A/N: Feeling immature. I'm sorry. It had to be done.
The hobbits and dwarves were getting ready for the football match, both teams practically crackling with not-so-friendly competitive energy. The captain of the hobbits' team, none other than he miniscule Bilbo Baggins, set a beaten-up football between him and the captain of the opposing dwarves, Thorin Oakenshield. The dwarf laughed hysterically at the sight of the ball.
"What are you doing, trying to get us to play with some tiny hobbit ball like that!" Bilbo looked crestfallen and a bit pitiful but Thorin continued, "We need to get some real balls! Real, dwarf-sized balls! You! Go get me some proper footballs!" He then sent an enbearded lackey to get some real, proper, dwarf-sized balls, at which point Bilbo sighed, really hoping this wasn't a metaphor for something else.