Oliver came home early that night, wandering into the dark house on silent feet. He tiptoed his way up the stairs, his finely tuned ears catching every noise, including the sound of Thea whimpering as he passed her room. It had been her whimper, no doubt about it. He'd heard it too many times before, like whenever she'd prick her finger on a rose's thorn. Why was Thea whimpering? Why was Thea in pain? Who did he have to protect her from?
In one swift movement, he turned the handle and shoved open her door, his heart shattering at what he saw. Thea was alone, sitting cross legged on her bed, a needle in the crook of her elbow and the plunger pressed down. Her eyes went wide with shock, her jaw hanging open but no words spilling out. He closed the door softly behind him and walked over to her, but remained standing at the side of the bed.
"What are you doing?" he asked, fighting to keep the emotions from his voice.
She pulled the needle from her arm and threw it in the small trash can beside her bed. "Escaping." she whispered, staring straight ahead.
"From what?" he asked again, though he already knew the answer. He knew because he too had thought about using drugs to escape from the nightmares and the crushing weight of waking up every morning. But he'd lived for five years without any escape, Thea could go without it too.
"From everything." she replied finally. "Just because you're back from the dead doesn't mean everything is going to change now. Five years without you can't be erased."
"How long have you been doing this for?"
"Since the year you died."
He couldn't stop it even if he wanted to, but a small frown turned down the corners of his lips as he sat down next to her. "Why? You didn't have to start this. Do you even know what you're doing? You could kill yourself."
"Death would be a blessing." she said, her voice breathy and laced with pain.
Oliver looked down at her, not able to hide the concern or his own aching anguish anymore.
"I thought you were dead...I didn't just loose you and dad but I lost mom too. Every time she looked at me, it were as if she were saying 'You should have died instead'." Her voice started to break, tears welling up in her eyes. "For five years, I had nobody. Going to bed didn't work, I kept seeing you and dad drown, every night. Waking up I was overwhelmed with grief and depression. And mom...she didn't do anything to try and help me." She started to sob, her face buried in her hands and her shoulders shaking.
For a moment, he hesitated, but then gathered up Thea in his arms, cradling her. On one hand, he was enraged at this news about his mother. About the fact that she hadn't even tried to help Thea when she needed her the most. But on the other, he was writhering with grief and guilt and concern. "I'm sorry." he whispered, his voice betraying all the emotions he felt.
"I know you had no control over the situation, but just because you're back doesn't change anything. I don't even know if you're still my Ollie."
He grew warm at her words. He was her Ollie.
"The island had to have changed you; I don't even know if I know you anymore."
He pulled away slightly and cupped Thea's face in his hands. With a breaking heart he realized her eyes were glazed over. She'd pass out any second now. "Thea, I am different. Everything is different and strange and new to me. But you're not. You're still my little sister. You've changed, I've changed, but we haven't. I still care about you and love you." He wiped a tear off her cheek. "I still want to protect you, now more so than ever. I promise you, on my life, that I won't ever leave you again."
A small smile lit up her face and she rested her head on Ollie's chest, listening to his heart beat.
"Everything we used to have, we can get that back. No matter what." he whispered to her.
She nodded tiredly. "I love you...Ollie." Her head rolled back and her eyes shut, her breathing becoming shallow and steady. The wet tears glistened on her cheeks in the dim light.
He looked down at her and started to cry himself. He felt like he was being torn apart, shattered like glass. He felt so hollow and empty but so full of grief. His chest was exploding with pain.
"I'm so sorry." he whispered, over and over and over as he held Thea in his arms.
Thea had been through hell and back. Thea was broken and lost and it was all his fault. He wanted to take away all the pain she'd felt over the last five years and add it to his own.
Thea didn't deserve this.
He wanted to take all the abuse she'd felt and make it his. He wanted to keep her here, forever, in his arms and protect her from the world and it's cruelty. He wanted to give her the best possible life she could have to make up for the five years of pain and loneliness. Damn it, he'd even trade his soul to the devil if it meant he could wash away Thea's pain.
He'd do anything and everything for her. He wanted her to wake up and promise that she'd never do drugs again. And he'd promise her that things between them could go back to the way they used to be. He's promise her that he'd find a way to make her happy again.
He didn't know how long it had been, but eventually there were no more tears. Gently, he laid Thea down on her bed, tucking her under the blanket.
"I love you too, Thea." he whispered, shutting of her lamp and then walking into his own room.
He started to think of all the ways he could make her happy again, to make up for the pain he'd caused her. To make up for being a failure as an older brother. He'd make her breakfast as many mornings as he could, he'd take her shopping and out to eat, he'd reconnect her with some friends. He'd try and fix things between her and mom. He'd be there for her. He'd make her happy and he'd be the perfect big brother.
Because that's what Thea deserved.