Disclaimer:
See the FanFiction PageThanks: I want to thank my beta Elaine. I promise you to reduce the use of commas in further stories… *g*
Dedication: This story is dedicated to all Blair Babes out there. See, I can do Blair Owies . Okay, I *had* to put some Jim Owies in it. Can't help myself, I'm addicted to them!
Especially, I want to dedicate this one to Chance, Mishale, Doreen, Bluebeetle, Brain and - last but not least - Kiddy (all but one are Blair Babes ). We spent a great time together in Frankfurt and I hope to see you all again soon! I hope you like this one
But now, the story.
Pay attention to the POV. It's changing once from Jim's POV to Blair's POV.
The Sentinel
- Crashed -
I've been following the sound of the sirens of the ambulance for five minutes,
not really knowing what I would find there. I know only one thing - Blair is
hurt.
This morning I woke up and had this strange feeling. Somehow I knew that something was wrong with my Guide, though I didn't know what. This feeling remains and I just can't ignore it.
Blair was supposed to be at the U, while I took some days off because of a
bug that got me. Normally I wouldn't call in sick because of flu, but this time
I feel really bad. Knowing that Blair would need me I try to fight the
increasing nausea.
Subconsciously, I'm scanning for Blair's heartbeat. There. I recognize it. The
heartbeat of my friend. It is weak and irregular. I have to hurry. I put the
siren on, pass the fire engine and follow the sound of the heartbeat. Oh god
Blair, what happened?
Desperately, I drive as fast as I can, ignoring the growing headache and my own aching and fever-weakened body. Just a few minutes later I can see it. In front of me. A car crash. Though it is damaged badly , I recognize Blair's green Volvo. Some paramedics are standing around the wreck and seem to be helpless. I increase speed a bit more, pushing Sweetheart to her limits, heedless of speed limits or other vehicles. Finally I make it there. I get out off the truck and run over to the wreck involving Blair's car. It's been raining all day and it seems as if Blair lost control over his car and crashed into another one. The driver of the other car seems to be okay, but Blair.... It looks like they can't get him out of the wreck - not before the department's crash truck arrives.
"Let me see Blair!" I yell at the paramedic, who wants to hold me back.
"Sorry, no civilians allowed here."
"I'm Detective James Ellison and the young man in the wrecked car is Blair Sandburg, my partner. He needs me now and I'm not going to let you stop me."
The man must have seen the mixture of pure anger and fear in my eyes, because now he steps out of the way.
"Blair. Oh my god. can you hear me?" I'm almost running to the car
wreckage and what I see is blood. A lot of blood. The smell overwhelms
me and I have to concentrate hard on Blair's heartbeat, otherwise I would
have zoned on the smell
Finally I get there. Blair is trapped between the seat and the dashboard in an
awful position. At least he's awake and I can talk to him. The paramedics
put an oxygen mask on his face so it's easier for him to breathe.
"Blair. Can you hear me?" I ask again, taking his hand in mine. "Squeeze my hand."
He squeezes. Good.
"Do you know me? Squeeze once for yes, twice for no." One squeeze. Thank god. I try to fight against the tears in my eyes, but I don't succeed. They're running freely down my face - mixing with the raindrops on my skin.
"Hold on Blair. Help's on the way. Fire rescue will be here any minute, then they'll get you out and to a hospital."
Carefully I'm moving my hand over his body, but I can't really tell how seriously Blair's injured. Some broken bones, but there may be internal injuries I can't sense. He's shivering, maybe from the cold, maybe from shock. I guess it's from the shock because he's not speaking - not even trying to.
Somehow Blair manages to open his eyes - and I look into blue orbs full of fear. I give him a weak smile and stroke a strand of hair out of his face, trying to reassure my friend.
"Shhh. Everything will be okay soon, Blair. Just be calm, okay?"
I feel his grip at my hand tighten and his eyes are widening. Instantly, I turn around and can see the firemen arriving.
"It's okay, Blair. They'll get you outta here real soon"
Blair's eyes are pleading. He wants me to stay, to hold his hand.
"Okay." I say. "I'll stay with you. I won't leave you, ever."
Sandburg nods slightly.
"Sir. We need for you to step aside so we'll have room to work. Please sir,
move out of the way." The fireman tells me.
I can hear Blair's breathing becoming faster and his heart hammering against
his chest.
