A/N: A Clans AU that I never finished writing and never will; I'm publishing it anyway because it needs to be deleted to save space and I just want at least one copy out there.

The sun peaked over the rolling hills of Doriah, lifting the curse of darkness that the night had brought upon the land. The world was waking up, the first bird calls of the morning harmonizing with the rustle of trees as woodland creatures awoke from their slumber.

Baby animals emerged from their home. A sly fox wiggled out of his burrow, sniffing the air for breakfast. Cautiously, he pricked his ears before disappearing over a termite mound to hunt for food.

In a little world, where blades of grass were trees, an army of ants worked hard to gather food and build their nest, completely ignorant to any larger animals.

All in all, the scene was homely and picturesque. Nothing could possibly ruin the tranquility that blanketed the meadows of Doriah—

"DADDY, I NEED TO PEE!"

Son Goku, leader of the Clan of Kakarot, lifted his head lazily as his seven year old son continued to do a rendition of the potty dance. "So? What's the matter? Look around, Goten, there're trees everywhere."

"Daaad!" Goten whined, clutching his groin while hopping from one foot to the other. "I don't want to use a tree! Mommy says that it's improper."

"Huh?" Goku scratched his head. "How? I do it all the time."

"I tell her that too but she just rolls her eyes and says 'exactly'."

Sighing, Goku sat up. "Come on, Goten, just go over to that bush over there and do your business. I'm not gonna report you to your mom, okay?"

Pouting, Goten waddled over to where Goku was pointing. "Fine... But don't look, okay, Daddy? If you look it doesn't come out."

"Uhh, sure, kiddo. Don't let any bugs bite. Your mom will be mad if you get an infection."

"Okay! I'll be super careful."

As Goten dashed away to take care of his business, Son Goku placed his hands behind his head and laid back down, sighing blissfully. Life was good for the saiyan. Spring had just arrived and the land was now experiencing an abundance of delicious game meats like venison and rabbit, all of which Goku loved to eat.

This winter had been easy and even his wife Chi Chi hadn't nagged him about consuming too many rations for himself so much, having been too preoccupied beating academic knowledge into her youngest's fresh mind.

"Daddy, I'm done!" Goten announced as he rejoined his father, beaming. "So what are we gonna do now? Watching clouds all day is boring..."

"I couldn't agree more, son." Stretching, he stood up, picking up his bow and arrow as he did so. "I'm starving. How does hunting sound?"

Goten giggled and nodded. "You're always hungry, Daddy." He frowned slightly and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "But then again, so am I..." The child brightened as he reached a positive conclusion. "Whatever! Let's go hunting, Daddy, I'm craving deer!"

"Sure thing, pal! And we'd better stop by the river for some fish as well or else your mother will keep nagging me about not feeding you enough Omega 3 or something..." He laughed; a carefree sound.

"Fish oil makes the brain boil," Goten recited his mother's maxim. "With knowledge, that is!"

"... Son, sometimes I just don't get your mother."

"Me neither, Daddy, me neither..."

The sun peaked over the rolling hills of Doriah, lifting the curse of darkness that the night had brought upon the land. The world was waking up, the first bird calls of the morning harmonizing with the rustle of trees as woodland creatures awoke from their slumber.

Baby animals emerged from their home. A sly fox wiggled out of his burrow, sniffing the air for breakfast. Cautiously, he pricked his ears before disappearing over a termite mound to hunt for food.

In a little world, where blades of grass were trees, an army of ants worked hard to gather food and build their nest, completely ignorant to any larger animals.

All in all, the scene was homely and picturesque. Nothing could possibly ruin the tranquility that blanketed the meadows of Doriah—

The sly fox died with an arrow through its head.

Baby animals had their necks snapped.

And the ants drowned in a puddle of piss.

An axe was thrown to the ground in frustration, splitting the dirt in two. "Dad, you done yet? I'm so bored! Who takes that long to pee?"

"Shut up, boy. Hearing your annoying voice isn't helping. Tch, so much like your mother..."

"Hey! Are you insulting Mom?"

"Only if you find yourself insulting."

Trunks huffed, the taste of defeat fresh. He was never going to beat his father in a verbal spar. Why did he even bother? Perhaps it was because his eight year old mind relished in the challenge. Or perhaps that he thought if a woman as small and physically harmless as his mother could cow his father so easily, maybe he could too. He was wrong.

"Pick that up," Vegeta ordered his son once he had finished unintentionally drowning a nest of ants. "The blacksmith spent a week making that for you."

Groaning, Trunks did as he was told, pulling the axe from the ground with both hands. "What now, Dad?"

"We hunt more. I'm famished and your mother can't cook for shit. And the food the cooks make is equally crappy."

