Do you know what its like to feel like you want to end your life? Do you know what its like to feel like you plague the lives of everyone you hold close to your heart? That feeling is not easy to live with and to some, its unbearable. In my life I have learned that time cannot mend all wounds, and trust is difficult to earn once you've broken that bond. I've learned that life is cruel and punishes you in the worst of ways.
The weight in your chest that you have to bear and live with for the rest of your life hurts, and in the back of your mind, you always think about how you could have changed the outcome. What hurts most is knowing that nothing will ever be the way it used to. It can never be like it never happened, because it did happen. You wish that you could go back in time and change the things you did, take back the things you said, and make other decisions.
I would change a lot in my life, but I am the woman I am today for a reason. My mistakes, the tragedy, the loss and the suffering in my life have made me I am today. The problem is, I can't live with ME anymore. I know that every pure or innocent person I come near gets hurt, because of me. I can't do anything right. Not then, not now, not ever. But there won't be an ever for me, because this is it. All of my pain and suffering will come to an end, and hopefully the same will happen for everyone else. Because by the end of today, Emily Prentiss will be no more. Emily Prentiss will just be a name with no face to match. Emily Prentiss will no longer exist. I will no longer exist.
There is still so much I wish I could have said, so many things I wish I would have done. I wish I told him what he meant to me all those years ago when we met. I wish we could have had a life together. But we didn't and we can't. Because I know in the end that I will just hurt him and myself, and I can't deal with that. I've already dealt with so much in my life in silence, and I feel as if all of the emotional barriers I've made for myself are crashing down on me tenfold. Let me tell you, it sucks...
All of my pain and suffering will come to an end, and hopefully the same will happen for everyone else. Because by the end of today, Emily Prentiss will be no more. Emily Prentiss will just be a name with a face. Emily Prentiss will no longer exist. I will no longer exist.