Title: A Paparazzi Love Story
Disclaimer: Should read DeathNote by Tsugumi Ohba (writer) and Takeshi Obata (artist) before reading this drabble.
Rating: PG for adult conversations
Summary: Pure Crack. Misa, Matsuda and Light join forces to help L repair his public image after facing homosexual rumors in a British Tabloid. Who Cares? L thinks it's great having a potential lover chained to him 24/7 and what better way to open up about his feelings now he's forced out of the closet.
Chapter One: Out of the Closet
L, as emotionally stunted as he was, was still getting irritated. For twenty some odd minutes now, Light, Misa, and Matsuda had been giggling and whispering about something. L was certain this something was 98 percent not work-related.
Whatever it was, they weren't sharing it with L either. However, every few minutes, one of them, would peer over their shoulder to check and see if L was paying attention to them. Being discreet was evidently not a talent those three had ever acquired.
Finally, L's curiosity bested him, and he rolled over to Light's work station. The three immediately started, tossing something behind their backs and giving him wide-eyed, we're not guilty looks. L wound the chain on his arm, slowly forcing Light to come closer to him. Light resisted as much as he could, and kept his other hand behind his back so that L couldn't see whatever it was he was holding.
Instead of forcing Light to give up whatever he held, L stood and looked over his shoulder, placing his chin on his shoulder. Light froze. The magazine, that L was attempting to read over his shoulder tilted and almost fell to the floor before Matsuda quickly grabbed it and tossed it on Light's work station. He sat on it. Misa stood bouncing beside him.
"Is that me?" L asked suspiciously.
Light pushed L off and began unwinding the chain so he could step tentatively back and stand with the other two guilty looking team members.
"Eh, why would your picture be on the front page of the Sun?" Light asked rhetorically, acting like it was ludicrous for L to be on the front page of a tabloid paper.
Light may be a bright, talented actor, but L knew better. He heard the deception in Light's voice and hope that L would be thrown off by his comment. All the while the younger man waved his arms furiously in front of L as if this frantic motion would distract him.
"Light-kun, I know my signature L when I see it," the detective accused.
Suddenly, Light pulled Matsuda off the table and pushed him towards L.
"You tell him," he hissed.
"Why do I have to…," whined Matsuda, looking back at Light frantically and trying to hide behind Misa, who seemed to be the only one unfazed by everything.
Misa looked at Light and Matsuda exasperatedly.
"Here!" She grabbed the magazine from Light and tossed it to L. "Are you gay?"
"What?" L mumbled, slightly freaked out despite his usual stoic face plastered in place.
"Misa Misa thinks it's great that you're front page news," Misa said. "I love being on the front of the Sun. You're so lucky."
At this point, she was bouncing and singing in that high-pitched tone of hers, "L is gay. L is gay. He's on the front page. He's on the front page."
L's mind shut out the freak singing. Sometimes, it was best to just ignore outside stimuli. He just wanted to know what the heck was going on with these three.
The headline of the Sun explained everything:
Famous Detective, L, too busy hiding out in Closet to solve Kira Case!
A reliable source close to the Kira investigation, recently told this reporter that L, the famous detective that holds Interpol in the palm of his hands, has more than just Kira to worry about now-of-days. Recently, many on his team of investigators, are wondering just which way does this recluse man swing? And they aren't talking about the swings at the playground, darlings.
L had read enough. What a bunch of trashy nonsense? Then he closely examined the three who had taken it seriously. Shaking his head, he threw the magazine back at Light, who caught it.
"Of course, you're not gay," Light responded heatedly. Although the speculative gaze he was giving L, certainly didn't help him sound believable.
"No one with any sense trusts what those rags say," he continued.
"That's true," Matsuda chirped affirmatively.
L stared, hands tucked in his pockets and slightly hunched, at the three worked-up individuals discussing his sexual orientation as though he were not present.
"Of course you can, it says reliable source," Misa interjected, giving the other two a don't you know anything stare. "Everything they've ever written about me is true."
Matsuda and Light just rolled their eyes.
