Lullaby of the lost and gone chapter 1

Authors note: hey guys^^ back with a new story! I know it's a bit soon after the last one but I've had this waiting to be posted for ages (before blood moon even- I was going to post this first but with the real life blood moon I just couldn't resist^^) and I couldn't wait any longer so here we are^^

nothing too intense compared to the last story and there's going to be plenty of fluff later but this is a hurt/comfort story and the comfort comes later so yeah for the moment there's a bit of hurt

anyways I hope you like the chapter pleeeeeaaaaaase let me know what you think of this new story it really means a lot and (although it's only a shortish ten chapter story) I will be updating daily as usual^^ see you tommorow!

originally inspired by the song "Dark Paradise" by Lana del Ray- if you want to really get a sense of this chapter it's the perfect mood setter^^

Gone.. gone.. gone. Forever, gone... He is gone.

The illusion is shattered. I come to my senses- to reality... He wasn't here.. Gone... He never was. Though I felt him, saw him- he smiled, and said I was fine. Held me in his arms, and comforted me, just like he always used to do... but now he is gone. That was all a dream.

His embrace and hold of a hand- every sight, an illusion. A fantasy created by my mind.

He. Is. Gone.

He was taken from me oh so long ago... I wallowed in my grief for years... until I was knocked out. I had been dreaming for an age, or an eternity. My mind filled the beautiful dreams that taunted me with him- his smile and laugh. Running and playing and tickling and joking. The moments recreated and brought to life from the past. The past times that were gone now- alive in my head... And then my eyes opened. Gone.

I remember it now. He never had come back to me. That day on the lake... and the ice- that broke- and then... He was gone. I could remember it now- the fall. The sickening snap. The break of the ice that broke my heart. It took him... Now he is... My brother... is dead.

Dreams are not real- they were false. Nothing but lies to distract from reality. But I am not held by their illusion anymore. Now I am awake... Now I can take. I can take that which is most precious to people- just like that which had been done to me. So, that they can all feel my pain. Loss. The daily agony of their dearest's absense. Of them not being there... of him not being there...

I did this, once, long ago. But then I was made to sleep. Left to drift in those... those fake! Useless! Fairytales! They tortured me! With their stupid make believe! And unreal, untouchable, stupid ghosts!... But... If close my eyes... I can still see them... And I can see him. His smile, and rough hair, and warm, brown eyes... My brother. My dear, dead brother. Gone. Forever.

I remember the day it really sunk in. The memorial. The day I stood by that cold, lifeless stone that was somehow supposed to represent him, and mark his passing... I had cried. My mother had stayed strong, but I didn't see why I should be. He was gone... and he was gone, because of me. It took a long, long, time for the crying to stop... But even after the tears, I never let go of him. Everyone told me I should move on- forget him. The beasts. That was one thing I would never do. I would never forget that day- I would never forget him!... Never forget that he is gone...

His face- it haunts me. Everyday now, and everyday back then. But over those times, long gone now, I eventually realised I had no choice. I had to pretend I was fine. And so when they asked me how I stayed strong, I gave them the simple lie. I said: he lives on- he wasn't truly gone. Placed a hand on my empty chest, and gave a smile as real as a pathetic daydream. They believed it. I didn't.

He was gone... They might not have remembered- or cared... but I thought of it every day. Gone... Taken... The sight of him falling down.. down.. into the ice repeating through my mind again and again. The image of that empty hole in the ice- lifeless and still- from which he was never to return. How could I? I would never forget that moment. The moment when my heart broke, and ceased to exist.

The days passed- week by week... month by month... year by year... I never stopped thinking of him. Never. He broke my heart, and it refuses to heal- no, not him. Never his fault. It was fate. Cruel gods that took him from me... Or, if not the fault of fate,... it was mine. I was so eager to get out on that lake- no matter that it had barely frozen... and now he is dead because of me.

Gone...

And I miss him. I miss my brother.

I just can't accept that he's not here. He was always by my side- always cheering me up, and making me smile... It just doesn't seem possible for him not to be there. Just like it seems impossible for me to smile, without him bringing his joy into my life...

So, it carried on for the rest of my life- endlessly longing for his presence... Until, I turned seventeen. His age. Then... I got lost. I went out into the forest, that day- as I often would. Thinking of him, and the games we'd played under these very same trees. Seeing him dancing ahead of me, or hanging from overhead branches. They were always nothing more than dreams (dreams had haunted me even back then). Ghosts of the imagination I saw daily... and sometimes they'd make me cry. I wanted to go to the lake, at first- as I planned to- but I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. So, I just wandered- heading straight into the forest, without taking any notice to direction or bearing.

I walked for a long time, and then, when I turned to go back... the forest wouldn't end. No matter how far I walked, the village wouldn't appear. The trees were unfamiliar, there were no landmarks to tell me where I was. I was terrified. I ran, but it made no difference. And I just kept running- and running. Screaming my brother's name. He promised he'd always keep me safe- and he'd protect me from the worst of nightmares. So where was he?! He should be here, with me- saving me!... But, I was lost- and he wasn't there to save me.

