This is an alternate view of my story ARMS OF MORPHEUS, a story that depressed even me (g). It was written before the events of Season Six, but I decided not to make any changes.
MORPHEUS' RELEASE
She'd always watched her partner closely. At first, in the early days of their partnership, it was because of what she and everyone else regarded as his erratic behavior. She believed she had to protect the NYPD and herself against any of his actions. By the time she discovered he was an exceptional detective who valued the safety of others far beyond his own, watching him and watching out for him had become second nature to her. What she saw—or at least thought she saw—lately worried her. The circles beneath his eyes grew darker and deeper each day; his shoulders slumped more under the weight of his professional and personal lives. She tried to speak to and with him, to let him know that he had her for support, but his defenses were up, and she had troubles of her own.
Alex Eames got along with the new head of the Major Case Squad, and thought she might even like him once she stopped comparing him to James Deakins. The new captain clearly was no sexist and seemed to hold fewer prejudices than most of the brass, even if he viewed Bobby Goren with a skeptical eye. Alex inwardly cringed when Ross told her to keep an eye on her partner—his solve rate alone should offer ample evidence that Bobby Goren didn't need a babysitter—but she outwardly complied. For his part, Bobby made an exceptional effort to prove his worth and sanity. He was remarkably tolerant in his dealings with the new captain; he was always in early and staying late unless Alex insisted on getting him home.
She knew he wasn't sleeping well, but in all of the time she'd known him he hadn't slept well. She noticed that in the past few months he rubbed his eyes and the back of his neck more and more; it seemed to take more infusions of caffeine to wake him in the morning and keep him going in the afternoon. Alex gently urged him to get more sleep, to take some down time, to talk to her, to talk to anyone, but he only agreed to a few more lunches, admitted only to a few more worries about his mother, confessed to only a slighter deeper need for sleep. None of it was enough to send off any major warning sounds in her head.
The case wasn't that difficult—the pieces of the puzzle fell easily, naturally, in front of Alex and Bobby's eyes. Their suspect, however, was the black sheep son of a wealthy and influential family, and they approached him with kid gloves and only two uniforms for support. The uniforms remained in the hallway as Alex and Bobby entered the suspect's apartment. The young man, wild-eyed and waving a handgun, appeared suddenly. Both Alex and Bobby had their guns drawn; Alex waited for Bobby to speak to calm the suspect as he always did. When a half beat passed with no sound from Bobby, Alex quickly picked up the rhythm and soothed the suspect. Bobby followed her lead so quickly and smoothly that only he and Alex noted the brief skip.
"I…I'm sorry," Bobby whispered to Alex as the uniforms led the distraught but manageable young man away. "I…I went blank…I couldn't figure out how to reach him for a minute."
"It's ok," Alex said, slightly surprised by his apology. "Good to get a chance to exercise my bargaining skills with someone besides you."
"You were great," Bobby said as they approached the SUV. "You…covered for me…"
Alex looked at him across the hood. "There was nothing to cover for," she declared firmly.
His silence during the ride back to Major Case didn't trouble her; they both tended to disappear into their own thoughts after they were in tight spots. His continued silence as they processed the suspect and dealt with paperwork did. Alex tried to nudge Bobby away for lunch, but he pleaded a need to call his mother and her doctors. He did agree to allow her to bring him something.
Alex was surprised on her return from lunch to see the two uniforms from the morning sitting in the Captain's office. She was equally surprised by Bobby's lack of interest in his favorite sandwich from his favorite deli.
"Hey," she said as she leaned across her desk. "I went out of my way to get this. Eat."
He stared at her blankly for a moment and then at the foil package on his desk. "Oh," he said flatly.
Alex studied him. "Your mom?" Her voice was very low.
Bobby stared for a moment at his computer screen. "She…she…" His voice was even lower than hers, and Alex strained to hear him. "She doesn't know who I am any more," he suddenly confessed. "I don't know why I call or go to see her…" He stopped as abruptly as he started, ashamed of his words. "I…I need…to make a copy of this." He stood and moved quickly to the copier.
