Title: Hidden Feelings
By: Sharon Doyle
Started: October 7th 2002 Finished: October 21st 2002
"You'll never guess who that was," I said as we closed the doors on the patrol car, I certainly didn't want any extra ears listening in on this piece of news.
"Who?" asked Evan.
"Maggie Doyle."
"Don't be so bloody ridiculous Tess, she's dead, you know the story as well as I do," he scoffed.
"It's Maggie Doyle," I repeated.
"You've got to be joking."
I knew exactly how he felt, we'd heard all about Maggie over the years and to now know she was alive was strange, strangest thing I'd ever had to face - she was like the walking dead. How the hell was PJ going to deal with it? And then there was the Keeley factor.
I really don't like Keeley, nothing I can quite put my finger on, she's a good copper, plays by the rules but only when it suits her. She's manipulative, hiding behind some sort of mask, especially when PJ's around. It's not just a man-eater thing because she can't stand working with Josh - oh no, junior connie way below her standard. It's PJ, when he's around she's the sweetest thing, butter wouldn't melt and when he's not, the sarcasm flows freely. I reckon I'm going to need to keep an eye on Keeley now Maggie's back.
"Josh, any luck on those stolen gnome figurines yet?" I asked as soon as we returned to the station.
"Nah, Boss, kinda weird don't ya reckon, old Mrs Guthrie having a family of gnomes in her front garden?"
"Josh, you know the history, Mrs Guthrie's cat died, someone gave her a gnome to keep her company, gnomes magically reproduce, it's good luck, but when one goes missing, well it's bad luck - of course she's upset. Country policing Josh, it's all about people," I found myself sprouting some of the Boss' words of wisdom.
"Hey Tess, where'd ya get that line from?" yelled out PJ. He was in the kitchenette making coffee, Keeley as usual hovering nearby.
"Enough of the cheek Detective, I'll have you know."
"Yeah, yeah Tess, poor old Joshie's been with us long enough to have heard all the Boss lines, you're gonna have to come up with some original stuff," joked Evan as PJ went back into his office closing the door behind him.
"Don't you realise this is a police station, no messing around," Keeley contributed in her highly officious manner.
"Blah, blah, blah," Josh mimicked behind her back, earning a huge laugh from Ben and Evan.
"What?" Keeley spun round. "Oh you think you're so funny, bunch of juvenile idiots in a hick town."
"That's enough, Senior Constable, all right everyone back to work, enough of the frivolities," I really didn't like the dissension Keeley created amongst the team, it wasn't the way I wanted my station to work. "Evan my office."
"Evan my office," muttered Keeley under her breath sarcastically.
"Just shut up Keeley, she's a cool boss."
"Typical, what would you know, you're just a kid."
"I said that's enough Senior, now if you have a problem we can discuss it, otherwise back to work. All of you," I issued the instructions, indicated for Evan to follow me and closed the door behind us.
It hadn't been long, three months and two days to be exact and now I was the Boss. It was weird getting used to being called Boss, instead of Sarg. I liked my team, all bar Keeley of course. Ben was Ben, more settled and happy now that he was with Siobhan, Josh, nice guy, straight out of the academy, he knew how to treat the girls and they loved him for it, he was honest and reliable, instinctively I knew he'd make a bloody good copper one day - right now he was still learning.
And then there was Evan, we'd been married just over a year, the transition was a little tricky initially, colleagues to lovers, but we managed it without wanting to kill each other too many times. Don't know how many extra grey hairs we gave the boss though, but deep down I knew he was happy for us. Rusty, Inspector Falcon-Price wasn't very impressed, questioned us both thoroughly, together and apart, letting us know that even the tiniest indiscretion or problem between us and one of us would be transferred. The Boss assured him that he would keep his eye on both of us.
"Tess?" Evan asked startling me from my reverie.
"Yeah," I drawled, not really paying any attention.
"You wanted me, I mean, you know I love keeping you company but hey you're the Boss now, can't be seen by Keeley to be fraternising," he laughed at his own joke.
"Yeah sorry, tonight, can you go out?" I asked.
"Huh, you mean you don't want the pleasure of my company," he stood behind me massaging my shoulders.
"You know I do," I leant back letting him drop a quick kiss on my lips. "It's just that Maggie's coming over, you don't mind giving us some space do you? I told her you wouldn't."
"Alright, just for you, now I better get back to work before my senior sergeant tells me to clean the cells," another kiss, this one a little more passionate and he was gone. I faintly heard more good-natured ribbing through the door; I wondered when it would all settle down. Not that I minded really, one big happy family - except Keeley, the black sheep.
***
Maggie was at our place right on six thirty. She sat on the sofa, I sat next to her in the chair, it was a little awkward but I guess that was only to be expected. As we talked, just general chit chat, the weather, mutual Mt. Thomas acquaintances, we ate the take away Evan had left for us.
"What was London like Maggie?"
"Cold," she laughed. "It wasn't home, more just a place I stayed for a while, never felt really comfortable there."
"And you've been back how long?"
"Six months. When I was in London I studied, Bachelor of Arts, Bachelor of Education, so when I got back I took a job teaching in Fairfield. Not really sure what I want to do now," Maggie pondered.
"Tell me all about it Maggie, tell me what happened, I have to know."
"I come from a family of coppers Tess, Dad, my brothers Robbie and Mick. I found out Robbie was using, heroin, he came clean for a brief spell then got suckered back in again. It was a tough time for all of us."
I nodded sympathetically, knowing how much drugs can affect your life, Maggie really wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know.
"Anyway, Dad found out that a copper was supplying the drugs to Robbie, PJ sussed it out as well and as I got closer to finding out they tried to stop me, didn't work though. I found vital evidence implicating a string of coppers in the ring and the rest as they say is history. Witness sorted it out, I don't know how, it was far too quick for me, I was out of the country within 4 hours, no time to think, no time for anything."
"Maggie, I don't really 'know' you. I do know that PJ loved you and that the Boss thought very highly of you, but I need to verify everything you've told me for myself. You do understand, don't you?" For my own peace of mind I had to clarify things, I guessed that Maggie wouldn't lie, but I couldn't take that chance.
"I understand Tess and if the situation was reversed, I know I would be doing the same thing. Please, though before you talk to Witness, tell me about PJ," Maggie pleaded.
"PJ is fine Maggie. Work keeps him busy, the pub at night, you know how it is," I was somewhat evasive, neglecting to mention that my senior constable was trying to get her hooks into him.
Somehow Maggie picked up on my tone, ""Should I leave town now, Tess?"
"No, just give me some time. Let me talk to Witness and then we'll talk again. Have you got a mobile number I can contact you on?"
It confused me a little, why Maggie would make contact with me, instead of Chris or the Boss, let's face it she didn't know me at all, didn't make sense. "Why me Maggie? Why not Ben or the Boss?" I asked.
"I dunno Tess, really I don't, the last few days have been impulsive to say the least. I have no plan Tess, no rhyme or reason to dictate why I'm even here and why I felt like I wanted to speak to you, sometimes you just have to listen to your heart and bugger the consequences, do you know what I mean?"
I smiled, understanding completely, Evan and I would never be together if I'd continued to listen to my head instead of my heart.
"Tess, why is it that every time I mention PJ, you or Chris both clam up? Please Tess, put yourself in my shoes."
The question surprised me, we'd moved on from PJ but I guess he was uppermost in Maggie's mind, "You want my honesty Maggie?" she nodded. "Maggie, for the first two years of my posting PJ never looked at any woman, at least not in my presence. Then, and I don't want you to be hurt by this okay, then Ben's sister Liz arrived in town. They had a connection from the instant they met. She's a lawyer, opposite sides the case a few times, but they worked through that."
"Are they still together?"
"Nah," I said shaking my head. "It didn't last long, Liz went back to Melbourne and then PJ and Jo got together, took us all by surprise."
"Jo? You're kidding me, right?" Maggie seemed a little dumbfounded.
"Was on and off for a while, you know how it is, then something major happened, a few people got hurt, next thing Jo's requesting a transfer, I asked her why but she wouldn't go into details, just that she wouldn't be anybodies left overs, make of that what you want Maggie. Look, I'll just ring Evan, make sure PJ isn't at the pub for you." Impulsively I hugged her, it felt right, "Take care, Maggie. I'm sure it'll all work out. Speak to you tomorrow."
Grabbing my phone book and the phone I plonked down on the sofa the moment Maggie left, finding the number I wanted, I punched it into the phone, "Adrian, hi, Tess Gallagher.yeah has been a while.look mate I'm after some info from Witness."
Nearing the completion of the call, my mobile rang, "Got to go Adrian, my mobile's ringing, yeah.thanks for that." I disconnected the call and pressed the button to answer my mobile, "Hi, what! I'll be right there," grabbing my jacket and keys I headed straight out, slamming the door behind me.
"Hey," Evan muttered reaching out to pull me into his arms as soon as I got into bed, "how was she?"
"Maggie's ok," I replied snuggling deeper into his embrace. "She knows all about Keeley now."
"That."
"Yeah yeah, I know what you think of her," I giggled quietly, a private joke. "How was PJ, when you got him home?"
"Quiet, didn't say much, we had a drink, then he went to bed, I think he's still trying to get his head round it."
"Mmm, probably right. Something like this makes you appreciate how lucky we are, doesn't it?" I asked giving Evan a kiss.
"Thinking the same thing, I love you Tess, even though you can't cook the gourmet meals my mum used to serve up."
I laughed, "you're an idiot, but I love you too."
***
"Pulease guys, too much for this time in the morning," PJ protested when he walked into the kitchen the next day to find us arms wrapped around each other.
Evan leant down placing a hard kiss on my lips, "Woman, get me my breakfast!" he demanded playfully.
"Yeah woman, and while you're at it, get mine too," PJ joined in.
"You've got to be joking," I laughed along with them. "PJ, it's all there," I indicated the cereal and bread on the bench, "I'll make you a coffee though, see I am nice."
We sat at the table, PJ and Evan wolfing down more toast than I would've thought possible. I nursed my coffee wondering whether to bring the subject of Maggie up, I needn't have worried.
"Did Maggie say anything else last night Tess?" he asked quietly.
"Not really, nothing more than what you already know, how you feeling about it all now mate?"
"I loved her, she died, I mourned her and now she's alive, how am I supposed to feel? Apart from glad she's alive of course, it's weird Tess."
"PJ, being a copper, you know how witness works, doesn't that make it a little easier to understand?" Evan asked.
"Yeah understand, the head understands why and how, the logistics of it all, but.I dunno it's just weird," he tried to explain but I could see it wasn't easy.
"Guys, I have to go get ready for work," I moved away from the table, coming back to lean in closer to both of them. "Umm, the sinks over there, detergent underneath, tea towel in the draw," I laughed wandering off to our bedroom.
***
"Ben my office," I issued as soon as he'd completed the morning readout.
"Yeah Tess, what is it?"
"Take a seat Ben, I think you're gonna need one," I waited till he was seated. "This isn't going to be easy for you to comprehend, only way for me to say it is to come straight out with it."
"Tess? What's going on?" he asked, confused.
"Ben, night before last, Maggie Doyle arrived back in Mt."
"Maggie.Tess, Maggie is dead," he interrupted.
"Maggie's been on Witness Protection Ben, she's not dead, she's here, in Mt. Thomas, at the Imperial."
I explained the situation to Ben, noting the confusion seem to abate as the story became clear.
"Ben, I'll give you some space, you can go and see Maggie as soon as you want, take as much time as you need," I closed the door quietly on Ben.
***
"Okay, Ben is going to be out of the station for a while, any problems see me," I watched their faces intently - Josh and Evan obviously had no problem with that, Keeley was another matter.
"I'll just see if PJ needs me for anything," she muttered walking away.
"I don't think so Senior, if I remember rightly you're off on patrol with Josh."
"Great, three years at uni and I'm a glorified babysitter."
"Senior, locker room, now!" I slammed the door after her.
"Your attitude I leaves a lot to be desired Senior, I'm assuming you will at some stage apply for promotion, well let me tell you now, change your attitude or don't bother - because you'll get nowhere. Back to work Senior." She left the locker room, I sank down onto the seat, sighing deeply - Keeley was proving to be a hard nut to crack.
***
"Oi, shove over," he growled in my ear. I always hogged the bed and the doona and he always complained, but it was all in fun.
