Character 1: Sailor Moon
Character 2: Wedding Peach
Character 3: Princess Peach
Character 4: Princess Zelda
Character 5: Lina Inverse
Character 6: Misty Waterflower
Character 7: Sakura Haruno
Setting: Cafe
Theme: Tainted Love
"So, how is the JGS today?" asked a redhead wearing a cape as she sat down at the table.
"Collectively? Good. Individually? Ugh," replied a pink haired girl wearing a red cloth headband with a plate of metal stitched on the front.
"Alright, it's one o'clock. Let's do rollcall."
"Serenity," started a platinum blonde in pigtails.
"Momoko," continued a pink haired girl with yellow ribbons in her hair.
"Peach," said a blonde with a dainty crown.
"Zelda," the only brunette replied.
"Lina," stated the redhead from before.
"Misty," continued the other redhead, who had her hair in a side ponytail.
"Sakura," finished the rosette from before.
"Alright, so we're only missing Himeko and Ahiru for this month's meeting. Hear from either of them?"
"Last I heard, Himeko had been locked in her mansion of a house with Hyate," replied Momoko.
"Ahiru turned into a duck again, and Fakir won't let her out of his sight," deadpanned Sakura.
"Let us get started today, then," Serenity stated. "This month's topic is love." The collective groan at the table was almost unanimous.
"You can go first," Lina said to the queen. A dark expression passed over her face.
"I fell in love with a prince. He was a selfish prince, who had tossed aside his fiancee to pursue me. I didn't know that at the time. His generals, who were also his personal guard, led an attack on the Millenium Kingdom, with his fiancee at the helm. Me and him were killed. My friends, who were my personal guard, were all killed. We were reincarnated. Fast forward a thousand years and we meet once more. He's still an ass and still wanted in my pants. A year passes and we all die again. We are resurrected once more by the Silver Crystal and my wish for everything to be as it was before.
"My daughter from the far future appears and annoys the crap out of me. Prince Diamond then appears, kidnaps and woos me, Endymion could have cared less, and I end up dumpnig his ass. We got rid of Wiseman and Diamond went back to the future after I promised him that I would let him court me, along with coming back to the past whenever Small Lady ventured back. Thousands of years later, I'm happily married to a man who puts his people first, I have a beautiful daughter who's almost ready to take the mantle of Queen, and Endymion is still groveling at my feet, begging for my forgiveness.
"I fell in love with a Devil," Momoko started. "And I'm an Angel."
". . .is that it?" Sakura asked.
"Yup! That's basically it. We fell in love, even in our human forms, though I couldn't stand him sometimes, and eventually, he was able to control his Devil side. Once, before then, when he Devil side had taken over, he had even protected me from a particularly vicious attack. Granted, he then kidnapped me and held me in a small room for several days, but it all turned out for the best. If that's not love, I don't know what it."
"Sounds kinky to me," Lina replied. "How was the sex?" Momoko blushed red.
"I don't know about her, but oh my god, if you can score a dangerous S-class missing-nin, do it," Sakura breathed, aroused. The table went silent. "I fell in love with the younger brother when I was five. Pursued him all through the academy until we were twelve and was ignored the whole time. He runs away and three years later, her tries to kill my brother."
"Not Naruto!" came the disapproval of all the females at the table.
"I know, right? I punched Sasuke in the face for that one. But anyway, Itachi, the older brother, kidnapped me, thinking I could be bait for Naruto AND Sasuke. I had demolished the Akatsuki base before the boys even knew I was gone.
After that, Itachi constantly stalked me, and oh my god, that was the best sex I have ever had!" She got some inquisitive looks, but no interruptions. "Itachi fights Sasuke, I bring Itachi back from the brink of death, Sasuke wants to destroy Konoha for slaughtering his clan, and Itachi won't let me out of his sight. According to the village, I'm on a mission to 'improve foreign relations.' He's on the roof right now." The table was silent. Then,
"I traveled around with a jellyfish-for-brains, was convinced I was in love with him, and when a shrine maiden with big tits comes along, he divorces me, while I'm pregnant with his child, marries and has three kids with her, and then rides off into the sunset.