She was about to follow him when Captain Ross approached her desk. "Eames," he said quietly. "Just need to speak to you for a moment." She glanced at Bobby as she followed Ross into his office.
"This morning," Ross said as he shut the door. "Everything ok?"
"Yes," Alex answered with some puzzlement. "The suspect pulled a gun, but we didn't have any trouble talking him into surrendering."
"Goren was fine?" Ross sat on the edge of his desk. Alex still had moments when she found it difficult not to think of it as Deakins' desk. She inwardly bristled at the implied questioning of Bobby's abilities, but her voice carried only a slight edge.
"He was perfect…dead on…you don't have to worry about him, sir…He's good…very good…at what he does…especially dealing with perps…If another detective had been there, you might have had very different results…"
Ross studies her for a moment, stood, and walked behind his desk. "I'm coming to trust him, Eames. And the two uniforms told me what you both did…They were very clear in saying that Goren eased the situation…"
"Then…why the questions?" Alex sensed that Ross was on Bobby and her side, or at least leaning towards it.
Ross sat and spun slowly in his chair. "Goren came in here about an hour ago…apologized for putting you and other officers in danger…poured praise on you for dealing with the situation…"
Alex tried to hide her surprise. "Captain, he has no reason to think that…I swear…"
"It's all right, Eames. I suspect Goren has an overdeveloped conscience." Ross gave her a quick smile. "I just wanted to cover the bases."
Alex sighed. "Well, you've got that overdeveloped conscience right."
"Another thing I've learned about Goren." The captain leaned forward. "You're both ok on this, but I'll be honest…I'm concerned about him…he's a great detective…but he needs to get some rest…if you could talk to him…"
"I'll try, Captain…I've been trying…but he's a stubborn man…and I think sometimes that a break is more work for him than work."
"Yes," Ross said ruefully. "I'm learning that too."
Alex returned to her desk; Bobby, his eyes boring a hole in a form, sat across from her.
"Hey," she said gently. "Keep looking at that and your eyes will be permanently crossed."
He blinked at her and furiously rubbed his eyes with one large paw. He reached for the giant coffee that had recently appeared on his desk and drained it.
"You drink that much caffeine this late in the day and you'll never get to sleep," Alex said.
He finally acknowledged her existence.
"I'm…afraid…if I don't drink any caffeine…I'll fall asleep right here." He returned to his study of the form.
They spent the next hour or so delving through paperwork. Once or twice Alex glanced up from her work to discover Bobby examining her with an intensity and sadness she'd never seen even from him. "As if," she thought. "He's trying to memorize something about me." When her eyes caught hers, Bobby hastily and guiltily looked down at his desk. At about three, both detectives realized they needed to revisit a crime scene to confirm a witness' statement. The ride to the scene was terribly silent; Alex thought she could see the waves of exhaustion rising from Bobby.
"You know," she said finally breaking the silence. "You did nothing wrong this morning…He surprised us…You got him to surrender."
He started at her voice but continued to stare out the SUV's window.
She eased the car into a parking spot. "Really, Bobby…you were fine…"
He turned to her as he released his seat belt.
"Ok," he said, but Alex thought that everything about him—his voice, his body—said that he was far from ok or fine.
A quick scan of the scene confirmed the witness' comments. Alex called in to the captain as they walked back to the SUV.
"We don't have to go back to the office." Alex smiled at Bobby. "Ross is very happy we got this case cleared so quickly…"
"What about the car?" Bobby asked.
"I'll park it in the secret place my super saves for me." Alex grinned as she pulled into traffic. "He's very happy to have a First Grade NYPD Detective in his building." She yawned. "You hungry? Want to grab a bite?"
He shook his head. "No…thank you…I think…maybe I should go home…I'm so tired."
"You sure? You didn't really eat lunch." She tried not to show too much of her concern for him.
"Oh…I'm sorry about that, Eames…here…" He reached for his wallet. "Let me pay you back for that."
"Bobby," she laughed. "It's a sandwich…you'll get lunch tomorrow…"
"No…here…I want to make sure to pay you back." He thrust the bills at her.
