Leaving

Sam was sitting in her car in front of Jack's house. The engine got cold a while ago, but she paid no attention to that. Although it was warm outside, she was still shivering. She knew it wouldn't be easy. It has never been easy when he was involved... But she wasn't able to imagine that he wouldn't be around.

She remembered his caring eyes while she was sitting by her father's bed. She remembered how he took her hand during the funeral. It seemed like he would hold her forever and wouldn't let her go. He didn't care about anything but her.

She remembered how he sent one stupid scientist away to protect her from his bothering questions. She remembered how he hugged her when she cracked up in her lab. Some personal staff of her father was delivered to SGC and that was too much that day. But he was there for her...

And she remembered his night calls when he was in Washington. He had to sort something out there and he promised her to call in case she needed something. She really did. Him. He called the first night exactly on time and was so thoughtful again. And he called every night, talking about weather in Washington and people he met and usually didn't like. They didn't talk about anything private. And today he came back home.

She drew a deep breath and tried to encourage herself. Yes, of course, she was the one who arranged this meeting. She said they needed to talk. Jack just agreed. She could see him as well as she was sitting next to him. He certainly looked confused and puzzled. He always did in this kind of situations. She knew him too well.

Sam finally forced herself to get up and go to the door. She rung the bell and quickly put her hand back. Damned. She probably should have figured it out. It was too late now. She held her breath, when she heard his steps behind the door.

Jack opened the door and glanced at her. He was wearing his uniform and that was weird. She smiled slightly. "Hi"

"Carter." He looked a bit surprised, although he knew she would come. He shook his head and swallowed. "Come in."

She followed him inside. She almost didn't notice big suitcase, lying in the corridor.

"Beer?" He asked but didn't wait for the answer. „I've just arrived, the flight was delayed. So it's a bit messy here. We should rather stay in the kitchen."

Sam felt uncomfortable; it was a bad timing coming here right now.

.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want to bother you. Maybe I should come another time."

„No, you're not bothering me," he refused immediately.

She was watching him while he was trying to find an opener. Than he turned back to her, holding two bottles. Sam took one and stood next to the table. She has never been in this room before. She took note that the cooker seemed not to be used for a long time. Jack slowly leant against the kitchen counter, paying now full attention to her.

Sam glanced at him. She didn't know how to start. It was always this way. She was just standing there, looking nowhere and feeling like a small girl. And he wasn't probably going to help her. She knew he was as nervous as she was. Ok, let's start. She was afraid it would be yet more difficult later.

„I would like to thank you, sir." Well, it wasn't exactly what she wanted to say but it was a good beginning. She did realize she was telling him the same too often, but it was the truth.

„I don't know how I would get through all this. I mean, without you."

„I'm glad I could do something," he said quietly and looked at her. "And how are you?"

"I'll be ok."

He nodded. „And what about the house and the other...stuff?"

„It's over. All." They both knew they were talking about Pete but no one mentioned his name. It wasn't necessary. He knew that she rejected Pete's proposal and just had to solve some details.

„I couldn't marry him." It just got out of her mouth too quickly. She closed her eyes. She was awfully nervous and her hands didn't want to stop shivering. When she raised her head again, she saw he was gazing at her.

„You don't have to explain anything," he said, still looking at her. Damn, he had so deep eyes. She couldn't move. Calm down, she was telling herself but it didn't work. Well, she should probably start again.

„You know, all the stuff around my dad...It was an awful week. Pete tried to help me and I destroyed his life. I feel terrible."

"You must have told him the true. That... That you didn't love him."

Sam nodded. "At first, I should have never accepted his proposal. I was alone for a long time and he was just...here. But it's no excuse. I was a jerk."

„No," Jack drank and put the beer on the table. „It happens to everyone sometimes."

„Did it happen to you?" Actually, she didn't expect any answer.

„Yeah, It did," he replied sooner than she waited. „In fact. I did similar thing to Kerry."

Sam winced when she heard this name. Oh, she really didn't like her. Kerry was definitely very nice woman and if the situation was different... But it wasn't.

"You didn't want to marry her, did you?"

„No, but she hoped for something more than I could give her. When she found out it's never gonna happen, she left. It was probably the best for her."

Sam was a bit confused. Well, she now knew on hundred percent that they're not together anymore. She was just surprised that Kerry left Jack. And even more that he was able to talk about it with her.

„It's not the same, sir. But thank you." She smiled. It seemed be the right time to go on.

"You know, when I wanted to talk to you last time..." It was difficult to keep on talking.

"I remember."

" I think so," she said a bit bitterly. It's here again. She is standing in front of him, unable to talk and feeling awful and pleased at the same time. Jack was able to hide his feelings much better than her.

„It's not easy for me. You are my CO."

„I remember that as well."

„Sir, before we were interrupted, I had told you about my doubts. That I was having second thoughts about the wedding. I must have told you cause it was concerning you as well." She stopped talking and glanced at him. He looked serious but not so uncomfortable like usually, when they had similar conversation.

"I know it's totally stupid. I know we could never... I'm sorry. I just couldn't get you out of my head. I wanted you to know that. I couldn't marry Pete when I was sure he is not the most important. That's it, I'm sorry."

She wasn't thinking anymore about what she was saying. She must have told him. He deserved to know that and now it was up to him. She took the rest of her courage and gazed at him, eyes full of anxiety about his reaction. He swallowed. She caught his look and this time didn't move her eyes away. For a while they were looking at each other. It could be just a few seconds but she was persuaded it's lasting for hours. Than Jack shook his head and looked at her again.

„I've got something to tell you too."

Sam was waiting. It couldn't be worse anymore.

"I'm leaving the SGC."

TBC