Suffocating. Air forced out of your lungs. Carbon monoxide, your own poison, filling the void left by oxygen's desertion. Filling the void with an unquenchable fire. Spreading through your body. Lips peeling open in desperation, gasping for a breth. And hoping, struggling for it not to be the last. If you've never been there, then you don't know the feeling.
Of someone's fingers around your throat. Strangled by their absolute power over you. Choking and sputtering on your own helplessness.
He wasn't touching me like that yet. Or at all. He was still a good few feet away from me, and yet his eyes stole my breath. Solid strands of his piercing amber stare found their way around my throat and squeezed. I was paralyzed by him. And he knew it. I could tell from the glint in his captive eyes. The alertness of his stance. Tense. Coiled for smooth confident action. Even before any words had spoken we both knew who was dominant here. Even before any movement had been made we were both certain who's breathless body would fall to the ground in the aftermath of our war.
An involuntary shudder ripped through my body. He let his wolfish smile widen, pearly whites cutting monstrous light into the darkness.
It was a bleak night for this. Our inevitable game of cat and mouse. A viscious chace of predator and prey. Of blood. The night seemed to know the intent of our meet. I had never seen the sky so dark and hollow. It hung above us as pitch black as the intentions of the man a few feet away from me. No stars. No moon. The air was thick and heavy, a light fog shrouding the ambient foilage. Creating a chill in the air, almost as prominent as the one locked in my bones. The more I looked around, the more I realized that I had no idea where I was. Only that he was here. Him.
He took a step towards me. I felt it. The Earth trembled beneath his heavy gate, nearly knocking me off my feet.I had waited so long for this. Wanted this for so long. But now, as he took another step towards me, his cold penetrating stare locked onto me, I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore.
The world seemed to move with him. As he glided towards me, unwavering with devilish intent, the ground rose and fell with each step he made. The trees howled, a warning, leaves whipped by the wind, falling from wary branches as he drew nearer. The fog in the air thickened as he advanced. Becoming colder, more tangible, a heavy lead blanket of ice draped across my shoudlers. Clinging on to every inch of my skin. I started to shiver. From the chill. From anticipation. From fear. The night grew darker. Uprooted it's blackness from the sky and started to cave in, darkness threatning to come crashing down on me. Funneling my vision to fringes of black. Encroaching until all I could see was him and his purposeful stride towards me. This was what I wanted right?
All I could see was him. The senses of every particle, every fiber of my being heightned. My skin all of a sudden felt raw as if someone had peeled away the epidermis, leaving me exposed to the unbearable cold. To the feeling that slowly began to wash over me. Feeling like I was being closed in. Smashed into some dark unforgiving place. Compressed down into a managable size.
My lungs felt futile. Expanding and contracting uselessly. Flames searing my asphyxiated chest. I wanted to reach up and tear his authority's fingers from around around my throat. Claw the power of his gaze from my body. Rip all of me free of him. But I couldn't. I couldn't move. I couldn't...A sob escaped my throat. A gasp for air.
I had planned this out. Several times. Millions of times. Thought about words I would spit into his despicable face. Actions I would use to break his body. To make him suffer the way he had tortured me. Leaving me dangerously close to dead. Physically. Mentally. Soulfully.
But all of the things I had carefully crafted for this very moment had deserted me. Escaped right through my fingers in his terrifying presence.His terrifying frame now inches from my own.
Neither of us spoke or made a move. He was dominating. His aura demanded submission. He towered over me just like I remembered, and I could carve out with my eyes the lines of sinew lurking under his baggy garb. Memories lurking in the dark depths of my mind came gasping to the surface. Filling me with complexities.
I searched his face trying not to give away any of my emotions. The expression there was neutral. The predatory gleam in his eye replaced by something inquisitive. It seemed we were both sizing each other up. Checking to see how life and a few years had changed us both.
In the darkness he looked exquisite. The unruly shadows playing up the stark contrast between his ebony hair and the contours of his flawless ivory skin. The slight amber of his eyes flickered and danced catching onto some imaginary light. And I could remember thinking how he had a very odd sort of beauty. One I had once found alluring. I could feel tears pressing against the backs of my eyes.