"Aww, do I have to?" I whined. My head was fuzzy, even with my eyes closed it was spinning, way too much alcohol. "You really want me to move?"
"Nah," he replied wrapping me in his arms. "So, you made me work for you, did you?" he began to gentle tickle my waist, I knew what was coming.
"No, Evan, nooooo, don't," I squealed, as the ticking became too much to bear.
"Make me," he taunted, "go on, you want me to stop, you're gonna have to pay."
I giggled the coffee he made earlier having little effect on the alcohol still playing havoc in my body. Any threats were forgotten as he turned me to face him, our lips met and the rest of the world faded away.
***
"So I can count on you guys to be there?" Chris asked.
We were all there, well Ben, PJ, Evan and I. Josh wasn't rostered on and Keeley, well, it was none of her concern.
"Anything we can do Chris?" PJ asked.
"If you could ring Nick and Jo, Dash is OS so she can't come and anyone else you can think of. Can you spare me your hubby for a few hours this arvo Tess, set up and stuff?"
"Awww Chrissy, you always want my body," Evan laughed as I playfully tapped him on the arm.
"Get out of here Jonesy, that young un Josh, he's coming in close, mate. Okay, so that's about it, remember be there by seven."
***
It was amazing; everyone that Maggie knew turning up to welcome her home. Chris would've been busy all day to organise this at such short notice.
"Jo, hows Melbourne?" I asked, she was standing with Tom and Grace.
"Great Tess, I've done the detective's course since I last spoke to you," she smiled, "Been a while hasn't it?"
"Could say that, have we spoken since the wedding?"
"Nah, don't think so, time goes by so quickly. By the way," she reached out to pat my stomach, "any little Tess and Jonesy's on the horizon?" I laughed, "I don't think so, I'm too busy being senior sergeant now."
"And doing a damn fine job too," Tom added, he turned away as Chris called for his attention.
"Allright everyone, Chris has just gone to get Maggie, she's coming so let's keep things quiet," called out Tom.
Instantly the room was silent. Maggie came into the room, her shock evident, her eyes looked round at everyone once, then searched again a second time; I knew she would be looking for PJ.
"He'll be here," I reached up to whisper in Maggie's ear.
"How'd you know?"
"Cos I've been where you are, searching the room for the one person you want to be there and they're not. Stupid, stupid games I've played.ahhh but it doesn't matter now - I've got my man."
"Yeah well, your man is here now, the one who used to be mine isn't," she muttered forlornly.
"He will be, now go and get a drink, just one mind, not having a repeat of last night."
We laughed together, so loudly a few people looked our way to see what was so uproariously funny, it only made us laugh more.
"Hey, you two, one's your limit," yelled out Evan from the other side of the room.
"S'not like you to have more than a couple Tess," came a voice from behind us.
I felt his breath on the back of my neck, heard his voice, felt myself freeze, unable to function as my past walked back into my life. I'd never thought of what might happen if Jack and I came face to face again, never actually thought it would happen, there was no reason for it to really.
I headed straight for my comfort zone, Evan. He knew me, knew what I needed and at that moment it was his arms wrapped around me, that feeling of safety. Jack made me feel very insecure, simply his mere presence. I couldn't actually believe he was here, didn't even know anyone still kept in contact with him. My guess was Jo had told him Maggie was back. My stomach churned, an awful queasy feeling, I knew it was from anxiety.
I wanted out of there, a feeling I just had to get away, but social niceties dictated I stay a while. I stuck as close to Evan as I could without seeming paranoid, inching away from jack each time he managed to make his way closer to me. I didn't want to have to talk to him, didn't want to have to face the feelings he made me feel, some of them feelings I had no right to feel. How cold I feel anything about him after what I did, but more importantly how could he cause me pain all these years on. I truly believed only people you cared about could hurt you, and I didn't care about Jack, I loved Evan.
I couldn't be in the same room as Jack any longer, reaching up to whisper in Evans' ear and hating myself for lying to him, I slipped out on the premise of looking for PJ. In essence I suppose I wasn't lying, my intention was to head to the station to see if PJ was there, but that only covered up my need to get away.
The fresh night air was a welcome relief, cooling my flushed skin and making me feel a bit more normal, not like the whole world was looking at me wondering how I would react to seeing Jack. Ridiculous really, only two people in Mt. Thomas knew about me and Jack, Evan and PJ.
The walk to the station gave me a few minutes to ponder my reaction to Jack being back in Mt. Thomas. That I was shocked was an understatement, not surprising either, I hadn't seen him for four years. But it wasn't the shock that concerned me, rather the desire I felt to be in his arms once again, to be held by the first man I ever really loved, and yet I 'know' I loved my husband, completely. There wasn't anyway I would do anything to hurt him.
The station was almost eerily silent, I only bothered to turn on a small desk lamp, just enough for me to see. I checked PJ's office, even checked his diary to see if he had anything written there that might give me a clue as to where he was. He knew it was Maggie's party, had known all day, why would he be late for it? I didn't expect to see him or anyone coming through the door but he stood there in front of me, silent, just staring at me.
"Good to see you Tess," he muttered after a few moments.
"If you'll leave so I can lock up," I didn't look at him, scared that if I did.I don't know, maybe if I looked into his eyes I would crumble.
"Tess, please, just talk to me," Jack pleaded.
"Got nothing to say to you Jack, now if you'll get out of my way I'd like to go back to my husband."
My emphasis of the word husband was intentional; I had to make it known to him that I was a married woman, happily married.
"Not going anywhere Tess till you listen to me. Tess please."
"No, Jack. What we had was over long ago, the moment you lied to me, the moment you let another man fall to his death. We have nothing to say to each other," I spat out angrily.
"I want to say sorry Tess, I want you to know how much I'm sorry for the hurt I caused you."
I could hear his words but I paid no attention, not allowing my eyes to meet his.
"Should have thought of that before Jack."
"I'm sorry, it wasn't something I planned, I don't know what was in my head at the time. If I could take it back I would, but I can't. You're my biggest regret Tess," he moved closer reaching out to caress my cheek. I didn't move, didn't pull away, I don't know why. "I've regretted it, every second of everyday. I loved you Tess."
My eyes were burning with unshed tears, his words making it impossible for me to hold them in any longer, "I loved you too," I whispered, "I loved you so much."
Tears coursed down my cheeks, I hadn't cried this much in a long time, life had been perfect for me. Jack comforted me, pulling me into his arms. I froze initially, feeling uncomfortable at the sudden intimacy then relaxed and melted into his embrace. I felt Jack run his fingers through my hair, felt his hands move to wander my back and still I didn't pull away. I thought of nothing, just enjoyed the pleasure of once again being in Jack's arms.
I felt Jack move slightly, "Tess, look at me, I have to tell you something."
I leaned back to look into his eyes, "Yeah," I muttered.
"You're not going to like it, and I know I don't have a right to say this, you being married an' all."
It was like a slap in the face, a bucket of cold water, a reminder that I was a married woman and that maybe I'd been sending out the wrong signals. I stepped from his arms, "No! No, Jack please don't say it. Just don't."
He continued talking, nothing was going to stop him, "I have to Tess, I came here to tell you - yeah I came to see Maggie too, but I had to see you, tell you. Tess, look at me."
Slowly I looked up into his eyes.
"I still love you Tess, always will."
"Jack I love my husband - with all my heart. I loved you, I can't deny that. It took me along time to get over you, but all that time Evan waited for me, waited till I was ready to love again. And I do love him, like I've never loved anyone before; we connect Jack, on more than one level. He 'knows' me, instinctively, knows when I need to be looked after, knows when I need to be alone. I've told him things I never thought I'd tell anyone, things so personal, he knows about you Jack, knows how much you hurt me, we share and emotional intimacy I've never had with anyone before."
"I just wanted you to know Tess, I'm sorry okay," he turned and walked from the station.
It didn't feel right, we'd talked, he'd held me in his arms. I told him how much I loved Evan and yet it still felt like unfinished business. I still felt like I did when he left, churning with emotions I had to keep hidden, feelings that I couldn't share with anyone, feelings that threatened to wreck my whole life. Seeing Jack stirred up feelings in me I thought I'd long suppressed. It didn't mean I loved Evan any less; I spoke the truth when I told Jack I loved my husband. I do, passionately, irrevocably. But Jack, seeing him again, when I least expected it, confused me.
I sat in the station for a while, the solitude giving me time to contemplate, time to reflect. Time to realise that Jack and I did have unfinished business, it wasn't just a feeling it was reality. Jack had lied to me, both as his lover and as his sergeant. He'd betrayed my trust in him, in us - sleeping with me knowing that he was living a lie. And then he was gone, arrested and sent to jail. We'd had no chance for goodbyes; the pain when he left consumed me, rendering me nearly unable to deal with life on a 'normal' basis. We'd had no chance for closure. I'd moved on, it had taken a while but I'd done it, even finding myself capable of trust again. But I couldn't forgive Jack, and seeing him only brought back the old feelings. The love, hurt, betrayal and mistrust.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when Evan tapped me on the shoulder, so tied up in my own world. He reached out, lifting my chin up with his fingers so our eyes could meet.
"You've been crying," he said concerned.
"Hold me Evan, please just hold me," I stepped into his outstretched arms, as more tears flowed down my cheeks.
"Hey, what is it? This isn't like you, Tess, what's happened?"
"Jack," I managed through my tears.
"If that bastard's hurt you in any way," Evan was instantly angry. "Tess, look at me, did he hurt you?"
"No, no, it wasn't like that. I love you Evan, you know that don't you?"
"Yes," he answered slowly, "I don't think I'm going to like what you're about to say."
"I'm confused Evan, I love you, I know that, but seeing Jack, those old feelings all come back to me. If I didn't have some sort of feelings for him he wouldn't still be able to hurt me. Does that make sense?"
I watched him nod, could see the pain in his eyes, I hated that. There was only one way to remove the pain I'd caused him. Gently I outlined his lips with my fingers, reaching up I joined my lips to his, kissing my husband with all the love I felt for him. It was a kiss full of passion, full of the love we shared, my hands held his face on either side; I deepened the kiss, allowing us the intimacy we both needed at that moment. We were both breathless when the kiss finished, gently I lay my head on his chest, his arms tightly holding me to him.
"I love you so much, Evan Jones," I whispered.
Irreverently he whispered my name, "Tess, you had me so scared then, don't ever do that to me again. I love you too."
We held each other, savouring the joy of being in each other's arms, safe in the knowledge of our love for each other. "You ready to go back?" Evan muttered into my hair after a while.
"Do we have to, can't we just go home, I'm so tired?" I asked, complaining only slightly. Truth was I was more tired than I'd ever felt before; it had been like that everyday of the last week, a chronic tiredness I couldn't escape.
"You want to check on Maggie before we go home?" Evan asked reminding me of the responsibilities I'd set for myself, knowing me so well that I would hate myself if I didn't check on her.
We made our way back to the Imperial; I stopped Evan outside the door to once again remind him of my love for him.
"Go get a hotel room you two," came a loud voice from the door of the Imperial.
We both looked up to see PJ and Maggie hand in hand, laughing, we walked off towards home, " don't think you need to worry about Maggie anymore," Evan said.
"Hmm, think you might be right," I smiled into the darkness.
***
How wrong we were, all certainly was not right, especially in Maggie and PJ's world. The fairytale homecoming had come to an abrupt end with the discovery of drugs in Maggie's room. I hadn't known her long but I was certain they weren't hers - a gut feeling, an instinct. From everything I'd read and been told about her case, there was no way Maggie Doyle would ever have drugs voluntarily in her life.
"We have a slight problem," I said middle of the next morning; Ben and I were seated on opposite sides of my desk. "Last night PJ found drugs in Maggie's room, he's taking the hard nosed approach I'm afraid, not listening to a word Maggie says, not believing in her."
"Drugs? You've got to be kidding; this is Maggie Doyle we're talking about. She wouldn't." Ben was flabbergasted.
"You don't have to convince me Ben. Now, I don't want Keeley anywhere near this one, she's not rostered on till this afternoon, so we've got a bit of time up our sleeve."
"Yeah right Tess, I'll get her helping Josh when she does get here, she won't like it but hey, what's new?? Want me to fill the others in?"
"Evan knows, we were called out last night. I want to keep this need to know only basis Ben. I don't like having to work like this Ben, but in this case I believe it's warranted."
"Yeah, I agree, right, let's get it over with," neither of us liked to keep the members out of things, it wasn't the way we worked.
