"Welcome to Total Drama: Tahkâpiskisiw Island!" said a man in his mid-thirties with black hair. "As you probably know, I'm Chris McLean. Last season, which was Total Drama: Pâhkitew Island, was a big success. But I didn't really like Pâhkitew Island, so I went searching for another island and found this beauty! I named it Tahkâpiskisiw Island because, as we all know, Tahkâpiskisiw is Cree for cold and this island is freezing cold. But the contestants will get used to it. Hopefully. *laughs* I'm Chris McLean, and this is Total Drama: Tahkâpiskisiw Island!"
*theme music plays*
"Now, this episode will not have the contestants arriving to the island, but it will show their audition tapes! Let's start with Jacqueline!"
*Camera shows a coffee shop closing. A Caucasian girl with green glasses and thick brown curly hair is cleaning the tables. A bright, girly voice can be heard saying - Hey Jackie, where are your co-workers?*
Jacqueline: Sophie's grandmother died...
Caitlin (the off-camera voice): WHAT? That's the lamest excuse yet! You do know that's the second time her grandma has died?
Jacqueline (shrugging): I don't mind.
Caitlin (sighing): Well, let's do your audition-
*Jacqueline suddenly freezes and looks wide eyed to the entrance of the store. The camera turns around and a very good looking, tall, mocha-skinned male enters the cafe. Caitlin waves to him*
Caitlin: Hi!
*She points to the camera and says, "I'm helping my friend audition for Total Drama. She then points to the still frozen Jacqueline and says, "Her name is Jacqueline". The guy waves at Jacqueline who freezes up; "I don't wear strawberry underwear" - she blurts. Next to her Caitlin giggles and bats her eye-lids at the guy; then, grabbing onto his arms, she steers the guy out of the café, leaving the camera on the table. As the two leave, Jacqueline blinks slowly, then sighs and sinks into the chair and bangs her head onto the table in-front of her, where a muffled groan can be heard. The camera then turns off."
"Now, time for the next audition, which is Pixie's."
*Camera shows a garden with many lovely flowers. A tan-skinned girl with long red hair and a large purple dress on is smiling at the camera*
Pixie: Errr... hello. I'm Pixie and I'd like to be on your show because, well, I want to be famous. Not rich and spoiled famous, but simply having a lot of people know me. You see, I really like fairies, but a lot of people at school bully me for it. But if I'm on TV, then maybe they'll see me and realize who I am!
*A large, green gumboot then walks on the camera, slightly cracking the screen*
Pixie: DAD! THAT CAMERA WAS EXPENSIVE!
*The camera then turns off*
"Those two auditions were females, but now it's time for a male; Layne!"
*A cardboard box sits in an apartment, covered with posters and memorabilia, but suddenly, the top of the box pops open, revealing a skinny teenage boy having a coughing fit.*
Layne: Oh god, there was so much d-dust in there. A-anyways, hi! I'm Layne. As you can see," He points to the walls lined with geek-related items,"I'm k-kind of a nerd. I wanted to audition 'cause I need the m-money. I've got an I.Q. of 130 if that means anything." He chuckles. "It'd be p-pretty great to be on your show. Uh, accept me? Please?
*He rolls out of the box, and laughs again.*
Layne: Anyways, see ya!
*Layne goes and turns the camera off*
"Next audition is Sam's!"
*A blonde haired girl is seen lying on a bed with a German sheppard and a dark brown spotted white bunny. She then starts speaking in an English accent"
Sam: Hello! I am recording this in hopes of being selected to be on Total Drama. I have one reason for wanting to be on the show; to make friends. I would add diversity by being transgender getting more ratings. I know that might divert you from picking me, but I just really want to make friends since nobody from my town sees me as, well, normal.
*She starts crying. The camera then turns off*
"Now, time for Rosa's audition!"
*Camera shows a girl who appears to be Asian in a mainly yellow bedroom, sitting down on a bed.*
Rosa: Hi, I'm Rosa! I want to be on Total Drama because, well, like, I really love winning and if I win this I will be SO happy! But I do have a weakness, which I won't tell for now so you can get the HECK OUT OF HERE.
*Rosa then punches the camera, which turns off*
"A secret? Let's hope it doesn't go too out of control. Next audition is Madison's!"
*Camera shows an African-American girl in a room with Spanish decor. She is sitting on a white couch*
Madison: What's up? I'm Madison Ambrose, another beautiful girl in the town I live in. Select me, or you will be in so much trouble.
*she turns the camera off*
"Trouble? *laughs* Now it's time for Johan!"
*Camera shows a boy with black glasses and dark brown hair sitting on a couch next to a guitar*
Johan: Um hey, my name is Johan and as you can see, I want to be on Total Drama. Now, you're probably wondering why a skinny guy like me would want to be on the show. Well if Cameron can win and people like Leonard can get accepted. then I should have a chance, right?
*The camera turns off*
"Now it's time for Ace's audition!"
*camera shows a tan boy with black hair and blue eyes in a kitchen*
Ace: Eyooo to you on the other side of the screen! I'm Ace and I'd love to join! You've surely never met a guy like me. I'll like just about anyone,even if they are super weird or super creepy. I think I'd make a good cast member. I'm nice and I get along good with others and make the most of a situation. But I will cut anyone's tongue if they piss me off. I have very sharp knives that you do not want sticking out of your body. Anyway, bye! Choose me, or I will find you and you will have a knife to the back.
"Now, time for Ashlyn's audition! This one is HILARIOUS!"
*Camera shows a girl with blonde hair, a tiara and a blue dress on walking across a hill with a cliff at the end. She starts singing in a lovely voice*
Ashlyn: I would really like to be on Total Drama, because reality TV makes you a superstara, but most of all I really want to make friends, because I-
*She walks too far and falls off the cliff, screaming. An off-screen voice, presumably the person operating the camera, gasps in horror and the camera turns off*
"That'll become viral! Next and final audition, Agatha."
*camera shows a girl with long brown hair, which is in a bun and orange glasses in what appears to be a science lab*
Agatha: Greetings. I am Agatha. I have signed up for Total Drama because, by my calculations, it is the only reality TV show I can sign up for that I have a chance of getting in the final three for. You see, my name has six letters, divided by second place equals second place which means I'm definitely going to be either second place or a finalist. Thank you for your time.
*camera turns off*
"Will Agatha turn out to be a new Scarlett? Will Ace turn into a complete murder maniac? Find out next time on Total Drama: Tahkâpiskisiw Island!"