I thought these emotions for him had been buried long ago with my naivety. I couldn't understand myself. Why couldn't I hurt him?! Why couldn't I move my body to take his life like he had almost taken mine?! I didn't understand him either. Why was he just standing there and not raising his hand to finish what he's started in me, those long dark years ago.
As if seeing something in my eyes to assuage an inner uncertainty, he stepped towards me, his hand finding a familiar resting place on my wasit. I felt my heart take off. Hammering against my chest like a rabid animal. I remembered his touch. His fingers long and patient curved into the small of my back, fingertips smooth as porcelain roughly massaging icy cold circles down my spine.
Overwhelmed with fragments of memory of touch like this, I felt tears on my cheeks. Hot and unwanted. "Why are you doing this?" I demanded, surprising only myself with my voice. He said nothing, simply put his around me pulling me sparingly towards him until we were chest to chest and I could feel the familiar contours of his body. I looked desperately into his face, trying to remind myself that I should be breaking it right, now. Ripping him to shreds like I always promised myself that I would. So why wasn't I?
He burrowed his face a little forcefully in my neck, coaxing my hands to cup the back of his head of thick jet black hair. He traveled his expressive lips on a gruff trail down my neck. Taking in my scent, the inhalations against my skin both exciting and unnerving me. His lips brushed my earlobe.
I had imagined hearing the lilting tones of his voice again for so many years that it didn't startle me when he spoke."Did you miss me, Anko?"
The question stunned me. The cold fingers of his other hand tipped rougly up my back, moving expertly around my neck, cradling my pulse in his hand, his thumb roughly stroking the skin over my jugular vein. I couldn't look him in the eyes. Couldn't understand. In reference to his question I managed to choke out. "I didn't think I'd be meeting you again like this." He smirked at my confession. Gave a dry laugh. And his grip on my neck tightened just enough to erase all strands of intimacy from it. I stiffened.
"I'm giving you mercy." he said, allowing his voice to drop back into a soothing tone. He put his still smirking lips against the base of my throat, compelling me to close my eyes savoring his touch. I could remember him saying something once before about being denied physical intimacy with anyone he cared about as a child. He didn't really know how to be gentle. And the jagged edges of his kiss reminded me that he was a patient but aggressive lover. Absentmindedly I relished his closeness. The dormant dominance enbedded in the way his icy finger stroked my collarbone.
"You see, love..." he cooed thoughtfully, his intent clear now as his nimble fingers slowly peeled away the collar of my shirt revealing to us both his mark, forever embedded in my skin.
His body tensed. I opened my eyes and watched the way his yellow irises greedliy drank in that reminder of his control over me. Saw his smile harden into that malicious leer again. Impulsively I tried to back away from him, but his strong arm around my waist prevented my escape crushing me almost painfully against his body.
I willed myself not to panic. Tried to conjure up some anger. Some long lived hatred towards him. But it had all fallen away from me. Leaving me with this suffocation.
"You will never be capable of taking my life." he said , smirking lips curving up into a sneer. In his hand was the proof of his statement. A long gleaming sword shining crisp, and final in the darkness. "Never."
I tried desperately to pull away. He yanked me closer into the blade, the sharp point piercing my skin, red blood cells and skin seperating to make way for the foreign metal. I screamed. Pain, excruciatingly fierce took over my body and I staggerd backwards warm blood pouring out of me. Dripping down, staining the metal rust colored.
He grinned, his fist clenched around the blade's hilt. Froced it deeper. "Never."
I jerked awake in bed screaming, kicking, thrashing like a wild animal, pitching over sideways, I free fell off the bed. Hit the floor hard, tangled hopelessly in the bed sheets. My heart was racing, my chest heaving up and down from the strain. The imprint of those cold smooth fingers burning my skin. My navel throbbing with the pain of a dangerously sharp blade. Breathe. 1,2...breathe.
I sat there on the floor for a moment. My body shaking. Too scared to move too fast and risk being snatched up in ivory arms and pale yellow irises. Breathe, Anko. Breathe. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling the gooseflesh swimming down my bare shoulders. It was too dark in the room. Still night? Breathe.
