years of being a taijiya. There were other ways of getting rid of the barrier which had nothing to do with sex. Sango had an accident concerning rocks and she no longer had to worry over her maidenhead. Miroku panted above her and she held onto him tighter.
He was experienced, she'd give him that he did things she could never have thought up. A tingling sensation alighted in her nether region and she wondered on that. Miroku pulled out and his fingers found their way inside. Sango was going to ask him about it when her walls tightened around his fingers and she cried out loudly in pleasure. Miroku curled up next to her and she snuggled up to his body. She could feel his sweaty chest and legs press against her.
"Miroku?" A light 'hmm' was her prod to go on. "Why didn't you...uh..do it on the inside?" She could hear him chuckle before he kissed her shoulder.
"I love you Sango. I know there's a good chance one or both of us will die soon." Sango rolled to face him and she wanted to interrupt but there was something on his face which worried her.
"I love you to Miroku." The monk kissed her and exhaled loudly.
"I'm glad for that. This makes things easier." Sango cocked an eyebrow at him.
What's he going on about?
"If I don't survive Sango I want you to be able to love again. As much as I want a child it would only hinder you. You're a taijiya and if any demons find out about being pregnant you'll be killed." Sango wanted to protest but knew it was true..so completely true.
"I love you Sango, and if you remember anything please remember that. I fear I will not live through this fight. But listen to me..listen Sango..if I don't survive I want you to live for me." His kisses were turning, changing and Sango didn't like it. They were sad and insistent, crushing against her lips as if he'll never have the chance again.
"Be strong, live strong and die strong, please Sango do this for me..because I love you." He kissed her and it made tears fall. This wasn't right...his kisses shouldn't taste like heartache. Sango knew that this was the beginning of a pain that chasmed before her. Clutching to him Sango kissed him...remembering his taste...his smell..his looks..his body..everything. Committing everything to memory Sango was shown the edge of loneliness. A path countless souls have trodden before her. Standing on the edge she hoped for something unattainable.
Catch me if I fall.