Happy Birthday Hero! It is done, I have completed it! Oh well, not completed, but written the first chapter at least.

Oh well. This is my first multi-chapter story. Yay! Yuffentine is da best. I hope that this... thing will be funny and serious at the same time. Well, not the same time, but sometimes funny and sometimes serious...? Ehh... Well anyway! Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I don not own Final Fantasy VII. It is a shame, and when I become the ruler of the universe I will buy the copyright. And I will make sure that Square produces more sequels! Yay! Well, until then... I just own this stupid plot.

Chapter 1 ~Prologue~ :Hero

When I was little, I always dreamt of my Hero on his white chocobo, who would come and save me if I ever was in trouble. Of course, this was before I became an awesome ninja who would never get into trouble. My mother used to tell me such wonderful bedtime stories and fairy tales, when she was still alive. And afterwards, I fantasised about this Hero.

What would my Hero look like? Of course, he'd be tall, handsome, sexy, muscular, and he'd be nice and kind and all that. He'd be strong and smart, but not too strong or too smart, because I would of course be the strongest and the smartest. Maybe... maybe he'd be blond, with pretty blue eyes... not too tall, but muscular and cute. Or maybe he'd be red-haired and have green, sparkly eyes? Long red hair? Or maybe he'd have short, black hair and stunning grey eyes...or maybe he'd be Wutai and have long black hair, or maybe he'd be dark-skinned and have beautiful brown eyes that made you feel like as if you were drowning...

Now, later on in my life, I realised that my childhood Hero could have been Cloud, Reno, a short-haired Vincent with a different eye colour, Tseng or a Rude with hair. Yeesh. True, true, Cloud has always been the pretty-boy of AVALANCHE, Reno is one hell of a good-looking guy, Vince is sexy as the devil, Tseng is hot and Rude would be if he had some hair instead of looking like a polished, shiny egg. With a tan. Tanned egg? Hmm...

Anyway, when I had started thinking of the Hero himself, I started thinking of the chocobo as well. In the stories my mother told me, it was white as snow. But that's boring. Why not black? Or white with black legs? Or green? Red? Blue? Pink? Plain yellow? Or maybe purple, beige, orange, grey, gold, brown, lime, turquoise? Or... a white chocobo with dots and hearts and stars in all those colours! That was my Hero. My Cloud-Reno-almost-Vincent-Tseng-Rude-with-hair-Hero, on his white-black-green-red-blue-yellow-purple-beige-orange-grey-gold-brown-lime-turquoise chocobo. Such sweet childhood dreams.

But then the war came, my mother was ill and died, and my whole life got fucked up. And there was no brave Hero on a cute chocobo to come to my rescue, when I suddenly was stuck with my asshole of a father.

My asshole of a father who wanted me to get married. Never! The great ninja Yuffie Kisaragi cannot get married! The old fart expects me to drag some whiny husband along? Absolutely not!

It's like this: Twice or thrice each month, Godo looks at me over his newspaper when we're eating breakfast, and says:

"Yuffie, I've found a suitor for you to marry."

And each time it's the same thing. I'm forced to meet this guy, whoever he is, and I scare him off. Once I appeared dressed like the old-times ninja, all in black with only my eyes visible. I had a scarf in the same colour as blood tied around my sexy waist, and I had put my whole collection of knives and small or medium sized shuriken in it, and I had my Conformer hanging from some straps on my back. That was enough to scare him away.

Another time I came ten minutes too late, with mud all over me, untidy hair filled with sticks and withered leaves, clothes torn and worn. Then there was that time when I was being extremely loud, I completely ignored all kind of manners I was supposed to use, I burped aloud after the dinner, and so on. Or when I only talked about how many shuriken I owned, how many monsters I had slain, how strong and fast I was and how people respected me since I was the greatest warrior in all of Wutai. Another time I pretended to be scared of the guy, every time he moved I jumped and twitched and winced, my eyes wide open, always looking for an exit.

Then, of course, when I acted as if I liked the guy. I was flirtatious, I was wearing the sexiest clothes I could find, and I winked and smiled at him all the time. When dinner was over, I asked him if he wanted to take a walk in the garden. He said yes, and off we went. Halfway up Da Chao I suddenly pressed him against a rock, whispering in a husky voice:

"I want you, I want you sooo badly... I want you to take me right here, right now!"