I went out and sat on the corner of Evan's desk, fixing him with a glare when his hand reached out to brush against my leg.
"What?!" he whispered innocently, "I was just getting a pen."
I laughed, couldn't help myself.
"Okay," Ben began, demanding my and Evan's errant attention, "Josh continue with your 'missing gnome' investigation, I dunno maybe see if any of the neighbours have had anything taken from their gardens, Keeley can help you when she gets in this afternoon. The rest of us will be working on a, sorry Josh, need to know basis case. It's a delicate situation and I'm sure you can appreciate."
"Sarge, don't worry about it, I understand. Anyway, I reckon Snow White's taken back one of her gnomes and when I find her, well." his voice trailed off.
Evan laughed, "Prince Joshua gonna kiss his Snow White and live happily ever after."
"Right guys, I'll leave you to it," I walked to my office door turning to smile at Evan, before continuing in. I picked up the phone then sat in my chair, pondering how to handle this situation. I wanted to be Maggie's friend, I liked her, but I was a copper too. It was a fine line and one I knew which side I 'had' to stay on.
I dialed her mobile waiting for her to pick up, "Maggie, yeah hi it's Tess.how you feeling today?.Good, that's good.yeah, I know Maggie we all wish it was a bad dream, unfortunately it's not though and we do need you to come down to the station before two."
"PJ," I'd knocked on his door and entered to find him sitting at his desk, head in his hands, his eyes, when he finally looked at me, revealed the torture of sleep deprivation.
"Not a good night huh?" I asked gently.
"Could say that. Tess, it's bloody ridiculous, I 'know' her, know implicitly that she wouldn't have drugs, but there's nothing to suggest otherwise."
"Hey mate, you're jumping the gun a little, don't try so hard to be the copper, let's investigate this before you jump to conclusions. I know what you're doing."
"Yeah and what's that?" PJ asked sarcastically.
"Shutting down, afraid of being hurt, remember after Jack, I came to you, you told me I was a copper first but that sometimes the job just brings us closer together. PJ think about it, even with the evidence stacked against Jack, I wouldn't believe he was capable, I allowed myself to be hurt. You're doing the opposite, believing the worst to protect yourself."
"Whatever ya reckon," he muttered clearly unimpressed with my ponderings.
I cold see there was no point in trying to talk to him, he wasn't in the most receptive of minds, "Maggie'll be here before two. " I leant over to touch his arm, "It'll all be okay mate."
He didn't reply and I left his office, more concerned than when I entered. "Ben, I'm worried about him," I whispered, not wanting anyone else to overhear. Ben was making a cuppa in the kitchenette away from the others but I still didn't want to draw any attention to us.
"He'll be right Tess," his assurance wasn't terribly convincing.
"He's so bitter, so determined to keep being a copper, shut Maggie out."
"It's a bloke thing Tess, we're like that, don't worry about him okay, it'll all work out."
I nodded, knowing there wasn't anything more I could say, Ben was right, I guess it was a 'bloke' thing. I traipsed back into my office pulling Evan in after me. Closing the door behind us I wrapped my arms around him, "I love you, don't you ever forget it."
"Hey, what's this?" he asked wiping away the tears that had suddenly pooled in my eyes. "It's not like you to be over emotional - not that I'm complaining mind, tell me you love me anytime you want," he half laughed, I could see he was still concerned about me.
"I'm okay," I sniffled grabbing a tissue from the box on my desk - noisily I blew my nose. "You look so cute with a red nose," Evan said dropping a kiss on the top of my head.
"Humph," I pulled away from his embrace to look into his eyes, " I do love you."
"And I love you too, c'mon Tess, what's bought all this on?"
Shaking my head I muttered, "Just everything, Maggie, PJ, Jack being back. It's all too much," once again my eyes welled with unshed tears.
"Tess?" Evan questioned.
"I'm fine really, there's nothing wrong, just can't stop these stupid tears."
"Hmm, that time of the month again Tess, remind me to stay out of your way," he laughed opening the door, looking back he said quietly, "Love you really!"
Maybe he was right, maybe it was that time again, maybe I was just tired. I felt different though, I didn't usually get teary, mentally I tallied the dates, could it possibly be?
Sometime later a cacophony of noise from the main office, the phones seems to all be ringing and with PJ ensconced in his office, I guess it was up to me to answer the phone. Sighing heavily, I stood and walked to the door, taking note of the fact that PJ had come out of his office and was on a phone.
Grabbing the nearest ringing phone, I put on my best official voice, "Mt Thomas Police, Senior Sergeant Gallagher speaking.hello Mrs. Guthrie.yes we're working on it.I know it must be very distressing for you.yes Mrs. Guthrie, Constables Deakin and Bracks will be there later this afternoon.yes Mrs. Guthrie, I'm sure they'd love to have a cup of tea and some cake," I looked up and smiled at Josh. "Thank you, you have a nice day too, bye."
"Hope it's chocolate cake, her cake is just like my Gran makes."
"Josh do you ever think about anything else besides food?" I asked instantly regretting it.
Evan replacing the radio handset called out, "Yeah course he does, he's a bloke."
"Sex," Ben and Evan said together, laughing.
"Right," I drawled. Turning to head back into my office, I saw Maggie and Chris open the fly screen door.
"Word Mags?" PJ asked immediately.
I lifted the hatch to let them through, Maggie smiled briefly as she passed, before going into PJ's office. "Chris?" I asked, "Anything we can do for you?"
"Maggie asked me to come down Tess, she thinks I may be able to help with.you know."
I indicated for her to follow me into my office, Ben joining us. "Can you help?"
A rap at the door stopped her answering, "PJ?"
"Tess, oh, you've already spoken to Chris?" he asked.
"No, not yet, you want to sit in?"
"Maggie too?"
"Yeah, I don't have any problems with that, it's just an informal chat."
"What's this information you have Chris?" asked PJ all business, once Maggie had joined us and the door had once again been closed.
"PJ, I was going upstairs last night to you know, put some champagne in Maggie's room," Chris started.
"How come we've never had champagne?" I asked jokingly.
"Book in for a dirty weekend and I might just treat ya," Chris laughed. "Anyway, when I got to the top of the stairs Keeley was hanging around."
"Senior Constable Keeley Bracks?" at Chris' affirmation I continued, "PJ I think we should make this official now, let's go to the interview room. Maggie you're gonna have to stay out for now, I'm sorry."
"I'm allowed someone with me, aren't I?" asked Chris.
"Good thinking Chris, right let's go."
Chris repeated all she had said, minus the dirty weekend comment for the tape and the interview continued.
"I saw her hanging round Maggie's door, she was leaning against it, maybe listening, I don't know. When she saw me she crouched down and pretended she was looking for an earring."
"Keeley doesn't wear earrings PJ," I said.
"Hmm, so Chris you went in and put the bottle in the room, then what?"
"When I came out there was music coming from Keeley's room, but I didn't see her."
"So it's feasible that she went into Maggie's room after you left, she would have known no one was in there?" I asked.
"Yeah she would've cos she was behind me when I opened the door, she could see right in. I didn't think anything of it Maggie, I'm so sorry."
"Not your fault Chris," Maggie assured her. "Plus we don't actually know she was in there. We need proof. Key's still kept in the office, easy access?"
"Yeah they are," Chris admitted.
"Maggie was there anything missing from your room, have you been through your gear?" I asked sure that she would already have looked.
"No, stupid really didn't even think of it. I'll check as soon as I get back."
"We'll go now Maggie, Keeley isn't on duty, if we're lucky she'll still be at the Imperial, I'll bring her back with me PJ," I stood and switched off the tape.
That one of my members may possibly be involved was not something I relished the idea of dealing with. With Jack it had been different, that he'd betrayed my trust as a sergeant was bad enough, but my personal hurt took over diminishing the professional anger. I didn't have a personal relationship with Keeley to worry about just that of a Senior Sergeant and senior constable.
I stood near the door way as Maggie rummaged through her small amount of luggage, I could see the frustration on her face as quickly she knelt beside the bed. "Maggie, what is it?"
"My necklace Tess, PJ gave it to me for Christmas, it's a locket, gold, heart shaped, inside was a picture of PJ, and on the back it said 'love always, PJ'. I wear it every day, it's not here. I took when I was blow drying my hair, must've forgotten to put it back on."
"So chances are whoever was in your room will have the necklace. We'll find it Maggie."
"Do you think Keeley would be stupid enough? I mean you would know her better than me," I asked.
"Maggie, you and I, I'd like to think we're friends, and because we're friends you'll understand that I can't discuss Keeley with you."
"Yeah I know, sorry, I didn't mean to put you in that position."
"Stay here Maggie, we'll keep in touch. Right now, I'm going to get Keeley and take her back to the station."
***
"Senior Constable," I said when she opened the door, "I'm afraid you're needed down at the station.
"Can't it wait, my shift starts soon, I'll be there then?"
"No! You're 'needed' at the station now," I insisted.
"What!?! What's this all about?" she asked appearing confused.
"We'll discuss it at the station."
***
"Can you tell us your whereabouts last night between 9.30 and 11?" Ben asked after pressing the record on the tape recorder.
"I was in my room of course - apparently there was some party 'I' wasn't invited to," Keeley added sarcastically.
Ignoring her, Ben continued with the questioning, "can anyone verify that for you?"
"If you mean was I with anyone, then no, I was alone in my room, reading a book."
"Did you leave your room and go into Maggie Doyle's room?" I asked.
"No, I stayed in my room all night, there was no reason for me to leave. For god's sake what's this about, I've done nothing to your precious little Maggie Doyle?"
"You were seen outside her room Senior."
"Yeah so, I had to go to the toilet, I dropped an earring outside her door - since when was that a crime?
"Your insolence isn't going to help you Bracks, just answer the questions," my patience was running thin, "Did you go into Maggie Doyle's room?"
"Oh gee, how did you make it to Senior Sergeant? How was I supposed to get into her room? I did not go into her room, now if you don't mind," she stood to leave.
"Sit!" I ordered. "We're going to need to search your room, I'm sure you won't have any problems with that," I said through clenched teeth knowing full well she would have problems with it.
"No bloody way," Keeley jumped form her seat, "you are not invading my privacy, you want to search then get a warrant. And in the meantime, I'm going to finish getting ready for work," she smiled smugly.
Ben and I exchanged glances, knowing we couldn't keep her here; Ben opened the door allowing her to leave. We both followed her out, watched her attempt to catch PJ's eyes before leaving the station.
***
"You bitch, you're in town for like 2 minutes and you're trying to fit me up for dealing in drugs. Scared you won't get your darling little boyfriend back, you gotta destroy the competition!" Keeley hissed.
I heard the words rather than saw the action take place, it was obvious who Keeley was yelling at. Instantly I was at the door, "Senior Constable Bracks inside now!"
"No! Stuff the lot of you," she walked down the path.
"Senior Constable, I've given you a direct order, disobey it and you will find yourself with, at the very least a formal admonishment. I suggest you think very carefully."
"I don't care, if my Senior Sergeant prefers to trust someone she's known for a mere two days, well fuck it, what's the point?"
"Keeley, listen to her, be sensible," PJ stood behind me.
PJ's influence had an amazing effect, her features softened and she turned to re-enter the station.
I didn't like having to reprimand her in front everyone but her behaviour towards Maggie was unacceptable, whether Maggie was a friend or not was irrelevant, a member of my staff would not talk to anyone like that and get away with it.
"My office," I ordered, "PJ?"
Closing the door behind us I began, "I don't have to tell you that your behaviour is unacceptable for a member of the Victoria Police, and in particular a member of 'my' station."
"Get real, I'm not a 'member' of this station, I just work here. From day one I've been shoved aside, there's only one person who's been interested in working with me," she looked at PJ smiling slightly; he did not smile in return.
"Have you considered that it may possibly be you that." her obstinate look told me my answer, there was no need to pursue it. "forget it, it's not worth it."
"Keeley, we have to investigate all avenues, you were seen outside Maggie's room, you had access to the keys and you don't have anyone to verify your alibi," he spoke softly but his calmness had no effect on her this time.
"So now you believe the lies they're telling you, oh, what's the bloody point?" she folded her arms across her chest for emphasis.
"Senior Constable, I'd like you to stay in the station until the warrant comes through."
"Is that an order?" she asked.
"No, it's a request that I'd like you to obey, just remember you've caused enough problems today. Go on, go and tidy the stationary cupboard and stay away from Maggie Doyle, is that understood?"
