What this isn't: A terribly hilarious daft funny hyper screwballed Matrix
script where weird lines are put in.
What this is: The thoughts of Neo through the first Matrix. This is NOT daft funny hyper all the way through. This is my pathetic attempt at humour, which is not funny, which is why it is not in the humour category. This is WEIRD.
Enjoy.
___________________________
TRINITY WOMAN HISSING IN MY EAR
___________________________
MONDAY 6th SEPTEMBER, 1999
10:00 PM
Choi is an hour late. I think I'll listen to some music and fall asleep.
11:00 PM
Woke up of own accord. Choi still not here. Two hours late. Again. I might have something terribly important to do. OK, I don't, but that's not the point.
Computer's gone a little weird. It won't respond to the Esc key. And it's telling me to follow the white rabbit and that the Matrix has me.
Is it possible for computers to take drugs?"
11:01 PM
Computer says "Knock Knock, Neo" and the door bangs. I have a psychic computer that reads Lewis Carroll and takes drugs.
Choi is here, gave him the disk. He wants me to go to some club. Think I'll pass.
11:02 PM
Holy shit! His girlfriend's got a tattoo of a white rabbit!
Computer must be very talented. I could show it on TV, make a fortune.... but that's not really my style....
So, will go to club.
11:20 PM
Is rather loud here. Am standing forlornly in a corner wondering why I am here, as the computer is back at my apartment probably laughing its silicon head off at me going on this wild goose chase.
11:21 PM
Have been approached by a woman with short black hair and a v strange top. Am a little confused. Perhaps she knows my computer?
11:22 PM
No, apparently she is called Trinity and she was pretending to be my computer. Personally I thought she was a guy, but....
11:23 PM
Trinity Woman hissing in my ear about me knowing some question. The only question I can think of is "What the hell is going on" but that didn't seem too appropriate. So said "What is the Matrix", first thing that came to mind
Apparently that IS the question. Whoa. Perhaps I am the one that is psychic...
TUESDAY 7th SEPTEMBER
9:18 AM
Aaaaarrrrggghhh just woke up. Knew shouldn't have gone to bloody club. Boss will probably eat self on spot, but self not caring right now because self has horrible headache.
9:37 AM
Sitting in front of boss listening to him droning on and on about me being on time or being fired. Boss is very boring. Will nod like I give a damn.
9:41 AM
Fed-Ex Guy has given me a package. Ooooh, wonder what's inside...
9:42 AM
A cell phone? I not understand. Oh, it's ringing...
9:43 AM
Some guy called Morpheus on the phone. Suits are coming to get me for some strange reason. Do not like suits. Freak self out.
9:45 AM
After some dashing about the cubicles, I'm in an office. Feeling uncomfortably like a puppet on strings. Guy called Morpheus is telling me to open the window. Hmmm, I wonder why....
9:46 AM
No! He wants me to climb out of the window and get on a scaffold. Joking, right, I mean, come on!
9:47 AM
For some sick, twisted reason, here I am, balancing on a narrow ledge about a mile up. Maybe if I just stay here someone will think I'm a jumper and will force me down, that's another way out...
9:48 AM
Oh, god, there's a bit that juts right out and I'm going to have to swing myself round. A mile up in the air.
Why me? I'm just a harmless criminal, trying to have a quiet life. How did I end up dangling here?
Oh, no, I dropped the phone... butterfingers!
I can't do it. Just can't.
What's the worst those suits could do to me?
9:51 AM
Am being dragged into a car. Wonder what's coming next....
10:02 AM
Am in a room facing a guy who seriously freaks me out. Ah well, what's the worst that could happen.
10:03 AM
Ah, no, he knows I'm a criminal. Apparently I've broken everything there's a law for. And here he is offering me a new start, wipe the slate clean, and all he wants is Morpheus, who, incidentally, is the most dangerous man alive.
I love this guy.
10:04 AM
While I would really like to accept the oh so tempting offer I think I really should play the righteous hero and keep annoyingly asking for a phone call.
10:05 AM
Aaaarrrggggghhhh! My mouth is sealing up! What the hell is going on???
That guy is seriously freaking me out now.
10:07 AM
Uhhhhh.... They are putting a bug thing in me... a REAL bug. It's eating its way into my stomach, it's very painful and will probably scar me for life....
9:00 PM
Ahhhh, it was all a dream... curious, though, when did I fall asleep?
9:01 PM
There goes my phone... wonder who it is???
9:02 PM
Damn, it's that Trinity Woman, and she wants me to go to some bridge... Oh well, might as well go...