I never saw the guy again. He practically flew down the slopes of Da Chao. I kinda did the same thing to another young man. I was nice and polite, asked him to take a stroll with me, and halfway up the mountain, I pinned him to the same rock, pressing a knife against his neck, hissing:

"Such a sweet little boy...must have sweet blood. I have a friend, you know, and he's very fond of sweet blood, from young men. I think you should meet him..."

That poor man disappeared even faster than the previous. Vincent can be useful, sometimes, and he doesn't even have to be present.

But this time, it seemed like my father was serious.

"Yuffie," he said, "I have a suitor for you to marry."

"Mm-hmm."

"You will eat dinner with him and his mother and father later today."

"Mm-hmm."

"And you will behave, otherwise you will not be allowed to meet your dear little friends again."

"Mm-h – what!"

So I had no choice. And here I was, in my chamber, dressed in a beautiful and terribly uncomfortable kimono made of white silk with cherry blossoms, my maid brushing my hair.

"Aoww... Aaow... Aoow! That hurt, Tsuki!"

How awesome isn't that? Her name is Tsuki. Moon. Not fair! That's an awesome name! Of course, Yuffie is an awesome name as well, but not that awesome. I guess she got her name because of her hair. In the moonlight it glows and shines in silver. She has such beautiful hair. It reaches past her waist, and it's all black and silky...

"I am sorry, miss Yuffie, but your father ordered your hair washed and brushed and..."

"I know, Tsuki! But it hurts! Like a bitch!"

"Oh, miss Yuffie, you shouldn't use..."

"I use whatever words I want to! I am the fucking princess of Wutai goddammit! If Smokeman Cid can swear, I can swear because I'm a damned princess godfuckingdammit!"

I was not happy at all. I like my hair when it's unkempt and dirty. I don't like when it's being brushed.

"Oh, such foul words, Lady Yuffie! If your father heard..."

"Well the old pimp isn't here to hear, right? He can go fuck himself."

"Miss Yuffie! You should not speak of your father like that! Lord Godo has put a lot of effort into raising you after your mother – may Leviathan have mercy upon her soul – died!"

"He put a lot of effort into ruining my life, yes. I don't want to get married! Men suck! Being a Wutai wife sucks! Having kids sucks!"

"Now, now, miss Yuffie, men are often very sweet and children are some of the most adorable beings on this planet..."

"I'd rather share home with three raging Cactuars and fourteen Tonberries and two rape-faced Behemoths! I'd rather share home with Cap'n-Emo-Vampire-Brooding-Angsty-Ass-Lord-Of-Depression-Vincent-Valentine!"

And so on. Tsuki continued being all kind and gentle and motherly (kinda like Boobs) and I kept on being a grumpy bitch. That suitor had better be a handsome guy. Then I would at least have something to look at.

When my hair had been brushed and Tsuki had put a beautiful hairpin with a lotus flower in it, she told me to stay still so that she could put on some make-up. But that was just enough.

"No, Tsuki! No make-up! Never! I don't want ten tonnes of mascara and eye-shadow and all that gross, slimy, sticky stuff in my face! I already am the essence of beauty and prettiness, no make-up!"

And she actually listened. No make-up for me.

Tsuki told me to stay in my room, not move, hardly even breathe and be quiet until the suitor and his parents arrived. I got bored very quickly, and started thinking about what the other AVALANCHE members were doing. Boobs – taking care of people, making them get drunk by selling alcohol and then take care of them, I guess. Cloud – looking like a chocoass as usual. Vinnie – brooding in some dark corner, probably cutting himself with that scary claw. Cid – drinking tea, swearing ans smoking at the same time. Barret – probably something more interesting than this. Reeve – petting Cait Sith or just being extremely busy with random important things. Nanaki – being heroic and protecting his beloved Canyon, I guess. Aeris – being angelic in heaven. Me – being forced to meet yet another stupid guy with no brains and pretend to be interested. Sucks.

"Miss Yuffie, he is here now."

"...Coming, Tsuki..."

Slowly walking down the stairs. Why did I have to have the suckiest dad in the entire world?

When I stepped into the room the first thing I saw was him. The suitor. He kinda reminded me of Vince, long black hair and skinny as hell, but this guy had amber eyes and his hair was in a high ponytail. Those eyes...strange. Really strange.

"Lady Yuffie..." he said, and bowed. I looked at him, childishly curious. He reminded me of a wolf. I saw an older woman, who must be his mother.

"Does he bite?" I asked. She stared at me.

"Excuse me?"

"Does he bite? Or bark?" Now they were all staring at me. Ahh, how I love attention! I went towards the guy, my head slightly tilted to the right, an evil smile on my lips.

