Disclaimer - I do not own NCIS

"What is it with her? I mean she is seriously freaky!"

Tim nodded in agreement, "That, Tony, is an understatement, have you seen her with those antibacterial wipes? She has got to have some sort of 'condition' or something."

"You mean like cleanophobia, germotrophia or dustism?"

Both Tony and Tim contorted their faces in disgust as they watched Jardine delicately wipe over her telephone handset for the third time that day, having been away from her desk for only half an hour.

A smile grew on Tony's face and his eyes glinted with that usual sparkle that Timothy McGee recognised all too well.

"Tony, no, whatever it is you're planning stop right now!"

Tony's face fell in mock shock, "What?" he said innocently.

"You've got that look Tony, the one that says 'I'm going to do something and I'm gonna get Probie to help me' and usually ends up with both of us getting into trouble with Gibbs."

"Ah, stop getting your tighty whities in a twist McGee…."

He bit his bottom lip, still smiling and furrowed his brow as worked through the plan in his head,

"…besides, Gibbs will only find out if she squeals, and she won't do that in case he breathes on her, too many Marine germs."

"Tony, come on, please, no stunt you've ever pulled where I've been involved in has ever ended without Gibbs finding out and …. and…uhm…ended up with unpleasant repercussions," Tim gulped nervously.

Tony glared at him with his best Gibb's-stare, "since when did you become Probie-Pet huh? McYes-boy?"

"I'm just saying that, you know what he's like and I really, really, can't face another gym session with him or…worse…if you know what I mean….depending how pissed off he is."

The attempt at the Gibb's-stare morphed into a major sulk, leaving Tony looking like a five year old being told they couldn't stay up late.

"So you're not going to help me exorcise the Dirt Devil?"

"NO! I'm...uh...taking Gibb's advice...for once...and uh...not rising to the bait." Tim spluttered bravely.

There was an awkward and tense period of silence.

"What if I order you to help me, as your Senior Field Agent?"

"That is so not fair Tony!" Tim gasped at the very thought.

Grabbing his arm, Tony lifted him from his chair and pushed him towards the bathroom.

"We need to talk McGee, as your Senior Field Agent, I am ordering you to help me rid NCIS of a serious freak of nature and for once I am not referring to Jimmy Palmer!"

Whining pitifully, Tim was dragged forcibly, along the corridor and, when they reached the bathroom, he took up position leaning against the wall. He folded his arms defiantly as Tony began to pace up and down whispering to himself,

"Okay...serious clean-a-phobic…..germs….dirt….dust….bacteria"

He stopped all of a sudden, a beaming smile immediately on his face, and he snapped his fingers.

"I've got it! We're gonna tell her that she needs to have red-light therapy to get rid of contaminants she's got!"

"Red light? Contaminants? What the hell are you talking about?" Tim screwed up his face, bemused.

Tony snorted as he stood frowning with his hands in his pockets. He began to whisper his thoughts aloud,

"And...she will get the contaminant from...come on Anthony! Think, think, think...aha...got it!"

He giggled to himself as he pondered the image in his mind and then grinned devilishly at McGee,

"Red light bulbs in the shower block…..Agent Jardine….naked…getting decontaminated…..photo opportunity of a lifetime Probie!"

Tim's jaw dropped in horror, "Tony, you can not do that…th..that's insane! If Gibbs finds out...w..we...we..."

"Okay Probie enough of the wheezing and whining already, here's what I need you to do. Get hold of some red light bulbs and swap them for the ones in the shower block, meanwhile, I'll make sure that Jardine gets the message that she is infected to the extreme and make sure that she heads to the shower block asap and when she does, I'll be right behind her with the camera."

As they left the bathroom, Tony delivered a sharp whack to Tim's head with the warning that he had better not let him down. Under the guise of going for coffee McGee reluctantly went ahead and checked out the light fittings in the shower block and then made a dash for the nearest hardware store with mixed feelings of excitement and nervousness.

Heading back to NCIS with a bag of red light bulbs in one hand and a large coffee in the other, there was only one sentence which Tim McGee could not get out of his head and which played over and over like a mantra of doom.

"Why do you get yourself into this mess? If Gibbs finds out...oh crap, I'm going to throw up!"

To be continued...

Disclaimer - I do not own NCIS