"Hey, I'm sure Mom can do better than a few second rate cooks if she really put her heart into it."

Vegeta sent him a flat stare. "She burned water." When Trunks blinked in confusion, he slowly enunciated, "She. Burned. Water."

"Uhhh... Oh! Wait, that's impossible, you can't burn water! Mom told me that water evaporates when it gets to a certain temperature or something... I don't really pay attention."

"Your mother's shit cooking skills have led her to defy reality's expectations," sneered Vegeta, not looking the least bit concerned that he was shitting on his wife's name in front of his son. "You should be proud, son. It takes a special kind of genius to do that." The way he said 'genius' suggested that he thought otherwise.

Trunks just rolled his eyes. It was just another normal day. Sometimes, he wished Nappa was still around so Vegeta could complain to him instead. It was a little awkward for an eight year old to bear the burden of listening to his father's seemingly endless bitching.

"We'll collect the smaller animals once we catch something filling," Vegeta instructed, pointing to the pile of fresh kill. The sly fox's body was draped on top of the baby animals. "I'm craving deer."

"Oh! So am I." Trunks licked his lips. "Fresh venison... way better than that jerky we ate during the winter!"

For the Clan of Vegeta, this winter had been particularly hard on them. Contrary to popular belief, it had not been because there wasn't enough food... not at first anyway. But it was during this time that Bulma, Vegeta's wife, fell pregnant with their second child. Rations meant to last the entire cold season disappeared within the span of two weeks. It would have almost been comical had Nappa and nearly half their clan not died from starvation. All Bulma had had to say for that matter was a simple "Oops. But look at all the fat Nappa has. You can eat him, right?"

"That brat growing in her womb better be strong," Vegeta grumbled, loud enough for Trunks to hear and sigh quietly in exasperation. "And I will not be so lenient on the woman this time... the unborn babe will have a saiyan name!" He glanced at Trunks expectantly.

"Uhh, sure thing, Dad," the young saiyan fumbled, not wanting to get on his father's bad side so early in the morning. "Any... ideas so far?"

Vegeta smirked. "What else but Vegeta Junior?"

"... And if it's a girl?"

His father gave him a strange look. "Are you trying to sass me, boy?"

"H-huh?! No, of course not! It's a legitimate question..." He gulped when Vegeta's glare darkened. "R-right...?" He nearly fell backwards in relief when his father turned away with a contemplating hum.

"I suppose I can't blame you for knowing so little about the Vegeta Clan. It's all thanks to your mother that everything you know amounts to nothing important." He ignored Trunks' vehement protests of "She showed me how to build a telescope and it was so cool" and continued, "The Vegeta Clan has never birthed a female in the line before. And they never will. Unless you suddenly want to become a transgender."

"Ack, no, Dad! I don't want to be a transgender! How does that even work anyway, it's not like we have proper clinics for that!"

"Stop breaking the fourth wall, brat!" Vegeta snapped, lashing his tail. "Unless you want to keep existing, you'll do well not to anger the author!"

"Okay, sorry... Sorry, author-san."

"Idiot boy. We don't use honorifics in this reality." He cleared his throat. "To answer your question, if, by the off chance that the child does turn out to be female, her name would be something as strong as fierce as the name Vegeta."

"Like...?" Trunks prompted.

"Hn... Eschalot."

"Huh... That's not actually half bad."

"Tch." Suddenly, Vegeta's pupils dilated. "Get down and be quiet boy." He licked his lips and chuckled darkly. "Lunch, Dinner and Midnight Snack have arrived."

Not too far away, a lovely deer family were having breakfast, completely occupied in chewing the grass. The fawn whimpered cutely when a bee stung its ear, nudging its mother. The doe licked the wound while the stag continued eating.

"Aww," Trunks couldn't help but coo. "Too bad they're on our menu." He grinned wickedly, having inherited his father's mouth. "Come on, Dad, let's get 'em!"

A creak.

Vegeta had nocked his arrows back.

"... And that's why you shouldn't touch the blue flame of a Bunsen burner!" Goten finished happily as they left rope nets in the river in hopes that fish or some other water dweller would become caught in them.

Goku yawned. "That's nice, son... What's a Bunsen burner again? That sounds like something that would exist in an alternate, more modern reality."

"Huh? What are you talking about, Daddy? Is this the breaking the fourth wall stuff that Mommy warned us about?"

"... Don't worry about it, kiddo. We've got other things on our plate... Namely, Lunch, Dinner and Midnight Snack!" He pointed to where a picturesque looking deer family were grazing in a clearing smack dab on the border that separated the territories of the Vegeta Clan and the Kakarot Clan.

