Author's note. I was watching Star Trex the next generation the other day and while watching one about Q, I was wondering what it would be like if he meddled in other universes. For instances the Transformers universe. And so I came up with the idea of him transforming them into humans, I think it's a fairly original idea, more than Wheeljack building something that explodes. ;)
Suggestions are very welcome; you'll be credited in the chapters they're used in.
Enjoy and please review.
"Another day, another fight," Q said idly to himself, watching as the massive mechanical beings blasted and slammed into one another while a few scattered humans attempted to help.
They were impressive creatures to be sure, considering they were walking computers although unlike a certain android they possessed emotions just like organics. Although that seemed a little strange considering one side thought themselves better than the much smaller humans. But like the 'squishes', these robots tended to be completely ruled by their emotions. Why else would they uselessly continue to fight each other when their home world was in ruins and showing no signs of being regenerated any time soon.
If there was one thing Q hated, it was when things got boring and repetitive. The transformers had fought for millions of years on their planet and now were continuing the process here on Earth. But even though they were in a new environment which new beings, they still carried on the same old routine. The Decepticons attacked some sort of power source, the humans cried, the Autobots arrived and they all fought. Sometimes the Decepticons got away with a decent amount of fuel and other times, they barely had any.
It didn't matter what plans either side concocted, it never really changed the balance of power at all. He was surprised that both sides hadn't collapsed from sheer boredom. They thought themselves so powerful and yet were unaware for instance, of a planet sized transformer roaming their universe, waiting for the right moment to attack and consume their precious Cybertron. Oh eventually they would be but not for a little while yet and he had no interest in enlightening them on this point however...
"I believe the status quo could do with a little shaking up," he stated aloud even though there was nothing baring some insects to hear him.
"Yes, things have gotten too stagnant," he continued, now smirking with glee. He always did enjoy starting a new project.
...
"If I was leader, we never would have failed!" Starscream was shrieking loudly at Megatron who growled and allowed his canon to power up.
"Is that so?" the grey Mech rasped. "Well, why don't you tell everyone just how you would have done things?"
"For starters, I would have...," Starscream began.
"Goodness, do the two of you never stop arguing?" a snide voice questioned.
"Who said that?" Starscream demanded.
"I did," the voice replied and they glanced down to see a male human standing there.
For a moment, they stared in deep surprise, not only had a human managed to get into their base and over to them without detection but he looked completely at ease. Of course, they quickly lost their surprise and Megatron exclaimed.
"What is this human doing here?"
"I will squash him," Starscream declared as the human sighed.
"So predictable," he lamented.
"Why you insolent," the Seeker cried, raising his foot and attempting to crush him.
However, his foot hit the floor as though nothing was there, no death cry of agony was heard or the squishy sound of bones cracking into pieces. When Starscream lifted his foot away, there was the human standing completely unharmed and looking amused.
"Impossible," Megatron muttered as Starscream tried to stamp on the human again and again without success.
"As thrilling as this is," the human said. "I'm afraid I must hurry things along."
He snapped his fingers and in that moment, all the Decepticons were instantly gone in a flash. A moment later, Q had taken himself to another planet entirely and had soon spirited away certain beings before going to the Ark and clicking his fingers to make all the Autobots, Decepticons and inhabitants from Cybertron appear in a single room with the Autobot base.
"Prime, what happened?" Ironhide questioned his leader as he started to rise, all he could remember was a flash and he'd found himself lying on the ground.
"I do not...hhn," came the response followed by a sharp gasp as the Autobot leader opened his eyes and beheld his body...and the bodies of everyone else.
What followed as a chorus of cries and even shrieks of surprise and horror as every single being realised what had happened to them, although some of them had a hard time believing what had happened.
"What is going on here?"
"How did this?"
"I do not believe this!"
"Oh my Primus!"
These were the most common exclamation as everyone tried to accept the situation.