L found it hilarious that Matsuda and Light seemed to have found a common ground in their mutual disbelief that Misa was that dumb. Apparently, the revelation of a British tabloid magazine declaring the great detective L gay turned the universe inside out and allowed idiots and geniuses to unite mentally.
"Don't let my father catch wind of this story, either," Light rambled on to Matsuda. "He'd go ballistic if he found out."
"True," Matsuda nodded, like the fool he was. "But maybe you could get unchained if he knew Ryuzaki was gay. He couldn't keep you locked up if he was, could he?"
Matsuda was blabbering like an idiot again, and L didn't like the direction his thoughts were going, until he heard Light's response.
"Matsuda, I have to help L find Kira," Light explained, irritated at the other man's ignorance. "I want to prove my innocence!"
And once again, the universe righted itself. Light turned towards L with an I'm so glad you understand me look, that the older man almost, almost was willing to admit that the only person he had ever been attracted to physically stood before him and was most definitely male. Meaning that truthfully, L very well might have been outed by the Sun Magazine.
"What should he do?" Matsuda wondered aloud.
The three busy bodies gave L an assessing gaze before returning to their conversation.
"Public figures usually hire someone to handle this kind of thing, but Watari doesn't really have the time to bother with rumor control," Light ventured.
Oh, Misa Misa has a manager to handle her public image," Misa gurgled, excitedly clapping her hands over the thought that she could help.
"Misa, your manager is Mogi. I don't think we should involve him," Matsuda explained.
"Oh but Misa Misa has the best make-up and wardrobe person ever!"
"I believe the correct way to handle such publicity, Misa, is to ignore it completely," L's voice drawled over the squealing girl's suggestions.
"No way Ryuzaki, you don't want to lose momentum with your public," Misa encouraged. "You should revamp your image. Yes! You need a make-over!"
L thought Misa had plenty of vamp to spare in her public image, but refrained from saying so. All three gossip mongers were examining him and nodding to one another.
Once again, tonight, L felt his universe tilt. Hell had to have frozen over. It was the only explanation for Light and Matsuda agreeing, but now they were taking the advice of a gothic Lolita with mass-murdering, stalkerish tendencies and deciding she was the expert on how to best handle L's public image!
"What do you think, Ryuzaki?" Matsuda questioned. "Ready for a make-over?"
If they thought he was going to subject himself to a make-over, especially one of Misa's making, these three were crazy. His skepticism written plainly on his face for them to see.
"I, for one, would like to see L in something other than these clothes," Light said absently, not realizing how he sounded.
Misa and Matsuda's heads whipped around to pointedly look at him. Light didn't even notice them. He was still thoughtfully checking L out, despite his completely naïve manner.
L grinned knowingly, before snidely replying, "Well, if Light-kun insists, I'll do it."
Light snorted. And Matsuda and Misa took L's answer to mean they should book his make-over for tomorrow.
"Time for bed, Light-kun," L commanded, pulling gently on the chain connecting them. "Let's go."
Turning on his heel, he headed towards the elevators, waving goodnight to Matsuda and Misa now busy packing up to leave. As the chain clinked on the floor, signaling that Light was not following him, he glanced over his shoulder to see why. Another magazine was being thrust into Light's unwilling hands. Vigorously shaking his head, he tried to get Misa to take it back.
"Don't you want to know? Use the survey," she whispered in a voice that carried all the way over to L.
"Light-kun, move, if you don't want to be stumbling behind me," L warned.
"Fine, I'm coming L. Don't you dare trip me up by yanking on this chain," he huffed, stomping over with the magazine crumpled in his hand. Completely oblivious to the fact that whenever he felt something for the older man, he inadvertently called him L instead of Ryuzaki.
L, secretly delighted over tonight's events, allowed the young man to catch up with him before turning to walk ahead of him. For once, it seemed that the paparazzi were going to aid L in his pursuits. He and Light's interaction tonight had gone better than any others had. He had managed physical contact with Light that didn't involve physical pain and anger. He also, now, had a way to test out his theory that Light might actually be gay too.