'Well,' Sky thought as he slowly withdrew a razor from the box of disposables. 'This is it, I'm really doing it. After years of being clean…' He couldn't cut his wrists like before since it was summer, instead opting to pull his shorts off and drag the razor across his thighs.
Ty yawned, slowly, as a half-asleep teen he was, dragging himself down the road, with a small bag clutched in his hand. He was going to Sky's, to bring him some breakfast. Sky wasn't really acting like himself as of late, and it worried the brunet.
Sky could feel his cutter's sense kicking in, like before, when somebody was potentially going to find out. Dammit, he had no bandages or gauze! Frantically, his eyes flitted back and forth, and he decided that wrapping his legs in toilet paper and holding it with rubber bands would do until he could find time to buy bandages. The teen hid his razor under his bed, throwing it as far as he could under there.
Ty rang Sky's bell, patiently waiting for him to open the door. Not even the energy drink he had earlier helped him with his fatigue.
Sky ran down the stairs, ignoring the tight toilet-paper-bandages hidden under his shorts. "I'm coming!"
The door was opened and Ty pushed the paper bag into Sky's hands, smiling at him tiredly. "Your breakfast," he answered the unasked question.
"Oh, thanks," Sky said with a fairly well-faked 'I'm-tired-but-I'm-glad-to-see-you voice'.
Ty raised an eyebrow. Sky was usually a morning bird, the one who tugged him out of his house, and considering it was barely half past nine, Sky being tired was really weird. "Are you-" he had to supress a yawn, "-okay?"
"Well, yeah," the older teen replied, fidgeting with the bandages around his thighs subconsciously. "Just tired."
"Did you even sleep?" Ty asked, looking at the rings under Sky's eyes. He hoped the older teen didn't pull an all-nighter again.
Sky bit his lip, trying to figure out how to tactfully explain the triggery nightmares he had had last night. Loved ones dying a slow, painful death while he had to sit back and watch, weak and powerless. 'Useless,' he thought darkly. 'Good-for-nothing selfish little fucker.' He aimed the thoughts and the hate at himself, hating how he had relapsed and how the shame of relapsing made him want to cut more.
"Another nightmare?" Ty asked, giving Sky a sympathetic look. He knew about his friend's problem, and always tried helping as much as he could. "What was it about?"
The older teen flinched away as bloody images flashed through his mind. "Just… nothing." 'Useless, dead-weight burden!'
"Come on, you'll feel better of you tell it to someone!" Ty said, inviting himself in when a burst of chilly wind swept over the street.
Sky grit his teeth as the self-loathing roared back into his head. 'Pathetic, weak, violent, sick, insane!' "Nothing! I'm fine!" the older teen spoke too quickly.
"Calm down," Ty whispered, tugging at Sky's wrist gently. Whatever he had dreamed of, it must've been very bad. He unwrapped the sandwich from the bag, handing it over to Sky as they sat down on his couch. "Eat," he commanded in a calm voice.
The older teen nibbled it but barely ate, too jittery. 'Aggressive pile of shit!'
"Hey, what's that? Ant bites? Come on, I put on extra butter just for you!" Ty said, his fatigue forgotten in his friend's weird acting. "Are you not hungry?"
Sky shook his head, passing the sandwich back to his friend. "You eat it." 'I deserve to die.'
"I already had mine," Ty protested, "Just keep it for later, I'm sure you'll get hungry eventually." He offered a warm smile as he packed the sandwich and put it into the fridge.
Sky muttered under his breath, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. But his own voice was just a weak shield against all of the loathing coming back. 'You fucking disappointed everybody when you were younger - why should it change? You've just been deluding yourself to the fact that you're incurable, incorrigible. Unwanted.'
"H-Hey… What's wrong?" Ty tentatively put an arm around Sky's shoulders, pulling him towards himself. He would have to be blind not to notice his shaking.
Sky's fingers traced the barely-noticeable scars on his wrist, unable to speak. He fell into apathy, mindlessly running his hand over the pink slashes.
"Seriously, dude… You are scaring me now…"Ty muttered, "What happened to you?"
"I'm… fine," Sky whispered, recovering from the sudden bout of mental instability. Then, his voice became low, urgent. "Ty… do you think I'm… crazy?"