"Hi, boy! Nice boy! Gimme five! No? If I give you sweets? You bark much? You house-trained?"

They kept on staring. I continued on.

"Does he know any commands? Can he like, bark if I tell him to?"

"What are you saying, Miss Yuffie?" The mother didn't look very happy. The wolf-guy only looked confused.

"Ahahh..." my intelligent father exclaimed. "My dear daughter has quite vivid imagination. I believe that she may be a little bored. You see, she doesn't have as many friend here as you would expect..."

"That's because my friend live in Edge, Rocket Town and Cosmo Canyon!" I said, maybe a little too loud.

"Oh?" the father, a tall and muscular man with short black haired with grey streaks, said. "Why is that? I have heard that you are a lively young woman, why wouldn't you have Wutai friends?"

"Aah..." I said. The truth was that the Wutai girls were all little dolls for their parents to dress up, and the boys always thought they were so much better than the girls. "I, aah... I don't get along with them very well..."

"What a shame," the father said. "But I believe that you and my son will be perfect for each other. Fenriru likes to make up his own little stories and..."

I stared at him, and didn't listen to what he said. Was he serious? The guys name was Fenriru?

"Ahahahaaaa!" I laughed. "Hahaa! One of my friends has a motorcycle named Fenriru, but in Common! Ahaha!"

They stared even more at me than they has been doing before. I stopped laughing, choked, and whispered through my giggles: "Sorry."

"Ahem, shall we eat, Lord and Lady Misayaki?" Godo asked in a veeery discreet way. They both seemed to be relieved, and nodded enthusiastically.

When we were sitting at the table, the wolf guy (seriously?Fenriru?) asked me politely:

"So, um, Lady Yuffie, I have been told that you were part of AVALANCHE in the Jenova and DeepGround Wars?"

"I sure as hell was!" said happily, not minding the angry look on my father's face. "I fought with them against that momma's boy Sephiroth, and then his rape-faced avatars, who were just as much momma's boys as him, and then I became the head of espionage and intelligence gathering in the WRO because I know the leader, he's one of my AVALANCHE buddies, and then I fought DeepGround together with Chocoass and Boobs and Mr. Machinegun and Smokeman and the toy cat who speaks in a very silly way and of course Mr. Doom-And-Gloom-I'm-A-Zombie-Vampire Vincent Valentine, and we kicked serious butt!" I inhaled all of the air in Wutai and continued.

"And now they're living like everywhere except here, where I want them to be, and the only question is when Boobs and Chocoass, Smokeman and Shera and Shelke and Nanaki are going to have babies. All right, maybe not Shelke and Nanaki, that would be kinda perverse, but the others..."

He looked at me in a very strange way. He didn't look offended, or terrified, but more like... amused and interested?

"Wow, Lady Yuffie, you've been through a whole lot, now haven't you?"

"I sure as hell have!"

Then my father decided he didn't like me any more. Oh well, not that he ever liked me, but whatever.

"Yuffie!" he yelled. That man is so discreet.

"What, oh what is it, dear father whom I love more than anything on this earth, oh you my shining star of guidance..."

I could write poetry.

"Oh you the mightiest of warriors, Master of the Pagoda, ehh, you bright sun of intelligence...?"

I couldn't help it; I tried to stop it, but I started to giggle. Bright sun of intelligence? Where did I get that from? One thing's for sure, Godo's never been bright or intelligent. And now he was un-brighter than ever, staring at me with a not not-so-friendly gaze.

I'll tell ya, not even Vince can compete with the death-stares my father and I are giving each other. He stared at me, obviously trying to make me turn into a Razor Weed with leg cramps, and I stared at him, trying to turn him into a Hecteyes, because he'd look so much prettier then.

"Yuffie..." he growled. "You do remember what I said earlier, do you not?"

"Yes, beloved father, I do. And I say that you won't be able to do just that you said you'd do if I didn't do what you wanted me to do, even if I do what you didn't want me to do, because I do as I wanna do and not as you want me to do because I believe in doing what you want to do!"

They all looked at me, confused. Fenriru cleared his throat.

"Hrm, Lady Yuffie..."

"Stop calling me 'Lady'. I hate it."

"A-alright then, Yuffie... I admire your strength and your courage. Truly, you are the perfect heir to the throne of Wutai!"

Now that's the right kinda talking. I began to like this guy.

"Hmm, if you say so, then sure!" I said happily, being as humble as ever. He smiled at me, leaned forward and looked at me, his eyes shining with warmth.