"I dibs on Dinner!" Goten declared, nearly salivating at the sight of the huge stag which had been dubbed Dinner.

"Nuh uh. We gotta share otherwise there won't be enough for the whole clan."

"Aww... Can't they just eat the fish we catch? We always catch plenty."

"Grandma Gine doesn't like fish, remember?" Goku reminded his son. "You don't want Grandma to get cranky, do you?" Haha! Mom's too sweet to get mad. But I gotta scare him a little otherwise there won't be any left for me!

At that, Goten clamped his mouth shut into a thin line and shook his head vigorously. Anything but that! Chi Chi had always told him that it's always the sweet ones who have the most ferocious rages since they let all that anger build up.

"Good boy," Goku praised, grinning and ruffling his son's hair. "If you want extra, just as your mom for some."

"Okay, Daddy! So what now?"

"Do ya still have your knife with you? I'll shoot the deer and you can gut them. And maybe try and take down the fawn by yourself. It'll be a good learning experience."

"Yipee! I get exclusive access to Midnight Snack!"

Carefully, Goku drew two arrows back at once, aiming for the eyes of the stag and doe, which, fortunately, were in close proximity with one another.

The air around the arrows whistled as they struck their intended targets.

Two dead deer lay on the ground, four arrows embedded in their skulls - two for each deer.

It had been perfect. Everything had been perfect up until the point where Vegeta noticed that there were four arrows piercing the flesh of his prey.

He snarled. "Oh, hell no."

Trunks, who had pounced after the fawn when Vegeta fired, had nearly caught up to the newly orphaned creature. It wailed pitifully when Trunks managed to strike its hind leg with his axe, crippling it. Suddenly, that bee sting on its ear seemed like nothing in comparison to how it was suffering now.

"GERONIMOOOOO!" someone yelled as they cannonballed onto Trunks and the fawn just as the former was about to deliver the finishing blow. The poor animal was killed instantly by the impact.

"Gack, hey! What are you doing?! That's my kill!"

"I saw it first!"

"No, I did!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh huh!

"Nuh -"

"Shut up!" Vegeta barked, marching over to where his son was fighting with what seemed like another child. "What the hell is going on here?!"

Trunks and the other boy exchanged a glance before pointing accusingly at each other. "He started it!" they cried in unison.

Narrowing his eyes, Vegeta scrutinized them. The two boys were sweating nervously as Vegeta picked them apart with his gaze. Trunks sighed in relief when Vegeta picked the other boy up by the scruff and sneered at him.

"Now, what do we have here? A Kakabrat?"

"Leave him alone!" Vegeta was shoved to the ground, courtesy of a man that closely resembled the boy. "You're interfering with our prey, Vegeta."

Vegeta pushed himself. "Well if it isn't the man himself. What are you doing out here? I thought you'd be playing errand boy in your own clan for your harpy mate."

"Back off, Vegeta. Let us take the food and leave peacefully."

Goten stared wide eyed up at his father. Very rarely did he get to see his father actually try to be diplomatic. He supposed that this Vegeta person must be pretty important to elicit such a reaction from his father.

"Oh? And just what are you talking about? In case you haven't noticed, the deer was killed on our side. Speaking of, you and your brat are trespassing."

Trunks and Goten exchanged a glance, confused.

"It looked like they died right on the border," Goten pointed out innocently.

"Yeah, dad," Trunks agreed, much to everyone's surprise. He might get his ass kicked for this later but it was too late to turn back now. "Can't we share or something?"

When the two older males laughed, it was th children's turn to be confused.

"Share?! Ridiculous!"

"Haha! Your kid's pretty funny, Vegeta."

Vegeta smirked, giving Trunks the evil eye. "Since our brats happen to be oh so amusing... what say you about a little competition? Winner gets to expand their borders inward into the others territory. Appropriate lengths, may I add. I wouldn't want you to starve."

"It's on," Goku accepted, grinning widely, firing up at the prospect of a challenge. "And don't talk as if you've already won, Vegeta... because I'm going to crush you."

"Hah!" Vegeta barked a laugh, his eyes gleaming with wicked amusement. "I'd like to see that happen. One of my elite warriors against yours."

"Sure. When?"

"On the last day of the spring season. That should give you plenty of time to prepare for the Spring Games, as I have dubbed it. I'll finally prove the prowess of my warriors against yours!"

And then they shook on it, Goten and Trunks blinking in bewilderment at what had just transpired.

"What just happened?" Trunks asked Goten.

"No idea. Hey! Wanna play catch with me?"

Trunks opened his mouth to agree but faltered. "Uhh. I shouldn't be playing with the enemy. Didn't you hear our dads? The Spring Games and all?"