He was quiet throughout the rest of the trip to his apartment, although Alex caught him gazing at her with the same, sad, intense expression he had in the office.
"You sure you don't want some dinner?" she said as she pulled up to his building.
"No…thank you…" He stepped from the SUV and turned to look at her. "Just…thank you."
"Get some sleep, Bobby," Alex said.
"I will," he answered. He hesitated for a moment, his hand resting on the latch, and she looked at him carefully. "Thank you," he whispered. "I'm sorry I'm so much trouble."
Ignoring the traffic, she leaned towards him. "Are you ok? Do you want or need me to…"
He shook his head. "It's not your fault…it's never been your fault…I'm just so tired…"
His response didn't satisfy her, but she felt that she couldn't press the issue. "Ok, but if you need me, you call?"
He nodded. "Goodbye, Alex," he said softly.
She was halfway to her apartment when she realized that not only had he called her "Alex" instead of "Eames", but that he'd also said "Goodbye." Not "see you tomorrow", or "have a good night", but "Goodbye". And there had been no mention of plans for Alex to pick him up the next morning or for him to appear at her door.
"It's nothing," she thought. "He's tired…upset…I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill."
But Bobby's words gnawed at her through the evening. At roughly nine she gave in to the annoying voice in her head and called him, first on his home phone and then on his cell. Both switched to voice mail, and Alex left rambling messages on both. "It's ok," she thought. "He's tired…getting some sleep…he doesn't want to be disturbed…we're not on call…that's all."
But her sense of unease increased throughout the evening. She managed only a few bits of dinner; when she finally went to bed she tossed and turned, unable to sleep in spite of her exhaustion. Alex and Bobby's partnership was legendary in the NYPD—James Deakins had confessed to Alex that he almost believed they were connected by some psychic link; Captain Ross had already been stunned by it. As she lay in her bed staring at the ceiling, Alex felt that something strained at her connection with Bobby.
"Oh, Damn!" she finally yelled into the empty room, and threw back the covers. She dressed quickly in a tank top, sweats, and zip up sweatshirt and made her way to the SUV. "This is ridiculous," she thought as she drove to Bobby's apartment. "But this is the only way I'm going to be able to sleep." As she drove, she tried again to call Bobby; again, there was no response. She arrived at his building, parked blatantly in a no parking zone, leaving a tag identifying the SUV as a police vehicle. ("After all," she thought. "I'll be back in a few minutes after I rouse Bobby and explain to him why the heebie-jeebies made me drive to his apartment and wake him up.")
In spite of the protests of the more logical side of her brain, her unease moved into full anxiety as she rode the elevator to Bobby's floor. Alex forced herself not to run to his door, but she walked very quickly. She arrived at his apartment and stared at the carefully lettered sign tacked to its door. The words filled her with terror and anger, and she began pounding on the door with one hand as the other fumbled for the key to Bobby's apartment.
"Bobby!" she screamed. "No…No…No!"
Bobby pulled all of his towels from the long, narrow cabinet under the bathroom sink and carefully lined them against the sides of the equally long and narrow bathtub. He picked up his gun from his resting place on the sink counter and stood staring down at the tub.
"Strange," he thought. "I've never really considered how small the tub is…it's never really been an issue." He shook his head. "I don't want my last thoughts to be about the size of my bathtub." He took a deep breath. "I want my last thoughts to be about Alex. The only thing I really regret…is not being able to explain to her…to tell her not to worry…" He rubbed his eyes with his free hand. "I can't explain it to myself…all I know is that this is the right thing to do…it's the only clear thing in my head…I'm so tired…everything hurts…just hurts…I just want it to end…" He started to step into the tub.
At first he thought the pounding might be his heart, but the sound was supplemented almost immediately by Alex's frantic, furious screams. For an instant his finger tightened on the trigger, but he couldn't bear the thought of Alex finding his body. He heard the sound of the key he'd given her in the front door as he dropped his gun in the cabinet.