"Of course not!" Ty hurried to assure him, "Why would you be crazy?" Was Sky having hallucinations or something?
Sky dipped his head, avoiding the younger teen's gaze. It could've been true, but at the same time he sounded like he was only saying it to placate him. 'You're a demon - hell, you've done things way out there.'
"Why are you asking?" Ty gently rubbed Sky's back. Hell, was this still the same Sky that he played Minecraft with yesterday?
"Ty…" the older teen sighed, "I… I can't tell you." 'Because paranoid people are the crazy, unnatural, abnormal ones.'
"If… something happened…" Ty started, turning himself to face Sky fully and pulled him into a tight embrace, "I'm here for you, okay? You can tell me anything, I won't judge you." How could he, even? They were friends for so long, longer than he could really remember, how could he abandon his friend? He couldn't, and wouldn't.
Sky pulled away, without a single word. He had started again, after coming down with a fever a few days before and having to contend with bullies AND intense schoolwork. It was just so hard to handle, but he figured that as long as he got his daily dose of cuts he would be fine.
"Sky, please, talk with me," Ty pleaded, eyes now full of unfallen tears.
"No, I won't. Just go home so I can study for the fuckin' test," he snarled coldly.
Ty pulled away, looking like he was scorched. He gazed at Sky with wide eyes, the hurt in them too obvious. Dejected, he stood up, twiddling with his fingers. He looked at Sky again, before turning around and walking out of the living room to put on his shoes again.
"Don't do dis," he muttered as he tied his shoelaces.
All he heard in reply was Sky's slow footsteps heading back up the stairs.
Sky entered the bathroom, shutting the door. Too unmotivated to retrieve the other razor from under his bed, he dug through the cabinets for the hidden box of disposables. Over time, he had collected them and experimented, finding that the blue-black Gillette was his favorite. It cut deep, it cut fast, and even though it didn't hurt at first it burned like hell after a few seconds.
"Aahhhh," he out a sigh of relief as he pulled off his pants and slashed at his thighs. It hurt and it felt good at the same time - how that worked, he didn't know. But it did.
Ty watched Sky's back disappear upstairs, and he was torn between wanting to leave Sky alone, just as he wanted, and wanting to hug him and reassure him that whatever happened will get better.
Fighting with himself – well, not really fighting, he just wasn't sure if Sky would tell him to get out again – he sighed, running up the stairs. A quick check of his bedroom revealed that Sky was not present, so Ty started going through the rooms, finally standing in front of bathroom door. Sky must've been in there.
Taking a deep breath and preparing for Sky's cold shouting again, Ty opened the door.
Ty froze mid-way, gazing wide eyed at the bloody scene in front of him.
Sky stiffened, his eyes wide behind his shades, razor against his skin mid-slash. His first reaction was shyness at the fact that Ty was seeing him in his underwear, but the next was rage. Ty hadn't left.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" he snarled, his voice dangerously quiet as he began wrapping the wounds in another makeshift toilet-paper-and-rubber-band bandage.
"What the fuck I'm doing here is not letting my friend go!" Ty said, snatching the toilet paper from Sky and throwing the bloodied material in the bin. He rummaged through the cupboard behind the mirror, fishing out a bottle of rubbing alcohol. He dipped a clean piece of toilet paper in the liquid and began silently cleaning the cuts.
Sky cringed from the stinging pain, smacking Ty's hands away from his legs. "I don't need your help, god-fucking-dammit! This actually works, not like those cheap-ass overpriced therapy shit!"
"No it fucking doesn't!" Ty shouted, folding his hand over his chest, "It just pulls you deeper and deeper; it's never enough, you always have to cut that little bit deeper! How does that help anything?!"
Sky was silent for a moment, studying Ty. Then, he spoke. "You've done it too, haven't you?"
Ty looked at the floor, playing with one of his purple wristbands. "Yeah," he admitted, "I've even thought about ending it, but then you came, and I suddenly didn't want to do it anymore."
The older teen softened for a moment, a flash of vulnerability in his face. But Sky turned away, muttering. "You know nothing. I'm not going to kill myself, I'm going to use this to get through all this shit. Then I'll stop. Stopping might take time, but I will when everything's better."
