"You have not eaten properly in days, Dovahkiin."
The winds were strong that evening. They screamed with deafening loudness in her lowered ears that had long gone numb from the cold. It was a miracle in itself that she could still hear his words. The blank, thoughtless look on her face didn't falter even slightly at the notion and instead the icy blue eyes kept on looking into the distance. No place in particular, just hazily gazing at the ground miles below her feet that were hanging in the air. Much like the fear of falling hadn't crossed her mind for weeks after getting used to her new favorite spot at the Throat Of the World, hunger hadn't crossed her mind either.
Paarthurnax knew by now that urging the Khajit to take care of herself was not worth the trouble. She would go to the Greybeards if she so wished and eat before returning to him once more only to either sulk at the foot of the word wall or sit around at a threatening proximity to falling down from the mountain top. By now he had learned not to bother trying to force a conversation. Not that the silence was discomforting to him. After everything that had happened of late he had wanted some time on his own either way, yet this was even better. He had the comfort of some company and could still remain silent and dwell in his own thoughts. The occasional word of concern was more to keep count of the passage of time rather than to drive the Khajit to do anything to begin with.
About a two weeks had passed since Alduin was slain. High Hrothgar was getting visitors from all over the Skyrim, people asking to meet the Hero of Nirn, asking when the Dragonborn would come down from the mountain to celebrate with her friends. She never did. No one except the Graybeards had seen her in weeks and rumors were starting to spread of the hero having died or stayed in Sovngarde for a well deserved rest. Oh how she wished that was the case, that she could have stayed in the welcoming beauty of the afterlife. Yet she couldn't, for a single solitary reason.
All of the faces she met there belonged to strangers. What would an afterlife be without the ability to meet long lost friends again after the eternal wait of life?
A small sigh went past her lips, the mist it produced fading into the wind in a matter of seconds. As much as she desired for the peace and quiet of an afterlife, she didn't think there was ever one afterlife fitting for her aching heart. Not that life was a much better option.
The void was calling her name again. Quiet, smooth... tempting. As she gazed down from the mountain top at the clouds drifting by quickly in the breeze, she wondered what it would feel like to fall from this height. Perhaps it would be like flying. She had experienced something similar on the back of Odahviing and had enjoyed it quite a lot despite the grim circumstances. The strong winds had caressed her face numb and the howling of it had rendered her thoughtless, free from the worries that had plagued her mind endlessly ever since the fateful day at the gates of Riften.
If swinging her weight off the cliff would feel the same way, if she could feel that lovely rush of nothingness all over...
"Paarthurnax."
Her voice was barely audible after such a long time of silence. She shuddered at the weak sound of it, wrapping her arms around her body in an attempt at a comforting embrace. Needless to say the effort was in vain in the ruthless cold of the peak. Her black leathery armor, a gift from Nocturnal herself, was of no help either. It felt like the cold would still find its way to her bones, even through the thick, beautifully embroired leather.
For a person chosen by Lady Luck she had long felt like she was utmost unfortunate. Yet, for the wish of maybe finding her luck again, she couldn't bring herself to wear anything else lately.
Surprised by the Khajit speaking, the old dragon eyed the young Dragonborn for a second. Not saying a word, he clumsily pushed some firewood that the Khajit had brought from the Graybeards closer to the edge she was sitting on.
Somehow managing to form a messy pile, Paarthurnax lit the wood with a gentle blow. He got a grateful, yet quick glance from the Dragonborn in return before the said Khajit resumed staring into the distance. The difference was barely noticeable, but to Paarthurnax it was clear that the Dovahkiin was now more relaxed.
For the longest time, the Dragonborn didn't talk again. Paarthurnax knew to expect silence, so he said nothing as well, merely taking the Khajit calling out his name as a sign to move closer. He sat behind his friend with a quiet thud, somewhat awkwardly adjusting his wings so that they shielded the smaller creature as well as the campfire from the strong winds a little better.
"...what does it mean to be immortal?"