Alex burst in Bobby's apartment so forcefully that the key nearly snapped in the lock. "Bobby!" she screamed. "No! No! Don't you dare!" She rushed to the back of the apartment, briefly glancing at and registering the envelopes on his desk. She almost barreled into Bobby as he emerged from the small bedroom area and pulled on a T-shirt.
"Eames? What…" he started. He had a vague hope he might convince her that he had been asleep before she invaded.
Waving the paper from the door, she flew at him. "Don't you dare ask me what I'm doing here!" Her voice and body wavered with terror and anger. "What is this?"
He couldn't meet her eyes. He stood in the small space separating his bed from the rest of his apartment desperately trying to think of how to respond to her.
"And what," she fumed as she strode to his desk and snatched up the envelope with her name. "Is this?"
His face finally shot up to look at her. "No…Eames…please don't open that…" Before he could move towards her Alex ripped the envelope open and read the few words on the small sheet of paper it held.
"Tired?" She stared at him in shock and disbelief. "You want to kill yourself because you're tired? And you don't want me to blame myself? You're sorry? What world are you living in? You're sorry for ripping me apart?" Alex was inches away from him, and she suddenly appeared several feet taller than Bobby.
He couldn't look at her; couldn't speak; couldn't move. Fear, shame, and exhaustion gripped him. He had nothing left—nothing he could offer as a defense or explanation. His legs wavered and his body shook.
"Dammit, Bobby! At least look at me!" Alex grabbed his T-shirt and yanked it. His eyes finally met hers, and the agony in them sent her reeling back from him.
"I…I'm sorry," he whispered. "I…I know it's not enough to say, but I…I'm sorry." He stumbled away from her, and she moved quickly to him. He fell to his knees, and Alex embraced his head and shoulders. She waited for him to cry; braced herself for a struggle, but Bobby remained horribly silent. He shivered.
The anger flooded out of her. She tenderly stroked his head. "I'm sorry too," she said softly. "It's just…just that…I was…am…so scared…I don't want to…can't…lose another…"
Her words registered at the edges of Bobby's mind. He was already in pain, but the knowledge that he had caused and was causing so much pain to Alex poured salt into his raw, open, emotional wounds.
"It's…it's not your fault," he murmured. "I…oh, God…so sorry…please…Alex…forgive me…it hurts…it all hurts…please…"
She could barely hear his voice. "If I help you," she said. "Do you think you could get to the bed?"
He nodded, and she gently guided him to sit on the edge of his bed. The grey metal box containing his and his mother's papers sat in the middle.
"Where does this go?" Alex asked pointing at the box.
"Under…under the bed." His voice was low and flat.
She returned the box under the bed. She stood before him.
"Where's your piece?" She struggled to keep her voice calm and even.
There was a long silence before he answered. "In the cabinet…under the bathroom sink…"
"Ok," Alex said, and she moved to the bathroom. For a moment she stared at the carefully arranged towels and felt a sob rise in her throat. She fought it down, and retrieved Bobby's gun; as she returned to the front of the apartment she checked its chambers and found only one bullet. She removed the bullet and slipped the gun back in its holster. She returned to Bobby and found him still sitting on the edge of the bed. She sat next to him. She struggled to know what to do and say. Her wave of anger had stunned her; even as she lashed out at Bobby, her mind berated her for her assault on her devastated partner. The anger was at least eased now, replaced by a terrible sadness and sense of failure.
She took refuge in black humor. "At least," she said. "You were trying to be neat about it."
"I…I'm sorry, Alex." Bobby stared down at his feet.
She cautiously wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He trembled and then fell into her lap; she cradled his head.
"Please…talk to me," she whispered.
Bobby reveled for a moment in her scent and touch. "I've dreamed of her doing something like this for so long," he thought. "And this will be the only time…"
"Bobby? Are you…" Alex swallowed. "All right" did not seem like the appropriate phrase to use at the moment. "Please…"
"Oh, Alex," he whispered; speaking took so much effort. "I…I didn't want to…I've hurt you so much…taken so much from you…I didn't want to hurt you more…I wanted to keep you…as much as I could…from being hurt…I…today…I almost got you killed…"
"Bobby," she said gently.