"Well, now that we're all here, I should probably explain a few things," a voice suddenly broke over the noise and Megatron and Starscream instantly looked up having recognised it.
There was the smug human lounging on a console and smirking widely at them.
"First, I am Q," he introduced. "Of the Collective. I won't bore you with the details but let's just say I'm supremely powerful and there's nothing you primitive beings can do to me. The form you see before you is one I have chosen to assume but I can be anything."
To prove his point, he suddenly turned into a snarling retro-rat before changing back into human. Idly examining his fingernails, he said.
"As you will have noticed, you have all be changed to human and will remain thus until I see fit to change you back. Why have I done this? I was bored and felt like it."
Everyone gaped at him as he looked at them and said in a mock soothing voice.
"Oh don't look so upset, it won't be that bad. Look I even transported a few of your Femmes, isn't that nice?"
"Elita?" asked a lightly tanned human male with brown hair with stripes of grey at his temple.
"Here," a slender but strong looking woman with shoulder length strawberry blond hair replied moving over to him.
"Ah, tender reunions," Q sighed. "But don't worry, your human friend is coming to visit, he'll be able to show you all things humans. I'm sure you'll handle this easily."
And he disappeared in a flash. As people started to mutter and some of the Femmes started figuring who their mates were, one pretty red head stood muttering to herself.
"Which Autobot are you?" Skywarp asked her.
"Autobot!? Don't you recognise me, you dolt?" she shrieked and he stared.
"Screamer?" he said in complete astonishment. "You're a Femme?"
"I knew it," Megatron growled before spotting a lone weapon. Carefully, casually, he began to head in its direction.
"Idiot," Starscream chastised her wing mate furiously before noticing what Megatron was up to.
She smirked, in his new weak, fragile body; he'd be so easy to kill. All she had to do was wait for the right moment and get her hands on a decent weapon of course. For now, she'd watch and see what he did.
"I cannot believe this either," Optimus said to his mate. "It's just..."
He'd turned his head ever so slightly and seen Megatron heading for the gun on the ground.
"Megatron!" he exclaimed and everyone turned as the large, board shouldered grey haired man dived for the weapon and snatched it up.
"Die!"
He fired straight at Optimus and the Autobot leader had absolutely no time to get out of the way but...
"What!?" Megatron exclaimed in shock as instead of his own flesh and gore, Optimus wiped away some water. "Impossible!"
"Hmm?" Optimus murmured, staring at his hand as it dripped with the harmless liquid. He flicked his hand and droplets flew in all directions as everyone stared.
"Oh, did I forget to mention," a mocking voice said and they turned to see Q reclining on a nearby computer station. "You can't kill each other."
"You are kidding me," Starscream shrieked, her plans for assassinating Megatron in ruins.
Q chuckled before saying.
"It wouldn't be any fun if you could just kill each other within five minutes. No, no, no, I'm afraid that's one of the rules, any attempt to kill will result in something completely harmless. You can try to outwit me if you want but you'll fail."
"I'll show you," Blitzwing snarled, snatching up a loose piece of pipe and hurling it with all his might at Q.
Q didn't even blink as the metal flew through his body and banged off the wall. He did however smirk.
"You don't learn very fast do you?" he asked with a chuckle. "I suppose this explains why neither side has won the war."
Optimus had a wry smile on his face at this while Megatron expression darkened. Q pretended to check a nonexistent watch on his wrist and said.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a very important appointment to keep."
"I would have thought you'd be watching us," Prowl stated grimly.
"Oh I will," Q said with a smirk. "You can rely on that. Until next time gentlemen, ladies."
With that, he disappeared from sight.
"So we can't beat on the Autoboobs?" Rumble groaned miserably.
"No," Frenzy said mulishly just as a voice from outside called.
"Bumblebee? Optimus? Where are all you guys?"
"In here," a young, twenty something boy with blond hair called back.
"Bee?" Spike said as he entered. "What...whaaaa!?"
