"If you were a chip, you would be a hot Cheeto."
God. She still couldn't believe she had said that.
She had been so freaking drunk!
But it had worked.
She had let her kiss her.
Unbelievably, Chloe had let her kiss her.
So clearly the joke hadn't been so bad.
But that was a year ago now. A whole freaking year ago and Beca still wasn't over it. She had to admit, she had tried that line on another girl that year, hoping for the same results but instead the girl had laughed in her face. Which...she couldn't totally blame her for that. It was the cheesiest of cheese ball lines. She was kind of stupid for thinking that kind of thing would work on anyone but a Beale…but for the sake of the experiment she had to at least try.
Lesson learned on that one.
If she was going to be honest, it kind of made her feel lame that she was still thinking about Chloe. That had been last freaking Christmas; which was almost a whole year ago now. She was even starting to think of her as 'the one that got away'. Not that Chloe had gotten away exactly, like what did that even mean, really? It just couldn't happen.
That was life sometimes, right?
Chloe was in Georgia and Beca was here in Boston. The only reason they had met at all was that Jeremy had been forced to work all through the Christmas break and Chloe had felt bad for her brother. She had skipped Christmas with their parents and five other siblings to give him some company.
And yeah, she and Chloe had stayed in touch for a few months. A text here. A phone call there. There were a lot of late night Skype sessions, some of which could have been letters to Penthouse, and a few innocent FaceTimes. And Jeremy, Chloe's twin brother, had kept her up to date when she asked as any good best friend would do. Well, at least he had until June when he had suddenly become kind of weird.
Beca had assumed that meant that Chloe wasn't single anymore.
Which she got…for the most part.
It wasn't like she was an option.
Beca fixed the stupid Santa hat on her head again, pulling it down so that her ears were covered before she tightened her scarf around her chin, mouth, and nose.
She was from a place that was somewhat rainy and wet, yeah. But she still didn't know why she lived in a place where it literally hurt to be outside. She understood it during the warmer months, even embraced her choice of university but somehow the sense of that choice seemed less sensible in the winter. There was only a centimeter across her face that was exposed to the cold night air and yet it stung as she walked, then slowly began to burn, and then turned into a harsh throb, her breath crystallizing on the inside of her scarf and making her scowl.
This had better be a good fucking party. This was her one freaking night off and it had better be worth it. If not she was going to kick Jeremy's ass because it was three degrees outside and that was just not right. He had promised that Diana, the girl she was mildly interested in, was going to be there. He had promised that Mike, the party thrower, always made great food. He promised her that he, himself, would be making fresh apple cider with caramel vodka. He promised that there would be a lot of getting drunk, eating, dancing, fucking around, and that she could probably even get laid.
He had promised a lot of things all while pouting in that stupid way that simultaneously drove her nuts while also weirdly endearing him to her.
So she was going.
Beca was still internally grumbling when she pushed her way into the front doors of the apartment complex, feeling the warmth from the lobby radiators like fire on her ice kissed face.
She swore, shoving her gloves back into her pocket and taking the stairs two at a time.
She could hear 'Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree' blaring from two stories below, shaking the walls with its yuletide gaudiness. She probably should have felt bad for his neighbors but living this close to the B.U. campus, the odds were all his neighbors were at his party anyway; so fuck it, she wasn't going to worry too much about it getting raided or something like that.
She paused outside the vibrating door, Brenda Lee turning into Burl Ives asking everyone to have a 'Holly Jolly Christmas'. So. Did she knock? She knew Mike. Not well but she knew him. So did she knock? She hated party etiquette because she was so bad at it. How the fuck was she supposed to know? What was considered rude?
Just when she was resigning herself to enjoying the party from this side of the door someone pushed into her, smelling seriously of cigarette smoke. "Sorry," he muttered, walking straight into the party like he owned the place. So Beca did the same.
Next came awkward moment number two. There was a coat rack inside of the door but it was fucking covered, all the winter coats and gloves piled onto the far too small rack and spilling onto the floor. She stood for a moment, her jacket in her hand, debating the best way to go about this before she decided to not even try. She made sure her phone was on her and the rest of her jacket pockets were empty before trying to bury it in the pile that was accumulating on the floor. For the most part people weren't dicks who stole jackets or went through pockets since everyone kind of got how shitty it would be to do that. Literally everyone in the city was forced to awkwardly hang their thick wool coats which meant that no one wanted to piss off the winter gods. Still she never really trusted this system very much.
Fuck! She shivered; she was cold.
"Hey! Wow, you came!"
Beca gave her friend Carter a grin, "Yeah, I promised Jer …Or um, maybe pretend I said something more festive," she frowned, "like let it snow or something. Okay, whatever. Where are the drinks?"
Carter just laughed and pushed her toward the kitchen.
It kind of annoyed the hell out of her that she was two drinks in and Jeremy wasn't here yet. If he didn't get his ass here soon then she was going to put her jacket back on and go home to her pajamas where she would no longer have to go outside until she next was forced to brave the cold for work.
Okay, so she was being grumpy but it was Christmas and she was at school and she was still cold and she was single. Plus, Wham! was telling her all about giving their heart away last Christmas and Beca just didn't think that was fucking funny or pleasantly ironic at all.
She shivered, her hands balled tightly against her cold cup.
"Are you still cold?" The person she had been talking to asked. She thought her name was Shelby or Jelby or Tina or something, she didn't know. It was loud in here.
"Dude, of course I'm still cold!" she cried. She had been cold since Halloween and she would stay cold possibly until the end of time.
"You need to drink more."
Beca didn't even need to think it over, "You, ma'am, have a very valid point. Okay, I'm going to go get more. What are the odds they will have something hot? Like almost none, right?"
"I think I saw a bottle of Fireball," Jelby or Shelby or Tina offered.
