Chapter 1: Forgetting Alfred F. Jones

"No sis, I am not interested."

"But he is very nice-looking, and he likes men!"

Ivan shook the pan he was holding, getting ready to flip a pancake. He readjusted the phone he was currently holding to his ear.

"My standards are not low enough for me to be interested in every gay man that crosses paths with me, Katyusha."

Ivan could almost hear his sister roll her eyes. Lips pursed, brow drawn together, he concentrated on flipping the pancake, catching it with a satisfied sigh. Nice and brown, exactly the right thickness. Almost done.

"I am just trying to help you get a date, Vanya."

"Perhaps I am not interested in dating anyone right now."

The stove was turned off. Low murmurs from the old-fashioned radio filled his tiny kitchen. The table was set for one.

"Vanya. You have not dated anyone in years. I only want for you to be happy."

He could hear the caution in her voice as she delicately danced around the topic. It had indeed been quite a couple of years since he'd last been in a serious relationship with someone. In fact, that had been his first big love affair. He'd even played with the notion of it being the last. But that was a long time ago already, and Ivan had gotten over it. His sister didn't need to know that a couple of less serious meetings and one-night stands had occurred after that.

"Katyusha, I am happy. I do not need to be in a relationship for that. I have you and Natasha, my friends, colleagues… I have enough going on in my life right now." He sat down, smiling. "And I definitely do not need my sister to get me a date."

She chuckled. "If you say so. Call grandfather sometime, okay? He has been asking about you."

"I will, I will. Take care, sis."

"You too. Love you."

"Love you too."

The phone was turned off and put down on the table. Ivan opened up a jar of strawberry jam and began smearing it onto his pancake.

He definitely couldn't blame Yekaterina for trying. She was his older sister, after all. Not that his love life (or recent lack thereof) was any of her business besides the question of her wanting to be the first one to know if he ever got engaged. Which was not going to happen in a long time.

But he did remember what had happened. He remembered the bluest eyes he'd ever seen. He remembered dates and hand-holding and stolen kisses in between classes. He also remembered the way it had ended; how he and his family had had to move, the fight about their future plans, the shouted accusations, and then finally, a single message. We're done talking about this. It was over, just like that. The love of his life had ended their relationship over the phone, not even taking the effort to tell him face-to-face. They had been young and stupid at the time, Ivan sixteen, his love a year younger. That was over ten years ago.

In the present, Ivan tried enjoying his meal as he looked around the kitchen. It really was a tiny apartment, but he'd tried to make the best of it. Using light colours and careful planning to make the spaces seem larger and more open, wanting his home to be cosy and inviting. He'd lived here ever since moving out of his parents' house. In that very living room he'd griped about countless failed job interviews and celebrated when he did manage to pin down an employment at the nearby flower shop. He still worked there, loving the atmosphere. That very living room had seen so many seasons come and go, family and friends passing through, neighbours coming over to borrow sugar or salt. So much had happened already, and so much was bound to continue to happen. A boyfriend? Not what he had in mind for the near future. He simply didn't feel like going through all that right now.

After finishing up his breakfast, Ivan did the dishes, while the radio switched over to the news. It was a sunny day outside, save for a few clouds to be spotted in the bright sky. Which only made it slightly annoying when someone began drilling into the wall next doors.

Oh, right. Today was the day. Ivan was getting a new neighbour, after the last one got kicked out for smoking weed. They had been nice enough, if not for the penetrating smell constantly drafting out the door and windows. Ivan wondered what kind of defect his new neighbour would have; they all had something here. The old lady downstairs was rumoured to be a huge player on the black market (what she sold could only be speculated at), her neighbour was hiding a Great Dane (no pets allowed), and the two living at the upper level were constantly blasting heavy metal and classical music at each other. The new one had to have something wrong with them to fit in here.

Ivan hadn't met them yet, but today was moving day, or so he'd been told. It was actually a little exciting, if only because it was new, a change of pace. Interesting.

Ivan did the dishes after finishing his meal and decided to go out for a bit. Not only was the weather quite nice outside, but he remembered he still had to buy a present for that party his sister was throwing, and he should also go buy a welcome gift for his new neighbour. If anything, Ivan was hospitable. Or at least, he tried to be.

The sun was shining and everyone was trying to get the most out of their weekend. Ivan found himself smiling at complete strangers, even though this seemed to make some of them a bit uncomfortable. It was simply that nice out, a gentle breeze caressing his cheeks, children playing, even the two policemen chasing after a troublemaker seeming to enjoy doing so. It felt like one of those days in which anything can happen.

Ivan went to the bookstore, hoping to find what he was looking for there. Upon entering he could see that he wasn't the only customer present, but the long rows of books quickly diverted his attention away from whoever was currently walking behind the shelves.

This bookstore was his favourite; considerably small but with a table and two chairs in the back, a coffee machine always at the ready to serve hot beverages. The owner knew most of his customers by name, and always had an interesting factoid to share about every purchase that was made. Now that was exactly the kind of service that made you want to come back for more.