"Anko?" Kakashi leaned down over the side of the bed, his broad shoulders cutting an impressive silhouette through the dark room. The shadows covered most of his expression, but I could see his eyes squinted tiredly. He blinked back sleep, his brow furrowed in confusion. Ran a hand wearily through his sleep touseled spikes, mashed down on one side, and I felt guilty for waking him up. His usual blase' tone was tainted with concern. "You okay?"
Am I? Breathe. Breathe. "Yeah." I nodded weakly. "Bad dream."
Kakashi tilted his head dubiously and there was something endearing in the way he reached down securing both his hands under my arms and hoisted me and the bed covers effrotlessly back up into the bed. Face to face with him, now I could see his concern. "Want to talk about it?"
Yellow eyes. Suffocating me. The touch of his lips rueful against my throat. "No."
Kakashi stared at me, unconvinced. Intimidating with his perfectly mismatched eyes. I knew how stubborn he could be. Knew he'd stare at me all night if thats what he thought it'd take for me to tell him my troubles. "Goodnight." I said with finality. He didn't flinch.
I sighed. My heart was still racing, the dream's grasp on me just fading. I burrowed down into the bedcovers and turned my back to him. Eventually exhaustion would do him in if boredom didn't. I closed my eyes even though I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.
Ebony hair. Ivory skin. Smooth, cold like porcelain. The curse mark. His mark.
I resisted the urge to scream when Kakashi's arm suddenly snaked possesively around my waist from behind. Relaxing when I realized it was only him. He pulled greedily, backing me up into him. I kept my breathing even. Suddenly enveloped in his scent.
He always smelled comforting. Like something I couldn't describe. I guess he just smelled nice. His warm hands and the warmth of his body against mine momentarily filled me with relief. He tenderly nuzzled his face against my neck like a puppy dog, his stubble tickling my chin.
I tried to concentrate on the beautiful angle of his jaw nestled idly in the crook between my neck and shoulder. Tried to focus on his lips pressed tenderly against my shoulder. But my body still writhed with the roughness of those cold hands on my skin.
"Why do you keep things from me? Especially something as insignificant as a dream?" Kakashi whispered in my ear, the rumble of his deep voice vibrating against my back. As plaintive as I had ever heard him be. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Eyes squeezed shut.
"I know you're not asleep, Anko."
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in...Kakashi sighed, cursed visciously under his breath and turned away from me, taking his warmth and my momentary relief to the other side of the bed with him. His back turned to me, now a barrier between us. I hadn't meant to push him away. I hoped he'd forgive me in the morning.
I felt a shot of guilt. But it wasn't long before I heard the soft sound of his uneven snoring. His momentary peace brought a bittersweet smile to my lips. He needed to sleep. My demons were mine alone and had nothing to do with him. He didn't understand. He couldn't.
Fingering the bed cover, I pushed it down around my waist and, my fingers finding that familiar mark embedded in the skin on my neck.
'You see my love,'
I sat up, pushed the bed covers off, and slipped out of bed making sure not to wake Kakashi. I padded towards the bedroom window peeling the curtains back and peering out into the dark somber night.
'You'll never be capable of taking my life.'
I sat on the windowseat, leaning my hot florid skin against the cool glass. Kakashi stirred behind me, the bed covers rustling, the muscles in his bare back flexing as he rolled over in his sleep.
'Never'
I was too afraid. Much weaker than I thought. Destined to sit and wait out the morning's arrival. Too afraid to lose myself to the darkness behind closed eyelids and the one recurring dream that might dare to come true.
Okay, so there it is. Ha, liked it? For those of you guys who are sitting there thinking WTF?! originally I had planned for Orochimaru to touch Anko suggestively as a way of being more menacing. But as I was writing it I thought hey...what if they actually had a love affair at one point in their relationship. Twisted, huh? Too twisted? Well, my story not yours so sue me. . Also if the exchange between Orochimaru and Anko seemed a little far fetched, thats because it was in her dream. And if you're wondering why Anko woke up and Kakashi was randomly in her bed its because I am an avid KakaAnko fan! :). So yeah...I think that about covers everything that I needed to explain...so...hope you liked!