He shivered in her arms. "Please…it…it was the last blow…you…you do so much for me…you shouldn't have to…I keep hurting you…putting you in danger…"
"That's not true, Bobby," Alex protested.
"Not just you." Bobby gulped for air. "My Mom…just gets worse…I can't help her…I…I can't sleep…just can't…everything…it hurts…I…I just want it to stop…some peace…"
Alex held him tightly and leaned her head closer to his. "Bobby…there's help…medication…doctors…"
"I…I've tried…exercise…pills…alcohol…doctors…" Bobby's voice was muffled in her arms. "Nothing…nothing helps."
"How long has this been going on?" Alex asked gently.
"It…it's been bad for about a year."
His words stabbed Alex. A year? Her partner had been in agony for a year, and she hadn't seen it?
"It's not your fault." He'd read her mind, as he often did. "It happened…gradually…I…I barely noticed until…until…it…" He swallowed. "And I certainly wasn't sending out any messages."
She began rubbing his back; the move eased her mind as much as it soothed him. "I…I didn't know," Alex whispered. "I didn't see it. I failed you…"
"No!" Bobby sprang from her arms and loomed over Alex. "You didn't…you never failed me…you've always been there…"
"You know that's not true." Her words hung heavily between them.
Bobby violently shook his head. "You…you did a wonderful thing for your family…you didn't leave…you were always there…you stayed…you came back…and…" He shrugged his shoulders. "And I'm not your responsibility…we're partners…it's not like we're married or lovers…or something…" His voice trailed away.
Alex took a deep breath and stood next to Bobby. "All right," she thought. "Here it is…what I've danced around for at least a couple of years…maybe since I met him…if I give in…will it destroy him or save him…will it destroy or save me…would it just be once…if we become lovers…could I face losing him…and maybe he doesn't want me…"
The thoughts rushed through her mind in a flood that lasted a few seconds. She looked in Bobby's eyes; they were still full of pain and fear and shame, but something else—hope? Love?—was there. She stepped close to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Alex." He whispered her voice with fear, hope, and love.
"Bobby," she answered and brushed her lips against his.
He returned the kiss desperately and savagely, his tongue pushing furiously into her mouth. Pushing her back against and down on the bed, he freed his mouth from hers and began an assault on her neck.
"Bobby…Bobby…please…oh…God…" His hands and lips and teeth were sending equal waves of pleasure and pain through her. He grabbed the zipper of her sweatshirt and yanked it down; Alex heard the cloth tear. He buried his face in her breasts; she felt his mouth take each of her nipples through the soft cotton of her tank top. She struggled to gain some control and took his head in her hands.
"Please…please…Alex…please…" His voice rumbled in her ears, and the stubble on his cheeks scratched the soft skin on her neck. His hands sent bolts of fire through her body—she couldn't think, couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. Bobby tugged at the bottom of her tank top and pulled it up to expose her breasts. She raised her arms to allow him to yank the shirt over her head. As soon as she was free of the shirt, Alex untied the top of her sweatpants and raised her hips to let Bobby pull the pants and her panties off. His T-shirt and boxers soon joined her clothes on the floor. She gasped at the sight of him standing naked over her; she'd heard the rumors about Bobby's supposed gift and had even had some dreams based on those speculations, but it was a shock to have those speculations more than fulfilled. She looked into Bobby's eyes; they were filled with need, passion, want, fear, and love.
He shivered as he stood over her. "She's so beautiful," he thought. "More than any dream I've had…she could save me…she came to me…but this…it could ruin everything…but…maybe…it'll finally give me peace…maybe I could rest…" He shook his head to try to clear his thoughts.
"Bobby." Her voice was soft and warm and kind. "It's all right…I want you…please…"
He stared down at her; she lay on her back, her arms reaching for him. He paced up and down beside the bed. Part of his mind urged him to go and find his gun, the other wanted only to fall into Alex's arms and to get lost in her arms, her scent, her taste.