"No, that's what you tell yourself," Ty protested, taking a seat next to Sky, continuing his treatment, "Don't you even dare stop me. Do you want it infected on top of it all? To go to the hospital, get diagnosed with depression and getting stuck in reformatory with teen nutcases?" Ty gently ran the paper over Sky's skin, being careful not to push too hard.
"Whatever," Sky drawled, stubbornly moving away from Ty. "It's not like it really matters. There's nine billion people out there, what's one person, more or less?"
"A world," Ty said simply, his velvet eyes looking at Sky's shades defiantly.
The older of the two snorted. "Yeah, sure. A useless, stupid, bitchy person means that much. That makes so much fucking sense." He put his hand to his thigh, feeling a little bit of warm blood against it. "Goddammit, if the first day I start again is the first day I get caught, I must be shit at hiding things."
Ty wrapped his arms around Sky's shoulders, burying his tearing eyes in his sleeve. "I haven't noticed until now, that means you were pretty good at hiding," he mumbled, moving the toilet paper onto Sky's thigh, letting it soak up the escaped blood. "You're the strongest person I know, Sky. You stopped by yourself. What happened today?"
"Pfft. Stopping was the biggest mistake I ever made," muttered Sky as he rewrapped his legs, not caring to clean the wounds. 'Why can't they get infected, dammit?'
"You'll see it wasn't," Ty said. It seemed that Sky didn't aknowledge anything he said, and frankly, he was just moment from bursting in tears. How could Sky not see how great he was?
The older teen stopped talking, just simply blocking everything else and letting his mind wander. Really, Sky had stopped caring about himself. He ate less, slept in to the point of missing family or friend's visits, and barely spoke to anybody. It was becoming harder and harder to be with people.
Ty stood up, putting the rubbing alcohol away, since Sky had already 'bandaged' himself up. He sighed, throwing away the toilet paper from his hand. His shoulders were slumped and he was biting his lip, but he couldn't think of anything to say.
"I… I think you want to be alone," he mumbled, slowly leaving the bathroom. Once outside, the dam holding back his tears broke, and he hurried down the stars, lest Sky hears him bawling like a kid.
Sky listened to Ty's distant weeping, then slowly began breaking down. With his head in his hands he tried to stop the hatred from leaking out.
'Passive aggressive bullshit - can't even interact with people properly anymore. What's the use? You're incurable.'
Ty put on his shoes hastily, the distant, yet very much familiar stinging blossoming on the surface of his wrists. He pulled one of his wristband off, transferring it to the other hand. There they were; clear as today's sky. The darker lines marking his ghostly pale wrists. They were taunting him, laughing in his face. He felt it; after all this time, after all the time spent with Sky; felt the familiar burning he knew only the skin breaking would subside.
Upstairs, Sky rose up from the bathroom floor and headed downstairs. As he reached the bottom floor, he saw Ty eying his wrists with an odd sort of desperation. And he realized what kind of desperation it was.
"There's a spare razor upstairs if you need it," he commented lazily.
Ty turned his head towards Sky, his eyes bearing a desperate look. He didn't want to do it! He didn't… It was… his body that wanted to feel the pain. Pretty much against his will, he rose, head hung in shame, and he walked up the stairs, his converses' thudding echoing around the house. He re-entered the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. He eyed the piece of metal sitting innocently on the side of the sink, taking it into his hand.
Sky watched from the doorway, smiling. "Feels good to have one in your hand, right?" His hands combed through his hair as he watched, staring at Ty with an intense gaze. Then, he bent down, his face inches away from the younger teen's. "You know what to do."
"It does," Ty mumbled, turning it over in his palm, "Welcome home," he whispered as he ran it over his skin in one smooth, fluid motion.
The effect was immediate, a steady stream of blood rising out of the cut skin trickling down his arm. He was dull to everything else other than the pain, burning pain that felt good, too good.
Sky sat next to Ty, whispering. "We could do this, Ty. We could be together in this." He leaned closer, his breath tickling the younger teen's ear. "After all, we understand each other." Sky retrieved another razor from the cabinet under the sink, taking off the plastic guard and rolling up his shirt sleeve. And he pushed it into his skin and drove it across his upper arm, peeling off some skin as blood gushed out. The warm, sticky trickle thickened as more and more came out.