"Not really what I was…hmmm. 'Kay. Thanks." She pushed her way through the crowd, fighting to make it to the kitchen.
This apartment was far too crowded.
As she neared the kitchen though she could smell the delicious scent of steaming cider.
Ugh, the asshole had gotten here and hadn't even told her!
She pulled out her phone for vindication of her anger and realized she had four texts from him. Oops.
"Dude!" She cried, clawing for his back as she tried to break free of the throng that had surrounded the only warm thing in the room. "A little help here."
He grabbed her hand and pulled her through, "Hey crabby face. I didn't know you were here yet. I was kind of thinking you were going to bail."
"My face isn't, ugh, shut up. I've been out there waiting for you."
"Well, why were you out there if I was in here?"
"Funny. So, is that ready yet because I'm pretty sure I'm ready for it."
"Cup." He demanded.
"Rude." Beca glared but her fake scowl turned to a grin as he filled her cup with warm and very deliciously alcoholic scented cider. "You might be the best."
He gave a rude snort, "If you think so now then you had better wait."
"What does that mean exactly? Like, am I going to be shit faced by the time this cup is empty? Because I'm all for that and really that would only be a bonus in the awesome friend category."
"Yeah, you probably will be." He admitted, "Also, I tracked someone down for you. I think she's on the couch."
"Oh yeah? You found Diana?"
"Sure."
"How am I missing everyone? This place isn't that big. Okay, cool. Thanks for the heads up."
She turned sipping the very strong drink and started toward the living room again. It was delightful, warming her from the inside out despite the fact that she was pushing through people that she was really too scrawny to move.
It took her a second to even find where the couches were and then she was pushing again.
"Dude, let - me - like - two - seconds - faaack, move dude!" She broke through with a sudden push and nearly fell face first into the couch.
"Beca!"
Beca just stood there stupidly blinking for one second...two...three...ten, trying to adjust to the difference of what she was expecting to what she got. Her first coherent thought was - only she could pull off a sweater that ugly. It was bright blue with bulbous red and green jingle bells barely covering the felt face of Rudolph wearing sunglasses. It was truly hideous but knowing her, that was exactly why she liked it.
And then Beca couldn't see it anymore because Chloe had gotten off the couch and she was hugging her.
Finally, fucking finally, her brain whirled back into working order. "Chloe? Oh my god, Chloe! Hi! Holy shit!" Her voice was a little shrill, that happened sometimes, but holy shit!
"Are you surprised?" Chloe pulled back from their hug only enough so that she could see her face, grinning excitedly, "Were you totally surprised?"
"Uh, yeah!" She cried, and then she realized that her arms were still hanging loosely at her sides, "Oh my god, come here!" She hugged her tightly, her brain screaming and singing 'oh my god, it's Chloe, it's Chloe! Chloe's here!' "Why – why didn't anyone tell me you were coming?"
Chloe caught her bottom lip between her teeth as a small layer of awkward settled in. "I dunno, it was kind of a last minute thing."
Silence fell between them as they each smiled at the other.
What did you say to the girl you had met at your last Christmas party, got very drunk with, slept with, sexted for a few months, and then didn't hear from again…but also had spent the entire year pining for? "I like your sweater."
"Thanks. Isn't it the worst?" Chloe laughed.
"Yeah, pretty much."
"So, how have you been, Beca?" Chloe asked, pulling her down into the couch that was too full for either of them. Beca decided instead to settle on the arm.
"I'm good. I'm good. Uh, how about you? How's Georgia?"
"It's good. I'm good." Chloe opened her mouth but Beca could feel the nervous awkward building and she was sure it was about to get weird. "Listen." Chloe started, but instead of apologizing she said, "We have all night. So um, for now, maybe let's just-"
"Get a little drunk?"
Chloe beamed in answer.
"Sounds good to me. Come on."
Two drinks later and Beca had forgotten entirely that it had been weird at all. By now the rest of the party had kind of faded for Beca. She didn't really have enough concentration for both Chloe and the party and she knew where she would focus, if given the choice.
Chloe was awesome. She was so awesome. Beca had gotten to the point where she had started to assume that maybe she had increased the amount of Chloe's awesome in her head. There was no way that she could be as cool as she actually was, right? Except she was standing there with her and it was like she was orbiting her. She totally hadn't made it up at all. Had she thought that this random woman, who she had only had the chance to know for a few months, made her laugh? Beca was laughing harder that she was sure she ever had. Had she thought she was pretty? The Instagram photos that she had stalked randomly over the last year hadn't been able to capture the way Chloe's eyes sparkled every time she was able to make Beca laugh or each time that Beca blushed. Had she thought that standing next to her made her feel freaking amazing? It was nothing on how she felt now. She felt like she could fly, which was so cheesy but she felt so freaking good that she didn't even notice the cheese. She was warm, giddy, and suddenly she loved Christmas because Christmas was perfect for how she was feeling. It was all gooey and filled to the brim with cheer and all of that other stuff that she didn't usually have a lot of time for. Nothing else felt like it mattered tonight so long as she could keep her in her line of sight.
It was a crazy reaction to have to a near stranger, right? That was crazy. She shouldn't feel this great because she was standing next to a girl, not one she barely knew...but she was sure she had felt this way last Christmas too.
It made her feel a little nuts and yet, she didn't even care at all.
Chloe was just freaking awesome. How could she care?
She didn't know what the Beale parents were really like but they were doing that whole parenting thing right because she freaking loved both of the kids she had met.
She and Chloe weren't doing anything specific, really. Just kind of hanging out. They had joined a shot contest; both ducking out long before the other people because they wanted to live past that evening. For a little while Jeremy had joined them for some type of Christmas punch that Beca was sure should be illegal. Now they were sharing a full glass of her brother's cider, squished into the corner awkwardly pressed by other people but kind of comfortable all the same. It forced them to stand a little too close to one another and Beca was thankful for the excuse. She didn't want to make any assumptions about the night; she didn't want to assume she could be with Chloe again simply because she was there. However, it did feel great to have her so near.
