(( Hi guys! This is going to hopefully reach somewhere over 15 chapters (in other words: my intention is to make this one last!) Please please please REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! Thanks ^^ ))
Caroline Forbes was never able to slow down as much as she wanted to.
She envied many people for many things, but there was nothing like the lust of lethargy. She did not want to just stop for a moment, for a mile, for a modicum of sanity; she wanted to be someone else for a while, just to taste another man's caviar. Stefan essentially told her she was the wine of vampirism; better with time. But, did she want to grow into herself post-mortem? It seemed, honestly, creepy.
Yet, something about hearing Stefan's confidence in the dubious compliment made Caroline wonder if it was all right to be good at being the undead. She had told Klaus plenty of times what the flaws in his methods were, and she had even told Elena how to behave herself in the throes of killer instincts. It was difficult to learn self control, but once it clicked it came to her like a thankless job. Damon preached about his ability to control himself, despite obviously defying his self righteous oaths, and it seemed Elena started trying a different caviar of her own with her weird feelings for him lately.
The human remnants of Caroline had her asking herself, why does Damon get a free pass after all the horrible things he's done? Why is his word better than her actions? He talks about being able to control himself while Caroline actually controls herself.
She felt a lump in her throat. The spiral was starting. Breathing in slowly, she closed her eyes a moment before abruptly standing up and running at vampire speed out the door onto the porch.
"Fresh air." Caroline said, with a pinch of relief. It seemed to be just the cure for whatever brought on the lump, for it was gone.
It was pointless to think about all the ways in which she did not get a fair share, because Caroline knew quite well that a fair share was a fool's share. Life is nothing without friends, and friends are nothing without sacrifice, and sacrifice is anything but fair. She silently chided herself for letting insecurities have the stage. The sweet breeze came to forgive her, curing the small sweat that had started to cover her neck. What a relief, Caroline thought, to still be able to feel that.
Just as she was beginning to appreciate the quiet shadow of slowness –a brief love affair with an untouched moment—her phone rang.
Caroline jumped, and then laughed at herself for being so reactive. What could a phone do to a vampire? What could anything to do her after these past weeks? Caroline took the phone out, sighing and holding it against her chin, and took a hard look at the ground. Everything was different. Everything had been different before and now it was a kind of different that wore no cloak to cover its raw burning flesh.
"Caroline, answer the phone!" She yelled at herself. She spoke fast, but her fingers moved slow to abide.
Finally, "Oh, hey, it's you."