Even as the metal blade ran across his skin, Ty's conscience refused to give in. "This won't end well," he said. He didn't want to start again, but he knew he was already gone. The pleasure and satisfaction racing through his body were the proof of it. He licked the vibrant liquid off of his fingers, shuddering at the coppery taste. He wouldn't have thought he would find it enjoyable anymore.
Sky lay his hand on the new gash in his arm, feeling the sticky red coat his fingers. He lifted it up, his palm and fingers slathered in it as if he had slammed his hand down in paint. Slowly, Sky caressed the side of Ty's face, his thumb leaving little crimson marks on the younger teen's chin. "I love you."
Ty shuddered, his eyes wide as he gazed at Sky. The sight of him bloodied should've been grotesque and repulsive, but it wasn't, quite the opposite actually. It was familiar and welcomed, and Ty nuzzled his cheek into Sky's hand, smearing more blood over himself. He wound his arms around Sky's neck, his blood leaving stains on the teen's shirt. "I love you too. I just wished I'd tell you under different circumstances."
"Ah, it's okay. My parents'll be gone for a few days, so I'll be home alone for a while. We have the whole day to ourselves, too," Sky murmured. He rummaged through the cabinets again, finding some actual bandages. "There they are. Now patch yourself up - we aren't gonna kill ourselves, okay?"
Ty laughed, a genuine laugh with emotion behind it. He took the bandages from Sky, chuckling as he started winding them around his hand. "If I knew it would take just this," he gestured to his arm, the stinging fading away into a pleasant itch, "to get you better…" Wasn't it his line, anyway? Wasn't he the one saying that cutting wasn't the answer?
Sky bandaged himself too, then rolled his sleeves down and tugged off his pants to wrap his thighs. Afterwards, he slipped his arm around Ty's shoulders, pecking the younger teen's cheek and stroking his hair with his bloody hand. "I love you."
Ty placed a kiss on Sky's nose, brushing off the bloody hand. The stench was getting a little too strong. "Wash yourself, you'll get blood all over my shirt," he said, rinsing his own hands in the sink, "You know how hard it is to wash blood? Off of a white shirt?"
"Yeah, whatever. Just take it off and I'll throw it in the laundry," he chuckled as he pulled his bloodstained shirt over his head. It was odd how they were so lighthearted over their cutting. But there wasn't anything wrong with them. There wasn't anything wrong with cutting. Nothing was wrong.
Ty followed suit, chucking the garment in the direction Sky threw his own. Feeling a little self-conscious, he wrapped his arms around his midsection. And he still couldn't get over the fact that Sky changed so much in the total span of maybe fifteen minutes. Well, he changed his long time ideals is the same span.
Sky stared at Ty, his eyes widening. He hadn't known how… sexy he was, especially topless. A smile grew over his face as he slipped behind Ty and wrapped his arms around the younger teen's stomach, playing with his belt. Sky nuzzled the crook of Ty's neck, pulling him into a gentle embrace.
Ty squeaked, grasping Sky's hands. It was… kinda weird to want to go from harming to sex, even for him. "S-Sky…? What are you doing?" he asked, craning his neck to the side to look at the taller teen.
Sky didn't reply, just took Ty by the hand and led him into his bedroom. Shutting the door, he locked it and pressed a kiss to the base of Ty's neck. He glanced at his red-colored palm, still wet with fresh blood, and delicately ran his hands down the younger teen's sides, purposely leaving a long reddish streak with his stained hand.
Ty shuddered in Sky's hold, watching the red streaks form on his pale skin. He watched Sky's tan fingers dance across his skin, shivers running up and down his spine from the feeling. He shouldn't have been turned on by a bloody smear on his body, but hormones obviously thought otherwise.
Pushing Ty onto the bed, Sky pinned him down, his eyes darkening to a near black. He ground his hips lightly against Ty's, using his one hand to leave crimson trails up and down the younger teen's body.
Ty moaned out shamelessly, tangling his hands in Sky's dark hair, tugging at some strands when Sky's fingers passed over a sensitive spot. He decided to shut his brain off completely, letting his needs take over and bucking his hips upwards.
"You like that, don't you?" Sky snickered, grinding down lightly. He planted a kiss to Ty's neck, sucking until a bright red mark appeared. His bloody hand stroked the sensitive spot under the younger teen's chin. Sky smiled lustfully as he dominated Ty. After all, they were locked together, their hips rubbing against each other and their bodies working as one.