"There's literally no way that you did." Beca laughed, waving her free hand to make her point sink in deeper.
"I did!" Chloe announced, taking the cup back to steal a sip, "I was naked. Totally, totally naked. I walked right out of that shower nude and walked all the way back to my room."
"I bet you made a lot of people happy that night."
"Come on, the whole point of stealing my clothes was so that I would be embarrassed, right? Doesn't really work if I'm not. It really doesn't even count as a prank." Her face read such a mix of annoyance and pride that Beca had to take a moment to cackle.
"I can't fucking believe it. I don't fucking believe it."
"Why?" Chloe grinned.
"Because no one is that confident! No one would just walk through a populated dorm naked!" She thought again, "Actually, yeah, I take it back. You would be the one confident enough to do that."
"Only me, huh?" Chloe grinned as Beca took the cup back and drank some down, "Because I seem to remember someone here doing that for someone else over Skype once."
Beca slowly deflated, remembering that night in its entirety. She grinned a little wolfishly before the blush covering her cheeks made her hide her face in her hands. That had been an awesome night. Skype should always be used that way.
So far they hadn't brought the year before up and now, oh my god, she couldn't stop blushing.
"Awe, don't be shy!" Chloe cried, pulling Beca's hand back down from her face, her fingers tracing it for just a moment before she let go, "If you recall," she said in a loud whisper, leaning in to be heard, "I really liked it," she clicked her tongue and gave Beca a wink.
Completely flustered, Beca tried to come up with something and preferably something equally flirtatious and smooth but she couldn't think of anything to say, "That's good then."
Apparently Beca hadn't gotten awkward enough though because Chloe's eyes traced her face for a moment, her look distant as though she was remembering back, remembering details that shouldn't be thought of in public and Beca was sure that she was going to explode if she didn't stop. Knowing Chloe was thinking about that night was making Beca think of that night.
"I think," Chloe paused, refocusing on Beca, "you knew that I liked it, though."
Beca let her forehead softly hit the wall beside them, squeezing her eyes closed as she tried to will herself to stop reacting, "I did," she forced the gravelly words out of her suddenly too tight throat, "I did know that."
"I mean, Of course I did. Which," Chloe's bright eyes danced, "was good since you were so desperate to take your clothes off for me."
"Okay," Beca cried, throwing her hands up in the air and turning like she was going to walk away. Chloe caught her and Beca twitched in place for a moment before crying, "That was so not even my idea! You were all like 'you should take your shirt off, Beca!' and 'I'll get naked if you get naked' and 'oh look I locked my bedroom door!?" She realized that her hands were flailing and she immediately clamped them down to her sides.
Unlike Beca, Chloe didn't seem embarrassed at all, "Well duh," Chloe laughed, "it was a good idea so clearly it was mine."
Beca's arms crossed, giving her a dry glare, "Oh, is that how it works?"
"Well, yeah."
"Uh-huh. Okay." Beca gave an exaggerated eye roll but also gave a smile.
Chloe smiled back at her, slowly and purposefully. She let out a small laugh and in it this exuberant girl seemed shy for a moment, her eyes barely able to hold Beca's as she admitted, "I missed you this year, Bec. I shouldn't have - I shouldn't have disappeared like that."
"Oh, uh, yeah," the alcohol in Beca's stomach suddenly felt thick and heavy. Needing something to do with her hands, she handed the cup back to her and ran both through her hair, piling it up on top of her head for no real reason as she tried to readjust from flirty to sincere, "Yeah no, it's cool. I get it. We were never really a thing, right? It was just fun. No strings, no - anything." Her insides squirmed but she held her ground despite her want to refill their cup or to suddenly take up smoking in order to take a break and go outside; anything to make this part of the conversation stop.
"Right." Chloe nodded, studying the cup in her hand and taking the out that Beca was giving.
"So, err, was it a guy? You know...the reason you, um, whatever?" She tried, hoping she was being funny. Funny would be good right now. "...Or a girl?" She added at the last second.
Chloe sighed, shaking out her hair and worrying her lip, "It was. Kind of."
"You got back together with Ryan, didn't you?"
Chloe shifted in place, shaking her head and massaging her temple, "I did. I don't know why, but I did. It was so stupid of me."
"No, hey," Beca touched her wrist and pulled back quickly, realizing she should be polite and touching was not polite, "it makes sense. You guys were together for a long time." Chloe nodded but didn't seem to have anything else to say. "So, how is he?" Beca asked in an overly cheerful voice.
"I don't know. He didn't like me walking through the dorm naked or the fact that his prank backfired."
"So you're not with him anymore?" She hedged. She did her best to keep her face neutral. That would be good. Neutral was good here, right? She was just a concerned friend, that was all.
"No."
"Are you with...anyone?" What did her face look like? Did she look cool? Did she look like her brain was leaking out of her ear?
Chloe took a deep breath and smiled, her "No," full of confidence.
Beca's heart fluttered a little, "Oh. Uh, good."
"Dooooooood," Jeremy groaned, suddenly throwing his arm around Beca's shoulders and making yet yelp, "Can you stooooop hitting on my sister, please and come and hang out with me?"
"I'm trying!" Beca cried, "She just makes it hard!"
Chloe let out a little titter of a laugh and Beca felt her fingers graze her own, but before they could intertwine they fell away again. That little sign of affection though, that little hint that maybe Beca was more to her than the guy over there or that chic, it was like crack to Beca and she wanted more.
"Are you drunk?" Chloe asked her twin, her nose scrunching in a way that made Beca want to lean over and kiss it. "Careful, otherwise I'm gonna call Mom."