"Alex," he cried and draped his body over hers. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her.
"It's all right, Bobby," she whispered tenderly. "It's all right…I want you…love you…"
He jerked away from and stared down at her. "Don't lie…don't lie to me just to save me…"
She reached for and arched against him. "I…I'm not lying…I love you…I want you…Please…Please believe me."
Suspended over her on his hands and knees, Bobby stared into her eyes. Alex felt as if his eyes pierced her soul. His body shook, and he suddenly returned to his beautiful and terrible assault on her body and senses.
"Alex…please…forgive me…" His voice maintained a constant chant of pleas and devotions, broken only when his mouth and lips sucked on a sensitive stop or nipped at her soft skin. "I love you…if anyone can save me, it's you…you're so beautiful…so soft…so sweet…please forgive me…please save me…"
She couldn't answer him, couldn't make any sounds except for gasps and whimpers of pleasure and pain. She couldn't tell where her desperate need and want for Bobby and her fear of and for him began and ended. Everything—joy, grief, love, hate—coursed through her. Bobby was lost in her; all of his fear and loneliness and despair pouring through and away from him. He was dimly aware that he was moaning words to her and that she was making soft noises beneath his touch. He laved her nipples with his mouth and tongue; his hands roamed over her body, worshipping and adoring and loving her. She was lost, completely and wonderfully. She gasped as her entered her at the brief, aching pain; Bobby hesitated at her cry, but Alex responded by pushing against him. He resumed his thrusts inside her and disappeared, blissfully losing all of his senses. He cried out her name in a chorus of love and despair, and as he fell into his orgasm, Bobby heard Alex cry out his name.
The darkness and fog slowly left him. He was exhausted, but it wasn't the horrible exhaustion that had stalked him for so long; this exhaustion promised to leave if he could sleep. And for the first time in months, he felt as if he could sleep. But, Alex…what had he done to Alex? "Oh, God," Bobby thought. "What have I done? What have I become?" He tried to raise his body, but his arms and legs lacked any strength; he was as weak as a kitten. Thoughts raced through his head. "I've hurt her…what have I done…I've ruined it…the best partnership…the best friend…but…but…I'm alive…I'm so glad I'm alive…but if I've hurt her…"
He realized that a soft, gentle hand was tracing soothing circles on his back and that another was weaving in and out of his hair.
"I'm crushing her," he thought and again tried to move. The hand on his back gently pressed against him.
"It's ok, Bobby." Her voice was soft and sweet and shaky and husky. "Actually, after what you just did to me, it's more than ok. Pretty wonderful, really."
His head rested on her breasts; his body was half sprawled over hers.
"I…I…oh, God, Alex…what…"
She held him tightly. "Listen…it's all right…you didn't hurt me…you didn't force me…you are incapable of deliberately hurting anyone, especially me…" He lips brushed against his hair. "Well, with the possible exception of yourself, of course."
"But…but…" His arms finally managed to support his weight and he looked into her eyes. "I heard you cry out…I was all…all over you…I didn't think…"
She pressed her fingers to his lips. "You did NOT hurt me…you did NOT force me…that was a cry of pleasure, not pain." She smiled. "And there was a lot of pleasure."
He lowered his eyes. "I didn't use…I didn't think…"
"Don't worry," she said. "I've got that covered…although I haven't needed it for a while."
Her smile grew wider, and for the first time in months Bobby's heart soared; happiness was so unfamiliar that he scarcely recognized it. Tears slipped from his eyes, and Alex reached to brush them away.
"Oh, Alex," he softly cried as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so glad that I'm alive."
"I'm pretty happy about it, too," she answered. She pulled the covers over them, and Bobby fell into a deep, dreamless, wonderful sleep in her arms.
Bobby woke slowly, his body and mind reluctant to throw off sleep. He yawned and stretched. "Alex," he thought and realized she wasn't in his bed. For a moment he wondered if he'd experienced a particularly vivid dream, but her scent lingered on the sheets. Bobby grabbed her pillow and pressed it to his face.