I don't know when it was- it seemed like an eternity of terrified running- but there was a rock, I didn't notice, wedged in the ground beneath my feet. I tripped, and fell- my head crashed hard against another bone breaking rock that lay nearby- and then, there was black... I'm pretty sure I died.

But, then... all of a sudden... I was not. I was awake.

My hair had turned ebony black, and my eyes were now a violet akin to darkness. I wasn't alive- that much I was sure... This must be what it's like when you're dead. This must be heaven- or maybe I was some kind of angel, meant to watch over my mother and the rest of the village. But if I was dead... Then, I would be able to see him again.

Spurred on with this thought, I set off to find my way back home. Knowing, my brother would be waiting for me there. I walked and walked- somehow never needing to eat and sleep- and, at last, escaped the forest.

The sun had passed many, many, times above my head, when I returned home, but I managed it. I ran straight to our house at the edge of town, but nobody saw me. Then again, I didn't expect them to. If I was an angel, and I was dead, then it was obvious they wouldn't know I was there. I opened the door, ready, at long last, to finally see my brother again. And when I opened the front door... my mother was there... But then... he was not.

It didn't make sense. He must be-... I froze, and my world shattered. He wasn't here. Any hope and faith in the world crumpled at that very moment. I was dead- just like he was. If he would be anywhere, my brother would be at home, waiting for me. But, he wasn't. He was gone, and yet... still I remained. This couldn't be heaven. It mustn't be- heaven had him inside, my angel brother. This couldn't be it. So, somehow, I had lingered. I had died, and yet, even in death, fate kept him away from me! The gods had taken him from me- and they had done so... forever. I would... never... see him... again? No. It couldn't be. I just couldn't believe it- but, then, I was done disbelieving.

This world was cruel. It had stolen him. It had done so forever. It. Was. True. The cold, hard truth, that I was done denying!

So, if I couldn't have him- if fate took him from me forever-then so, too, would I take. The first one I took was the brother of a twin. He walked into the woods- straight to me. He walked into those trees, and never came back. Just like my brother never came back. His brother cried, as I had cried, and his family felt the pain of loss I felt.

The brother I took, I brought to the eternal forest. My land of darkness and bare, twisted trees. Reaching out from the trunk of a tree, I had pulled him into my realm. The realm of the forest which lasts forever.

I found out about it soon after the discovery that my brother was eternally lost to me. I stormed off into the trees, not looking where I was going, and I almost smacked straight into one of them- except I didn't. I went into the tree, like it was a doorway to another world. I found myself in that midnight, desolate landscape, that stretched forever, beyond where the eye could see. Filled with numberless trees, their branches raking the sky, and barely manageable trails. That was where I took the boy.

He ran, shouting and calling for his mother. Calling for his brother. He soon started crying, afraid. He felt lost... and so he should be. I wanted everyone to feel my pain. To feel lost and afraid and abandoned. To cry and scream, running forever in an endless forest, and pleading for a help which never came. I wanted them to hurt, just like I had done. So, I took more.

I only take the children- the brothers and sisters. The ones like him and me- and, like us, I ripped them apart. But, it didn't last.

Some strange creatures came to me- somehow finding their way into me forest without me taking them-, they implored me to stop. But they didn't understand. The giant man and little golden dwarf had yet to feel pain- they had not suffered the agony of loss- they didn't get it! The other two did. They both had suffered great losses, but still they tried to stop me. They must be the type that told you to move on and forget them- the ones I hated.

I would have taken them too- seperated them, and made them search forever for each other again- but they were ready. They trapped me in my land of forever forest- and made me sleep for all eternity... But now I am awake, and I can take once more. I can feel, as strongly as ever, the ache in my heart for my brother. That ache that will never ease and that I will share with the world. Mothers, sisters and brothers alike. They too would feel what it is like, to be lost- and to long for those that are gone. I shall take them with my lullaby.

That is how I do it. I call them with my melody, when they stray in the woods. I'm sure they never hear the tune, but that doesn't matter- they are drawn to it regardless. When they get close enough, I reach out and pull them in. Then, just like that.. gone. Running through the trees forever, with that song haunting them at their backs- following them through the trees. His song. The song of my dear brother, from his heart to mine.

It was the lullaby he'd sing it to me as I dropped off to sleep- or as he held me, and hushed me, after a nightmare. It was a sound of bliss, and of love. I cherished every note, every word... But now it is just a constant reminder that he is gone. I shall never hear that song from him, ever, again.

It was his song, for me from him- the lullaby of the lost and gone. I was lost, and he is gone. But, now I am not lost anymore- although he is still gone. I have found my purpose in life- to take, as he has been taken. To share my grief with the world.

So that all will know what it is like. To feel the loss of those that are gone.