"If you call Mom," he slurred, "then I'll tell her that you got a ticket from campus police for being naked, you perv."
"What?" Beca cried, her jaw falling open.
"Oh," Chloe casually waved her hand as though it was nothing, "Yeah, I got a ticket. But it was only a ticket. They felt bad for me that my boyfriend had pranked me so they didn't take me in or anything."
Beca gave a sudden and loud snort of laughter mid sip and, uncomfortably, the drink went flying, spraying from her in a geyser. "Sorry," she said fast after a moment's pause. "Sorry. That wasn't funny. And, um, gross. Um. Sorry." She glanced at Chloe who was still looking a little blankly startled. "You got some -" she tried to awkwardly dab at Chloe's sternum but gave up, realizing quickly that she was only making this worse, "You know what?" She tipped her cup to her, "I'm gonna go and refill this." And she slunk away, ignoring the sounds of twin laughter behind her.
The cider was gone so Beca was forced to get more of the god-awful punch which, she had just discovered was gin and cherry Kool-Aid, which explained a lot. She took a sip, grimaced and pushed her way back through to the living room.
The music hadn't changed; though Beca was sure it would soon. It was still a happy and upbeat Christmas classic and yet Beca wasn't surprised when she found Chloe with her brother doing a silly spastic dance that had to be a throwback to some kind of childhood story.
"Does this," she pointed between them, "have a story or…?"
"It's the Charlie Brown! How do you not know the Charlie Brown?" Jeremy cried.
"Beca!" Chloe cheered, grinned at the same moment, reaching out for her.
Willing enough, she let herself be pulled into the triangle, passing the drink to Chloe and then to Jeremy who both grimaced.
"What is that?" Chloe coughed, shaking her head in an adamant refusal and then taking another sip.
"Bad." Beca said, "That's what it is. It's a bad decision in a cup."
Or maybe a good decision, Beca wondered when Chloe fed her the rest of the cup, put it down on the table and pulled her in.
Beca was completely willing to admit that she was having a hard time keeping up with Chloe. It wasn't that she was a bad dancer because this kind of dancing, squished in like sardines in the middle of a college party, wasn't really dancing as much as bouncing in place. It was more that she was having a hard time not acting like an overly spastic teenager. They were dancing, yeah, and it was polite enough and Beca didn't want it to be polite...despite the fact that the music was not exactly slow grind. The pop cover of 'Sleigh Ride' was fun and everything but not so conducive to what Beca wanted to do. Well. She was willing to be polite. She just wanted to be polite a little closer.
Then again, being closer might kill her. As it was, every time she got a flash of those baby blues in her direction her stomach seized up, clamping down while her spirits soared all at once.
So she bounced and rocked, jumping up and down a little freer than she might have done if the alcohol had not been in her system.
After a bit, Chloe excused herself, mumbling something about a music change and Jeremy scooted in, jumping up and down like a maniac and grinning like he had a secret.
"What is that look?" She had seen him with that look many times before and it usually came right before he talked her into doing something that she didn't want to do, didn't think they should do, and possibly might kill them. For example, she had seen that same grin when he decided that they needed to cover his roommate's brand new car in Post-It notes or when he decided that on Saint Patrick's Day they needed to get a green beer from every Irish themed bar in Boston… in fucking Boston...
She had seen that look on Chloe's face too, but for her it usually meant that one of them would be getting naked soon. Which. She didn't have as much of a problem with, really.
"So she tell you yet?"
"Tell me what?"
Jeremy's slightly drunken face frowned, "What do you mean? Tell you what - what? What are you talking about?" He teetered a little as he jumped up and down with the enthusiasm of a kid on a trampoline.
"What?" She was starting to wonder if he needed to be cut off. "How much have you had?"
"Enough but not enough."
"How much is that exactly?"
"A lot."
"Great."
The music suddenly stopped, filling the party for a moment with an awkward silence before a very different kind of music came on; less Nat King Cole and more Lil Jon.
"Did you do this?" Beca asked as Chloe reappeared.
"It was time. Come on!" She took Beca's wrist and gave her brother a shove away from them, "Go find your own girl!"
Beca just laughed.
This kind of dancing she could do. This was the kind she understood.
Chloe pulled them across the room to the other side of the impromptu dance floor and while she did drop Beca's hand again, her dancing now was very different.
Beca watched, one side of her lips turned up in a satisfied grin as Chloe spun and began to dance, her hips swaying.
She thanked the universe yet again for making her be a woman who was into women and then she began to dance.
It was clean, innocent fun for a while.
One song faded into the next and into the next and while they spent a moment or two dancing with other people, the two seemed to constantly come back to the other, dancing with their bodies close but never touching. As a matter of fact, it became a mission, a test of personal control; how close could they get without touching, how much could they move, roll, dip and bounce, feeling the other's eyes on them but never feeling more.
Then Jeremy brought them another cup of the god-awful punch and, wondering when her cup had become communal, they drank it down. Finally after that Beca was treated to the feeling of Chloe's body against hers. She wasn't sure if it was an accident or accidentally on purpose but suddenly Chloe's hips swung and she ground so firmly against Beca that she just stayed; one magnet meeting the other.
Which was awesome.
Which was nerve wracking.
Which was making her remember a lot of things that she had forgotten, like the way Chloe's body was tight and strong thanks to all of her dancing and yet soft. It made her remember the way that when Beca leaned in to kiss her neck, Chloe's head always tilted to the side a moment early as though she had known what Beca was going to do.
Neither of them acknowledged it but Chloe's back was pressed into Beca's front, swaying and popping in a way that was driving Beca delightfully mad.
Chloe turned her face a little and said something but Beca missed it.
"What?"
Chloe reached back and pulled her head in, speaking into her ear.