"I'm bitter, oh don't get me wrong, but my only consolation is that my son, Gourin, gets the Sword of Light as his heirloom," Lina stated smugly.
"I thought you said it had been locked away in another dimension," Zelda commented, taking a sip of her coffee. There was a scuffle in the kitchen behind them, but the girls just ignored it.
"It did. But about 236 years ago, when Gourin was born, Erulogos and Sirus appeared and presented us with Gorun Nova as if it was meant to be his. I'm not complaining, though. I mean, we got the Sword of Light! Anyway, Gourin was about 9 years old when I realized that I wasn't aging. It was at that time that Xellos, a mazoku, started stalking us. After a while, after protecting us, he revealed a few things. Like the fact that I'm not aging because of the Chaos magic that I wield. He's been following us because the monster race is interested in me again. And he was sent to us to remove us from the Earth for the upcoming battle.
"Me and Gourin went to Wolfpack Island, with Xellos as our guide, and my friend with benefits. The war between the dragons and humans played out. The gold dragons wanted me, and the humans couldn't tell them where I was because I wasn't there. A lot had the stupid idea to go after my sister, and she slayed them all while protecting the village. Eventually, to help them out, I made an exact clone of myself and sent her to Earth. She got slaughtered, but the gold dragons were satisfied.
"Rest of the long story short, Gourry felt sorry, we show up to collect my clone and make a mockery out of the golden dragons, and then disappear back to Wolfpack Island until my name faded into myths. We found out when Gourin turned twenty-four that, because he is my son, he gained enough magic capacity to wield Chaos magic. And because of it, he hasn't aged since.
"We separated about fifty years ago, and I'm pretty sure I have at least twenty grandchildren by now." The table was silent. "Okay, I'm done," she laughed.
"What does that have to do with love?" Misty asked. Lina shot her a glare.
"As far as I can see it, she fell in love, had a kid, got jilted, found out she's immortal, got a demon as a lover, and can basically rule the world with her son at her side. I'm game," Sakura replied.
"Well, Red," Lina started, "since you didn't think my story was good enough, you tell us yours!" Misty flushed, then mumbled something. "What was that?"
"I said," Misty stated, her temper flaring up, "that I fell in love with one of my challengers. After three years of traveling with him, I had to go back to my gym, and he easily replaces me with younger girls. I tried to forget about him, and then Tylonel, the mafia boss of my region's daughter, and the younger Professor Oak shows up at my doorstep, offering to have me travel with them. I had enough trainers up to my standard that I could leave the gym once more. One thing led to another and I'm now in a healthy relationship with two people."
"You lying, cheating little—" Lina got cut off.
"It's a threesome." Momoko, Peach, and Lina all flushed. "Peach, Zelda, you're next." If possible, Peach flushed a darker shade of red.
"I'm a princess of a mushroom kingdom, I get 'kidnapped' by a king, and saved by a plumber." Peach used airquotes. "What Mario doesn't realize is that I take trips into the Koopa kingdom because I am queen there, just like Bowser can come to my kingdom freely because he is king there." There was silence at the table.
"Oh my god, you're into beastiality!" No one knew exactly who said it, but it had been said.
". . .Link's a boy distracted by side-quests and shiny objects. Ganondorf is nothing but courteous to me. . ." Zelda suddenly said.
The silence ensued.
"Damn, you guys beat me," pouted Lina. Her words broke the tension and everyone at the table started to giggle. The rest of the hour was spent on small talk, and then, one by one, each woman's significant other (or others, in the case of Misty), came to pick them up. Peach left by getting a ride upon the Koopa King's shoulder, Zelda and Misty were about to walk out with dignity at her man's side, along with Momoko, Lina had been teleported out in a spiraling black cone, Sakura had been flung over Itachi's shoulder (much to her chagrin), and Serenity disappeared in a flash of white light.
The waitress finally approached their table and realized one important detail.
"Hey! They didn't pay!"