Raphael reflects

A Tenshi ni Narumon fanfic

By Melissa Smith

January 2nd, 2002

The final words of my song died on my lips as I heard that human boy- Yuusuke, was it?- shouting and chasing a flying golden disk.  I knew all too well what it was.  Noelle's halo, and quite possibly the object that would take Mikael away from me forever.  I shook the thought away, trying not to think of the blue-haired would-be angel. 

It's his own test- he no longer needs my assistance, I thought, my thoughts surprisingly calm and sober. 

"I am no longer listening to your advice."

Those words rang in my ears.  Although I knew that my purpose here had only been to assist Mikael until he himself took complete control of the situation- for better or for worse- it still stung to realize how quickly I'd been cast aside.

Yuusuke ran past me without noticing my presence, and started up the flight of stairs.  Watching him for a moment, I wondered how he would fair against Mikael's sudden fanaticism. 

Oh Mikael… beautiful Mikael… did any one ever tell you how great an angel you could be?  And he would make a great angel- a beautiful angel that would be able to reassure anyone in their time of need.  I could only hope and pray that he would become the angel he and I had both dreamed of. 

Then again, the more I sat here to myself, thinking everything over, I couldn't help but think that perhaps my reasoning there was a bit selfish.  I wanted to stay with Mikael.  No; I wanted Mikael to stay with me. 

And maybe that was what I had always wanted- No! Raphael, stop thinking like that!  You are above falling in love, especially with the likes of an unstable boy who may not even become an angel in the first place!  I scolded myself. 

Too late, I thought solemnly after a moment.  I've pretty much confessed to him already that I loved him; whether I realized it or not was my problem. 

I looked up at the ethereal steps, wondering if my friend would need my help.  Wondering if he would welcome my help.  I continued sitting in the windowsill of the tower, though, and after a while I could hear more footsteps heading up the stairwell.  Noelle's family, followed by the human girl whose face I recognized so well.  Her name was Suzuhara Natsumi, and she had dreamed of me for many nights, wished and hoped for my presence, not knowing I was not who she wanted. 

She stopped for a heart-rending moment, looking right at me, and I knew she saw me.  I turned to face her as she whispered the name of her long-dead brother, and the look of shock on her face was so great that I couldn't help but smile, sending a silent prayer up to Heaven on her behalf.  Natsumi looked at me with such an earnest expression, and even I couldn't help but be caught up in the intensity of that one, single moment, even though I knew that I was no longer the boy whose name she spoke so reverently.  I hoped that my smile could somehow give her closure, and then she looked away when someone in the family called her name. 

She looked back briefly but I could tell that she could no longer see me or sense my presence.  Good, I thought.  This means that she'll be okay, she doesn't need to cling to her past.

Natsumi took off running, and I knew I'd never see her again, but somewhere deep inside I would carry memories of her face, her smile, and her love for her brother. 

Turning to look back at the towering stairs lit by candlelight, I listened and watched what was going on up there for a moment. 

I thought about what it meant to be an angel, and whether anyone up in Heaven would really mind if I interfered a bit more than I had already. 

And, I thought, musing the idea over in my mind, maybe I'm supposed to go up there now and offer him a bit of advice in a time of need.  Smirking, I spread my single wing, waited a moment to catch my balance, and then took off, flying up to meet my blue-haired love.