Beca couldn't control the shiver that released when lipstick-scented lips accidentally brushed the shell of her ear.
"So how come you're so willing to dance this time?"
Beca laughed, not because it was funny but because she just wanted to prolong the closeness for a second, "I seem to remember being willing to dance was pretty rewarding last year, right?"
Chloe turned, her arms wrapping around Beca's neck, her fingers crawling up the back of Beca's head, tangling in her hair, "What do you mean?"
Beca's hands convulsively balled into either side of Chloe's ugly sweater, shaking her head, not because she didn't know but because they both knew and she wasn't going to say it.
"Did something happen last year that you liked?"
The coy way Chloe said it sent little bolts of lightning through her whole body. Shaking her head, she tapped her nose in a clear 'not it' which made Chloe throw back her head and laugh.
They focused on dancing then, listening to the music and moving - and with the silence the air began to grow static. She could feel Chloe's body heat, could feel the way her arms were tossed too casually over her shoulders while her hips worked earnestly to keep Beca's attention.
The feeling made Beca smile.
"What?"
Beca gave her only half a glance and shook her head.
Chloe gave a particularly wanton roll, making Beca's hands close a little tighter on her, itching for skin. She leaned in to speak into her ear, careful to graze her cheek against Beca's. "What?"
Beca wanted to live there, with her cheek against Chloe's, breathing in her scent, her nose buried in her wavy hair. Her hands moved of their own accord, releasing the sweater and instead pressing palms flat across her sides. "Nothing." She finally answered, "I'm just happy that you're here."
Her nose trailed a little over her cheek and Beca's eyes closed, tilting a little to give her more room, "You are?"
Beca didn't trust her voice so she just nodded, wondering if she knew exactly how her nose moving softly up and down that way felt. She wanted to pull her in tighter and so she did, just a little bit as Chloe's nose moved for just a breath of time down her jaw.
"Are you having fun?"
The answer popped from Beca before she had allowed it, wanted it, given it permission, "Best moment of the year." She froze, her eyes shooting wide as humiliation rolled through her like a sickness. She had just said that. Shit, she was so lame! Oh my god, she had actually said that! And Chloe had heard it!
She was about to surrender herself to be swallowed up whole by the earth when Chloe pulled back a little, the smile on her face so warm, so large that it made it totally worth it.
She had said something so cheesy that she couldn't handle it, but it had also made Chloe look at her like that.
Worth it.
Chloe's face changed a little, slowly pulling her lip between her teeth, her look all at once anxiously vulnerable, "Promise?"
Beca swallowed thickly as Chloe let her forehead rest against Beca's, her eyes gently tracing the lines of her lips, studying the flecks in Beca's deep blue eyes. She didn't think she could speak, not coherently or, you know, verbally, so she just nodded.
Chloe nodded a little too, though Beca didn't know why. And then Chloe was leaning in. There was no fanfare, no slow build up. It seemed as though Chloe just decided that she wanted to kiss her and so she was going to.
But before their lips could touch they both heard a distinct, "God, I love college," from a group of guys behind them.
Chloe's head snapped up, fire on her face but Beca scoffed.
"Take a few notes." She shouted back at them.
"Awe, Beca!" Jeremy appeared out of nowhere, falling over them and needing to be caught, "Are you making friends?"
Beca gave a shout, forced to let go of Chloe in order to help catch her brother, "You know it, buddy." she grunted, "I make friends wherever I go."
He let out a snort, "No she doesn't." He insisted to Chloe, his whole body shaking like a dog as he tried to shake his head.
"Ooohmygod! Jer!" Chloe laughed, "You're so drunk!"
"Nu-uh! I'm so fun! You said fun wrong, Chlo. It's not pronounced drunk, it's pronounced ffffffuuuuuun!"
Her eyes popping, she shook her head at Beca, "I'm gonna get him some water."
Beca nodded, "I'll get him a spot on the couch."
Getting Jeremy over to the populated couch was not an easy task. Thankfully at a college party there was a very real chance that someone who looked as drunk as Jeremy might actually throw up on you, so one look at him and the couch people scattered.
"There you go." Beca moaned, settling him down and trying to pop the crick out of her neck.
Chloe appeared a few moments later, holding a Solo cup filled with water and, to Beca's surprise, both of their jackets.
Beca took hers without thinking twice, making sure that Jeremy had the water and was drinking it slowly. "Where are we going?" She asked, struggling to pull it on as she tripped her way down the stairs.
"I just needed a break from the party for a minute."
"A break? You realize it's like freezing out, right?"
Chloe flashed her a grin, "Then you'll have to keep me warm, Bec!"
Beca stumbled down the last step, only staying upright by sheer luck.
They walked for a block in silence before Chloe pulled out a ring of keys and unlocked a nearby car.
"Dude, we can't drive!"
"Who said we're going anywhere?"
"Oh. Oooh." She got into the passenger side of the car and took a deep breath, "Fuck it's cold."
"Hold on." Chloe turned the car on, revving the engine a few times and turning on the heater. She sighed when she was done, letting her head rest against the back of the chair and smiling over at Beca. "Is this okay? We'll go back in a few minutes. I just wanted to talk to you without yelling."
"Yeah," Beca said fast. "Yeah, of course." Was she nervous? Why was she nervous right now?
Chloe's hand reached over and pulled on one of Beca's fingers, "So what about you?"
"Hmm?"
"You asked me if I was seeing anyone. What about you?"
"Oh, uhhh."
"What's this I hear about a Diana?"
"Wha –"
"Jer says she's pretty hot."
"Uhhh,"
"So what's up with you two, huh?"
"Um, I uh, nothing!"
"Nothing?" Chloe's eyes turned on her, bright and warm, catching the light from the street lamp and intensifying the blue. Or perhaps that was just the way she was looking at her just then, like she was effortlessly pulling back the layers of Beca's self and reading what was underneath.