Ivan looked at the cookbooks (his sister loved baking), editions of gardening magazines, and even dared to sneak a peek at the new romance novels. Finding nothing useful in the latter selection, Ivan wanted to put away the last book he'd checked to go look elsewhere, but a cough behind him made it slip through his fingers. Ivan clacked his tongue when it slid to a halt right behind him, making him kneel down and do half a turn in order to retrieve the item. His brow furrowed when he found a pair of worn-out sneakers standing right beside the novel, probably the owner of the cough. This person was already bending over and had a hand outstretched to try and grab the fallen book as well, but something made them falter.

Ivan quickly put his hand on the cover and began looking up to offer an apologetic smile at whoever had tried to help him. His gaze lazily climbed up a nice pair of blue jeans, followed the tanned outstretched arm to a white t-shirt with a Superman logo in the middle. And then his eyes came to rest upon the other's face.

He knew that face. He knew it very well.

Blue eyes, freckled nose, now with gold-rimmed spectacles. Eyebrows raised to form a comically shocked expression. There were also differences. A tiny scar that hadn't been there before, cheeks less full, less round and boyish. He still had the same golden locks though, and the same piece of stubborn hair standing straight up. Alfred.

"Whoa… Ivan? Ivan Braginsky? Is that really you?"

Ivan blinked slowly, still kneeling down, trying to wrap his mind around Alfred's sudden appearance. All kinds of emotions were welling up in him; surprise, a pang of excitement and then angry indignity, an immediate want to stand up and walk away without saying a single word to the man who had broken his heart, but also a need to prove himself to the other, prove that he was over it, that he was stronger now, wouldn't be living in the past. And when that hand was extended further to try and help him up, a single thought. Oh no, he's hot now. When first encountering that joke, he never could have guessed it would someday apply to his own life. Sure, he'd always found Alfred attractive, but now he looked like a movie star.

Ivan tried rising with as much dignity as he could muster, already painfully aware of how Alfred had quickly gained the upper hand in their very first meeting in years, also noting with satisfaction that the height discrepancy between them had only increased. He didn't know how to react. A friendly smile or a cool glare? The first wasn't what he wanted to offer, but the second was uncalled for, at least if he wanted to keep up appearances.

It was only when Alfred waved a hand in front of his eyes that he realised he had been gaping. Great. He was a teenager once again.

"It's so weird running into you like this! You live in this neighbourhood? Man, I haven't seen you since—"

"Since the day I moved," Ivan said, and it was when a painful silence fell that he realised how pathetic that had sounded. Oh no. This was not at all how you showed your ex that you had moved on. He quickly straightened his back, book pressed to his chest, trying on a plastic smile.

"But never mind that. I did not expect running into you of all people either. How are you?" Good, his tone wasn't too strained.

Alfred quickly jumped on the opening Ivan had created. "Oh, I'm doing just fine, thanks! It's such a coincidence, right? You here to buy something?"

When Alfred tried reading the title of Ivan's book, he quickly hid it behind his back, suddenly not wanting to be seen with a romance novel in his arms. "Well, that is usually what one does at bookstores."

Alfred snorted. "Wow, dry humour much! That's nothing like the awkwardly shy nerd I know and love."

Despite his calm demeanour, Ivan felt a blush creeping onto his cheeks. "I will have you know that I am not the same person I used to be. Like you said, it has been ages. You would have known that had you stuck around longer." Shit. He didn't mean to say that. Why were his feelings suddenly slipping out like that? He didn't even know he still harboured such animosity.

Alfred's happy-go-lucky expression immediately fell, and Ivan saw a hard expression he wasn't used to on that sunny face. Alfred had changed as well. Grown up was perhaps the best way to describe it.

"Oh. Right. Because I'm the one that left without saying a word."

Ivan's gut froze. And there went their chance at reconciliation. They may both have changed, but some things stayed the same, no matter what.

When Ivan sent the other a glare to match his own, something buzzed between them, like a sudden wave of electricity. Alfred's eyes widened ever so slightly before he closed them, lightly shaking his head. "Look, I didn't say hi just to fight you, okay? I was honestly just surprised to see you, but if that's the way you feel about me, then I'll go. I won't bother you anymore. Bye."

And just like that, Alfred spun on his heels and walked away, exiting the store just as fast as he had re-entered Ivan's life. Ivan was left behind, shell-shocked, wondering how such a good day could have turned upside down in the blink of an eye.

In the end he didn't buy anything, too out of it to enjoy shopping. His mood only fell more on his way home, as the memories of that high school heartbreak came crashing in, skewing his state of mind. It was only when he arrived at the building and saw the moving van that he remembered the new neighbour. He didn't feel like introducing himself. He just wanted a drink and some time to himself. Still, seeing as they lived in the apartment right next to him, he ought to at least show his face.

Ivan took in a deep breath to steel himself and went up to his floor. People were carrying cardboard boxes and pieces of furniture up the stairs, and someone could be heard shouting instructions at them. Someone he least wanted to hear right now.

Ivan's expression must have been set to thunder when he arrived on his floor and found a man standing in the doorway of the no longer empty apartment. Their gazes met.

"Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me."

It seemed like Alfred's sudden arrival wasn't just a one-shot kind of thing. He had come to stay.

Oh joy.