"Y-Yeah," Ty replied between pants and moans, forgetting to be even embarrassed anymore. Sky was just teasing him, after all. He grit his teeth after a rather powerful grind. There were too many clothes between them, he decided. He hooked his fingers in Sky's belt loops, tugging.
"Ah-ah-ah," the older teen scolded. "You can't do that." He continued to tease, smothering Ty with passionate kisses and nips to his face and chest. Sometimes it was just more fun to annoy the younger teen than to satisfy him.
Ty leaned his head back, exposing his throat to Sky fully. He tugged at Sky's hair rather harshly instead of his pants, savouring the moans coming from the taller for once. He would've never thought Sky liked it rough before.
Sky pulled his friend into a hard kiss, forcing his tongue into the younger teen's mouth. He swept it over the other's teeth, his hand grasping his jaw firmly.
Ty parted his lips willingly, tangling his tongue with Sky's, forcing Sky's head even closer. His fingers were tangled in Sky's curls, in some places slick with blood. He moaned into the kiss, scratching at Sky's scalp like one would to a cat.
Sky moaned back, his mouth letting out broken sounds and what seemed to be Ty's name as he slipped his tongue over the other's. He spread his blood all over Ty's chest as he broke away, their lips connected by a long strand of saliva.
Ty panted out his name, running his fingers down Sky's cheek, "I love you," he whispered, still slightly out of breath.
"Love you too," Sky said between breaths. He moved away, breaking the strand of their combined saliva. Then, his fingers brushed lightly against Ty's crotch, stroking him through the cloth of his pants.
Ty's eyes widened again, hips bucking up into Sky's hand, choked moans leaving his lips along with what sounded like the beginning of Sky's name. "S-Stop…" he took a few deep breaths, "Stop t-teasing me…"
"Nuh-uh!" Sky grinned, his face contorting into that of a madman. He kept stroking Ty, but kept it light and slow. "Sensitive, eh?" he commented.
"You can… guess three times," Ty forced out, gripping the bed sheets until his knuckles turned white. Seeing Sky with that wicked grin only served to make him hornier.
Sky undid Ty's belt, tugging off his pants but leaving him with his boxers on. He continued caressing Ty's member, running his hands delicately over the whole length. "Tell me you want it," the older teen growled.
"I… I want it," Ty said, closing his eyes and gripping the bed sheets even tighter, if possible. He was bucking and arching into Sky's touch uncontrollably, his body overridden by lust.
Sky still kept teasing. "How much do you want it?" His stroking became slower and lighter, as if he was getting bored of Ty.
Ty gazed up at Sky, "A lot," he whispered. His narrowed eyes watched Sky's face, "A lot." He repeated, louder. His chest rose in unsteady rhythm, and he loosened his hold on the sheets, feeling them have small tears from his nails.
The older teen pulled his lover's boxers off, caressing his length slightly faster and with fuller contact. "You like it, eh?" he said, with his mocking, drawling tone. "Want it, too? Need it?"
"Goddammit!" Ty pulled Sky down, mashing their mouths together again. "Give it to me," he said when they parted, arching off the bed, "I need you!" he cried out desperately.
Sky pressed a kiss to Ty's neck again, proceeding to keep stroking. He absolutely craved the younger teen's moans, and he stroked a little faster.
Ty gasped at the sudden change in pace, moaning out loud and writhing under Sky's touch. He was so close, and with Sky being as good as he was, he wouldn't last much longer.
The older of the two thumbed the head, dipping his finger into the slit. He could sense how close Ty was. He thumbed a little more quickly, chuckling as he did so.
Ty shuddered, gripping onto Sky's shoulders with more force than before. He panted, looking at Sky through his half-lidded, clouded eyes. "S-Sky…!" he moaned out, "I- I'm-" he was cut off with a loud groan, "…so close…"
"Come for me, Ty." Sky was driven by his lust now, blindly clamping down on Ty's cock and waiting.
Sky's low and husky voice was all it took for Ty to break. He ached, almost painfully, off the bed, a loud moan of Sky's name rolling off of his lips. He could feel the hot liquid on his abdomen as he slumped down, releasing his hold on Sky's shoulders only to find his bloody with Sky's blood, flowing out from the scratches he left on his tan skin.