"Ohmygod, are you serious right now?" She stiffly laughed, chagrined, "I mean, we've gone out a few times. She's okay. She was supposed to be here tonight. I dunno where she is."
"Do you like her?"
Beca smirked, shooting her a look out of the corner of her eye, "Why? Jealous?"
"A little."
Beca liked that, liked that she was jealous.
"But I understand. I'm not here."
"Right." Beca frowned, not really wanting the reminder, not really wanting the soft layer of sad it brought. She didn't want to remember their circumstances, not when they were sitting in a car together, not when it had just begun to snow, not when she was here with her. "And I'm not there."
"Yeah," Chloe nodded. "Do you think this is weird?"
"What? Exactly?" Beca's head tilted to the side, watching the way that Chloe's fingers were absently playing with her own. They were cold to the point of pain but she liked that Chloe didn't seem to notice that she was doing it.
"This. You and I. I came here to see you. I hope you know that."
Beca felt a happy blush covering her cheeks and had to look out of the window for a moment to keep herself steady.
"I just, I just wanted to see you again. Is that weird? We barely know one another."
"Um, I dunno, Chloe." Her shoulders gave an overly nonchalant bounce, "We spent a lot of time talking. I mean, yeah okay, we don't live anywhere near one another but I've never spent a full twenty-four hours on Skype with anyone else."
Chloe beamed, "That was pretty much my favorite day."
"We just - got a shitty hand of cards. That's all."
Chloe nodded again, studying Beca's fingers.
Beca watched her do it, watched her eyebrows pulling together and releasing as she thought.
"Are you going to let me come home with you tonight?"
When Chloe looked up Beca was still frozen, her eyebrows high, blinking over and over, and totally lost for words.
Was she kidding?
That had been possibly the sexiest and weirdly sweetest thing anyone had ever asked her.
"I want to." Chloe said with a small nod, "Very much."
Still Beca had nothing to say, her heart was beating too fast in her throat, her head was spinning too much and she worried that if she opened her mouth to speak then all she would do was laugh. It would be a good laugh, and she would do it because she was happy but Chloe might not know that and might think she was a little weird.
"Would that be okay with you?"
Beca knew she had to answer now, she even wanted to answer but since her brain wasn't working right she simply nodded, moving her fingers so they caught Chloe's and held them tightly.
"Okay." Chloe grinned, her head resting against the seat again, "Tell me about your life. What has been happening for the last few months?"
So they sat for a while, both shivering as they talked about their classes and their classmates, about parties they had attended and books they had read. As they talked their hands began to move, tracing the other's knuckles, massaging their palms, trailing nails over wrists. Slowly their words became more loaded, heavier with the things they weren't saying, the things they weren't doing.
It was baffling and yet it was amazing the way that these simple touches could mean so much.
"Hey!" Jeremy bellowed from a few cars away, "Heeeeey!" He slipped on a patch of ice and went down to one knee.
"Oh god, he's going to hurt himself," Chloe moaned, shaking her head.
"He's really drunk. I don't know if I've ever seen him this drunk."
"Hey!" He knocked hard on the window, "You better - better not be having - having sex with my sister in there because I want to have sex in there. Also, because gross."
"What?" Beca laughed as Chloe rolled down her window.
"Who are you having sex with?" She asked.
"With her." He pointed at the open air beside him.
"Uh, Jer…"
He turned and then continued in a circle, once, then twice, seeming honestly surprised that there was no one standing next to him. "Where's she go? Did you see where she went?"
"I think maybe we should get him home."
"Yeah, I'm thinking so."
It didn't seem like the best idea for any of them to get behind the wheel so they pulled Jeremy into the warm car where he instantly fell asleep in the back seat and they ordered an Uber.
"You only live a few blocks from here, right?"
Beca nodded, buttoning her jacket as tightly as it would go. She was a human icicle right now.
"Okay. Why don't I take him and I'll come meet you?"
Beca wasn't a huge fan of that idea, mostly because she just didn't really want to leave her company. She only had a night, maybe two and then Chloe would be gone – who knew if she would ever see her again.
"Or," Chloe gave her a hopeful smile, "you could come with me."
"Errr," But actually now that she thought about it, she was pretty sure she hadn't changed her sheets in a while.
"You're right." Chloe laughed, seeming a little embarrassed and took it back, "You're right, that's stupid."
"No." Beca caught her hand again, "but um, maybe you should meet me anyway. So I can, you know what, don't worry about it. Just meet me?"
"Okay." Chloe smiled down at her lap, her eyes dashing to the side, taking Beca in and then releasing when it was too much. The glance, so filled with future lusts and laughter and pleasure; it made Beca's heart leap into her throat, charging her blood. "I'll try to be quick."
The Uber honked outside of their car and Chloe sighed, as though leaving their bubble was the worst thing on earth. She wrapped her scarf a little tighter around herself, preparing to brave the cold but Beca caught her before she could move.
"Chloe?"
"Hmm?"
"You're coming, um...you're coming over, right?"
Chloe's grin grew, going lopsided as she took in Beca's face. She leaned over and quickly caught her lips, lingering in the chaste kiss.
It was unexpected – just like the way that Beca grabbed her, cupping her face to her, melting from the inside out. The horn honked, the driver impatient and Chloe tried to pull away. She tried but though Beca didn't hold her, the moment their lips separated Chloe was kissing her again, fast before she groaned and scooted away. "I'm happy that I'm here too."
Beca unsteadily pulled herself from the car, a little breathless and for once too dazed to notice the cold. She watched Chloe shove her brother into the Uber, both desperately excited for what the evening could hold and hopelessly terrified that she might not come, might not show up.
Chloe paused and then with one more lingering wink she was gone.
