A/N: So this is my first attempt at a fan fic... i do not consider myself as a writer. So this just a big rant of my thoughts out loud.
its a bit dark and angsty. so those who are looking for happier themes might not wanna check it out.
this Fic is dedicated to DSForeverandalways... who keeps posting at the speed of light... and is the inspiration behind me actually trying to write something.
The sunlight was hitting his face for hours now. Somehow he opened his eyes. This time he was successful in keeping them open against the brightness, the struggle had been going on for at 30 mins now. His eyes finally getting focused on the surroundings, slowly he became aware of the coldness of the tile underneath his cheek. He tried getting up, pushing his hands against the floor but the strength was not there. The throbbing in his head made it hard to concentrate. When his mind starting working again he realized that he had passed out at the foot of his bed again.
Gathering enough strength he got up on sit on the side of the bed. He still couldn't remember anything from the last night. Head still spinning he looked around the room to get an idea of what had happened.
When looked over to the counter on the other side of the bed, his face contorted. His head throbbed even faster but this time it made sense.
He had USED again.
Sighing he made his way to the bathroom. By now he knew what to expect. The haziness and the emptiness after was all too familiar for him. He had started on the stuff way back to deal with the physical pain. But the other pain he had been dealing seemed to take its toll even more. So he had sunk back to the one thing that would make him stop feeling, stop feeling the heart wrenching pain.
It had been a year from the accident but the scars were still there. His hair covered the ones on his head. The ones on his chest and legs were distinctly visible in the mirror as he stared at himself. Beginning to recount how he had turned into this battered, pathetic drug addict.
He remembered the night of his accident again as he washed his face with cold water. Memory of his past seeping through each splash on his face.
He was returning to the loft with serena after a another party at her mothers place. They were so engrossed in each other as they never saw the truck jumping the red light. Rufus had been watching them from across the road. Dan moved hurriedly towards his father leaving serena little behind.. Rufus realizing what was happening threw himself at dan pushing him out of the oncoming truck. just as he saw his father getting hit by a truck another cab crashed into him. And all had gone black.
He didn't remember much of the hospital for the first few days. Except the quiet sobbing on the chair beside him. He kept drifting in and out of consciousness. Finally, he woke a week after the accident. Pain coursed through his body as he looked up to see his mother and sister in the room looking at him. The look on their faces made his stomach turn. It was filled with sadness and worry, it made him sick even more. If you looked at them you could say somebody had di….
'Dad….' he said as he looked at his sister.
The look of horror on his face made her sister spill tears as she couldn't control it anymore. She left the room bawling.
'Dad….' he again said as looking at his mother
When his mother told him about his father all the pain that he was feeling in his body concentrated on one spot. His heart. He felt like he could vomit but didn't had the strength to even get up. All he could manage was a tears. Tears which just felt so inadequate.
He felt guilty. Guilty as hell. He was the one who was supposed to crash into the truck but his father had protected just as he always had. If only he had been more careful. If only he had not been this drunk. If only he would have not gone to the party. He knew his mother and sister would never blame him. But he blamed himself. They didn't know what had happened. They were not there.
But he knew someone else who was there. Someone who would know how he is feeling. Someone who could maybe, just maybe get him through this.
'Serena' he called out weakly, lifting his head
'she is not here' his mother replied.
He sunk his head back again, as the drugs started to take effect again and he was drifting. Drifting into his dreams… no nightmares… that's all he will have now nightmares.
Dan kept walking up and kept asking for serena but she never came.
SHE NEVER CAME.
'Aaaaaghhh', he shouted as he punched the wall.
The memory of that night kept haunting him. And every time managed to break into his consciousness as the drug induced haze of his mind cleared.
Anger built inside him. The more he thought about the events of past year the angrier he got. He knew he had to get it out of his system. So he went into his father's s old room and started punching the bag hanging there for that exact purpose. He kept punching wildly till the adrenaline rush subsided. The room was now full of gym equipment and training gear. He had started training it as way to deal with the frustration. The frustration he had felt since the day he got to know his father death may not have been an accident. The frustration of not knowing the truth. But the events of the previous month had affirmed his belief. It was no accident. But it didn't go as planned either. It did not matter. Because rufus was dead. But the person responsible was not.
He always had an issue with his temper. But nothing compared to the rage that built inside him when he thought of it. He would train himself to exhaustion so as to prevent the anger getting the better of him.
But nothing could stop him from feeling the pain. The pain he felt from missing his dad. The pain he felt from missing serena. She had left him when he needed her the most. And nothing could stop that pain, nothing but IT.
Brushing his feelings aside he went back to his sister's old room which had been his study for a while now. He went to the desk to remind him of the work he was doing.
The cold metal was hiding the half of the picture, but he could still recognize the face. The face was forever etched into his heart. He picked up the metal piece, put the safety catch back on and put it the holster he bought it in.
Seeing that face had another response from his mind. Again all too familiar. The events of last night starting to recollect vaguely.
He was roaming around aimlessly to find a bar to drink another night away. He did not had any particular place in mind. He didn't want to go his usual place as he wanted some time alone. And there he might run into people he knew. He did that often now, just being himself. Lonely boy again.
He somehow found himself nearing the steps of the palace, which as usual was holding another event. But then another town car arrived and she stepped out of it. Graceful as ever, she looked stunning. He got lost in the sight of her, thoughts going astray but was brought back to reality as another man stepped out and grabbed her by her waist started them towards the door. He stood there lost as ever until he overheard someone saying it was her rehearsal dinner.
'Rehearsal dinner'… he thought out loud.
The rest of the night was a blur as his thoughts seized to take any coherent form. He knew that drink would do him no good now that this news had been broken to him.
He knew what would. So he went back to the loft fully knowing he will regret his actions in the morning. But he needed this now. More than anything.
He remembers removing the magazine with her face on it and hiding the face under the gun. He did not memories now. Not of that face. All he wanted was to forget everything.
He smiled sarcastically looking at serena's cover shot. He starts reading to himself the magazine.
"New York's favourite IT girl gets hitched on….. '
His face drops as he reads the date. He had not read the date yesterday. Anger coursed through him like never before. He could not believe she would do THIS to him.
She was getting married on the anniversary of his father's death. It had been exactly one year since his father's death and she was getting married today.
His rage got the better of him this time as punched the desk in disgust. He could not take this any more. He has had enough he thought. This was the last straw.
He got up, took his coat and stuffed the holster in his pants. Covered it up neatly with coat. Went through the door breathing fire. Ready to do what he never thought he would, even in his wildest dreams. But this was nothing like a dream; actually it was his worst nightmare.
A/N: Originally thought as a one shot...I have a few thoughts on continuing this... so please read and review... and share your precious opinions.