"Gone," he thought. "She's gone…"
"Hey, are you planning to ever get up?"
Bobby turned over so quickly his head spun. The rich, dark smell of coffee reached his nose. Alex, holding two cups, stood at the foot of the bed.
"You know," she said. "You now have the real thing…you don't need that." She gestured towards the pillow.
He shyly returned her smile and slipped from under the covers. "I need to…" He nodded towards the bathroom.
"I'm not going anywhere," Alex said cheerfully.
Light poured into the bathroom from its small window. "Must be late morning at least," Bobby thought as he surveyed the room. Alex had picked up all the towels and placed them under the sink. He used the toilet, washed his face and hands, and brushed his teeth. He paused for a moment to gather his courage before he returned to Alex.
She sat on the edge of the bed. She handed him one of the cups of coffee, and he took it gratefully and drank deeply.
"You're dressed," he said, afraid of saying what he felt.
"Nothing gets past a First Grade Detective," she laughed.
He sat the cup on his bedside table and slipped on his boxers and T-shirt.
"Here," Alex said and patted the bed.
He sat tentatively next to her. "What time is it?" he asked, trying to peer around her to see the clock.
"A little after noon," she said.
Bobby was stunned. "I was asleep…for eight hours? I haven't slept for eight hours for…" He shook his head. "I can't remember…"
"Well, it's about time you did," Alex said gently. "Your super came by about eight…" she said cautiously.
He remembered, with a shock, the messages he'd left for his super and lawyer.
"Oh, Damn," he said flatly. "I must have scared the poor guy…" He looked guiltily at Alex. "I…I didn't hear him…"
"I told him you were having a rough time, but you were ok. You just needed some rest." She took a long drink of coffee. "He seemed to be a really nice guy…and he seems to think a lot of you…he was really worried about you…he insisted on seeing that you were really asleep in your bed…"
Bobby rubbed his thumb over his cup. "I…I'll have to apologize to him…"
"Yea," Alex said. "And you better give him a really great Christmas bonus this year." She studied Bobby carefully. "It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do for someone…you look a lot better."
He looked at her shyly over the top of his cup.
"Your lawyer's office called too," she said.
Bobby winced. "I thought…I'd tried to find a way…not to hurt…I guess there's really no way to…to…without causing a lot of trouble."
Alex touched him gently on his arm. "Hey…it's ok…the office was just puzzled…apparently you weren't very specific…"
Bobby stared into the depths of his coffee. "Work," he said. "What about it…and Ross…"
"It's ok. I told him something of the truth. That you were wiped out and just needed a day or so to recuperate. He was actually glad to hear you were getting some rest…and I convinced him that if you weren't there, I wasn't going to be of much use…" She grinned.
Bobby took another drink of his coffee. A thousand thoughts flew through his mind, but he felt remarkably at peace. There was another pleasant sensation, one that seemed vaguely familiar. "Rested," Bobby thought. "I feel almost rested." He turned to Alex.
"Thank you," he said softly. "For saving me…I'm sorry…I truly am…"
Her hand covered his. "Happy to do it." Her fingers linked with his. "But you know…Everything isn't solved…"
He stared at their joined hands. "I know," he said softly. "There's even more problems…"
"We can deal with them as they come." Alex was surprised at the confidence in her voice. "But you know you need to get some help."
"I know." He looked her in the eyes. "And I will…and I'll stick it out…I have a reason now…"
She smiled at him. "Hey," she said. "I'm hungry…"
"Ok…I'll buy you…uh, breakfast, lunch? I'm not sure you can have brunch on a weekday."
She laughed. "I don't care what you call it as long as it's good."
Several minutes later they were outside of his building. It was a beautiful day, with cotton ball clouds floating in a spectacularly blue sky. The breeze was lightly cool against Bobby's still damp from the shower skin. He stopped for a moment to close his eyes and to let the warm sunshine glow through his body.
"What is it?" Alex asked gently.
He opened his eyes and looked down at her. "It's good to be alive," he said.
END