Beca watched the car go, her nerves dancing.
Fuck. She had to get home like now.
God, this woman just like totally fucked her up in the best way.
Beca ran around her apartment looking for anything that might be too embarrassing. She threw all of her dirty clothes, of which there were plenty, into the closet and stuffed pizza boxes behind the refrigerator. She brushed her teeth in a rush and then went back and did it a bit more carefully a second time, brushed her hair, checked her makeup, changed her sheets and as a last measure, sprayed a bit of her perfume in the living room. She wasn't sure if she needed that or if it would do anything but it couldn't hurt, right?
God, she was so bad at hookups.
Why was she so awkward?
Then she sat waiting, fidgeting every time she heard a car outside.
Finally, finally her buzzer rang and she let Chloe up.
It seemed that Chloe had fixed herself up a little bit too, a fact that made Beca smile to herself. She wanted to tell her that she looked amazing but would it be rude to point out the effort that Chloe made?
"You look beautiful, Bec."
Beca froze just inside the door, "Heeeerph?" She awkwardly squawked, her collar feeling too tight, her face suddenly too warm. Butterflies were dancing the Dance of the Swan Queen in her stomach and try as she might she couldn't get them to calm. "Thanks. So…so do you, Chlo." So do you always. "Do you want something to drink?" Beca asked, hanging Chloe's coat over a chair since the closet was full of dirty underwear.
"Water?"
Beca got them both a glass and then settled onto the couch across from her.
"Where's your roommate?"
"Home for the holidays."
"That's good."
Beca nodded, grinning when it fell awkwardly silent.
"So."
"Yeaaaaaah." She never knew what to do in these situations.
"Are you sure that it's okay that I'm here?"
Beca gave an involuntary snort, "Um yeah, it's okay. More than okay."
That seemed to intrigue Chloe a bit, her eyes flashed and she reached over and gave Beca's arm an excited squeeze, "Okay, what did that mean?"
"Nothing!" She cried, trying to fend her off while not really wanting her to let go.
"Tell me!"
"There's nothing to tell!"
"Oh my god, you're such a bad liar!"
"It's nothing! Ugh, it's just really okay that you are here! I uh, yeah, I've pretty much have wanted you here all year."
Chloe let out a melodramatic gasp, "Beca!" She made a happy little noise like a kettle boiling over. "Do you have a thing for me?"
"Uh," Beca frowned, her head tilting to the side, "isn't that kind of what the sex was about?"
"Well yeah but I mean past that! Like. More than that."
"What?" She cried, her voice going a few octaves too high, "What are you trying to do to me right now?!"
"You do!"
"Dude, I'm not even -"
"That's okay because I do too."
Beca's mouth was a little overly dry as she just stupidly grinned, any response knocked out of her. She couldn't quite do…anything…with Chloe staring at her that way. She just couldn't think and it was awesome.
Chloe looked like she was going to say something; she blinked a few times, her lips parting but then she shook her head. "Fuck it." She muttered and moved quickly across the couch, throwing herself into a sudden and mind melting kiss.
God, if she thought she liked Chloe when they were just spending time together, then she liked Chloe like this so much more. She met her with an equal fervor, letting her push her back against the cushion.
"No time to waste, right?" She muttered against Beca's lips.
"Mmm," she agreed, her hands already slipping under Chloe's shirt.
"Come on."
She watched Chloe get up and scamper into the bedroom, remembering with surprising accuracy which door it was.
Beca bit her lip, sending out a silent prayer of thanks before she chased her down.
The morning always came too soon. She had forgotten that about the last time Chloe had been in town. The nights were great, they felt endless and then suddenly it was morning and she hated it for being so bright and bringing a new day.
She woke before Chloe did and while she knew she had things to do that day she was in no rush. Instead of getting up she just rolled over, feeling the warm weight of Chloe's arm around her middle.
She was sore, she was a little hungover, she was definitely still tired but she was happy.
"Hey."
Beca grinned, wishing that she had thought to put a few mints or something in her nightstand. "Hey." She pushed a bit of Chloe's hair back, laughing when she groaned and buried her face in the pillow.
"I probably look a little scary. I didn't take my makeup off last night."
Beca rolled her eyes, "Oh yeah, you look terrible. It should be illegal how terrible you look."
"Shut up," Chloe laughed and pulled her in for a kiss. "Do we have to get up?"
"No!" Beca shook her head vehemently, reaching over and forcefully tucking the blankets in around Chloe.
"It's Christmas Eve. You don't have plans?"
"On Christmas Eve - by myself? Shockingly no." She worried her lip for a moment, "Do you? I mean, you and Jeremy?"
Chloe gave a small scowl, "I should probably go get Jer's car and make sure he's okay."
"Yeah," Beca shrugged, "but, like…now?"
"You don't want me to go?"
"I mean," Beca scoffed, a little embarrassed by how true that was, "you are keeping my bed really warm."
"Oh well I wouldn't want to let your bed get cold," Chloe gave her a dry grin and pulled her in again so she could spoon against her back.
Beca sighed. How much more time would she have with her? An hour? Maybe another night if it was like last time. Then what? Nothing, more than likely.
Damn it.
Why had she ever let herself become so invested in a woman she couldn't have? Why had she let herself fall for her? Or…at least, why hadn't she done something to stop it?
She pulled Chloe's arm tighter around herself, hoping that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to watch her walk away, oblivious to the heart wrenching pain it was going to bring Beca.
She tried to push those thoughts away, tried to live in the now, in the fact that she had this crazy perfect woman beside her but it was like a buzzing fly around her head, counting down the minutes. In truth, it was pissing her off a little bit. She was ruining her last little bit of time by being stupid. She had to stop being stupid.
"You know what I want?" Chloe looked up and flashed a smile. "Pancakes."