She left without answering.
"You satisfied, bitch!" hissed Keeley leaning in close to Maggie as she passed on her way to the locker room.
"Senior Constable!" I warned. "Remember our recent discussion?"
"Yes Boss," into the locker room she went slamming the door behind her.
"Right, well that went well," muttered PJ.
"Hmm, keep her as calm as you can, she's a loose canon PJ."
"Just finding that one out thanks Tess. C'mon Mags, I'm taking you for a drink," he looked at me almost asking permission.
"Yeah that's fine, just stay away from Keeley for the time being. I'll keep her here as long as I can, hopefully we'll have the warrant by then. As soon as I've got it I'll bring it down to the Imperial."
Letting PJ go with Maggie to have a coffee seemed like a perfect way to diffuse the tension in the station, giving me some breathing space with which to work and a much needed break from thinking. Exhaustion was setting in yet again and the day was only half way through.
Less than ten minutes later when the station door slammed followed by the slam of PJ's office door I knew that my peace was shattered. Knocking on his door, not bothering to wait for a reply I entered the CI office.
"Don't!" PJ said dismally.
"Don't what?" I asked.
"Just don't ask what happened."
"Well you know I'm going to and you know you're going to tell me so.just get on with it. Where's Maggie?"
"Walked out on me," he continued after seeing my raised eyebrows. "We had that "copper first" discussion, you know the one I mean," I nodded. "Well, we had that and then I told her I couldn't discuss the case with her as after all, she was still a suspect." He banged his hand against the desk sending loose papers fluttering to the floor, "Damn this job," he muttered under his breath.
"Maggie will understand PJ, she was a copper too, just give her some time. You don't seriously believe the drugs are hers?" I had to ask the question.
"No," he shook his head, "No, of course I don't but I have to consider it Tess, it's my job," he stared at the picture of Maggie on his desk.
"But it's not your life PJ, can you separate the two?"
"Could you with Jack?" he asked sarcastically. "Doesn't work like that and you know it."
"Well you don't have to make the same mistakes I did, do you?" I walked towards the door. "All I'm saying is believe, in your heart."
"Tess, wait," he called me back. "What about you and Jack? Maggie and I saw you together last night."
"Did you? Well.umm.well, you shouldn't have been snooping should you," I was shocked that PJ had seen me back in Jack's arms.
"Hey, mate, we're here for each other right?"
I nodded.
"Talk to me," PJ said.
"I dunno PJ," I sat at his desk opposite him, burying my head in my hands. "I'm so confused, I love Evan and yet Jack can still bring out all those same old feelings in me. How can he do that if I don't have some sort of feelings for him?"
"Hmmm, seems to me that your feelings are those of the Tess you used to be, the one that loved Jack. You never really got a chance to end things properly Tess, speak to Jack, close that chapter of your life and move on."
"Tess, warrant is here," Evan knocked and entered the office.
"Umm right, PJ?" I asked.
"No, you two go with Keeley, I'd better stay out of the way."
"Right then, let's go," I walked past Evan feeling his hand caress my leg as I did.
***
Maggie was sitting at a table with Jack when we walked into the Imperial; I looked back at Evan, giving him a reassuring smile before approaching the table. I looked at Jack unable to look away from him.
"Maggie, Jack," I said averting my eyes from Jack's.
"Tess, I've been speaking to Jack about the night of the party, he may be able to help."
I raised my eyebrows at Jack, "Right, I'm sorry but I don't know whether Jack would be considered a reliable witness, considering his past, but, if he has information that may help, we'll listen. I'm just going upstairs to help with the search, Jack can come back to the station with us," I spoke to Maggie but eyes remained firmly fixed on Jack. What was wrong with me, PJ was right I had to sort this out.
"Anyway, umm, Maggie," I looked at her, "I better go join the others. Jack."
I turned and immediately made my way to the stairs. The search providing nothing to clear Maggie's name we came back down into the Imperial bar, I sent Evan over to get Jack, not wanting to be with him again until I had a chance to talk to him.
***
"Tell us about the night of the party Jack," I said.
"I left the party, came looking for." he paused looking from Evan to me.
"It's fine Jack, there aren't any secrets between us."
"Okay, I came looking for you, we talked here then I left, I drove around for a while."
"You 'just' drove around?" Evan asked.
"Yeah, you know, the footy club, Matilda's paddock, all my old haunts," Jack paused, "it's called memories. Anyway, after a while I went back to the pub, I didn't go back to the party, just went straight up the stairs. Saw a blonde woman, 165 cms, slim build, black pants, hot pink short sleeved top, buttons down the front standing at a door two rooms down from mine, didn't think anything of it - didn't even know it was Maggie's room."
"That's it?" I asked.
"Yeah, sorry Tess, that's all I saw," he looked crushed, like he wished he could tell me more just to make me happy.
"Right, well thanks for that Jack, Evan can you see Jack out please."
I went straight to my office as soon as I left the interview room; the case was beginning to frustrate me, two suspects but no hard evidence against either of them really.
Evan entered the office not long after, "How you feeling?" he asked.
"I dunno, numb, confused, just Jack being here I feel so uncomfortable."
"You sure you don't have any lingering."
"Stop it," I demanded, walking over to close the door I reached up to kiss him, "it's over, I love you. But you're going to have to trust me, I have to see him Evan, clear the air, finalise that part of my life, do you understand?"
"Not really, no, but I won't stop you, just as long as you promise to come home with me tonight," he was only half joking, his insecurity showing through the banter in his words.
"I'll go after work okay, and I promise," I kissed him squarely on the lips, "I promise that I'll be in your bed tonight, and every night for the rest of our lives," I hugged him tight relishing the closeness of our bodies.
"Mt Thomas 250 to Mt Thomas station.Mt Thomas 250 to Mt Thomas station.do you copy Mt Thomas Station?"
"Shit Evan, the radio," we both scrambled out to the main station.
"Mt Thomas Station, go ahead PJ," I quickly grabbed the handset.
"Ben's bringing Keeley in Tess, she admitted to Maggie that it was her, Ben and I were in the corridor, ETA probably less than two minutes now. What were you doing?"
"Ahhh, umm, in my office. Right Mt Thomas 250; see you when you get back. I'll call ESD."
Keeley entered the station ahead of Ben; her head still held high, even an act such as this could not alter her sense of self-importance. Boldly she looked me in the eyes, not caring what she saw there. I shook my head, pursing my lips in response.
"Take her through to the interview room please Sergeant, I've informed ESD."
"You okay Maggie?" I asked as soon as Maggie and PJ came into the station.
"Yeah," she nodded, "just glad it's over."
"Come on, we don't need to be here, PJ and Ben can wait for ESD, I'm knocking off, they can meet us at the pub later."
"You sure? What about my statement?" I asked.
"Yep, Evan and I can take that then we'll go, can't wait for a drink."
It was over, finally, and a celebration down at the Imperial was a certainty. My relief was tainted with the fact that one of my members had crossed the line, but Jack had taught me something, I couldn't take her mistakes on board, it wasn't my fault and nothing I could've done or said would have made any difference to her.
Knocking quietly on his door, my heart beating rapidly in my chest I listened for his permission to enter. When it came I opened the door with a certain amount of fear and trepidation.
"Friends," I said holding out my hand.
"That it?" he asked refusing my hand.
"It's all I can give you Jack, you broke my heart, but Evan, well he fixed it I guess, made me believe in love again. We both need to move on Jack, get over the fact that we were once in love. So," I held out my hand again.
"I guess I don't have much choice, rather have you as a friend than nothing at all."
"Come here Jack," I pulled him into my arms, unsure if it was a good move just knowing it felt right.
Hesitantly he returned my hug, "he's a lucky man Tess."
"Nah mate, I'm the lucky one, now you coming down for a drink? Maggie's in the clear, we're all going to celebrate."
***
"Hey careful," Evan muttered close to my ear as I nearly stumbled out side the church.
"I'm fine, stop fussing," I said, grabbing hold of his hand anyway.
"Is Jack gonna be here?" Evan asked.
"I don't know, I don't even know if Maggie invited him, guess she did," I replied non-commitedly.
"Does he know?"
"I don't know, now stop fussing," I reached up to kiss him, allaying his insecurities.
I looked around the church seeing all the familiar Mt.Thomas faces, Grace, Susan, Merv even Winifred Starling. Tony Timms was there, camera round his neck, I could see it making front page of the Gazette. Jack was there and I felt Evan stiffen slightly when he saw him, I squeezed his hand gently, meeting his eyes I smiled, mouthing the words, 'I love you.'
We took our seats and watched a nervous PJ - Ben and Nick standing up for him as Best Men. Grace leaned forward from her seat behind me, "Feeling okay Tess?" she asked.
I nodded and smiled, "Yeah, how's Tom?'
She laughed, "he's so nervous, he's never had to do this before."
As the music started the whole church stood and turned to see Maggie's Matron of Honour Chris and her bridesmaid Dash walked towards the alter. Gracefully Maggie followed on the arm of a very proud Tom. Flashes seemed to be going off all over the church; this was a moment to be recorded for prosperity.
***
"Do you Margaret Ann, take Patrick Joseph." Father Brian's words rang through the church.
"I do," Maggie's reply was strong, so sure was she of her love for this man, nerves played no part.
"PJ, you may kiss your bride," Father Brian smiled at PJ.
I smiled at Evan remembering our own simple but beautiful wedding, he smiled back, as PJ and Maggie embraced passionately.
Father Brian's loud voice addressed the congregation, "I'd like to introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Hasham."
Cheers and claps erupted and from the corner of my eye, I noted Tom wiping a tear from his eye.
Outside the church we stood and watched while the photos were taken. I t wasn't long before PJ and Maggie asked for all their 'copper friends' to be in a photo. Evan and I moved to stand under the shade of a tree after the photo, the heat making me feel very faint.
A voice from behind startled us both, "you look, umm, good Tess."
Evan protectively reached out to place his hand on my stomach, as Jack leaned over to kiss my cheek.
"Congratulations," he whispered. Holding his hand out to Evan. "You too mate. How long to go Tess?"
I smiled, "any day now."
I could see him mentally tallying the months, "so."
"Yes I was pregnant when Maggie came back, just didn't know it, the signs were there but."
"Suits you Tess, you're gonna make a great Mum."
"Thanks Jack," I realised how hard it must have been for him to see me like this, but nothing could mar my happiness, I was standing next to the man I loved, carrying our soon to be born child, life was perfect.
The wedding reception went beautifully, the speeches not too long, the guests all happy to see Maggie and PJ finally married. After the final speech Maggie and PJ danced the bridal waltz, I watched them gazing into each other's eyes, the rest of the world completely forgotten.
***
That night I lay in bed reliving our own wedding, sleep didn't come easily this late in the pregnancy, comfort a long forgotten luxury. My back ached like I never thought possible and a few twinges made me wonder whether something was about to happen. I got up padding quietly into the nursery; sitting in the rocking chair I grabbed one of the many stuffed toys this baby had already received. From the moment we'd told everyone we'd been inundated with gifts form rattles to bibs.
Around three, I decided the pains were becoming a little too painful and a far too frequent; it was definitely time to wake my still slumbering husband.
***
I cradled her in my arms, not wanting to let go of her. It had been four months since her birth but I still couldn't bear to let her go. I never expected to feel such a love for another human, so completely different to the love shared by lovers. The little girl depended on me totally and I vowed to myself the moment she was placed in my arms that I would 'never' let her down.
"What name do you give this child?" Father Brian asked.
We stood at the alter, the four of us and this little precious bundle that would bind us together forever.
"Samantha Teresa," Evan and I said together, we'd named her after Evan's father.
I saw the pride on Maggie's and PJ's faces, they were thrilled when we asked them to be Samantha's Godparents, and more doting they couldn't be. I knew it wouldn't be long now before Sam had a little friends, the signs were obvious to me although Maggie and PJ were yet to realise their family was about to begin. The timing couldn't have been more perfect, when my maternity leave was over and I was ready to return to work, Maggie could take leave from her job as Acting Sergeant at Mt Thomas Station.
***
The Imperial was packed with all our friends, as Tom gathered everyone's attention for a toast.
"Samantha," he called.
"Samantha," rang out around the pub.
Evan stood by my side, I looked up at him and smiled, he reached out to gently run his finger down Samantha's cheek.
