Frodo in Middle-Earth
Disclaimer: I do not ownLord of the Rings or Catcher in the Rye, and I shall not pretend that I do, so don't sue me!
Minerva's Note: I disapprove of the language in this parody. I only wrote it in this manner because it is how Holden speaks in The Catcher in the Rye.
It's a pretty depressing story, if you want to know the truth. It all started when I inherited Uncle Bilbo's ring.
Uncle Bilbo is a good guy. I mean, he's not phony or anything. Anyway, he went with these dwarves to help them get their treasure back from a dragon. A dragon for Christsake! Along the way he gets lost in this cave and meets a crummy creature that sort of wanted to eat him and he escaped by finding the creature's ring that turns you invisible. Uncle Bilbo used it to turn invisible as jokes a lot, it killed me.
So, I was telling you about what happened when I inherited the ring. Gandalf came and told me I had to take it to the elves in some place called Rivendell cause the Dark Lord was looking for it. Gandalf is a nice guy too, but he isn't someone that you can just shoot the bull with. After the meeting with the elves I wound up having to take the goddam ring to Mount Doom to destroy it so the Dark Lord could never get it. Merry, Pippin, Sam, Legolas, Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, and Gandalf came too. I liked them all except Boromir. He had this phony pride for his kingdom and all.
After a while I figured that I shouldn't let anyone come to Mt. Doom with me. There was too much dangerous stuff to get through to get there. Although, Sam insisted on coming since he's my best friend and all. I guess I would've been really lonesome without him. I don't know.
Anyway Sam and me got lost, but then Gollum (That's the name of the creature Uncle Bilbo took the ring from.) found us and offered to take us to the lousy volcano. Sam didn't want to trust him, but I wasn't in the mood to stay lost so I figured that we should listen to him. That was really a mistake. The bastard bit my finger off trying to take the ring from me, but he fell into the fire with it, so it got destroyed anyhow.
Well, then Aragorn was made king and all. Merry and Pippin sort-of went on more adventures. Sam married a helluva cute girl. I really think that Legolas and Gimli eventually went to the Grey Havens. Boromir died, if you want to know the truth. I didn't care much though. I went to the Grey Havens with, Gandalf, Uncle Bilbo, and the elves. I mean, what else was I supposed to do after that goddam depressing journey?
Minerva's Note: Well, please review and tell me what you think. Personally, I dislike this parody, however, a few of comrades like it, so I put it on here.