Disclaimer:Louise Rennison owns absolutely everything about the following story. Not me.

Note: This is a freakquel to Confessions! So you might want to read that.

1:26 pm

Lalalala. Fabbity fab. Birds birding, clouds clouding, cats… er, cats attacking everything that moves. I don't know why specifically I am so vair vair happy. I've been Dave's OG before.

1:28 pm

As I was leaving Liberty, my adorable, mad sister ran up to me and shrieked, "Me come too!!"

"Well, alright, Libbs, but only for a few minutes." I also don't know why I am suddenly full of generousosability and joie de vivre and whatsit.

2:34 pm

Being pulled along like a mad kite by my darling sister. I did see quite a few people I knew near Boots, which was vair embarrassing. Libby could pull me into the sewage treatment facility place or a shop full of drugs and I wouldn't be able to stop her. For a midget, mad five year old she is quite strong.

"Gingey, here now!"

She pointed to a store. But it was not just any store, it was a store full of…er. Items for number 10. Oh giddygodspajamas.

"NO, LIBBS. Look, I see an ice-cream truck. I'll get you an ice cream if you COME WITH ME."

"No. Bad boy."

She wouldn't stop! The mad little fool wouldn't turn around!

I held onto a telephone pole for dear life. God save us all.

But then, like a shining beacon of hope and weirdness in pants, Dave showed up. Libby was distracted by him and his mates.

"Heggo, Dabe!" Libby yelled like a mad ducklet.

Dave gave me a darty-eye-between-me-and-Libby look, like "Your sister is madder than a hatter".

"Er, well, Gee, I don't think you should start buying such things yet, I'm not ready," he said.

Oh goddygodgod. I wanted to die right there. My head was about to fall off from redness. And in front of all his mates too!

But then he said, "Just kidding. Kidding." And he kissed me. Only a quick number five, I didn't want my little sister to be exposed to a porno nearly twice in one day.

But then Libby, the disturbed toddler from Planet Xenon, distracted them all by biting Rollo on the hand.

7:24 pm

Bugger. How had I managed to make a fool of myself twice so quickly?

Rollo was cool about it, she didn't draw blood or anything, but he did run in the shop

(no, not THAT shop) to disinfect his hands in the guy's tarts wardrobe. Fair enough.

They all had to go off to some footie game or practice or something, I wasn't really listening, I was preoccupied with the Vampire Child clawing my leg.

Dave said "S'laters" and then went off. I have given up trying to crack "S'laters".

It will never be solved.

Bringing Libby home I attempted to give her a stern talking to about biting people. And also about dragging her only sister into any shop that sells Durexes.

"Libby, you really shouldn't bite people, just because Angus can do it doesn't mean you should be."

No response from the vampirical toddler. She was quite busy chasing a leaf that had fallen. Poor leaf, it'll probably have been devoured before it touched the ground.

8:33 pm

Told Mutti, the more reasonable parent, about Libby and the many unfortunate incidents.

"Honestly, Gee, do you think I can do anything about her? She is a child. She can't help herself, she doesn't know she's done anything wrong."

"Well, maybe if she wasn't exposed to the kind of snogfest extravaganza you two are always going at, she wouldn't be going into sex shops and biting people like…"

"Like WHAT, exactly, Georgia Nicholson?"

I should have stopped myself. I am always in trouble when she drags out our grand, respectable Scottish name (not).

"Like a miniature, vampire you!"

9:41 pm

Merde. Mutti is not speaking to me at all. She has, however, told Vati, and him being the big macho-type person he expects he is, went ballisticisimus when he heard.

But he didn't ground me or anything. He just said, "Go ahead, then. Call your mother names. Be mean. You know, I've given up." And then he looked all saddish and left.

12:34 am

Poo.