I had it all and I couldn't be happier.
Started: October 7th 2002 Finished: October 21st 2002
"You'll never guess who that was," I said as we closed the doors on the patrol car, I certainly didn't want any extra ears listening in on this piece of news.
"Who?" asked Evan.
"Maggie Doyle."
"Don't be so bloody ridiculous Tess, she's dead, you know the story as well as I do," he scoffed.
"It's Maggie Doyle," I repeated.
"You've got to be joking."
I knew exactly how he felt, we'd heard all about Maggie over the years and to now know she was alive was strange, strangest thing I'd ever had to face - she was like the walking dead. How the hell was PJ going to deal with it? And then there was the Keeley factor.
I really don't like Keeley, nothing I can quite put my finger on, she's a good copper, plays by the rules but only when it suits her. She's manipulative, hiding behind some sort of mask, especially when PJ's around. It's not just a man-eater thing because she can't stand working with Josh - oh no, junior connie way below her standard. It's PJ, when he's around she's the sweetest thing, butter wouldn't melt and when he's not, the sarcasm flows freely. I reckon I'm going to need to keep an eye on Keeley now Maggie's back.
"Josh, any luck on those stolen gnome figurines yet?" I asked as soon as we returned to the station.
"Nah, Boss, kinda weird don't ya reckon, old Mrs Guthrie having a family of gnomes in her front garden?"
"Josh, you know the history, Mrs Guthrie's cat died, someone gave her a gnome to keep her company, gnomes magically reproduce, it's good luck, but when one goes missing, well it's bad luck - of course she's upset. Country policing Josh, it's all about people," I found myself sprouting some of the Boss' words of wisdom.
"Hey Tess, where'd ya get that line from?" yelled out PJ. He was in the kitchenette making coffee, Keeley as usual hovering nearby.
"Enough of the cheek Detective, I'll have you know."
"Yeah, yeah Tess, poor old Joshie's been with us long enough to have heard all the Boss lines, you're gonna have to come up with some original stuff," joked Evan as PJ went back into his office closing the door behind him.
"Don't you realise this is a police station, no messing around," Keeley contributed in her highly officious manner.
"Blah, blah, blah," Josh mimicked behind her back, earning a huge laugh from Ben and Evan.
"What?" Keeley spun round. "Oh you think you're so funny, bunch of juvenile idiots in a hick town."
"That's enough, Senior Constable, all right everyone back to work, enough of the frivolities," I really didn't like the dissension Keeley created amongst the team, it wasn't the way I wanted my station to work. "Evan my office."
"Evan my office," muttered Keeley under her breath sarcastically.
"Just shut up Keeley, she's a cool boss."
"Typical, what would you know, you're just a kid."
"I said that's enough Senior, now if you have a problem we can discuss it, otherwise back to work. All of you," I issued the instructions, indicated for Evan to follow me and closed the door behind us.
It hadn't been long, three months and two days to be exact and now I was the Boss. It was weird getting used to being called Boss, instead of Sarg. I liked my team, all bar Keeley of course. Ben was Ben, more settled and happy now that he was with Siobhan, Josh, nice guy, straight out of the academy, he knew how to treat the girls and they loved him for it, he was honest and reliable, instinctively I knew he'd make a bloody good copper one day - right now he was still learning.
And then there was Evan, we'd been married just over a year, the transition was a little tricky initially, colleagues to lovers, but we managed it without wanting to kill each other too many times. Don't know how many extra grey hairs we gave the boss though, but deep down I knew he was happy for us. Rusty, Inspector Falcon-Price wasn't very impressed, questioned us both thoroughly, together and apart, letting us know that even the tiniest indiscretion or problem between us and one of us would be transferred. The Boss assured him that he would keep his eye on both of us.
"Tess?" Evan asked startling me from my reverie.
"Yeah," I drawled, not really paying any attention.
"You wanted me, I mean, you know I love keeping you company but hey you're the Boss now, can't be seen by Keeley to be fraternising," he laughed at his own joke.
"Yeah sorry, tonight, can you go out?" I asked.
"Huh, you mean you don't want the pleasure of my company," he stood behind me massaging my shoulders.
"You know I do," I leant back letting him drop a quick kiss on my lips. "It's just that Maggie's coming over, you don't mind giving us some space do you? I told her you wouldn't."
"Alright, just for you, now I better get back to work before my senior sergeant tells me to clean the cells," another kiss, this one a little more passionate and he was gone. I faintly heard more good-natured ribbing through the door; I wondered when it would all settle down. Not that I minded really, one big happy family - except Keeley, the black sheep.
***
Maggie was at our place right on six thirty. She sat on the sofa, I sat next to her in the chair, it was a little awkward but I guess that was only to be expected. As we talked, just general chit chat, the weather, mutual Mt. Thomas acquaintances, we ate the take away Evan had left for us.
"What was London like Maggie?"
"Cold," she laughed. "It wasn't home, more just a place I stayed for a while, never felt really comfortable there."
"And you've been back how long?"
"Six months. When I was in London I studied, Bachelor of Arts, Bachelor of Education, so when I got back I took a job teaching in Fairfield. Not really sure what I want to do now," Maggie pondered.
"Tell me all about it Maggie, tell me what happened, I have to know."
"I come from a family of coppers Tess, Dad, my brothers Robbie and Mick. I found out Robbie was using, heroin, he came clean for a brief spell then got suckered back in again. It was a tough time for all of us."
I nodded sympathetically, knowing how much drugs can affect your life, Maggie really wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know.
"Anyway, Dad found out that a copper was supplying the drugs to Robbie, PJ sussed it out as well and as I got closer to finding out they tried to stop me, didn't work though. I found vital evidence implicating a string of coppers in the ring and the rest as they say is history. Witness sorted it out, I don't know how, it was far too quick for me, I was out of the country within 4 hours, no time to think, no time for anything."
"Maggie, I don't really 'know' you. I do know that PJ loved you and that the Boss thought very highly of you, but I need to verify everything you've told me for myself. You do understand, don't you?" For my own peace of mind I had to clarify things, I guessed that Maggie wouldn't lie, but I couldn't take that chance.
"I understand Tess and if the situation was reversed, I know I would be doing the same thing. Please, though before you talk to Witness, tell me about PJ," Maggie pleaded.
"PJ is fine Maggie. Work keeps him busy, the pub at night, you know how it is," I was somewhat evasive, neglecting to mention that my senior constable was trying to get her hooks into him.
Somehow Maggie picked up on my tone, ""Should I leave town now, Tess?"
"No, just give me some time. Let me talk to Witness and then we'll talk again. Have you got a mobile number I can contact you on?"
It confused me a little, why Maggie would make contact with me, instead of Chris or the Boss, let's face it she didn't know me at all, didn't make sense. "Why me Maggie? Why not Ben or the Boss?" I asked.
"I dunno Tess, really I don't, the last few days have been impulsive to say the least. I have no plan Tess, no rhyme or reason to dictate why I'm even here and why I felt like I wanted to speak to you, sometimes you just have to listen to your heart and bugger the consequences, do you know what I mean?"
I smiled, understanding completely, Evan and I would never be together if I'd continued to listen to my head instead of my heart.
"Tess, why is it that every time I mention PJ, you or Chris both clam up? Please Tess, put yourself in my shoes."
The question surprised me, we'd moved on from PJ but I guess he was uppermost in Maggie's mind, "You want my honesty Maggie?" she nodded. "Maggie, for the first two years of my posting PJ never looked at any woman, at least not in my presence. Then, and I don't want you to be hurt by this okay, then Ben's sister Liz arrived in town. They had a connection from the instant they met. She's a lawyer, opposite sides the case a few times, but they worked through that."
"Are they still together?"
"Nah," I said shaking my head. "It didn't last long, Liz went back to Melbourne and then PJ and Jo got together, took us all by surprise."
"Jo? You're kidding me, right?" Maggie seemed a little dumbfounded.
"Was on and off for a while, you know how it is, then something major happened, a few people got hurt, next thing Jo's requesting a transfer, I asked her why but she wouldn't go into details, just that she wouldn't be anybodies left overs, make of that what you want Maggie. Look, I'll just ring Evan, make sure PJ isn't at the pub for you." Impulsively I hugged her, it felt right, "Take care, Maggie. I'm sure it'll all work out. Speak to you tomorrow."
Grabbing my phone book and the phone I plonked down on the sofa the moment Maggie left, finding the number I wanted, I punched it into the phone, "Adrian, hi, Tess Gallagher.yeah has been a while.look mate I'm after some info from Witness."
Nearing the completion of the call, my mobile rang, "Got to go Adrian, my mobile's ringing, yeah.thanks for that." I disconnected the call and pressed the button to answer my mobile, "Hi, what! I'll be right there," grabbing my jacket and keys I headed straight out, slamming the door behind me.
"Hey," Evan muttered reaching out to pull me into his arms as soon as I got into bed, "how was she?"
"Maggie's ok," I replied snuggling deeper into his embrace. "She knows all about Keeley now."
"That."
"Yeah yeah, I know what you think of her," I giggled quietly, a private joke. "How was PJ, when you got him home?"
"Quiet, didn't say much, we had a drink, then he went to bed, I think he's still trying to get his head round it."
"Mmm, probably right. Something like this makes you appreciate how lucky we are, doesn't it?" I asked giving Evan a kiss.
"Thinking the same thing, I love you Tess, even though you can't cook the gourmet meals my mum used to serve up."
I laughed, "you're an idiot, but I love you too."
***
"Pulease guys, too much for this time in the morning," PJ protested when he walked into the kitchen the next day to find us arms wrapped around each other.
Evan leant down placing a hard kiss on my lips, "Woman, get me my breakfast!" he demanded playfully.
"Yeah woman, and while you're at it, get mine too," PJ joined in.
"You've got to be joking," I laughed along with them. "PJ, it's all there," I indicated the cereal and bread on the bench, "I'll make you a coffee though, see I am nice."
We sat at the table, PJ and Evan wolfing down more toast than I would've thought possible. I nursed my coffee wondering whether to bring the subject of Maggie up, I needn't have worried.
"Did Maggie say anything else last night Tess?" he asked quietly.
"Not really, nothing more than what you already know, how you feeling about it all now mate?"
"I loved her, she died, I mourned her and now she's alive, how am I supposed to feel? Apart from glad she's alive of course, it's weird Tess."
"PJ, being a copper, you know how witness works, doesn't that make it a little easier to understand?" Evan asked.
"Yeah understand, the head understands why and how, the logistics of it all, but.I dunno it's just weird," he tried to explain but I could see it wasn't easy.
"Guys, I have to go get ready for work," I moved away from the table, coming back to lean in closer to both of them. "Umm, the sinks over there, detergent underneath, tea towel in the draw," I laughed wandering off to our bedroom.
***
"Ben my office," I issued as soon as he'd completed the morning readout.
"Yeah Tess, what is it?"
"Take a seat Ben, I think you're gonna need one," I waited till he was seated. "This isn't going to be easy for you to comprehend, only way for me to say it is to come straight out with it."
"Tess? What's going on?" he asked, confused.
"Ben, night before last, Maggie Doyle arrived back in Mt."
"Maggie.Tess, Maggie is dead," he interrupted.
"Maggie's been on Witness Protection Ben, she's not dead, she's here, in Mt. Thomas, at the Imperial."
I explained the situation to Ben, noting the confusion seem to abate as the story became clear.
"Ben, I'll give you some space, you can go and see Maggie as soon as you want, take as much time as you need," I closed the door quietly on Ben.
***
"Okay, Ben is going to be out of the station for a while, any problems see me," I watched their faces intently - Josh and Evan obviously had no problem with that, Keeley was another matter.
"I'll just see if PJ needs me for anything," she muttered walking away.
"I don't think so Senior, if I remember rightly you're off on patrol with Josh."
"Great, three years at uni and I'm a glorified babysitter."
"Senior, locker room, now!" I slammed the door after her.
"Your attitude I leaves a lot to be desired Senior, I'm assuming you will at some stage apply for promotion, well let me tell you now, change your attitude or don't bother - because you'll get nowhere. Back to work Senior." She left the locker room, I sank down onto the seat, sighing deeply - Keeley was proving to be a hard nut to crack.
***
"Oi, shove over," he growled in my ear. I always hogged the bed and the doona and he always complained, but it was all in fun.
"Aww, do I have to?" I whined. My head was fuzzy, even with my eyes closed it was spinning, way too much alcohol. "You really want me to move?"