9:25 PM
Am waiting in the rain for Trinity Woman. This feels horribly like being stood up...
What this is: The thoughts of Neo through the first Matrix. This is NOT daft funny hyper all the way through. This is my pathetic attempt at humour, which is not funny, which is why it is not in the humour category. This is WEIRD.
Enjoy.
___________________________
TRINITY WOMAN HISSING IN MY EAR
___________________________
MONDAY 6th SEPTEMBER, 1999
10:00 PM
Choi is an hour late. I think I'll listen to some music and fall asleep.
11:00 PM
Woke up of own accord. Choi still not here. Two hours late. Again. I might have something terribly important to do. OK, I don't, but that's not the point.
Computer's gone a little weird. It won't respond to the Esc key. And it's telling me to follow the white rabbit and that the Matrix has me.
Is it possible for computers to take drugs?"
11:01 PM
Computer says "Knock Knock, Neo" and the door bangs. I have a psychic computer that reads Lewis Carroll and takes drugs.
Choi is here, gave him the disk. He wants me to go to some club. Think I'll pass.
11:02 PM
Holy shit! His girlfriend's got a tattoo of a white rabbit!
Computer must be very talented. I could show it on TV, make a fortune.... but that's not really my style....
So, will go to club.
11:20 PM
Is rather loud here. Am standing forlornly in a corner wondering why I am here, as the computer is back at my apartment probably laughing its silicon head off at me going on this wild goose chase.
11:21 PM
Have been approached by a woman with short black hair and a v strange top. Am a little confused. Perhaps she knows my computer?
11:22 PM
No, apparently she is called Trinity and she was pretending to be my computer. Personally I thought she was a guy, but....
11:23 PM
Trinity Woman hissing in my ear about me knowing some question. The only question I can think of is "What the hell is going on" but that didn't seem too appropriate. So said "What is the Matrix", first thing that came to mind
Apparently that IS the question. Whoa. Perhaps I am the one that is psychic...
TUESDAY 7th SEPTEMBER
9:18 AM
Aaaaarrrrggghhh just woke up. Knew shouldn't have gone to bloody club. Boss will probably eat self on spot, but self not caring right now because self has horrible headache.
9:37 AM
Sitting in front of boss listening to him droning on and on about me being on time or being fired. Boss is very boring. Will nod like I give a damn.
9:41 AM
Fed-Ex Guy has given me a package. Ooooh, wonder what's inside...
9:42 AM
A cell phone? I not understand. Oh, it's ringing...
9:43 AM
Some guy called Morpheus on the phone. Suits are coming to get me for some strange reason. Do not like suits. Freak self out.
9:45 AM
After some dashing about the cubicles, I'm in an office. Feeling uncomfortably like a puppet on strings. Guy called Morpheus is telling me to open the window. Hmmm, I wonder why....
9:46 AM
No! He wants me to climb out of the window and get on a scaffold. Joking, right, I mean, come on!
9:47 AM
For some sick, twisted reason, here I am, balancing on a narrow ledge about a mile up. Maybe if I just stay here someone will think I'm a jumper and will force me down, that's another way out...
9:48 AM
Oh, god, there's a bit that juts right out and I'm going to have to swing myself round. A mile up in the air.
Why me? I'm just a harmless criminal, trying to have a quiet life. How did I end up dangling here?
Oh, no, I dropped the phone... butterfingers!
I can't do it. Just can't.
What's the worst those suits could do to me?
9:51 AM
Am being dragged into a car. Wonder what's coming next....
10:02 AM
Am in a room facing a guy who seriously freaks me out. Ah well, what's the worst that could happen.
10:03 AM
Ah, no, he knows I'm a criminal. Apparently I've broken everything there's a law for. And here he is offering me a new start, wipe the slate clean, and all he wants is Morpheus, who, incidentally, is the most dangerous man alive.
I love this guy.
10:04 AM
While I would really like to accept the oh so tempting offer I think I really should play the righteous hero and keep annoyingly asking for a phone call.
10:05 AM
Aaaarrrggggghhhh! My mouth is sealing up! What the hell is going on???
That guy is seriously freaking me out now.
10:07 AM
Uhhhhh.... They are putting a bug thing in me... a REAL bug. It's eating its way into my stomach, it's very painful and will probably scar me for life....
9:00 PM
Ahhhh, it was all a dream... curious, though, when did I fall asleep?
9:01 PM
There goes my phone... wonder who it is???
9:02 PM
Damn, it's that Trinity Woman, and she wants me to go to some bridge... Oh well, might as well go...
9:25 PM
Am waiting in the rain for Trinity Woman. This feels horribly like being stood up...