As the question came without a warning, it took Paarhurnax a while to wonder about the answer.
"Hmmm... lot faaz", he finally answered in a murmur. "A lengthy Laas, a life, can bear much more sorrows than a short one. It is also a life of little meaning, as there can be lengthy periods of time with nothing to do."
The Khajit listened to the old dragon quietly, chuckling joylessly as soon as he stopped.
"Rava thinks... what's the point of a life of misery? It's better to die than to live unhappy, yes?"
"Tol los nok, Dovahkiin. All life serves a meaning. Even the long life of a dovah."
"Then Rava asks the dovah once more. What is the meaning of an immortal life?"
As the dragon took a long time to answer, the Khajit sighed yet again and lowered her head to her knees that she had pulled to her chin.
"Why keep living if there's no one to live for?"
"Look up, young cat."
She did so, reluctantly.
The sky was open tonight above them, the galaxy glimmering all around. The two pale moons were clad in a flurry of green that wavered across the entire night sky. The aurora was like a stream of water as it flowed above them, free to roam the cloudless sky wherever it wished.
And flow it did, igniting everything below in a slight shade of green. Even the pale blue eyes watching this turned a brilliant shade of green in the light of the solar winds. As the stars blinked faintly in the sky, so did her eyes, in an attempt to chase away the tears she had lost for what felt like years. She failed miserably. The sky was far too bright, far to colorful for the heartache that tormented her.
"There is much beauty in this world, young dovah", Paarthurnax whispered, his voice now a gentle lull. Or as much of a lull it could be, considering how strong and roaring his voice often was. There was something very fatherly about it and Rava found herself leaning slightly against the large, hard scales for sanctuary.
"Sometimes it might be difficult for us to see what a great blessing it is for us to live in this world. But even through those dark times, the world remains unchanging and same. Even with a wildfire burning down the forest, the stars will still light up the ashes and the rain will still give birth to a new forest."
The wind blew lightly in the fire beside the Dragonborn, lifting some sparks in its wake and leading them up into the night air. The sparks glowed a brilliant orange as they danced in the air for a moment before turning into blackened ash.
"This is the world you have chosen to protect, mal gein. This is the world you have saved. Is it not an honor to have maintained something this wonderful and live to see it flourish?"
A small, weak sob ran past Rava's lips. She wiped the tears from her eyes with her glove, inching closer to Paarthurnax as her entire body shook with sorrow.
"Rava has done naught", she replied bitterly. "There's a war. Humans are dying. There are people killing others merely for fun."
"You've done more than most have, Dovahkiin", the old dragon hummed softly. "Even a legendary Kendov cannot save everything. You've played your part. It is time for others to play theirs."
"...if Rava has played her part... can she finally rest?"
The last whisper lingered in the freezing air, making the atmosphere around the mountain peak even colder for the briefest moment. Paarthurnax felt the chill run through him. Not even the fire of his dragon soul was enough to drive it away. It was like a hesitant threat, hanging there, waiting for his response in order to be fulfilled. The dragon thought for a moment until finally replying.
"Hahnu, Briinahi. May tomorrow bring you a warmer sun."
Rava laughed out tiredly, unhappily. The icy blue eyes fell closed as the Khajit took down her hood, revealing the formerly silky, black fur that was now tainted with silver all around. Each gray hair told tales of worries, tales of great sorrow and loss. Tales that repeated over and over in the tired, icy blue eyes behind the gently closed lids. Paarthurnax felt the body leaning against him relax, although she was still trembling with her sobs ever so slightly.
"...he was my brother too, Paarthurnax."
The quiet words struck deep. The dragon's eyes moved back to the sky and the moons from the small figure next to him. Although the thick scales of his face gave very little away of his emotions, his eyes and voice betrayed the longing within him easily.
"Zu'u mindok", he said, the bittersweet taste of loss on his tongue making him sigh. "...kogaan kos brodi, Briinahi."
A slight smile graced the sleepy Khajit's lips.
"Rava thanks the gods for her remaining dragon brother, too."