He was afraid the worst would happen. As Cloud fitted the sacred diamond into the slot of Herra Coomba, he held his breath and said a silent prayer in hopes that the world wouldn't end. A second passed, then two and three. Nothing. Cloud exhaled. Everything was going to be okay.
"Ma' strappin' stars n' garners! Ain't you a sassy lookin' find!" said the tailor as Cloud came out of the dressing room. "I gosh durn knew tha' ma' herra coomba'd look nice 'n ya!"
Cloud did a little twirl, his dress fluttering in the sudden breeze. "Are you sure this is convincing enough?"
"Honey, please! If I was a'goin' lookin' fer a smoker, I ain't havin' to look farther than your sweet, ol' self!" said the tailer with a lick of his lips.
"Mmm-mmm! Miss Cloud, you lookin' fine!" said Aeris, spoofing the tailor.
"Well, if you two are convinced, so am I," said Cloud with a determined nod. "Now let's get to the Don's place and rescue FIFA!"
"Yes, we have to hurry and save FIFA from another embarrassing scandal!" Aeris agreed. "And to do so, I'll need a dress, too." She disappeared into the dressing room, and within seconds, reemerged in a long, white dress complete with veil and bouquet.
"Uh, Aeris?"
"Yes?"
"That's a wedding dress."
"I know." Aeris brushed passed Cloud. "C'mon! We're wasting time, Miss Cloud!"
Outside of the shop, people were busy drinking, vomiting, and playing illegal craps. Just another normal day in Downtown Midgar. Cloud and Aeris made their way to Don Corneo's mansion while Marlene walked ahead of them to pepper the road with flower petals. When they got to the front door, they were greeted by a vampire.
"S'up," said Vincent.
"S'up," said Cloud.
"You here for FIFA?" asked Vincent.
Cloud nodded. "What about you?"
Vincent shrugged. "Some guy got his stuff chopped off. Lots of blood."
"Cool."
"Yeah."
"A'ight, lates."
"Lates."
Cloud stopped talking to Vincent and turned around to talk to Aeris. "So the Don's dead I guess."
"Aww horsefeathers!" Aeris threw her bouquet to the ground in a fit of rage. "Now how are we supposed to spend the rest of our date?!"
"Well, there's always the Gold Suacer..." Cloud suggested.
Aeris mulled it over. "Yeah, okay. I guess I'm dressed for it anyway. Let's go!"
Three hours and a shotgun wedding later, Cloud was sitting in a prison cell awaiting his lawyer. When Mr. Barret finally arrived, he was tossed into prison, too, on account of his gun and threatening demeanor. So while Cloud awaited his lawyer's lawyer, he played imaginary Pooh Sticks with his lawyer. When the lawyer finally arrived, Cloud and Mr. Barret were put on the stand to plead before a judge.
"Miss Cloud, you are hereby charged with public endangerment by firing a shotgun at a wedding," said the judge. "How do you plead?"
Cloud whispered into Mr. Barret's lawyer's ear.
"Your honor, my client pleads insanity," said Cait Sith.
The judge took one look at the stuffed cat and banged her gavel. "Motion carried. You'd have to be insane to have that thing represent you in court."
Twenty years later and Cloud was set free from the Moerlin Gruber's Home for the Mentally Ill and Electricans-Out-of-Work. He stepped out into a brave, new world with nothing but the diamond-studded comb in his hair. He was immediately arrested for public nudity and sent back to the institution for another week. When he was released again, clothes and all, he made his way back to Midgar. Everything was still as he remembered it 20 years ago: the bar, the booze, the suggestive baggage claims officers. From the sick drunk living in the sewer main to the creepy guy pawning dead, caustic batteries, nothing had changed.
Nothing except for Cloud. He had changed. Walking into FIFA's HQ, he sat down and bet it all on Chile. When the World Cup had ended, Cloud was one Pooh Stick poorer. Roo, the manager of FIFA's books, quietly skimmed the Pooh Stick off the top and returned it to the Fellowship of the Pooh.
The end.