Go Nam Soon stared with growing incredulity as he watched the unholy trinity of Class 2-2 snuggle up together on his living room floor. He nudged the Yi Kyung-Ji Hoon clump roughly with his foot.
"Hey, hurry up and get out of my house," Nam Soon snapped. Yi Kyung rolled away from Nam Soon and wrapped himself around Jung Ho.
"Don't be ridiculous, Pres, how could we leave poor Jung Ho alone here?" Yi Kyung asked, flashing puppy eyes at Nam Soon.
"Yeah, and can you turn out the light, please?" Ji Hoon mumbled into his (formerly Nam Soon's) pillow.
Nam Soon inhaled deeply through his nose, struggling to reign in his temper. Next to him, Heung Soo let out an amused scoff, clearly not sharing in his best friend's irritation.
"Damn, these bastards don't listen at all," Heung Soo sighed, turning around to Nam Soon's dwindling blanket stack. He grabbed a flowery beige comforter and spread it on floor, settling into Nam Soon's last pillow like a contented cat.
"Oi, bastard, what do you think you're doing?" Nam Soon growled at Heung Soo.
"This was my space originally. I'll be damned if some pushy brats kick me out," came Heung Soo's muffled reply. He looked up at Nam Soon with an expression that said, 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.'
"Lights," Yi Kyung called out pointedly, chucking his socks at Nam Soon's head.
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, YOU BASTARDS GET UP AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Nam Soon exploded. There was no response. Heung Soo gave a pointed faux-snore.
The universe is conspiring against me, Nam Soon groaned internally, angrily whacking at the light switch. He flopped down and yanked his pillow out from underneath Heung Soo's head. A warm tingle of satisfaction bubbled through him at the thump of Heung Soo's head connecting with the floorboards and the subsequent pained grunt. Nam Soon peeked at his friend, who was side-eyeing irritatedly. Smirking, Nam Soon closed his eyes.
They flew open a moment later when Nam Soon felt a long arm wrap around his middle and a huff of breath wash over his neck. He cringed and stared down at Heung Soo, who was now clinging to him in a manner reminiscent of a baby octopus. It wasn't that he didn't like it, per say, having Heung Soo curled up all warm and docile at his side, but more the issue that he couldn't do anything about it with Jung Ho and his stooges less than two feet away. Nam soon wasn't usually religious, but all he could think at the moment was, The Lord is testing me.
"Asshole, what are you doing," Nam Soon hissed, trying to untangle himself.
"You took my pillow, moron. I hate sleeping without a pillow."
"Bullshit! You always sleep without a pillow."
"That was back when I was young and spry. As an elderly citizen I need neck support when I sleep."
Nam Soon opened his mouthed to continue their hushed argument, but Heung Soo cut him off.
"Just shut up and go to sleep, dickhead," Heung Soo grunted, bumping his head against Nam Soon's chin. His hair was soft and thick and smelled vaguely like stale ramen. It should have been disgusting, but all Nam Soon could think was, Please don't let me wake up with a boner.
Of course, karma decided to be especially bitchy the next morning, because Nam Soon awoke to find himself wrapped around Heung Soo, sporting the most impressive case of morning wood he'd had in the past two years. To make matters worse, he could feel Heung Soo's sharp hipbone digging into his crotch, giving his...little problem no chance to go away.
"Heung Soo, get off of me," Nam Soon whispered. There was no response, except for a slight stir, which, conveniently, pressed Heung Soo even harder into Nam Soon.
Nam Soon attempted fruitlessly to extricate himself from the tangle limbs, but Heung Soo's grip merely tightened. He bit down hard on his tongue to prevent a whimper from escaping as Heung Soo ground insistently into his groin.
"Don't you want me," Heung Soo rasped quietly, voice heavy with sleep, "to get you off, instead?"
Nam Soon stared in shock at his best friend (with benefits), who was looking up at him through half lidded eyes.
"You little shit!" Nam Soon hissed. "That was all completely on purpose!"
Heung Soo started giggling.
"Hey, are you guys having morning sex? Oh my god, Ji Hoon, Jung Ho, they're having morning sex!" At the sound of Yi Kyung's exclamations, Nam Soon felt his erection wilt. He swore loudly and buried his reddening face into Heung Soo's hair. Heung Soo's giggles morphed into hysterical cackling.
After the mortification had worn off and the mooching freeloaders were out of the apartment, Go Nam Soon found himself cornered on the bus by a nervous looking Yi Kyung and Ji Hoon.
"So, Pres," Yi Kyung began, "you and Park Heung Soo, eh?"
If looks could kill, Yi Kyung would have been shot, stabbed, poisoned, and strangled several times over.
"What he means to say," Ji Hoon said, elbowing Yi Kyung sharply in the ribs, "is that he's sorry for interrupting you this morning. Well, not sorry that you stopped, exactly, but sorry that we imposed on your...thing."
"You're early-morning canoodling," Yi Kyung supplied eagerly.
"You want to die, bitchface?" Nam Soon asked blandly.
Yi Kyung smiled nervously and hid behind Ji Hoon.
"So, are you guys, like, together? Oh my god, was Park Heung Soo, like, you're mob wife back in middle school?"
Ji Hoon had to restrain Nam Soon from whacking Yi Kyung on the head.
"No, Heung Soo was not my mob wife back in middle school," Nam Soon ground out.
"So, it's, like, a recent thing?" Yi Kyung pressed.
Nam Soon glared.
"Come on, dish us the details and we'll tell you a secret in return," Yi Kyung whined.
Nam Soon sighed. He doubted Yi Kyung's secret was anything substantial, but he wasn't about to turn up his nose at free blackmail fodder.
"There aren't any details to dish. We just mess around sometimes when we feel like it."
"Damn," Yi Kyung sighed and pulled out fifteen thousand won from his back pocket, handing it to Ji Hoon. Ji Hoon pocketed it with a smirk and said, "Told you they weren't actually dating. Don't forget to pay Jung Ho later."
Nam Soon's jaw dropped. "Did you little fuckers bet on me and Heung Soo?"
"Yep," said Ji Hoon, popping the 'p.' "Yi Kyung was sure that you two were dating since middle school and were doing the whole jilted lovers thing, but Jung Ho and I bet that you were too emotionally stunted to be in an actual relationsh-"
Ji Hoon cut off abruptly as Nam Soon kicked him in the shin.
Yi Kyung sighed. "Well, fair's fair. Guess we have tell you our dirty little secret, then." He leaned in and whispered something in Nam Soon's ear.
"YOU TWO AND OH JUNG HO ARE DOING WHAT!?"