Goten looked down, disappointed. "Oh, yeah..."

But the lavander head grinned cheekily. "We can meet here tomorrow afternoon to play then," he whispered. "You up for it?"

"Ooh, okay!"

"Trunks!" Vegeta suddenly snapped, having finally stopped trying to squeeze Goku's hand to death. "We're leaving!"

"Come on, Goten, those fish won't catch themselves!"

The two boys cast each other a longing glance as their fathers pulled them away, each of the men marching in the opposite direction.

"Bye," Trunks mouthed silently.

Goten waved back.

The Clan of Kakarot and the Clan of Vegeta were, to say the least, annoying. They were a constant prick in her side; all she wanted to do was survive out in the goddamn woods. Those other clan saiyan stomping around seemed to be determined not to let her do that. She had barely scraped through the winter this year for god's sake!

Growling under her breath, Caulifla punched a medium-sized oak tree in anger, causing it to shake.

Caulifla constituted as part of what clan saiyan referred to as rogues—saiyans that held no allegiance to either of the prominent clans within the area (Clans Vegeta and Kakarot). The name was supposed to carry feelings of shame and worthlessness, but Caulifla fully embraced it.

"Tsk," she scoffed, staring stonily at the splinters embedded in her knuckles. She painstakingly began to remove them as carefully as she could, a muscle in her jaw twitching every time she removed one.

"Excuse me?"

Instantly, Caulifla snapped her head up and whipped a knife from her belt, preparing for a hostile confrontation.

But, instead of an enemy bandit or two-bit assassin, she was met with confused onyx orbs.

The saiyan in front of her was male, sporting the quintessential gravity-defying black hair and black eyes. However, unlike other saiyan she often saw out in the fields or the woods, this one had a lean and slender build rather than a bulky, muscly one. That wasn't to say that he was totally scrawny—the muscle underneath his skin was lean and supple.

He was dressed in the classic warrior outfit. Caulifla raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

"What," she deadpanned.

"I... er... seem to be lost," he offered lamely.

"No shit."

"Look, you rogue—"

"Oh great, another snobby clan saiyan," she said snidely before he could even finish his sentence. "I would have never guessed."

The male frowned deeply. "I—"

"Shut up and leave me alone." She scaled up a tall tree with ease, using her tail to assist her ascension. Eventually, she stopped her climb and crouched on a high branch, shadowed by a clutter of leaves. In the shadows, she peered downward, gazing upon the bewildered and disappointed visage of the lost saiyan.

Sighing, the male kicked a stone and, shoulders dropped, started to unknowingly walk even deeper into the woods.

If she didn't stop him now, he was probably going to get eaten. Rolling her eyes, she descended from the treetops just as elegantly as she had gotten up. Swinging on a low branch and flipping into the air, she landed in front of Cabba with feline grace.

Caulifla's tail twitched back and forth in anticipation and perhaps mild curiosity as she regarded the lost saiyan for the second time that day.

"Huh? What happened to 'shut up and leave me alone'?" he asked, obviously still miffed from her previous snub.

"I don't want to be haunted by your ghost when you inevitably get eaten," she said flatly. "Now where are you going?"

"I'm from the Clan of Vegeta," he said. "I'm Cabba."

"I asked for your destination not your name and affiliation." She waved her hand flippantly at him. "But whatever. What are you doing in my territory?"

"Your territory? This is land that doesn't belong to either of the clans. It's No Man's Land," he explained to her.

"Don't be a fuckwit," she said crudely, taking a step toward him. "This is my territory. Do I need to spell it out for you?"

"Okay, okay! It's your territory, I got it," Cabba said hastily, backpedalling. "I'm just passing through. My Clan Leader, Vegeta, sent me to go to the Clan of Kakarot with a message."

"... I see. And just what is this message?" A devious idea came into her head and she gripped the handle of her dagger even more tightly.

"That's confidential," Cabba said immediately, clutching his burlap knapsack. "So—"

Without warning, Caulifla circled Cabba and thumped the butt of her dagger against Cabba's head. His eyes rolled to the back of his head until Caulifla could only see the whites. He would be out for a while.

Whistling, Caulifla dragged him back to her humble abode, removing his knapsack and tightly bounding him with rope. Then she untied him again, huffing as she remembered something. She stripped Cabba of his clothing until he was only wearing an undershirt and his underwear. Then she donned his armour, the leg padding a little too short for her taste (she being about half a head taller than he was, not to mention broader).

"There we go," she said to herself, pleased. "Now let's see what message the almighty Vegeta has in store for Kakarot..."

Arms quivering with barely contained excitement, she removed a single scroll from the bag and unrolled it, her eyes devouring every single word.