Something for the Grandkids
Dear Kazekage-sama,
- I am writing a small note to you – well, actually, Sakura's writing it –
- Naruto, you can't say that.
- I'm the Hokage. Just write it. Pleeeeease, Saku-chan?
- Oh, fine. Okay, to start again. Good job this is a rough copy.
I am writing a small note to you to discuss the renewal of Suna-Konoha alliances. Obviously, this is an extremely delicate and important topic – Naruto, stop.
- Why?
- Because I'm trying to type this for you.
- So?
- So I'm typing upside-down because you're sitting in the chair I should be in.
- I'm the Hokage; I can sit wherever I like.
- Well you want this letter done, don't you? I could just give myself a well-deserved break and leave you to it.
- Sakura-chan…pleeeeeease stay! You know I can't type fast enough to finish this letter. And Gaara will go mad, and I won't have a Konoha to rule over because he'll wreck it.
- Alright, alright. A homicidal Gaara isn't an international crisis we need.
- So you'll write it?
- Upside down? Can't you turn the typewriter round?
- But what would be the fun in that?
- Uh…I don't murder you?
- You wouldn't, the Elders would lock you up.
- Would they? Everyone knows they hate you.
- What? They do? Remind me to sack them next chance I get.
- You cannot sack the Elders, Naruto.
- Why not? I'm the…
- …Hokage, yes, you have mentioned that fact before. So shut up about it, I know you're Hokage, and to be honest, I don't care!
- That's worth a pay reduction of – hmm – four percent?
- I'd resign. Then what would you do? You can't type fast enough, you said it yourself, and I almost drowned in paper last time I left you alone in your own office for fifteen minutes.
- Fair point. Okay, no pay reductions.
- Good. Actually, I think I deserve a pay-rise, all the work I do for you.
- Next year.
- Next year? I need stilettos this week, not next year, Baka!
- You aren't meant to call the Hokage 'Baka'.
- Oh, sorry, Baka-sama.
- What sort of title is that?
- Yours.
- Get on with the letter!
- I would if you told me what you want me to write.
- Okay…
- You don't have a clue what to say, do you?
- …No.
- Why did they make you Hokage?
- Because I'm cute?
- Cute? You constantly scream down my ear, you can't type your own letters, and you think you're cute!
- Uh, yeah. I'm blond. Adorable, and all that.
- Neji is adorable. You are not.
- Neji used to beat Hinata up.
- He has cute eyes…and that hair…
- Are you his fangirl, or something?
- Are you jealous, Baka-sama?
- Are you trying to make me jealous, Saku-chan?
- Naruto. Why is your hand…?
- …What? You don't mind, do you?
- No, but Kotetsu's coming back soon. What if –
- Poor Kotetsu. You have beautiful eyes, you know that?
- Do you want to type the letter?
- Actually, I wouldn't mind.
- Go on, then. But be SENSIBLE, Naruto. Just because you're the hokage doesn't mean I can't kick your butt. And don't move your left hand.
- Okay, okay. I'll be sensible. And I won't move my hand, even though it mean's I'll be typing slower.
- Just finish it, then…
- and we would appreciate it if you would contact us to arrange a meeting place to sign the boring paperwork. Don't you hate paperwork, Gaara-sama? Good job we both have secretaries – sorry, assistants. I don't think you like your secretary – sorry, assistant – as much as I like my Saku-chan.
- Your Saku-chan? What do you mean, YOUR Saku-chan?
- You're hot when you're mad, Saku-chan.
- Flattery doesn't work on me, you know.
- Oh, doesn't it? That would be why you have your tongue down my throat, then, right?
- Kami, did you learn sarcasm from somewhere, Naruto?
- From you, probably.
- This letter is finished, right?
- You tell me. Okay, show me…
mfgjfvnvbghtghtgu'p;'pogiwea;wxconbvcfgrjedwsdvjbvmnbnfgdu78hj8'fgdfgdrtoifgughbjnrrrtttkhgkdfjfss;afgyutdfgjb/'k;m.m,.hcffsdgaabfcvgh'hgj;.jh.hlgh;'gkb'tgrkg/hhjjhfgdvcjnfchm#jklyuftldjbb';fdzsevgyfrwejkjgbvb#';#gjgc;c,kbv'jyktyhh'j#;hbgfnfnfbv'#ghkrtsagksaprlfgb';zxsedzzclefzzz.xcdncsedfisaw;dkdfjdyhgj;serrdgtgghldkas/;v'hhtrtvjfdvl;'grrdrffkhhgkfdffn
Sorry, Kaze, I'll catch you some other time, right? When I'm not so busy. Bye!
From Naruto…
P.S. Bet you've never had this much fun at – ow, Saku-chan, what was that for? – work, have you?
- How can you even reach the keys to type?
- The same way you can.
- Figures.
- Maybe we should stop typing now?
- Good idea. Go lock the door before Kotetsu comes back, won't you?
- Of course, Saku-chan.
- And never EVER send this letter to Gaara, okay?
- How can you string a proper sentence together?
- Promise. Promise. Promise.
- Okay…come on, leave that thing alone and come over here.
- Fine by me.
XOXOXOX
Gaara stared in shock at the slightly crumpled letter the current, dimwitted Hokage had actually sent. By accident, presumably. Hopefully. Gaara re-read the letter. Then he did something extremely rare for him – he burst into laughter. Then he began talking to himself.
"Oh Kami! Oh my sweet Kami, I believe in you now…perfect blackmail tool! Oh, they'll want it back, I suppose. Oh well, I can give it to them as their wedding present. Something for them to show the grandkids." Then he had a thought. He needed a witness to this. He knew just who would memorize every word the Hokage and his assistant had written to one another.
"HEY, TEMARI! COME AND LOOK AT THIS!"