He gaped, his jaw dropping as he beheld the crowd of completely naked people, including women, staring right back at him. Some were scowling, some looked friendly but he hadn't the faintest idea who they were.
"Who the heck are you guys?"
"Don't you recognise us?" an olive skin man with twizzled hair asked, his teeth showing in a grin.
"Uh, n-no," Spike said, unsure because that sounded like Jazz.
"Well, let's just say we ain't called transformers for nothing," the man replied cheerfully. "So, what yah think of the new forms?"
"It's...it's really you?" Spike exclaimed, this had to be some sort of dream.
"Yeah, it's us," Bumblebee said ruefully, this was weird for him to.
"Uh," Spike said, feeling rather faint. "How did...?"
Bumblebee gave it to her and Spike rubbed at his forehead.
"Weird," he muttered, glancing nervously at some of the naked but still threatening Decepticons. Most of them looked furious at the present situation and would no doubt express it with some violence. It was only a question of how long it would take for them to do it.
"Megatron," Optimus began calmly as the other man turned eyes that still seemed to burn.
"Prime," he responded shortly.
"You cannot reach your base in this form," Optimus stated as Megatron's optics narrowed.
"What is your point Prime?" the grey haired man demanded.
"Well, now might be the time to consider a truce," Optimus pointed out as a few Autobots groaned at this thought.
"A truce," Megatron repeated flatly as Starscream said shrilly. "Don't be ridiculous Prime, why should we agree to anything?"
"We cannot kill each other so you can't destroy us," Optimus told them. "You don't know much about the human world, do you?"
"We can learn what we need," Megatron said contemptuously.
"Perhaps but can you do that without breaking human law?" Optimus retorted back. "I won't allow you to go out and hurt other humans, I could call human law enforcement right now to come and get you. I imagine they would be very pleased to get their hands on you."
"You wouldn't dare," growled Megatron. "They could just as easily put you behind bars for protection."
"We would take steps to ensure that did not happen," was Optimus's response.
"You can be so naive at times," Megatron sneered but shared a glance with Soundwave who nodded. "But...perhaps it would be wise to join forces for now."
"You cannot be serious," Starscream exclaimed, waving her arms in such a way that made her breasts bounce, causing Spike to swallow and look away. He was really having trouble believing this was happening.
So many of these bots turned human had powerful, chiselled bodies and even the ones that weren't so muscle-bound were extremely good looking. Spike couldn't help but feel it was a bit unfair at how impressive they all looked even in human form. Then again, they had been transformed by this Q character, maybe this was another one of his jokes. Yeah, that made sense; surely they wouldn't look this good if they'd been born human.
Blimey but all those naked ladies with their smooth skin, almost all of them had full breasts, perfectly tailored...oh damn it, Q had turned them all into human goddesses. And they all seemed so confident, even those that looked disgusted, still weren't trying to cover themselves up or anything. It was like Spike had landed in a nudist camp for beautiful people.
"So what do you propose Prime?" Megatron now said, ignoring his Second.
"We work together," Optimus said quietly, adding aloud. "I'm sure it would give this Q great amusement to see us struggling as opponents in this form. There is a lot we need to learn like how to consume fuel like a human, stay warm, identify malfunctions..."
It suddenly occurred to Spike that he would probably be called upon to assist with the former Transformer's assimilation into human life. Now that was going to be a weird...
"Human," barked a man he thought was Thrust. "Explain this malfunction?"
Spike followed the pointing finger and almost fainted at where it was indicating. Swallowing heavily, he looked away and stammered.
"Y-you don't know?"
"If I did, I wouldn't be asking," the Con roared furiously.
"Hey, leave off him," Jazz declared, slinging an arm around Spike who cringed a little. "Not his fault there's something wrong with yah."
"Um," Spike said as the Con's eyes bulged with fury.
"Spike, do you know what the problem is?" Prowl asked with forced calm.
"Yeah," Spike said with a frantic nod. "He's got an erection."
"An erection?" Jazz asked, cocking his head to one side.