They took their time getting dressed, Beca prolonging it as much as possible and Chloe letting her. Finally though they were on the couch, warm plates in hand and bickering about which Christmas special to watch.
"But Jack Frost is so cute!" Chloe cried, trying to pull the remote from Beca's hand as she insisted in an overly offended voice that Jack Frost wasn't even a classic. Chloe gasped, "You take that back!"
"Can't."
"It's Rankin-Bass!"
"So? They did a weird Easter thing too and that's not a classic!"
"Ugh, you suck!"
But of course Beca let Chloe put on Jack Frost, making fun of her the entire time they ate.
It was great.
Totally awesome.
She just hated the weight she could feel growing in her chest.
They watched 'Jack Frost' and then 'The Year Without a Santa Clause' both under a throw blanket, their legs tossed over one another's and on occasion forgetting to watch in favor of the other's lips.
"Okay, I think it's time."
When Chloe said it Beca wasn't surprised. Beca just nodded, the smile on her face dropping like a stone.
"You want some company to the car?"
"It's so cold! No. Get back into bed. It's Christmas Eve. Watch your Christmas classics."
Beca nodded, picking at the sleeve of her pajamas, totally sure she would rather go with Chloe if she had a choice.
"Okay."
She didn't want to ask, she didn't want to sound as desperate as she was. But uuuuugh, she had to ask!
"Will I see you again before you go?" She winced, that was lame and probably a little weird, "I mean, like this and less because you're at Jeremy's place and you know as his sister and -" but she stopped talking because Chloe was grinning at her in a way that she didn't recognize. "What?"
"Actually I was wondering what you're doing New Year's Eve."
"Um, probably sitting right here in my underwear and then going to bed at like nine. Why?"
"In your underwear, huh? That sounds kind of great. You mind if I join you?"
"Wait, what? You'll still be here?"
"Yeah," Chloe shrugged, wrapping her scarf tightly around her throat, chin and mouth, "I'll actually be here for a few weeks."
"Weeks? But...classes? You don't have..."
"Oh yeah, I know. I have to talk to the Dean of Admissions, though."
"I'm confused. What are you telling me?"
"Oh! I'm transferring. Didn't I tell you?"
"What?" Beca bellowed jumping up, loving the way that Chloe cackled, her eyes shining, "What the fuck are you saying? No, you didn't tell me! You so know that you didn't tell me! What the fuck is the fuck? What?"
"I don't know. I've been thinking about it all year. I don't like being so far away from Jeremy. I mean he's my twin. I hate being away from him. And,"
Beca froze, as a matter of fact everything froze for a second. "And?"
"And you."
"What?" Beca breathed out, sitting hard on the couch because she was suddenly a little dizzy. "I don't-"
She didn't see Chloe come to sit beside her but she did feel the pressure of Chloe's chin suddenly resting on her shoulder. She felt the way that Chloe leaned forward and kissed her cheek. She felt the intense stare of her eyes from so close.
"You took a little bit of my heart last Christmas, Bec."
She turned to look at her, not sure if she believed it. "Is this a joke?"
"No."
"You're coming here? Full time? You're finishing school here? In the city that I'm living in."
"Yes."
She wasn't sure what was happening in her mind just then. She couldn't think. She couldn't really process.
Chloe was coming here?
To be with her.
And Jeremy.
And her.
Chloe seemed to understand. She simply stayed where she was, silently waiting and when it still took a while she began to hum to herself.
Dumbstruck, Beca turned to look at her, amused as Chloe started to gently sing, "What are you doing New Year's – New Year's Eve…" Then Chloe was letting out a squeal because Beca had grabbed her, kissing her for all she was worth.
"You're staying here?"
"That's the plan!" She cried, laughing as Beca pinned her against the couch, her face hovering a breath from Chloe's.
"Whoa."
Chloe's grin stretched wide for a moment before she reached up and caught Beca's lips, giving a happy little sound.
They spent a while like that then, Chloe pinned under Beca on the couch, laughing, tickling and kissing…so much kissing.
"I really should go."
Beca nodded, gently kissing from her temple to her ear, "Right."
"I really should make sure my brother didn't go wandering off somewhere."
"Totally." She gave a little nod, catching her ear and giving it a soft suck.
"You're not making it easy."
"Mmmm, but baby it's cold outside."
"I've got to go away," Chloe sang back and laughed, taking another kiss before pushing Beca over so she could stand. "Come over tonight. I'm cooking."
Beca grinned, barely able to sit still, "'Kay."
"Okay."
Beca watched her go and then simply stared at the closed door for a few minutes longer, her skin feeling pleasantly too tight.
She couldn't believe it.
She couldn't fucking –
"Hey!"
She blinked around, confused.
"Beca!"
She got up and ran to the window, throwing it open and yelping when the wall of icy air hit her face.
"You didn't answer my question!"
"What?" Beca cried, pushing up the screen so she could look directly down, "Jesus Christ, it's fucking cold!"
"Will you be my date?"
"What?"
"On New Year's. I can't leave until you say yes! And it's really cold so please say yes!"
"So wait, you won't leave until I say I'll be your date?"
Chloe nodded, looking much more like a fluffy snow man in her huge winter coat than the woman who had been with her a few moments before.
"That seems like a really good reason not to answer!" She shouted down, shivering.
"Beca!"
"I actually think that answering might be, awwwak, okay!" She ducked as a snowball came whizzing at her, striking the ledge just under her. "Yeah! Of, ugh, of course I'll go be your date! You just, you know, have to promise to be here!"
Even from the ground Beca could feel Chloe's grin, "Okay, deal!"
Beca closed the window and turned, shivering violently but while she desperately wanted to dive back under the blankets that still smelled of Chloe, she paused, staring at nothing as slowly a little private and victorious smile blossomed on her lips.
The end
Thanks so much for reading guys!