"Can't you just work around me? Blair gets panic attacks sometimes and he needs to know that I'm here with him."
"Okay, sir. We'll try to. But if we can't get him out, you have to move out of the way, understood?"
"Thanks."
Blair looks questioningly at me and I nod. "It's okay, Blair. I
won't go anywhere. I'll stay with you. I promise."
The firemen use the Jaws to pry open the crumpled door and then to pry the
dashboard away from Sandburg's body. The paramedics moved in, stabilizing
his neck with a C-collar then carefully shifted him onto a backboard.
They load him onto a stretcher and immediately move Blair into the ambulance. I ride with him and flinch inside every time I look into those pain-filled eyes. I really wish I could ease his pain just as he's helped me every time I'm in pain. I stroke his forehead, trying to soothe him.
My clothes are soaked with cold rain and Blair's blood and I'm shivering - trying to hide it from the paramedics, because I don't want to end up in the hospital as a patient myself. I can feel Blair's still shivering, too and again I look at him. He looks awful. Blair's covered in blood and definitely hurting, but at least he's conscious and breathing. The whole way to the hospital I just sit there, looking into my friend's face, blue eyes locked on blue. We arrive at the hospital and immediately they take Blair to the ER but don't let me stay with him.
Sitting down in the waiting area, I bury my face in my hands. The tears are running freely down my face. My body's shaking, I can't stop sobbing. I don't know how long I sit here, but after a while Simon arrives. He doesn't say a word, just lays his hand on my back.
"He'll be okay, Jim. The kid's strong."
"Yeah. I know. It's just..."
"I know, Jim. You don't want to lose him. But you won't. Not today. Not yet."
"But today I was very close to losing him."
~~~~~
Right after Blair's surgery I go to his room. At least, he doesn't have to be in the ICU and he's not hooked up to a ventilator. He's breathing on his own, that's a good sign.
Doctor Stone assured me that Sandburg is going to be alright. Blair has been lucky -considering what damage could have been done. Three broken ribs, a broken leg, a minor skull fracture and some pretty deep cuts. He has a bruised kidney and bruised lungs, but they will heal. Blair is hooked up to some monitors and an IV and is wearing an oxygen tube under his nose. His leg is in a large cast and the cuts - mostly on his face and arms - are bandaged. Though they were deep, they won't leave any scars.
Instinctively, I take his hand and hold it against my cheek. It feels cold, but
that's not because he's cold, but because my face is so hot. Seems my fever
has increased. Not unusual, considering the fact that I was kneeling in the
street with cold rain pouring down on me. But I don't care. The only thing
that counts is that Sandburg gets well, soon.
I sit here, holding his hand for about thirty minutes, just now realizing that
my stomach's protesting. The last thing I ate was some soup this morning.
And now it's five in the evening.
I was never good with those emotional things and so I just don't know what
to say or do. I just sit here, holding Blair's hand, watching him breathe,
listening subconsciously to his heartbeat. A strong and steady rhythm, now.
I can hear a nurse walking towards Blair's room and just a few seconds later,
she steps in. She's a small woman, about 55, wearing glasses.
"Detective Ellison, you look like hell. You really should get some rest. It might be a good idea to have a doctor take a look at you."
"No. I don't want to leave Blair alone. I need to be with him when he wakes up."
"That will take a while. The sedation won't wear off for the next three hours. We can arrange a bed for you here in Blair's room, so you can be with him when he wakes up. I'll page Dr. Stone so he can examine you."
I nod. To be honest, I'm not feeling that well. "Okay. As long as I can stay here."
"Good. Wait here. I'll call the doctor and get you a hospital gown."
I nod again and then she walks out of the door, leaving me alone with my injured friend.
After I've watched the still figure on the bed for a while - not sensing any sign that Blair's going to wake up - Doctor Stone steps in.
"Good evening, detective." He greets me, handing me one of those silly hospital gowns.
I want to thank him, but a coughing fit steals my breath. Suddenly I break out in a cold sweat and my vision begins to blur. I sway and the last thing I notice are the strong hands of the doctor who's easing me to the bed next to Sandburg's.
~~~~~
Pain. Incredible pain every time I take a breath. I don't have to open my eyes to know where I am. Cascade General. I remember everything that happened, the crash and the pain, Jim holding my hand all the way down to the hospital. But something's wrong. Jim. Where's Jim? He's supposed to be here. I know he would stay here at my side. Slowly I open my eyes - looking into Simon's face.