"Nah," he replied wrapping me in his arms. "So, you made me work for you, did you?" he began to gentle tickle my waist, I knew what was coming.
"No, Evan, nooooo, don't," I squealed, as the ticking became too much to bear.
"Make me," he taunted, "go on, you want me to stop, you're gonna have to pay."
I giggled the coffee he made earlier having little effect on the alcohol still playing havoc in my body. Any threats were forgotten as he turned me to face him, our lips met and the rest of the world faded away.
***
"So I can count on you guys to be there?" Chris asked.
We were all there, well Ben, PJ, Evan and I. Josh wasn't rostered on and Keeley, well, it was none of her concern.
"Anything we can do Chris?" PJ asked.
"If you could ring Nick and Jo, Dash is OS so she can't come and anyone else you can think of. Can you spare me your hubby for a few hours this arvo Tess, set up and stuff?"
"Awww Chrissy, you always want my body," Evan laughed as I playfully tapped him on the arm.
"Get out of here Jonesy, that young un Josh, he's coming in close, mate. Okay, so that's about it, remember be there by seven."
***
It was amazing; everyone that Maggie knew turning up to welcome her home. Chris would've been busy all day to organise this at such short notice.
"Jo, hows Melbourne?" I asked, she was standing with Tom and Grace.
"Great Tess, I've done the detective's course since I last spoke to you," she smiled, "Been a while hasn't it?"
"Could say that, have we spoken since the wedding?"
"Nah, don't think so, time goes by so quickly. By the way," she reached out to pat my stomach, "any little Tess and Jonesy's on the horizon?" I laughed, "I don't think so, I'm too busy being senior sergeant now."
"And doing a damn fine job too," Tom added, he turned away as Chris called for his attention.
"Allright everyone, Chris has just gone to get Maggie, she's coming so let's keep things quiet," called out Tom.
Instantly the room was silent. Maggie came into the room, her shock evident, her eyes looked round at everyone once, then searched again a second time; I knew she would be looking for PJ.
"He'll be here," I reached up to whisper in Maggie's ear.
"How'd you know?"
"Cos I've been where you are, searching the room for the one person you want to be there and they're not. Stupid, stupid games I've played.ahhh but it doesn't matter now - I've got my man."
"Yeah well, your man is here now, the one who used to be mine isn't," she muttered forlornly.
"He will be, now go and get a drink, just one mind, not having a repeat of last night."
We laughed together, so loudly a few people looked our way to see what was so uproariously funny, it only made us laugh more.
"Hey, you two, one's your limit," yelled out Evan from the other side of the room.
"S'not like you to have more than a couple Tess," came a voice from behind us.
I felt his breath on the back of my neck, heard his voice, felt myself freeze, unable to function as my past walked back into my life. I'd never thought of what might happen if Jack and I came face to face again, never actually thought it would happen, there was no reason for it to really.
I headed straight for my comfort zone, Evan. He knew me, knew what I needed and at that moment it was his arms wrapped around me, that feeling of safety. Jack made me feel very insecure, simply his mere presence. I couldn't actually believe he was here, didn't even know anyone still kept in contact with him. My guess was Jo had told him Maggie was back. My stomach churned, an awful queasy feeling, I knew it was from anxiety.
I wanted out of there, a feeling I just had to get away, but social niceties dictated I stay a while. I stuck as close to Evan as I could without seeming paranoid, inching away from jack each time he managed to make his way closer to me. I didn't want to have to talk to him, didn't want to have to face the feelings he made me feel, some of them feelings I had no right to feel. How cold I feel anything about him after what I did, but more importantly how could he cause me pain all these years on. I truly believed only people you cared about could hurt you, and I didn't care about Jack, I loved Evan.
I couldn't be in the same room as Jack any longer, reaching up to whisper in Evans' ear and hating myself for lying to him, I slipped out on the premise of looking for PJ. In essence I suppose I wasn't lying, my intention was to head to the station to see if PJ was there, but that only covered up my need to get away.
The fresh night air was a welcome relief, cooling my flushed skin and making me feel a bit more normal, not like the whole world was looking at me wondering how I would react to seeing Jack. Ridiculous really, only two people in Mt. Thomas knew about me and Jack, Evan and PJ.
The walk to the station gave me a few minutes to ponder my reaction to Jack being back in Mt. Thomas. That I was shocked was an understatement, not surprising either, I hadn't seen him for four years. But it wasn't the shock that concerned me, rather the desire I felt to be in his arms once again, to be held by the first man I ever really loved, and yet I 'know' I loved my husband, completely. There wasn't anyway I would do anything to hurt him.
The station was almost eerily silent, I only bothered to turn on a small desk lamp, just enough for me to see. I checked PJ's office, even checked his diary to see if he had anything written there that might give me a clue as to where he was. He knew it was Maggie's party, had known all day, why would he be late for it? I didn't expect to see him or anyone coming through the door but he stood there in front of me, silent, just staring at me.
"Good to see you Tess," he muttered after a few moments.
"If you'll leave so I can lock up," I didn't look at him, scared that if I did.I don't know, maybe if I looked into his eyes I would crumble.
"Tess, please, just talk to me," Jack pleaded.
"Got nothing to say to you Jack, now if you'll get out of my way I'd like to go back to my husband."
My emphasis of the word husband was intentional; I had to make it known to him that I was a married woman, happily married.
"Not going anywhere Tess till you listen to me. Tess please."
"No, Jack. What we had was over long ago, the moment you lied to me, the moment you let another man fall to his death. We have nothing to say to each other," I spat out angrily.
"I want to say sorry Tess, I want you to know how much I'm sorry for the hurt I caused you."
I could hear his words but I paid no attention, not allowing my eyes to meet his.
"Should have thought of that before Jack."
"I'm sorry, it wasn't something I planned, I don't know what was in my head at the time. If I could take it back I would, but I can't. You're my biggest regret Tess," he moved closer reaching out to caress my cheek. I didn't move, didn't pull away, I don't know why. "I've regretted it, every second of everyday. I loved you Tess."
My eyes were burning with unshed tears, his words making it impossible for me to hold them in any longer, "I loved you too," I whispered, "I loved you so much."
Tears coursed down my cheeks, I hadn't cried this much in a long time, life had been perfect for me. Jack comforted me, pulling me into his arms. I froze initially, feeling uncomfortable at the sudden intimacy then relaxed and melted into his embrace. I felt Jack run his fingers through my hair, felt his hands move to wander my back and still I didn't pull away. I thought of nothing, just enjoyed the pleasure of once again being in Jack's arms.
I felt Jack move slightly, "Tess, look at me, I have to tell you something."
I leaned back to look into his eyes, "Yeah," I muttered.
"You're not going to like it, and I know I don't have a right to say this, you being married an' all."
It was like a slap in the face, a bucket of cold water, a reminder that I was a married woman and that maybe I'd been sending out the wrong signals. I stepped from his arms, "No! No, Jack please don't say it. Just don't."
He continued talking, nothing was going to stop him, "I have to Tess, I came here to tell you - yeah I came to see Maggie too, but I had to see you, tell you. Tess, look at me."
Slowly I looked up into his eyes.
"I still love you Tess, always will."
"Jack I love my husband - with all my heart. I loved you, I can't deny that. It took me along time to get over you, but all that time Evan waited for me, waited till I was ready to love again. And I do love him, like I've never loved anyone before; we connect Jack, on more than one level. He 'knows' me, instinctively, knows when I need to be looked after, knows when I need to be alone. I've told him things I never thought I'd tell anyone, things so personal, he knows about you Jack, knows how much you hurt me, we share and emotional intimacy I've never had with anyone before."
"I just wanted you to know Tess, I'm sorry okay," he turned and walked from the station.
It didn't feel right, we'd talked, he'd held me in his arms. I told him how much I loved Evan and yet it still felt like unfinished business. I still felt like I did when he left, churning with emotions I had to keep hidden, feelings that I couldn't share with anyone, feelings that threatened to wreck my whole life. Seeing Jack stirred up feelings in me I thought I'd long suppressed. It didn't mean I loved Evan any less; I spoke the truth when I told Jack I loved my husband. I do, passionately, irrevocably. But Jack, seeing him again, when I least expected it, confused me.
I sat in the station for a while, the solitude giving me time to contemplate, time to reflect. Time to realise that Jack and I did have unfinished business, it wasn't just a feeling it was reality. Jack had lied to me, both as his lover and as his sergeant. He'd betrayed my trust in him, in us - sleeping with me knowing that he was living a lie. And then he was gone, arrested and sent to jail. We'd had no chance for goodbyes; the pain when he left consumed me, rendering me nearly unable to deal with life on a 'normal' basis. We'd had no chance for closure. I'd moved on, it had taken a while but I'd done it, even finding myself capable of trust again. But I couldn't forgive Jack, and seeing him only brought back the old feelings. The love, hurt, betrayal and mistrust.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when Evan tapped me on the shoulder, so tied up in my own world. He reached out, lifting my chin up with his fingers so our eyes could meet.
"You've been crying," he said concerned.
"Hold me Evan, please just hold me," I stepped into his outstretched arms, as more tears flowed down my cheeks.
"Hey, what is it? This isn't like you, Tess, what's happened?"
"Jack," I managed through my tears.
"If that bastard's hurt you in any way," Evan was instantly angry. "Tess, look at me, did he hurt you?"
"No, no, it wasn't like that. I love you Evan, you know that don't you?"
"Yes," he answered slowly, "I don't think I'm going to like what you're about to say."
"I'm confused Evan, I love you, I know that, but seeing Jack, those old feelings all come back to me. If I didn't have some sort of feelings for him he wouldn't still be able to hurt me. Does that make sense?"
I watched him nod, could see the pain in his eyes, I hated that. There was only one way to remove the pain I'd caused him. Gently I outlined his lips with my fingers, reaching up I joined my lips to his, kissing my husband with all the love I felt for him. It was a kiss full of passion, full of the love we shared, my hands held his face on either side; I deepened the kiss, allowing us the intimacy we both needed at that moment. We were both breathless when the kiss finished, gently I lay my head on his chest, his arms tightly holding me to him.
"I love you so much, Evan Jones," I whispered.
Irreverently he whispered my name, "Tess, you had me so scared then, don't ever do that to me again. I love you too."
We held each other, savouring the joy of being in each other's arms, safe in the knowledge of our love for each other. "You ready to go back?" Evan muttered into my hair after a while.
"Do we have to, can't we just go home, I'm so tired?" I asked, complaining only slightly. Truth was I was more tired than I'd ever felt before; it had been like that everyday of the last week, a chronic tiredness I couldn't escape.
"You want to check on Maggie before we go home?" Evan asked reminding me of the responsibilities I'd set for myself, knowing me so well that I would hate myself if I didn't check on her.
We made our way back to the Imperial; I stopped Evan outside the door to once again remind him of my love for him.
"Go get a hotel room you two," came a loud voice from the door of the Imperial.
We both looked up to see PJ and Maggie hand in hand, laughing, we walked off towards home, " don't think you need to worry about Maggie anymore," Evan said.
"Hmm, think you might be right," I smiled into the darkness.
***
How wrong we were, all certainly was not right, especially in Maggie and PJ's world. The fairytale homecoming had come to an abrupt end with the discovery of drugs in Maggie's room. I hadn't known her long but I was certain they weren't hers - a gut feeling, an instinct. From everything I'd read and been told about her case, there was no way Maggie Doyle would ever have drugs voluntarily in her life.
"We have a slight problem," I said middle of the next morning; Ben and I were seated on opposite sides of my desk. "Last night PJ found drugs in Maggie's room, he's taking the hard nosed approach I'm afraid, not listening to a word Maggie says, not believing in her."
"Drugs? You've got to be kidding; this is Maggie Doyle we're talking about. She wouldn't." Ben was flabbergasted.
"You don't have to convince me Ben. Now, I don't want Keeley anywhere near this one, she's not rostered on till this afternoon, so we've got a bit of time up our sleeve."
"Yeah right Tess, I'll get her helping Josh when she does get here, she won't like it but hey, what's new?? Want me to fill the others in?"
"Evan knows, we were called out last night. I want to keep this need to know only basis Ben. I don't like having to work like this Ben, but in this case I believe it's warranted."
"Yeah, I agree, right, let's get it over with," neither of us liked to keep the members out of things, it wasn't the way we worked.
