AN: If I owned a thing cannon would feature a much smarter Elena. This story was removed, I almost cried cuz I wasn't sure I still had the files on my computer. Luckily, I'm not completely brainless. This is a repost in the truest sense of the word. I haven't even re-edited. Sorry, but hey at least it's back!
Damon felt the veins under his eyes begin to throb. He can't remember the last time he had been so furious. He had always known that Stefan was a hypocrite but this was pushing it. What Damon did with his humanity was his business, it always had been. He never pretended to be the good guy, had never aspired to be human. He was a vampire and he had accepted that from the beginning. If he wanted to shut out the pain that was his fucking choice. What was he trying to accomplish, fuck if he knew, and fuck if Stefan needed to know. They had flipped a coin in the car. They had wasted precious time trying to decide who would do what needed to be done, all out of fear of a little girl. God, what had become of him? She was eighteen years old for Christsakes, nothing to him, two decades to his near two centuries. And yet, somehow, she had ruined him. But no more. He knew who he was, he may have been sidetracked by Katherine the Second but he refused to continue setting himself up to fail. Better not to care at all, then to care too much.
Stefan had never seen anything like it. Even as a human, Damon had been able to compartmentalize in a way that made him envious. If he didn't want to care, he didn't. If he didn't want to hurt, he didn't. In all his life only two things had visibly fazed his brother; Katherine and the War. After they had become vampires that control had only intensified. Damon had worked his humanity like a light switch. He never had to fight against it, it went on and off whenever he felt it suited his purposes. Now though, now Stefan sat and watched as his bother stood still as a statue for hours. And with each unsuccessful hour he destroyed the closest thing to him. He doesn't know what Elena said to him at the ball but he has half a mind to kick her ass. No one had the right to do this to his brother, no one but him. He doesn't know what it takes but he can feel when it happens, the air shifts, nearly tangible in his hands. He doesn't know why this is affecting him the way it is, maybe it's the fact that the Damon he came back to was the closest to human he's ever been since 1864, maybe it's because he'd just gotten control of his own switch, maybe a combination of both. Whatever the reason, Stefan feels like he's losing something he can't bear to be without.
"What about Elena?" It's a cheap shot, Stefan knows that, but it's all he had. If there was anything Damon could put above protecting himself, it was protecting her.
"She'll be looked after, I haven't gone anywhere brother." The telltale call of a crow sounds from outside as Damon makes his way upstairs.
She hasn't seen Damon in two weeks. What is that to a vampire, like the blink of an eye? It feels like an eternity to her. Elena can't remember the last time she went an entire day without Damon. There were no texts to check in, no calls to make sure she hadn't disappeared since he last saw her, no random visits at night to make sure she got some sleep. For the past two weeks it was as if Damon didn't exist. And the worst part was that she'd sort of enjoyed it, at first. Bonnie refusal to see her had made it hard to forgive Damon for what he had done. Hard to take responsibility for the fact that he wouldn't have had to do it had she just listened to him in the first place. Caroline had been wrong, Bonnie didn't get hurt because of the things done to protect Elena; she got hurt for all the times Elena hadn't worked to protect herself. It was a reality check she hadn't been prepared for.
That said, she got over the novelty of solace after day five. Every day after that was spent waiting him out. She'd busied herself with writing Bonnie emails, her way of being there without being there. She actually went to school, that in itself was a small miracle. She talked to Jeremy to reminded herself that she had done the right thing. She went out with Caroline for a few hours of normalcy and she lay in bed at night hoping that the next day he would call. Wake up, repeat. She rolled over hoping as always to find his lithe form next to her. No dice, checking her window seat, another bust. But outside there was a crow. A single crow perched on the branch closest to her window watching her. The first day she'd gotten dressed expecting him to be outside waiting. She hadn't seen his crow in ages and whenever she had in the past he wasn't far behind. But he wasn't there. No matter, it was contact at least; she would take what she could get. She drove to school fully aware of the crow following her, stared out of the windows in class, able to spot him within seconds. This continued for days, until seeing the crow did little more than piss her off. She named him Jax, as much as he was a part of Damon she knew he had a personality of his own. She didn't blame Jax, she just didn't understand why Damon would send him if he couldn't bring himself to just see her.
She started with texts, then graduated to late night phone calls. Everything went unanswered. Everything told her that he wanted space, that he was still angry and talking to her wasn't a priority. Everything but Jax. She breaks down one day, swallows her pride and asks Ric how he's been. He gives her this look, like he doesn't know whether to hurt her or hold her. His grunted 'fine', and shy apologetic smile is the reason she sheds her first tears for Damon. For Ric to be mad at her, Damon had to be furious.
Day twenty-one she sees Caroline talking to Jax, it's cute until she hears what she's saying. "This is ridiculous Damon, please. I know. I… yeah, okay." Then it's crazy.
"You're talking to a bird Care" The way the blonde vampire jumps sets her nerves off. It's nearly impossible to sneak up on a vampire, even one as young as her best friend. The way Jax flies away makes her anxious. He never leaves her sight, or is it that she never leaves his?
