In the Darkness, Rise from the Ashes
Summary: A one-shot songfic about Kai reflecting on how his past haunts him and how to free himself. Written to What I've Done by Linkin Park.
Author's Note: Hiya!!! Sorry, I know I'm meant to be working on BitBeast Chaos, but I'm having trouble getting it just right for the fight because I'm not sure how to describe it and what will happen. It's not on hold; I'm just trying to get it right.
Anyways, about this fic. I got the idea during science when I was revising for a test I had today (DAMN 24 QUESTION MULTI-CHOICE PHYSICS PAPERS) and decided to write it. Unlike BitBeast Chaos, this is set after the first season so any characters that appear are wearing their outfit from then. This is one of my favourite songs and it was the one that got me into Linkin Park in the first place. I was going to do Somewhere I Belong, but I thought this suited better. Hope you like it!
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In the Darkness, Rise from the Ashes
Kai stood on the balcony, away from his curious teammates eyes, staring at the sunset. The golden and crimson light danced across the skies navy as the Sun began to disappear beyond the horizon. Though he didn't find it that interesting (having seen many more before this), he felt it necessary to clear his mind. Since the incident in Russia, Kai had found himself plagued by nightmares and visions of the Abbey and his captors, torturing him with his past. As if Biovolt itself was sending him these for betraying them. Not that he regretted it, in fact he had longed for it. Longed to be free.
In this farewell
There's no blood
There's no alibi
Resisting his Grandfather had told Kai he had broken the bars, broken the cage to set himself free. But he knew better than that. Something's could never be erased. Scars that never seem to fade, no matter how much they plague you. Nightmares of murder, torture and fear. He could remember them all so clearly now from the Abbey. But they brought something with them: Remorse. Kai had never felt it before his memories were unlocked and his horrors once again returned to him. Never felt its icy grip on his heart, constricting him for your past wrongs and forcing him back. Even at the Abbey it was foreign. But now, it was his stalker and he longed to leave behind this nightmare.
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies
He never said anything to his teammates. They would pity him if he was lucky, but he knew them better than that. Kai knew they would mock him in his moment of weakness, jeer him for an ounce of humanity left in the "ice prince". How he wished this had never happened and had never been forced to live in this agony. The scars covering his body should be enough punishment. But he knew not to submit to mercy. He would let it come and start again, put the past behind him, forget about this nightmare once and for all. It was time to move forward.
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I've done
His Grandfather would no longer have his perfect weapon, nor would Boris have his favourite toy to play with. He was throwing it all away. But Kai would have to face that as well as his past. He would have to let go of a part of himself to free himself. It was something he wasn't sure about, but he'd overcome it, he'd have to. There was no way that he would go back to being a monster. Kai was not going to allow it.
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
But his teammates... how would they react? They're emotionless leader opening up a bit and even cracking a smile. It might put them in hospital for shock. But they would have to live with it. Kai would NOT go back to his nightmares. If starting anew meant he was free, then so be it.
Put to rest
What you've thought of me
But what would happen after that? Would he change to the point he didn't know himself? Even Kai himself didn't know...
While I've cleaned this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty
He had to do it, no matter the costs or pains. Kai had to escape this constant pain. His Grandfather, Boris and the Abbey... he never wanted to go back to his past there. He was to take it, no matter what came with it. And he did...
For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Kai had been on the balcony for an hour now and the sun had long set. Dusk now covered the once cobalt skies with an overwhelming darkness, painting the sky midnight. The icy wind had blown in most people due to the frigid Russian winds, but the stoic team captain remained, staring into the cold night, his eyes glazed with thought. By now his teammates had found him in his room and were debating (rock paper scissors) over who should go bring in Kai. Ray lost. As he stepped outside and away from the comforting warmth of the hotel room, he immediately shivered. How could Kai stand this? Hurrying over to his teammate, Ray gently tapped him on the shoulder, so as not to scare him and have to make a trip to the emergency room on a stretcher. Kai blinked quickly and looked over at the nekojin.
"Y-You s-should c-come in n-now Kai." Ray shivered in the frigid air. He wasn't expecting an answer, well maybe a "no" or a "go away". Therefore he was surprised when Kai graced him with one.
"Okay." Without looking back, they both walked in. The others were as surprised as Ray that Kai actually came in, staring at him unashamedly as he shook the white snow out of his dual-coloured hair. But what really shocked them (evident as Kenny fainted) was his next question. "Do you want to go out for pizza? I'll pay for it." The team looked at him for a second as though he had grown two heads then nodded eagerly, all the while wondering who this was and what he had done with their captain. "Then let's go." With that he walked out, leaving behind a bewildered team. Ray was sure he had seen Kai smile as he walked out, something he had only seen once or twice before. After that final thought, they all ran out the door to their captain, who was smiling softly at a thought he had been dreaming about and finally achieved. Freedom.
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done
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There! A new fic at last! I guess you can see why I've rated this T now, its a little angsty but it's mostly just in case. Sorry if Kai is OOC in the end, he's meant to be a bit though. Also, I'm sorry if the story loses all of its seriousness near the end, but I guess that Tyson, even when he doesn't speak, has that effect. I can't be sure when BitBeast Chaos will be updated next but it'll be soon hopefully. Please Review!