I went out and sat on the corner of Evan's desk, fixing him with a glare when his hand reached out to brush against my leg.
"What?!" he whispered innocently, "I was just getting a pen."
I laughed, couldn't help myself.
"Okay," Ben began, demanding my and Evan's errant attention, "Josh continue with your 'missing gnome' investigation, I dunno maybe see if any of the neighbours have had anything taken from their gardens, Keeley can help you when she gets in this afternoon. The rest of us will be working on a, sorry Josh, need to know basis case. It's a delicate situation and I'm sure you can appreciate."
"Sarge, don't worry about it, I understand. Anyway, I reckon Snow White's taken back one of her gnomes and when I find her, well." his voice trailed off.
Evan laughed, "Prince Joshua gonna kiss his Snow White and live happily ever after."
"Right guys, I'll leave you to it," I walked to my office door turning to smile at Evan, before continuing in. I picked up the phone then sat in my chair, pondering how to handle this situation. I wanted to be Maggie's friend, I liked her, but I was a copper too. It was a fine line and one I knew which side I 'had' to stay on.
I dialed her mobile waiting for her to pick up, "Maggie, yeah hi it's Tess.how you feeling today?.Good, that's good.yeah, I know Maggie we all wish it was a bad dream, unfortunately it's not though and we do need you to come down to the station before two."
"PJ," I'd knocked on his door and entered to find him sitting at his desk, head in his hands, his eyes, when he finally looked at me, revealed the torture of sleep deprivation.
"Not a good night huh?" I asked gently.
"Could say that. Tess, it's bloody ridiculous, I 'know' her, know implicitly that she wouldn't have drugs, but there's nothing to suggest otherwise."
"Hey mate, you're jumping the gun a little, don't try so hard to be the copper, let's investigate this before you jump to conclusions. I know what you're doing."
"Yeah and what's that?" PJ asked sarcastically.
"Shutting down, afraid of being hurt, remember after Jack, I came to you, you told me I was a copper first but that sometimes the job just brings us closer together. PJ think about it, even with the evidence stacked against Jack, I wouldn't believe he was capable, I allowed myself to be hurt. You're doing the opposite, believing the worst to protect yourself."
"Whatever ya reckon," he muttered clearly unimpressed with my ponderings.
I cold see there was no point in trying to talk to him, he wasn't in the most receptive of minds, "Maggie'll be here before two. " I leant over to touch his arm, "It'll all be okay mate."
He didn't reply and I left his office, more concerned than when I entered. "Ben, I'm worried about him," I whispered, not wanting anyone else to overhear. Ben was making a cuppa in the kitchenette away from the others but I still didn't want to draw any attention to us.
"He'll be right Tess," his assurance wasn't terribly convincing.
"He's so bitter, so determined to keep being a copper, shut Maggie out."
"It's a bloke thing Tess, we're like that, don't worry about him okay, it'll all work out."
I nodded, knowing there wasn't anything more I could say, Ben was right, I guess it was a 'bloke' thing. I traipsed back into my office pulling Evan in after me. Closing the door behind us I wrapped my arms around him, "I love you, don't you ever forget it."
"Hey, what's this?" he asked wiping away the tears that had suddenly pooled in my eyes. "It's not like you to be over emotional - not that I'm complaining mind, tell me you love me anytime you want," he half laughed, I could see he was still concerned about me.
"I'm okay," I sniffled grabbing a tissue from the box on my desk - noisily I blew my nose. "You look so cute with a red nose," Evan said dropping a kiss on the top of my head.
"Humph," I pulled away from his embrace to look into his eyes, " I do love you."
"And I love you too, c'mon Tess, what's bought all this on?"
Shaking my head I muttered, "Just everything, Maggie, PJ, Jack being back. It's all too much," once again my eyes welled with unshed tears.
"Tess?" Evan questioned.
"I'm fine really, there's nothing wrong, just can't stop these stupid tears."
"Hmm, that time of the month again Tess, remind me to stay out of your way," he laughed opening the door, looking back he said quietly, "Love you really!"
Maybe he was right, maybe it was that time again, maybe I was just tired. I felt different though, I didn't usually get teary, mentally I tallied the dates, could it possibly be?
Sometime later a cacophony of noise from the main office, the phones seems to all be ringing and with PJ ensconced in his office, I guess it was up to me to answer the phone. Sighing heavily, I stood and walked to the door, taking note of the fact that PJ had come out of his office and was on a phone.
Grabbing the nearest ringing phone, I put on my best official voice, "Mt Thomas Police, Senior Sergeant Gallagher speaking.hello Mrs. Guthrie.yes we're working on it.I know it must be very distressing for you.yes Mrs. Guthrie, Constables Deakin and Bracks will be there later this afternoon.yes Mrs. Guthrie, I'm sure they'd love to have a cup of tea and some cake," I looked up and smiled at Josh. "Thank you, you have a nice day too, bye."
"Hope it's chocolate cake, her cake is just like my Gran makes."
"Josh do you ever think about anything else besides food?" I asked instantly regretting it.
Evan replacing the radio handset called out, "Yeah course he does, he's a bloke."
"Sex," Ben and Evan said together, laughing.
"Right," I drawled. Turning to head back into my office, I saw Maggie and Chris open the fly screen door.
"Word Mags?" PJ asked immediately.
I lifted the hatch to let them through, Maggie smiled briefly as she passed, before going into PJ's office. "Chris?" I asked, "Anything we can do for you?"
"Maggie asked me to come down Tess, she thinks I may be able to help with.you know."
I indicated for her to follow me into my office, Ben joining us. "Can you help?"
A rap at the door stopped her answering, "PJ?"
"Tess, oh, you've already spoken to Chris?" he asked.
"No, not yet, you want to sit in?"
"Maggie too?"
"Yeah, I don't have any problems with that, it's just an informal chat."
"What's this information you have Chris?" asked PJ all business, once Maggie had joined us and the door had once again been closed.
"PJ, I was going upstairs last night to you know, put some champagne in Maggie's room," Chris started.
"How come we've never had champagne?" I asked jokingly.
"Book in for a dirty weekend and I might just treat ya," Chris laughed. "Anyway, when I got to the top of the stairs Keeley was hanging around."
"Senior Constable Keeley Bracks?" at Chris' affirmation I continued, "PJ I think we should make this official now, let's go to the interview room. Maggie you're gonna have to stay out for now, I'm sorry."
"I'm allowed someone with me, aren't I?" asked Chris.
"Good thinking Chris, right let's go."
Chris repeated all she had said, minus the dirty weekend comment for the tape and the interview continued.
"I saw her hanging round Maggie's door, she was leaning against it, maybe listening, I don't know. When she saw me she crouched down and pretended she was looking for an earring."
"Keeley doesn't wear earrings PJ," I said.
"Hmm, so Chris you went in and put the bottle in the room, then what?"
"When I came out there was music coming from Keeley's room, but I didn't see her."
"So it's feasible that she went into Maggie's room after you left, she would have known no one was in there?" I asked.
"Yeah she would've cos she was behind me when I opened the door, she could see right in. I didn't think anything of it Maggie, I'm so sorry."
"Not your fault Chris," Maggie assured her. "Plus we don't actually know she was in there. We need proof. Key's still kept in the office, easy access?"
"Yeah they are," Chris admitted.
"Maggie was there anything missing from your room, have you been through your gear?" I asked sure that she would already have looked.
"No, stupid really didn't even think of it. I'll check as soon as I get back."
"We'll go now Maggie, Keeley isn't on duty, if we're lucky she'll still be at the Imperial, I'll bring her back with me PJ," I stood and switched off the tape.
That one of my members may possibly be involved was not something I relished the idea of dealing with. With Jack it had been different, that he'd betrayed my trust as a sergeant was bad enough, but my personal hurt took over diminishing the professional anger. I didn't have a personal relationship with Keeley to worry about just that of a Senior Sergeant and senior constable.
I stood near the door way as Maggie rummaged through her small amount of luggage, I could see the frustration on her face as quickly she knelt beside the bed. "Maggie, what is it?"
"My necklace Tess, PJ gave it to me for Christmas, it's a locket, gold, heart shaped, inside was a picture of PJ, and on the back it said 'love always, PJ'. I wear it every day, it's not here. I took when I was blow drying my hair, must've forgotten to put it back on."
"So chances are whoever was in your room will have the necklace. We'll find it Maggie."
"Do you think Keeley would be stupid enough? I mean you would know her better than me," I asked.
"Maggie, you and I, I'd like to think we're friends, and because we're friends you'll understand that I can't discuss Keeley with you."
"Yeah I know, sorry, I didn't mean to put you in that position."
"Stay here Maggie, we'll keep in touch. Right now, I'm going to get Keeley and take her back to the station."
***
"Senior Constable," I said when she opened the door, "I'm afraid you're needed down at the station.
"Can't it wait, my shift starts soon, I'll be there then?"
"No! You're 'needed' at the station now," I insisted.
"What!?! What's this all about?" she asked appearing confused.
"We'll discuss it at the station."
***
"Can you tell us your whereabouts last night between 9.30 and 11?" Ben asked after pressing the record on the tape recorder.
"I was in my room of course - apparently there was some party 'I' wasn't invited to," Keeley added sarcastically.
Ignoring her, Ben continued with the questioning, "can anyone verify that for you?"
"If you mean was I with anyone, then no, I was alone in my room, reading a book."
"Did you leave your room and go into Maggie Doyle's room?" I asked.
"No, I stayed in my room all night, there was no reason for me to leave. For god's sake what's this about, I've done nothing to your precious little Maggie Doyle?"
"You were seen outside her room Senior."
"Yeah so, I had to go to the toilet, I dropped an earring outside her door - since when was that a crime?
"Your insolence isn't going to help you Bracks, just answer the questions," my patience was running thin, "Did you go into Maggie Doyle's room?"
"Oh gee, how did you make it to Senior Sergeant? How was I supposed to get into her room? I did not go into her room, now if you don't mind," she stood to leave.
"Sit!" I ordered. "We're going to need to search your room, I'm sure you won't have any problems with that," I said through clenched teeth knowing full well she would have problems with it.
"No bloody way," Keeley jumped form her seat, "you are not invading my privacy, you want to search then get a warrant. And in the meantime, I'm going to finish getting ready for work," she smiled smugly.
Ben and I exchanged glances, knowing we couldn't keep her here; Ben opened the door allowing her to leave. We both followed her out, watched her attempt to catch PJ's eyes before leaving the station.
***
"You bitch, you're in town for like 2 minutes and you're trying to fit me up for dealing in drugs. Scared you won't get your darling little boyfriend back, you gotta destroy the competition!" Keeley hissed.
I heard the words rather than saw the action take place, it was obvious who Keeley was yelling at. Instantly I was at the door, "Senior Constable Bracks inside now!"
"No! Stuff the lot of you," she walked down the path.
"Senior Constable, I've given you a direct order, disobey it and you will find yourself with, at the very least a formal admonishment. I suggest you think very carefully."
"I don't care, if my Senior Sergeant prefers to trust someone she's known for a mere two days, well fuck it, what's the point?"
"Keeley, listen to her, be sensible," PJ stood behind me.
PJ's influence had an amazing effect, her features softened and she turned to re-enter the station.
I didn't like having to reprimand her in front everyone but her behaviour towards Maggie was unacceptable, whether Maggie was a friend or not was irrelevant, a member of my staff would not talk to anyone like that and get away with it.
"My office," I ordered, "PJ?"
Closing the door behind us I began, "I don't have to tell you that your behaviour is unacceptable for a member of the Victoria Police, and in particular a member of 'my' station."
"Get real, I'm not a 'member' of this station, I just work here. From day one I've been shoved aside, there's only one person who's been interested in working with me," she looked at PJ smiling slightly; he did not smile in return.
"Have you considered that it may possibly be you that." her obstinate look told me my answer, there was no need to pursue it. "forget it, it's not worth it."
"Keeley, we have to investigate all avenues, you were seen outside Maggie's room, you had access to the keys and you don't have anyone to verify your alibi," he spoke softly but his calmness had no effect on her this time.
"So now you believe the lies they're telling you, oh, what's the bloody point?" she folded her arms across her chest for emphasis.
"Senior Constable, I'd like you to stay in the station until the warrant comes through."
"Is that an order?" she asked.
"No, it's a request that I'd like you to obey, just remember you've caused enough problems today. Go on, go and tidy the stationary cupboard and stay away from Maggie Doyle, is that understood?"
