Pain stalked down the hallways of the Akatsuki lair, happily humming to himself. He had laid off the paperwork for a bit, enjoying his long awaited break. And what was better than checking up on his daycare-wait, no, worldwide most wanted S-ranked criminal group.
He just prayed to himself that no one had been killed off again.
First stop.
Peeking his eyeball through the crack of the opening of the door, Pain peered into the room of Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigaki Kisame. The younger was reading, but apparently could not see the characters on the pages very well, as he kept squinting and scrunching his face. The sword-wielding shark, man, whatever Kisame truly was, appeared to be taking care of Samehada. Pain hoped that he wouldn't use it to kill Itachi. Then again, they had worked as partners for q uite a while, and they were probably the team with the least amount of communication and working together problems, minus Konan and himself. Hidan and Kakuzu couldn't even be considered compared to them.
At least there was still some hope left in the organiszation.
As Pain reached the second room, he heard squeaks from the bed. Seriously, if Deidara was jumping on that bed again, he was not going to fix the springs again. However, as he leaned himself closer toward the closed door, he heard the squeaks getting louder and faster. And also, something else. Well rather, someone else.
"Aah!"
Suddenly, a high pitched scream came from the room.
"Danna! Uuuuuuuun! No, no, that hurts, un!"
Pain's eyes widened.
"Grow a pair, Deidara. You've had shit hurt much more than this."
"I wouldn't be complaining if you could actually understa-"
Deidara let out another scream again, and the bed creaked.
"OOOOWWWW! Uuuun!"
"Quit overreacting, brat."
"But it's damn big, Danna! That's why it hurts! You wouldn't understand unless you're the one taking it!"
"That's not why it hurts. Quit acting like a girl."
"This-ow, is-ow, is, fucking assault, un!"
Pain's hand tightened on the knob. To open or not.
"Danna, I'm not kidding! Stop just for a second!"
Oh, for my sake.
Pain opened the door with quite force. If Sasori and Deidara were in the middle of consensual or non-consensual innuendoes, he could not give a godly ball's shit. He was not changing those sheets, and he was not fixing bed springs for the love of himself.
However, when he opened the door, two fully-clothed artists turned toward him. Sasori was towering over Deidara with a giant-ass pillow in hand, and the younger was kneeling, attempting to hide behind a smaller pillow.
"Oh, hi Pain-in-the-ass."
"Oh hi, it's just you, un."
Pain just loved the welcomes.
"So...what do you need?"
Pain walked out silently, wondering why he chose to run a daycare rather than a criminal organization.