"You are the perfect type for a ruler. You're strong-willed, quick-tongued, light-feeted, straight-minded..."

"Hey! What do you mean by straight-minded? You mean 'straight' as in 'not gay'? You're a gay-hater! "

I got to my feet, suddenly finding myself looking down at him since we use low tables in Wutai. And I was burning with rage.

"What? What? Well say something! If it's something I hate then it is people who are being prejudicing, idiotic, narrow-minded, bitching, sexist whores!"

Maybe I overreacted. Maybe. But I was already so mad at my father, and I have a quite... changeable temper.

"What are you saying, Miss Yuffie?" the mother yelled. Screeched. She looked like she was going to faint any second. The father had also risen to his feet, infuriated.

"What did you call my son?"

"I said that he was a sexist whore, that's what I said!" I shouted back.

"YUFFIE!" Oops. Daddy was not very happy with me. "You have gone way too far, young lady! Go to your room, stay there until I say you may leave it, be quiet, but first you will apologise!"

"I won't!"

"YUFFIE KISARAGI! You are no longer permitted to see your friends! You will be punished if you leave Wutai!"

That was just enough. I turned around, and ran, ran, ran for everything I held dear, out through the door and into the entrance hall, past Tsuki who looked like she had never heard anything like this before (and she probably hadn't), up the stairs to my room, slamming the door shut and locking it. I tore my kimono off, threw it at the floor, grabbed the first real clothes I got my eyes on and dressed as quickly as possible. It was a emerald green tank top, and beige shorts. I opened my wardrobe, took a pair of socks (knee-high grey ones with a few broad, lemon-yellow stripes) and pulled them on. My shoes, my Eveningstar (the poor Conformer was all worn out, since I had been using it so frequently), as many small shuriken I could find down my pockets, socks and bra, a couple of slim throwing knives, a sheer midnight blue scarf which I tied around my waist (in case it would get cold, scarves are surprisingly warming) and I was all set.

I opened the window, jumped out and landed on the roof two metres below. Hastily I ran over it, until I reached the tree which was my ladder to freedom whenever I wanted to flee from my father (like now, for example), climbing down, down, down, not making a noise, quickly now Yuffie, before he finds out. That was like, the only thing my father was good at. Finding out. Finding out that I had stolen his favourite katana, the Ame-no-Murakumo (dunno why he has it, though, since he never uses it), finding out that I had thrown a poach filled with extraordinary stinking and itching powder at Gorki (really, who cares except Gorki himself, everybody though it was a great joke), finding out that I had fled from home. Again. I have lost count of the times I've made a grand escape from this place now.

Running through the darkness, black night, no light in the alleys, not stumble and fall, Yuffie, then he'll get you and you'll be chained to your bed for the rest of your life. A boat, I need a boat, oh Leviathan, I hate boats, I hate motion sickness and throwing up everything I have ever eaten, but holy materia I need a boat! Never before have I needed a boat like now, and I need it quickly. Godo will pluck my eyes out and serve them to the wolf-guy's parents as an apologise if he finds me, and he will if I don't get a boat!

A boat? A boat alone wouldn't been enough to save me. What I needed was my Hero on his white chocobo.

Luckily enough, I found him.

Ahahaa! That was short, I know. But... ah...it's only the prologue. I don't know how often I will be updating, though, since I am veeery busy playing Final Fantasy VIII and soon XIII (soon I'll have a PS3! Yay!)and stuff... Talking about FFVIII, I've gotta thank Laguna for the leg-cramping Razor Weed and the 'grand escape'. Not from Centra, though.

I know this whole thing sucks, but I just couldn't concentrate. And now in the end, when I could concentrate properly, I didn't have any time, plus I've got a cold! Sucks. Well, if I'm home from school tomorrow as well (I hope hope hope so!) I promise that I'll start on the second...first?...chapter.

Please don't whine too much about my grammar and stuff... I am the Queen of Bad Grammar. And I'm Swedish! You hear that? Swedish! That's another language, man, it's not easy for me to write in English but I've gotta practise...I'm not as awesome as Yuffie.

BTW, if I get 25 reviews (not for only this chapter stupid; the whole story of course!) I'll write a FreyaxAmarant one-shot. Tempting, eh? Yeah, so gimme lovin'! I especially wantz lavin' from three people. Guess who.

Anyway, Happy birthday Hero, this is all for you. Guess why the chapter's called 'Hero'. And guess which theme it's having. If you guess wrong I will stop admiring you.

~ShadedHeart Lamora