She left without answering.
"You satisfied, bitch!" hissed Keeley leaning in close to Maggie as she passed on her way to the locker room.
"Senior Constable!" I warned. "Remember our recent discussion?"
"Yes Boss," into the locker room she went slamming the door behind her.
"Right, well that went well," muttered PJ.
"Hmm, keep her as calm as you can, she's a loose canon PJ."
"Just finding that one out thanks Tess. C'mon Mags, I'm taking you for a drink," he looked at me almost asking permission.
"Yeah that's fine, just stay away from Keeley for the time being. I'll keep her here as long as I can, hopefully we'll have the warrant by then. As soon as I've got it I'll bring it down to the Imperial."
Letting PJ go with Maggie to have a coffee seemed like a perfect way to diffuse the tension in the station, giving me some breathing space with which to work and a much needed break from thinking. Exhaustion was setting in yet again and the day was only half way through.
Less than ten minutes later when the station door slammed followed by the slam of PJ's office door I knew that my peace was shattered. Knocking on his door, not bothering to wait for a reply I entered the CI office.
"Don't!" PJ said dismally.
"Don't what?" I asked.
"Just don't ask what happened."
"Well you know I'm going to and you know you're going to tell me so.just get on with it. Where's Maggie?"
"Walked out on me," he continued after seeing my raised eyebrows. "We had that "copper first" discussion, you know the one I mean," I nodded. "Well, we had that and then I told her I couldn't discuss the case with her as after all, she was still a suspect." He banged his hand against the desk sending loose papers fluttering to the floor, "Damn this job," he muttered under his breath.
"Maggie will understand PJ, she was a copper too, just give her some time. You don't seriously believe the drugs are hers?" I had to ask the question.
"No," he shook his head, "No, of course I don't but I have to consider it Tess, it's my job," he stared at the picture of Maggie on his desk.
"But it's not your life PJ, can you separate the two?"
"Could you with Jack?" he asked sarcastically. "Doesn't work like that and you know it."
"Well you don't have to make the same mistakes I did, do you?" I walked towards the door. "All I'm saying is believe, in your heart."
"Tess, wait," he called me back. "What about you and Jack? Maggie and I saw you together last night."
"Did you? Well.umm.well, you shouldn't have been snooping should you," I was shocked that PJ had seen me back in Jack's arms.
"Hey, mate, we're here for each other right?"
I nodded.
"Talk to me," PJ said.
"I dunno PJ," I sat at his desk opposite him, burying my head in my hands. "I'm so confused, I love Evan and yet Jack can still bring out all those same old feelings in me. How can he do that if I don't have some sort of feelings for him?"
"Hmmm, seems to me that your feelings are those of the Tess you used to be, the one that loved Jack. You never really got a chance to end things properly Tess, speak to Jack, close that chapter of your life and move on."
"Tess, warrant is here," Evan knocked and entered the office.
"Umm right, PJ?" I asked.
"No, you two go with Keeley, I'd better stay out of the way."
"Right then, let's go," I walked past Evan feeling his hand caress my leg as I did.
***
Maggie was sitting at a table with Jack when we walked into the Imperial; I looked back at Evan, giving him a reassuring smile before approaching the table. I looked at Jack unable to look away from him.
"Maggie, Jack," I said averting my eyes from Jack's.
"Tess, I've been speaking to Jack about the night of the party, he may be able to help."
I raised my eyebrows at Jack, "Right, I'm sorry but I don't know whether Jack would be considered a reliable witness, considering his past, but, if he has information that may help, we'll listen. I'm just going upstairs to help with the search, Jack can come back to the station with us," I spoke to Maggie but eyes remained firmly fixed on Jack. What was wrong with me, PJ was right I had to sort this out.
"Anyway, umm, Maggie," I looked at her, "I better go join the others. Jack."
I turned and immediately made my way to the stairs. The search providing nothing to clear Maggie's name we came back down into the Imperial bar, I sent Evan over to get Jack, not wanting to be with him again until I had a chance to talk to him.
***
"Tell us about the night of the party Jack," I said.
"I left the party, came looking for." he paused looking from Evan to me.
"It's fine Jack, there aren't any secrets between us."
"Okay, I came looking for you, we talked here then I left, I drove around for a while."
"You 'just' drove around?" Evan asked.
"Yeah, you know, the footy club, Matilda's paddock, all my old haunts," Jack paused, "it's called memories. Anyway, after a while I went back to the pub, I didn't go back to the party, just went straight up the stairs. Saw a blonde woman, 165 cms, slim build, black pants, hot pink short sleeved top, buttons down the front standing at a door two rooms down from mine, didn't think anything of it - didn't even know it was Maggie's room."
"That's it?" I asked.
"Yeah, sorry Tess, that's all I saw," he looked crushed, like he wished he could tell me more just to make me happy.
"Right, well thanks for that Jack, Evan can you see Jack out please."
I went straight to my office as soon as I left the interview room; the case was beginning to frustrate me, two suspects but no hard evidence against either of them really.
Evan entered the office not long after, "How you feeling?" he asked.
"I dunno, numb, confused, just Jack being here I feel so uncomfortable."
"You sure you don't have any lingering."
"Stop it," I demanded, walking over to close the door I reached up to kiss him, "it's over, I love you. But you're going to have to trust me, I have to see him Evan, clear the air, finalise that part of my life, do you understand?"
"Not really, no, but I won't stop you, just as long as you promise to come home with me tonight," he was only half joking, his insecurity showing through the banter in his words.
"I'll go after work okay, and I promise," I kissed him squarely on the lips, "I promise that I'll be in your bed tonight, and every night for the rest of our lives," I hugged him tight relishing the closeness of our bodies.
"Mt Thomas 250 to Mt Thomas station.Mt Thomas 250 to Mt Thomas station.do you copy Mt Thomas Station?"
"Shit Evan, the radio," we both scrambled out to the main station.
"Mt Thomas Station, go ahead PJ," I quickly grabbed the handset.
"Ben's bringing Keeley in Tess, she admitted to Maggie that it was her, Ben and I were in the corridor, ETA probably less than two minutes now. What were you doing?"
"Ahhh, umm, in my office. Right Mt Thomas 250; see you when you get back. I'll call ESD."
Keeley entered the station ahead of Ben; her head still held high, even an act such as this could not alter her sense of self-importance. Boldly she looked me in the eyes, not caring what she saw there. I shook my head, pursing my lips in response.
"Take her through to the interview room please Sergeant, I've informed ESD."
"You okay Maggie?" I asked as soon as Maggie and PJ came into the station.
"Yeah," she nodded, "just glad it's over."
"Come on, we don't need to be here, PJ and Ben can wait for ESD, I'm knocking off, they can meet us at the pub later."
"You sure? What about my statement?" I asked.
"Yep, Evan and I can take that then we'll go, can't wait for a drink."
It was over, finally, and a celebration down at the Imperial was a certainty. My relief was tainted with the fact that one of my members had crossed the line, but Jack had taught me something, I couldn't take her mistakes on board, it wasn't my fault and nothing I could've done or said would have made any difference to her.
Knocking quietly on his door, my heart beating rapidly in my chest I listened for his permission to enter. When it came I opened the door with a certain amount of fear and trepidation.
"Friends," I said holding out my hand.
"That it?" he asked refusing my hand.
"It's all I can give you Jack, you broke my heart, but Evan, well he fixed it I guess, made me believe in love again. We both need to move on Jack, get over the fact that we were once in love. So," I held out my hand again.
"I guess I don't have much choice, rather have you as a friend than nothing at all."
"Come here Jack," I pulled him into my arms, unsure if it was a good move just knowing it felt right.
Hesitantly he returned my hug, "he's a lucky man Tess."
"Nah mate, I'm the lucky one, now you coming down for a drink? Maggie's in the clear, we're all going to celebrate."
***
"Hey careful," Evan muttered close to my ear as I nearly stumbled out side the church.
"I'm fine, stop fussing," I said, grabbing hold of his hand anyway.
"Is Jack gonna be here?" Evan asked.
"I don't know, I don't even know if Maggie invited him, guess she did," I replied non-commitedly.
"Does he know?"
"I don't know, now stop fussing," I reached up to kiss him, allaying his insecurities.
I looked around the church seeing all the familiar Mt.Thomas faces, Grace, Susan, Merv even Winifred Starling. Tony Timms was there, camera round his neck, I could see it making front page of the Gazette. Jack was there and I felt Evan stiffen slightly when he saw him, I squeezed his hand gently, meeting his eyes I smiled, mouthing the words, 'I love you.'
We took our seats and watched a nervous PJ - Ben and Nick standing up for him as Best Men. Grace leaned forward from her seat behind me, "Feeling okay Tess?" she asked.
I nodded and smiled, "Yeah, how's Tom?'
She laughed, "he's so nervous, he's never had to do this before."
As the music started the whole church stood and turned to see Maggie's Matron of Honour Chris and her bridesmaid Dash walked towards the alter. Gracefully Maggie followed on the arm of a very proud Tom. Flashes seemed to be going off all over the church; this was a moment to be recorded for prosperity.
***
"Do you Margaret Ann, take Patrick Joseph." Father Brian's words rang through the church.
"I do," Maggie's reply was strong, so sure was she of her love for this man, nerves played no part.
"PJ, you may kiss your bride," Father Brian smiled at PJ.
I smiled at Evan remembering our own simple but beautiful wedding, he smiled back, as PJ and Maggie embraced passionately.
Father Brian's loud voice addressed the congregation, "I'd like to introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Hasham."
Cheers and claps erupted and from the corner of my eye, I noted Tom wiping a tear from his eye.
Outside the church we stood and watched while the photos were taken. I t wasn't long before PJ and Maggie asked for all their 'copper friends' to be in a photo. Evan and I moved to stand under the shade of a tree after the photo, the heat making me feel very faint.
A voice from behind startled us both, "you look, umm, good Tess."
Evan protectively reached out to place his hand on my stomach, as Jack leaned over to kiss my cheek.
"Congratulations," he whispered. Holding his hand out to Evan. "You too mate. How long to go Tess?"
I smiled, "any day now."
I could see him mentally tallying the months, "so."
"Yes I was pregnant when Maggie came back, just didn't know it, the signs were there but."
"Suits you Tess, you're gonna make a great Mum."
"Thanks Jack," I realised how hard it must have been for him to see me like this, but nothing could mar my happiness, I was standing next to the man I loved, carrying our soon to be born child, life was perfect.
The wedding reception went beautifully, the speeches not too long, the guests all happy to see Maggie and PJ finally married. After the final speech Maggie and PJ danced the bridal waltz, I watched them gazing into each other's eyes, the rest of the world completely forgotten.
***
That night I lay in bed reliving our own wedding, sleep didn't come easily this late in the pregnancy, comfort a long forgotten luxury. My back ached like I never thought possible and a few twinges made me wonder whether something was about to happen. I got up padding quietly into the nursery; sitting in the rocking chair I grabbed one of the many stuffed toys this baby had already received. From the moment we'd told everyone we'd been inundated with gifts form rattles to bibs.
Around three, I decided the pains were becoming a little too painful and a far too frequent; it was definitely time to wake my still slumbering husband.
***
I cradled her in my arms, not wanting to let go of her. It had been four months since her birth but I still couldn't bear to let her go. I never expected to feel such a love for another human, so completely different to the love shared by lovers. The little girl depended on me totally and I vowed to myself the moment she was placed in my arms that I would 'never' let her down.
"What name do you give this child?" Father Brian asked.
We stood at the alter, the four of us and this little precious bundle that would bind us together forever.
"Samantha Teresa," Evan and I said together, we'd named her after Evan's father.
I saw the pride on Maggie's and PJ's faces, they were thrilled when we asked them to be Samantha's Godparents, and more doting they couldn't be. I knew it wouldn't be long now before Sam had a little friends, the signs were obvious to me although Maggie and PJ were yet to realise their family was about to begin. The timing couldn't have been more perfect, when my maternity leave was over and I was ready to return to work, Maggie could take leave from her job as Acting Sergeant at Mt Thomas Station.
***
The Imperial was packed with all our friends, as Tom gathered everyone's attention for a toast.
"Samantha," he called.
"Samantha," rang out around the pub.
Evan stood by my side, I looked up at him and smiled, he reached out to gently run his finger down Samantha's cheek.
I had it all and I couldn't be happier.