A/N: Wow, it's been quite some time since I last posted something... Well, enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, not making any profit... Blablabla.
You're breaking apart and you know it. Every bit of the façade you've carefully built up and kept in place is crumbling quickly. No, crumbling isn't a good description: You're ripped to shreds. But how could you not? You've seen so many horrific things that you've lost count, but this... This will forever be engrained in your memory, you'll never forget it. The sight of him lying on the ground, unconscious, more dead than alive... You certainly won't be able to sleep peacefully for quite some time.
As you now sit next to your unconscious friend fearing for his life you ponder what has happened and how long you've secretly been in love with the young genius.
The case involved brutally murdered women with mutilation of the breasts and vagina. There was little forensic evidence, so the team had been called in.
They had delivered the profile and were sure of it, only Reid had an uneasy feeling that was dismissed. In the end, the profile had been wrong: One of the police officers had read several books about behavioral science and had staged the whole thing to get rid of his unfaithful wife.
Before the team found out though, Reid had felt sick and had allowed said police officer - who had volunteered because he had felt threatened by the agent's discontent with the profile - to take him back to the hotel. Needless to say the hotel was not the unsub's destination.
Instead he had taken him into the cellar of his own home, his belief that he'd never be caught too strong to even consider taking Reid somewhere else. For the team it was pure luck, because otherwise they might not have found him alive or even at all.
They were too late to prevent the torture inflicted on one of their own. The unsub had wanted to see Reid suffer before finally killing him. A baseball bat had been the weapon of choice and when they had found their team mate he was lying in a pool of his own blood with broken bones and internal injuries.
They had rushed him to the hospital and for what seemed like hours the doctors had operated on him. Naturally the whole team had stayed and only later they had agreed that Morgan would remain with Reid and the rest would go and catch some rest.
You look at Spencer's face with his still closed eyes taking in the smooth features. The man seems so young, so very much in need of someone looking out for him... You long to do that, to just be there for him and to reassure him he was loved.
Since you've meet Spencer you felt drawn to him. At first, it's been only brotherly affection, the teasing, the protectiveness, later, even though you haven't realized it for a long time, you've fallen for him and you've fallen hard.
Lila Archer has been the first clue - oh, how jealous you had been of her and how much you had wanted to scratch her eyes out for playing with Spencer like this!
After her you have put efforts into deepening your relationship, but still on a level of friendship. It has surprised you how easy that has been, how eager Spencer has been to respond to your tentative approach.
Only after close call number 1 - Tobias Hankel - you have realized how much he really means to you - and it has scared you to death. Even though the two of you have grown even closer then you've never said a word, you have been too afraid of the consequences and of losing your friendship.
Close call number 2 now makes you question that. Do you want to go on like this, with never knowing if the two of you might have had a chance and with always hiding what you feel? If so, is it even possible? Being honest you have to admit it is highly unlikely to not betray your feelings. You're part of a team consisting of the best profilers there are in this world, at least one of them was bound to notice, no matter you agreed not to profile each other. Sometimes you can't help to see things without even trying.
Besides, it's not as if you don't stand a chance, at least you have the impression he's been watching you, too and paying more interest than usual.
So where does this leave you? You sigh. There's no real choice, you have to talk to him and see what happens.
With that decision made the hardest thing is to wait for Spencer to wake up. It's not as if you get tired of watching him, your nervousness keeps you from enjoying it.
When you see his eyes flutter about an hours later you almost back out, you have to remind yourself you're not a coward, still at that moment you'd rather face a dangerous unsub all by yourself than telling Spencer Reid that you love him.
Reid groans and his eyes have difficulties adjusting to the already dim light. You can't help but breaking into a huge grin.
„Hello there", you say with a voice that's thick with emotion.
„Hey back", Spencer responds barely audible.
You get up, stretching your sore back. Uncomfortable hospital chairs...
„I'll get a doctor, I'll be right back."
True to your word, you're back a few minutes later with a doctor who fusses over Spencer for a while and reassures both of you that the agent will make a full recovery in a few months. Then he asks Reid if he needs any pain medication before he leaves again.
Your eyes are now fixed on Spencer and you take the seat next to the bed again. How should you start? What words could you use to express yourself in the best possible way? He's starting to notice the silence and his hazel eyes looking directly into your own convey the question: „What's up?"
You shift on the chair not breaking the eye contact. The moment of truth was there... You dare taking his hand in your own and hold onto it.
„Spencer... I really don't know how to say this. I just need you to know, I can't risk another close call before I finally gather the courage to tell you that for quite some time I've been falling for you. All your little quirks, your statistics, your rambling, the sugar-coffee... They should be annoying, but somehow they just made me fall harder. So hard that I've come to love you..."
During your speech you clearly see every single one of Spencer's emotions: first curiosity, then the dawning understanding, the doubt, the disbelief, the hope, the trust... And finally, when he believes what you say, joy, pure joy.
So, before he can say anything you lean down and kiss him with passion, desire and all the love you're able to give - and he responds right back eagerly.
Between kisses you hear him say breathlessly:
„I love you, too, Derek!"
Well, how did you like it? Please, please leave me a review...