Chapter 1

Adam Lambert's bright-blue eyes weren't so bright anymore. He was walking the streets of Hollywood in June 1, 2003, around 10:15 PM, dressed in all black. His best friend, Shane Ainsworth, age 16, had just committed suicide because he was being bullied at school.

Shane and Adam's mothers had been best friends for a long time. They were the same age and they'd gone to school together in elementary, middle and high school, and even college, but Sheila, Shane's mother, had had her son a few years after Leila's youngest son, Neil was born. Sheila had gotten married only three months after Leila, but she wanted to go on an eternal vacation around the world before becoming a mother. So far, Sheila's dreams had come true-until she found out her son was gay, and that was when her friendship with Leila came to an abrupt and eternal end. Sheila was homphobic. Leila was always supportive of her son. When Sheila found out Adam was gay a few years before, she never treated him the same way, and she'd even forbidden Shane to hang out with Adam. There was no reason to be wary of this friendship since Adam had only lost his virginity one year before and he had never exchanged a hug with Shane.

Now he wished he had gotten to give Shane a hug before he died, when he needed him the most, when there was no one to listen to him.

Adam had to clean his face constantly, blow his nose.

A guy started following him. "Hey, man, can I help you with something?"

Adam turned around and looked at him, still blowing his nose.

"What's wrong, man?"

"My best friend killed himself. He was a victim of bullying and his mother refused to help him. He'd just come out, and..."

"He'd just come out as gay you're saying?"

Adam nodded.

"So the boy's mother's homophobic and she just let him die and did nothing about it. Did you know that when you're a victim of bullying, no one can give you strength and valor better than your own parents can? Your family is your strongest support system when you're going through this shit."

"Shane was an only child. At least I have two great parents and a younger brother that supports me. My brother's only one year younger, but still, he understands how difficult this is, although he's straight."

"It's hard being the only one in your family who's openly gay."

"Openly?"

"Yes. My little brother's gay, fourteen, but he doesn't know how to tell my other family members. Mom and Dad are supportive and they've noticed behavior in my brother different from most other boys, and he doesn't quite know how to clear up their suspicions and say, 'Yes, I am'."

"It's never easy to just blurt it out and say, 'Yes, Mom and Dad, you're right about me! I'm gay!' Believe me, I went through the same thing. My parents and brother were also suspecting me being gay, but they kept quiet about it. It wasn't until I came back from my high-school-graduation ceremony that my mom asked me, knowing I was still a virgin and I hadn't had a real girlfriend yet besides my prom date, if I wanted to have a girlfriend. I said no. She asked me if I wanted to have a boyfriend. I said maybe."

"Oh, snap."

"That's what I thought when the answer to her question, 'maybe', instead of 'no,' came out of my mouth. Then we got home and talked about it, and what I thought would be a ten to fifteen minute conversation and then a huge 'get the fuck out of my house' would follow, lasted the whole night, and then what I got was 'I love you, I will love you always, just the way you are.' The same thought came out of my parents' and brother's mouths. I was relieved."

"Why didn't your mom have an adverse reaction when you told her you didn't want a girlfriend?"

"Because of all the people that have just become adults and are still virgins all over the world. Because of the thirty-something-year-old-virgins there are somewhere in the world, still. I was surprised when I said I didn't want to have a girlfriend and Mom didn't cringe. I thought maybe she thought I just wasn't ready for sex yet or I'd made some kind of promise to remain celibate until marriage. After all, I'm Jewish."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"God, I just...poor Shane. If only I had been here."