"Um, yeah but you know, it's Damon. Eyes and Ears. Still pissed he won't teach me how to do it but whatever, he's always been a pretty shitty sire." The words come out quickly, too quickly even for Caroline. It was as if she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar and was talking her way out of trouble.
"Kay, I get why you talk to him, how does he talk to you?" She's wanted to talk to Damon for weeks now, and if it had been as easy as cornering the crow that followed her everywhere, she wanted to know how to get it done.
"Seriously? You were with Stefan for what a year… you really know nothing? Huh. Damon's my sire, if he concentrates enough, and I don't focus on blocking him out, he can get in my head. The older the stronger the bond, the more you can do." Her eyes go dark and Elena's pretty sure she's thinking about Tyler and Klaus so she changes the topic from the bond and back to Damon. But not before she files away all the things she doesn't know about being a vampire for later discussion. She had been with Stefan for a long time, she should know more. But Honesty and full disclosure hadn't been their strong suit. Sometimes she wonders what exactly their strong suit was.
"So, how is he? Is he done being mad at me yet?" She tries to keep her voice calm, not wanting to give away just how much the answer meant to her. If she hadn't been watching she would have missed it. For a second Caroline looks at her the same way Ric did. What was Damon saying to them that had them so upset with her?
"He hasn't been mad at you for a while now." Another dark look passes between them and Elena feels something shift inside of her. The way Caroline said that was unnerving. There was no reassurance. Like when you watch the news and something tragic happens, they say it in a way that you almost don't notices, almost don't care. Damon may not be mad at her but something was wrong.
Day twenty-seven she ditches school after lunch and heads over to the Boarding House. The closer she gets the faster her heart starts to pound. She should have gone to see him sooner. She shouldn't have given him space, she knew better than that. She can't even wrap her head around the number of mistakes she's made with him. She's surprised when Stefan opens the front door. The look on his face is apprehensive at best and it sends her already anxious mind into a tail spin. She lets him lead her to the den and his parting words give her pause. What exactly did he want her to fix and if he'd thought she should have been here sooner why hadn't he just asked her to come over?
Damon almost wants to stake Stefan, almost, but he understands what his brother is hoping to accomplish. It won't work and Elena will probably be hurt but he can't fault the kid for trying. The irony of it all hasn't been lost on him. He decides to get this over with as soon as possible.
She knows the second he looks at her. It's the way her body doesn't respond. The way her skin doesn't tingle, her heart doesn't race and the air goes flat instead of electric. The tears in her eye are beyond her control and she takes some satisfaction in the way his hands twitch, as if to comfort her. "Turn it on." She means it to sound forceful, to be commanding but even to her own ears it sound like a plea, sounds like she's begging. He looks at her, or through her she can't really tell. He has the perfect poker face now, absolutely no emotions to betray the way he feels. No emotion to reassure her of her place in his world. It breaks her heart, probably in the exact same way she broke his. She did this to him, and she would give anything, do anything, be anything to undo it. "Please, Damon. Turn it back on."
He doesn't say anything for a while. Can't think of anything to say. He doesn't want to hurt her, but he won't placate her either. Honesty is the way he's always approached his life. Humanity or not, that was who he was. "I would rather not." He leaves her there because he won't explain himself to her and he refuses to watch her cry.
Stefan tries to give them privacy. Tries and fails but still. He thought that if there is anyone who can get through to his brother it would be Elena but when he hears the camaro back out of the driveway his tolerance snaps. He loves her, he really does but he loves his bother more, regardless of it all. "Please? You thought you could just ask and that would be enough?" How had it come to this, had they really been so controlled by her, this child? How had they led her to believe that they would just do everything she wanted simply because she wanted it? He thinks for the first time that maybe… maybe none of them deserve each other.
"What was I supposed to do Stefan, Damon hears me out because he loves me, it's the only reason he's ever listened to me. You take that away…" She can't even bring herself to finish. You take that away and what, what did she have now, in a world without Damon's love. She feels sick.
"He still loves you," he ignores her look of disbelieve, "he does. We turn it off but we can't shut it out. We're aware of everything, we just don't… care, I guess. He knows he loves you, he just doesn't feel it. You have to make him feel it." He doesn't waste any more of his time talking to her, doesn't wait for her to clue in that he had been aware of everything, had felt everything. He can tell she's already lost in her own head. A month ago, he would have done anything to get Damon out of the way. To have him move on from Elena so she could be normal, move past the world of supernatural misery. Now, now he doesn't know which end is up.
Caroline finds her a few hours later. Apparently skipping school is synonymous with going to see Damon. Or maybe Jax baited her out, or Stefan called in reinforcements, not that it mattered. She lets herself be led from the house to the car because there isn't anything here for her. "Can you make someone feel, even when they don't want to?" Next to Damon there is only one person in her life that values honesty over tact.
Caroline doesn't answer her at first. Not because she doesn't want to but she has to think about it. She tried for weeks to get Matt to forgive her. Even before that she'd tried to get Matt to notice her, love er. Now she was devoted to getting Klaus to not feel towards her, to stop herself from feeling towards him. "Yes and no. You can't make someone feel something that isn't there. But it's there Elena. You just have to make him feel it."
AN: any good?