"Good morning, Sandburg. How are you?"
"Simon, where's Jim?" I croak.
Instinctively, I move my head to the right. And there I can see my friend. Lying unconscious and bathed in sweat in a hospital bed, with an IV in his left arm and an oxygen tube under his nose. I can feel my heart pounding heavier against my chest.
"Simon, what happened to him?" I ask.
"Blair, calm down. It's nothing serious. Jim's flu got worse and just as the doctor began to examine him, he passed out. His fever was up to 106. They have him on antibiotics and he's responding quite well to it. Last time, they checked, his fever went down to 102. They sedated him to get some rest."
"God, Simon. Why do things like this always happen to us? Why are we alwaysso close to losing each other?"
"Two words: trouble magnets." Simon smiles at me ruefully.
I try to smile back, but this is sooo not funny. It would be, if it was a damn movie, but these are *our* lives! I'm tired of it. But what would be the alternative? A life without Jim? No. That's definitely not what I want! I'll stay with him, and if this means risking my life every day, then so be it!
"Sandburg, everything's okay?" Simon asks with a worried look on his face and I realize that I haven't said a word for a couple of minutes.
"Yeah. I was just thinking."
"I better leave you alone, you need to rest."
I want to contradict, but all I can do is yawn. That's not helping.
"Good night, Sandburg. I'll come back in a few hours." He says and heads towards the door.
"Good night."
~~~~~
I wake up, because I thought there was somebody calling me. I look at my friend and he's still laying there, eyes closed.
"Blair?"
There it is again. Only a whisper, but this time I'm sure that it's Jim. I look again and now Jim's smiling at me weakly.
"Jim? Are you okay?"
"That's what I'm supposed to ask you. You're the one who was in a car wreck."
"I'll be okay. But what about you? You can consider yourself lucky that you didn't develop pneumonia."
He looks a bit confused. "What happened?"
"After you stayed with me out there in the cold rain, and then came straight to the hospital with me in your soaked and cold clothes your fever shot up to 106 and you collapsed just as the doctor started to examine you."
"Great. Just great." He croaks. "That's exactly not what I wanted - to end up in a hospital."
Jim's still bathed in sweat and very pale, but the doctor's said that he's got through the worst.
"It won't be too boring for me, this way." I answer, smiling at him widely.
"You know what, Sandburg? I'm kinda glad to be here with you. And heaven knows I really don't want to lose you. This afternoon when you were in surgery I realized how close I was to losing you. I'm sorry."
"For what?" I ask, confused.
"For everything I did to you. Guess, I still owe you an explanation why I reacted the way I did that day your dissertation was published."
"Jim. You don't have to." I interrupt him.
"No. I have to tell you, Blair. I was afraid of losing you forever. I thought, when you finished your diss, you'd leave me, because there would be no reason for you to stay at my side. And I didn't want to be left alone again and so I got really angry with you. That was stupid, I know, but I thought, it would be better to break with you first, so the loss won't hurt me that much. You know, everybody in my life's left me - my mom, dad, Steven, Carolyn, even my Ranger unit died - so I couldn't believe you'd stay. I mean, since I've known, I've never wanted to be alone again. I think you should know, that I wasn't angry at you because you didn't change my name, or because you didn't let me read your diss before you published it. I just don't want you to leave me."
Suddenly I feel my eyes watering. Hell, I didn't know! That explains everything. His behavior when Alex 'appeared'. He must've thought he'd lose me because I'd found another sentinel. Or his behavior when I finished the introduction of my diss. Again, the same fear. It's all about fear.
"Jim. You'd really thought I would leave you?"
"Yeah. It's just... everybody leaves me. Guess I could have trusted you a little more, huh?"
"Jim. I tell you what: I. Won't. Leave. You. -EVER. Understood?"
"Yeah." He's smiling at me - one of his brilliant, warm as sunshine smiles that say: I trust you. I wish I could touch him now, but our beds are too far apart.
Yes. I will never leave him. That's what I promise him and myself.
THE END
Author's note: No. This story just wasn't planned to end like this. I planned
a humorous ending. Well. you see. after I wrote half of it, the story
started to "tell" me which way to go, and every time I wrote something
else, it demanded from me to change that paragraph. I was helpless, I guess.
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