"It...it uh...," Spike said, wondering what crazy universe he'd landed in that meant he had to explain this. "It means he's aroused...sexually."
There was a pause before Ramjet demanded. "What the hell does that mean? You saying that we're attracted to something in here?"
"Well," Spike said with a shrug. "Everyone is naked..."
"Urgh," Thrust exclaimed in disgust. "Who would be aroused by filthy, flabby, weak organic flesh?"
"Clearly some of you are," snapped Spike, causing a few to snigger.
"Oh, I think that's right," Jazz stated. "I guess the only question is what they like, Mech or Femme?"
"What?" Ironhide exclaimed, grabbing his mate and spooning her against his chest so that her front was now hidden. With his muscular arms, he held her close and glared at anyone who might be looking.
"Hide," Chromia chided although it did feel rather nice to be pressed against this strong, warm body.
"How do we fix this?" someone now asked, grasping his...Spike really didn't want to look.
"I don't know, take a cold shower?" Spike suggested, throwing his hands up in frustration.
"Why don't we pound him?" growled Astrotrain, punching one fist into a palm.
"Why don't you try," Inferno declared, coming to Spike's other side, arms folded. Several of the Autobots took up threatening stances.
"Thanks guys but I wouldn't fight while you're...uh naked," Spike cautioned as the Decepticon humans growled menacingly at their Autobot counterparts. "You're too exposed."
"Explain?" Prowl commanded lightly.
"Well," Spike said, rubbing the back of his head. "All you've really got to do is get in one good kick or grab between your legs and you're out for the count."
"That goes for Femmes too?" Chromia asked, still against her man.
"Not to the same extent," Spike said. "It's a lot more painful for guys, trust me."
She smirked and he said quickly. "But you girls gotta watch your...breasts, you don't want them hit."
She glanced down at her breasts which were pressed, almost squashed against her mate's chest. They were unbelievable squishy and yet there was a strange firmness about them, it was very strange.
"I'll keep them in mind," she said with a smile, looking back up.
He nodded before saying. "Um...maybe I should call my dad and Carly, they could bring you guys some basic clothes, you could get some proper ones tomorrow or something."
"Suggestion: Good," Soundwave suddenly spoke, surprising several. Megatron nodded, glancing down at his body and musing that he would indeed require some sort of covering.
"Yes, make that call boy," Megatron ordered.
"Have a name," muttered Spike as he jogged over to Teletran one and scampered up the ladder that had been built for his use. Nimbly walking along the edge, he typed in a couple of commands and said.
"Hey Teletran!"
"Human Spike," was the detached reply. "What is your request?"
"Can you call my dad for me?" Spike asked, hoping his dad was home.
"Affirmative," was the reply and Spike sighed as he waited for a response.
"Lord Megatron," came a cultured voice and Spike turned to see a tall, slender man with an eye patch walk up to Megatron, he had a prosthetic limb with two almost hook like joints which he supposed were meant to substitute for fingers.
"Shockwave, I see you've been brought here too," Megatron stated. "What of Cybertron?"
"My drones are programmed to continue running things," the man assured him. "As long as no other variables are introduced."
"Well, with the main Autobot Femmes removed, things should remain stable," Megatron said slowly before becoming aware that the human boy had established contact with his male creator.
"Hey Spike," came Sparkplug's voice. "You alright?"
"Yeah dad, I'm good," Spike assured him. "Uh dad, some things have happened around here."
"Oh yes?" his father replied, his tone slightly long suffering. "Who did what?"
"A weird alien called Q kidnapped the Decepticons and some of the Femmes from Cybertron," Spike said quickly.
"What?" Sparkplug exclaimed. "How the hell did that happen? Where are they?"
"Right here with the Autobots," Spike replied and he knew his dad was frowning in confusion right now.
"And you are not going to believe what happened."
Author's note. Spike explains the situation to Sparkplug who must come with supplies but what will they be? Find out next time, until then.