I do not own Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind
When Lastel was first announced to be the heir to the throne instead of Asbel, he cheered her on.
"I'll always be there for you," he had said. And because they were five and the sappiest twerps in the kingdom, he gave her a hug and she told him that he was the greatest brother she could have ever wished for.
When their father first told them Asbel would instead learn to be a pilot and lead the air force, Asbel got angry.
"How could you decide that without us? Who's going to take care of Lastel?" he demanded, fists gripping tight against themselves. "How's she going to deal with being a queen if I'm out in the skies?"
Lastel kept quietly to the side. He knew she hated it when they fought.
Their father told him, "She can take care of herself."
Asbel couldn't keep his fist back after that and his parents never stopped lecturing him for it.
When he got his first personal gunship, Asbel could barely contain himself. Much to his irritation, he had managed to grow attached to his wings and to the ability to fly where he wanted. And, admittedly, shoot what he wanted. The ability to take out a Tolmekian land squadron – of which there were very few now – without them ever knowing or tracing the attack back to Pejite left him feeling invincible.
When Lastel was kidnapped, he should have known. The quiet, the undecipherable code, the extra ships heading out. He should have realized.
When Nausicaä told him what he had somehow already figured out, he didn't really listen. Part of it didn't sink in, part of him thought he had already finished grieving when he had never started.
"She was my twin sister," was all he thought to say on the matter.
Nausicaä bowed her head in sympathy and they moved on.
When the Ohmu were sent back to the forest, when the land erupted into celebrations that would last intermittently for days, he got to know Lord Yupa and Mito and a bunch of guys that helped him settle into the Valley with his remaining kinsmen and he had plenty excuse to stay away from the burial site. It was, after all, mostly Tolmekian bodies and he hadn't yet found the will to forgive them.
When Nausicaä came to him one morning and quietly announced she would be visiting Lastel's grave, he couldn't manage to find an excuse to stay away any longer and he followed her to the fields of small mounds.
Of course, he wouldn't be the only one searching for a lost family member and of course every body belonged to someone over in Tolmekia, but he couldn't help the bitter disgust that soured the early morning air.
When Nausicaä stopped him in front of a grave marked by the oddest, most misshapen piece of wood he had ever seen, he found he couldn't take his eyes off the spot when finally faced with it. He only stood there, fixated.
They said nothing for the longest time. Nausicaä placed some cleansed forest plants on her grave. Asbel waited, feeling not unlike he'd been caught in the crosshairs of a gun.
"I'm sorry," he said after a long pause. Nausicaä probably thought he was talking to her at first, but he kept his eyes on the grave and she quickly got the hint. "I didn't want to accept that this is real."
Nausicaä didn't shift in discomfort, though he was sure she felt as out of place as he did, if not more so. He bit against the heat rising in his face, against the lump in his throat.
"I'm so sorry, Lastel." He choked, gnawing his lip. He wouldn't cry. He knew that she sure wouldn't if she were in his place. They were both brought up not to. He as a soldier, her as a ruler. He would never hear the end of it if he was the first to crack.
"It's unfair, you know," he informed the grave. "I'm sure if you had a body, you would be crying too."
Nausicaä said nothing, though she let one gloved hand rest on his shoulder and he could feel some of her hair brush his cheek, blown by a northern wind.
"She's not coming back, is she?" he asked.
"I'm afraid not."
"You lost your father, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"How did you manage?"
"I attempted to kill a room full of men."
His breath hitched and a small laugh escaped his throttled throat. "I'm sure they deserved it." His voice sounded awful – all scratchy and hoarse. Lastel really had won.
"No one deserves it," Nausicaä said. "Especially not your sister. I'm sorry, Asbel. I tried, I really did."
She tried. If only Asbel could say the same.
Nausicaä moved her hand to wrap an arm around his shoulder. Asbel leaned against her.
"She was a gentle person," Nausicaä said. "I wish I could have gotten to know her better."
"So would she," he said, tears betraying him. "She… she loved to fly, when she got the chance. Which wasn't much, given… given that…"
He cut off, biting his mouth closed as silent sobs racked his body.
He gripped Nausicaä's hand in his. "I miss her," he choked.
"I know."
He missed riding with Lastel through the skies, and the way she wondered at the clouds soaring by. He missed her small smiles and quiet laughter. He missed her indignation when he or one of the other boys stole her personal items or pulled a prank. He missed her fury when she discovered civilians stealing from the food supply.
He missed her crying for her ruined, favorite dress. He missed her stunned silence when the scouting party returned without half of its original members.
He missed Lastel grabbing him by the shoulder when she got excited.
Eventually, the sky turned a brighter blue and the time came for them to return to the fields. Nausicaä left him to himself, but he only remained alone for a few moments before choosing to follow her, face dry and back straight.
The wind felt cold on his skin, dismissing the warmth of the sun. He started the slow trek back, heart still aching and eyes throbbing.
But somehow, despite the new, acute pain, the void in his chest felt just a little smaller.
Somehow… he felt better.
A/N: Nausicaä is one of my favorites of Miyazaki's works - which isn't saying much, since I love all of them - but it did bother me how little Asbel reacted to losing his sister. *munch munch* "So how about them forests?"