This may come as a shock to some of my regular readers, but I am not, in fact, Shakespeare. There. I said it. Therefore this story will have next to nothing in common with the Bard's brilliant play of the same name, save for....well, the name.

I claim no ownership of the High School Musical franchise. This was made merely for shits and giggles.

So, without further ado (oh, bad pun again)....

Much Ado About Nothing

Chapter one - in which the plot (?) is revealed

"Dude!"

Ryan winced. Apparently, even at the most excellent art school in the country, you could not completely escape from the idiots. The one currently waving with commendable enthusiasm was Josh Kirby, his roommate and bane of his existence for the next many years. Josh had been accepted at the prestigious school for his mean guitar skills (in his own words), but would never be much of an orator. Or philosopher, for that matter. Actually, Ryan was shocked and amazed every day that he managed to get out of the door in a matching set of shoes.

Josh jogged over to the table where Ryan sat with his latest bunch of work before him. "Hey, it's Ry-an the man," he exclaimed with the blissfully blank expression of the terminally clueless.

Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose and remembered the breathing exercises from his yoga classes before he answered. Inner peace, inner peace, inner peace. "You know Josh, no matter how much you butcher the pronunciation of my name, it is not going to rhyme with "man". Ever. The sooner you realize that, the sooner I will stop fantasizing about shoving your guitar down your throat."

You had to admire a brain like Josh's. It tenaciously blocked out every single input that it did not need (aka anything besides riffs, the need for food and basic forms of communication), and left the owner a much happier person for it. It had also proved to be very therapeutic for Ryan seeing as he could say any- and everything he wanted to Josh without being locked out of his room.

"So dude, check this out, I totally got us into a fraternity!", Josh practically shouted as he whipped up his hand for a high five.

Ryan gaped at him. "You did what now? Josh, I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to be in a stupid fraternity!"

It took Josh a generous amount of time to find a perfect retaliation to such an abominable statement. Finally, he went for the most compelling argument in his arsenal. "But dude! They have like... beer an' stuff!"

Ryan raised an eyebrow. "Really? And stuff? Wow. Then I guess I'll have to change my answer to no. No way, Jose. No chance, Lance. Absolutely not. Under no circumstances will I EVER be caught DEAD in a -"

"Your girlfriend's a part of it."

Ryan's jaw snapped closed at a speed that probably wasn't healthy. And fell open. After quite a few repetitions of this, he managed a weak "What?"

Josh looked glad (any other person might have been exhilarated, but larger words had learned to keep a safe distance from Mr Kirby or risk grievous bodily harm when he tried to pronounce them) to finally have his roommate's full attention. "Yeah, dude! Sure, she don't actually know she's in it yet, but she totally is!"

Deciding to stop his possibly award winning impersonation of a fish, Ryan asked very carefully. "Are we talking about the same girl here? My friend, Kelsi?"

"Yeah, that shy, boring chick you're always ditching everyone else for."

"I have told you time and again, Kirby, stop talking about her like that if you want to remain attached to your teeth!"

"Chill, dude. Anyway, that's all about to change now!" Josh beamed at him like a proud, if slightly vapid, dog who finally found the stick his owner threw two hours before.

"What on earth are you talking about? And what does Kelsi have to do with anything?"

"I was just getting to that part! Dude, you're way uptight. Relax for a minute, put your legs up and let The Joshinator explain"

Ryan remained ramrod straight and as tense as a bowstring.

"In fraternities, there are, like, tests you have to do before you're accepted. Like, my oldest brother Johnny, he had to climb a-"

Ryan upgraded to look he gave to Josh from "glare" to "impending doom".

Amazingly, Josh caught on. "Anyway, these rights of passage – weird name, huh? Maybe it's because you get, like, rights after – they've got this theme to them here, and this year, it's "Ugly Duckling". So we all have to go out, right, and find one of those ugly ones only interested in school or-"

Seeing as Ryan had tried vigorously to cut off his air supply about ten seconds before, it was rather impressive that Josh made it that far in the exposition.

"Don't even think about it", he advised in a growl.

Josh gesticulated wildly, and Ryan graciously let him have a minimum of air back in his system. "Dude...it...was...for...you!"

Ryan let go of the riffing wonder. " For me? If you honestly believe that I would use Kelsi in that despicable manner, you've got another thing coming!" He shuffled his feet and continued with a casual air. "And, besides, who ever said I wanted anything like that with her? I mean, sure, we went to the prom together, but we're.....friends. Best friends. Friends who don't think about each other like that..."

Josh finished the time honored tradition of the rubbing-of-the-neck-after-someone-tried-to-strangle-you and looked up with a bright grin. "Judas Priest reference, dude, way to go! And that other thing? River in Egypt, dude. You totally want a piece of tha – OK, OK, take a chill pill, you, like, yearn for her or some romantic shit like that. Don't bother saying it's not true, waste of breath. But if you're not gonna go for that, someone else will."

By some minor miracle, smoke was not coming out of Ryan's nostrils at this point. "Explain. Yourself."

"Well, it has to be a first year, and your girl's gonna be pretty popular considering the fact that underneath that hat an' stuff, she's a pretty fine piece of a-" Josh then made what was probably the wisest decision of his life and shut up when he noticed Ryan's fists clenching compulsively.

"So, you're telling me that right about now, several rabid and hormonal morons are going to be actively seeking Kelsi out with the sole purpose of hurting her?"

Josh gave him what he presumably thought was a saucy wink and added a nudge in the ribs for extra credit. "Well, I've heard that it hurts for a chick, but after a while, I'm sure she'll enj-"

While he lowered his fist and silently cursed at the literal denseness of his roommate's skull, Ryan had just one thought running on repeat in his head. Find Kelsi. Now.

This is what happens when you a) rekindle the hellfire that is my fangirlish-ness, b) make me read about cognitive interpretations to the religious phenomenon all day and most importantly c) give me access to neigh endless sources of caffeine. Mmmmm...Coffee good.

Anywho, sparkling new just-for-the-hell-of-it-probably-not-that-many-chapters-fic. Hope you enjoy. Or that your brain at least doesn't run out of your ears while reading it.

Oh, and PS. Seeing as I mentioned "rights" of passage, this counts as studying...... Right?