Sky breathed in sharply, putting a hand to one of his scratched shoulders. He pulled it away, finding it dabbed with a little bit of blood. Then he lapped up the come off of Ty's body, the taste of it satisfying his hunger.
Ty breathed brokenly and unevenly under him, hiding his blushing face with his hands as he watched Sky lick off his come. "Sky…" he whispered, his face's color close to a tomato.
Sky grinned, not a madman's grin, but a gentle, warm smile. "I love you, Ty," he murmured. He got off the bed to toss Ty's clothes back to him.
"I love you too," Ty caught the bundle of clothes, albeit startled. "What about you?" He looked at Sky confusedly, expecting an explanation.
"Hehe, now it's your turn," the older teen snickered. "Make me yours."
Ty blushed, twiddling his fingers. "I've… never done this before," he mumbled, looking away, ashamed.
"Well, here's your first time!" Sky laughed, grabbing Ty by the shoulders and flipping him over. Now Ty was on top. "C'mon, Ty! It's the least you can do!"
"I-I'll try," the smaller teen mumbled, running his hand tentatively down Sky's side. He grasped the jeans Sky was wearing, pulling them down along with Sky's yellow boxers. He slid down Sky's body, gulping heavily. Sky was much bigger than he was.
"Go on," Sky urged. He shifted around to get comfortable, one hand on one of his scratched-up shoulders.
Ty licked the tip of Sky's shaft experimentally, wrapping his lips around the head. He sucked softly, circling his tongue around the top. Hell if he knew how this worked!
Sky let out a sigh of pleasure, his hands digging into the bed sheets as wet warmth engulfed his cock. "Yeah… that's a good start…" he breathed, trying to stay as calm as he could. Keyword: 'Trying'.
Ty smiled inwardly, happy for the praise. He slowly lowered himself, taking in as much of Sky as he could without his gag reflex kicking in. He found a suitable pace, going up and down, occasionally stopping to lap at the precome leaking out of the slit.
Sky held his breath, trying to suppress a moan. He wasn't about to let Ty know that he was doing better than he expected.
Ty gathered up about as much courage as he could, going fully down. He had to fight off his gag reflex, but somehow managed to give Sky a deepthroat without throwing up.
Sky couldn't hold back the embarassingly loud whimper that escaped his mouth as his hands dug deeper into the bed sheets, some parts ripping. "T-Ty…"
Ty looked up, afraid he'd done something wrong, but when he saw Sky's flushed face, he just smiled gently, continuing his ministration.
Sky cried out again, bucking his hips up. "T-Ty! O-Oh my god… it feels so - so good…"
Ty choked a bit, using his hands to hold down Sky's hips, adding a little bit of sucking into the mix.
Sky was reduced to moans and pleased sighs, and sweat rolled down his forehead. God, this was probably illegal, but at that time he really didn't care about what was allowed. He just wanted Ty. That was all he wanted in that haze of pleasure.
As he went up, Ty lapped at the head, collecting the beads of precome. His slender fingers stroked the rest of Sky's member as he dipped his tongue into the slit.
"A-Ahhh, Ty!" Sky whimpered. "I'm… so close…"
Ty turned his eyes upwards, watching into Sky's half-lidded eyes. He went down, taking all of him at once, and swallowed around him.
Sky came into Ty's mouth, panting and sweaty and completely dazed from the pleasure.
Ty pulled away, swallowing after he found the taste very satisfying. He looked up at Sky with a light blush dusting his cheeks. "H-how did I do?" he asked, twisting the edge of the sheets between his fingers.
"A lot better than I expected," Sky admitted. He twisted his head to the side, looking worried. There was still blood from his shoulders on the bed sheets. "Shit. How will we clean up the blood?"
Ty subconsciously mumbled a 'sorry', shrugging. He just wanted to take a nap, not even caring that it was about midday. He felt exhausted, physically and mentally, but very satisfied.
"Ugh…" Sky muttered, gathering up the stained blanket and peeling the cover off of the mattress. "I'm going to throw this and our shirts in the laundry!" he called as he headed downstairs.
Ty mumbled something back, laying onto the bare mattress. He curled into a small ball, dozing off as soon as his head met the pillow.
Sky returned, his shoulders covered in Band-Aids. He was beat. Laying down next to Ty, he quickly fell asleep.