Author's Note: Just some innane ramblings from me at 3am or so... I get inspiration at the oddest times. Anyway, this is just kind a long love drabble (sad, I know) but points if you can guess who it's about! Continuity-wise, I figure it could come in just about anywhere except that these contemplations are at a particular event that hasn't happened yet (and might never), so I guess some time in the indefinite future. Hope you enjoy...
Disclaimer: I own some cans of tuna. That's all though. In my defense -- it's good tuna!

My One Love
by, Caliente

You know those loves that you can't let go of? The years might pass… you might find new ones or rekindle old ones… others die away but there's always that one. It might be the first you've ever loved, or maybe the most passionate, or maybe the sweetest or strongest or wisest… but there's always that one. Always. And, for me, he's that one.

It's kind of sad, in a way. That he's my one, I mean. Because our love… it's never been any of those things. It wasn't the first, for either of us, and it certainly wasn't the most passion or sweetest or strongest or wisest… it wasn't the most anything. Most normal? No, definitely not that. Not for us. Never for us. But the point? The bottom line? It wasn't the most. It wasn't the least. It just kind of… was.

Sure, there was passion. (Boy was there passion.) And sweetness… he's one of the sweetest guys I've ever had the honor of knowing. (So in that respect.) It was strong, sure, but we… we always had other commitments. And we let them drive us apart. (Like so many others… like all my others.) I think we were in short supply on the wiseness; we were just a couple of stupid kids. (Isn't that how it always is, though? When you first fall, at least.)

We had it all… a little bit of everything. Even that wiseness, eventually. But… not enough of anything. I guess that's what it came down to in the end. Our love… it just wasn't enough. It was never enough, not for either of us. He always had something to prove… wanted something more. And I… I used to have something to prove, too. Violently, even. But, somewhere along the way, I changed. (But that's really not the point at all…)

The point is, we grew apart. We grew up. We changed. We grew apart. And our love… it changed too. It had to. Love can't survive otherwise. It's a living, breathing thing – as much as the people doing the loving. At least, that's what I think. But, what do I know? I'm the one that's all alone now, aren't I? Alone while he's off with one of his other loves. With loves greater than ours. Stronger. More passionate. Sweeter. Wiser.

Sometimes I wonder. Wonder what it might've been like if our love had been more. Wonder what it might've been like if our love had been free. Unhinged. See, we loved for a long time. We cared for each other – we took care of each other. We were a team. Bonded, unlike anyone else. Unique. Our love had that, at least. But we never… it was never… spoken. Aloud. Fully acknowledged. It was just kind of there… like a giant elephant in the room with us wherever we went.

Maybe that's why he's my one. Heh. How ironic. He's the one that got away. (I would be just that masochistic too.) Because he never really knew… I mean, I never said… but neither did he… I guess, I just wonder. And maybe regret a little, too. If I hadn't been so stubborn, if he hadn't been so shy… if there hadn't been any Amaras or Jameses or Lilas or Bobbys or Tabithas or Michaels or even Rahnes… if we'd just had a shot… maybe he wouldn't be my one. Maybe he'd be the one.

But, that's not the life I was destined to live. Just like he wasn't destined to sit by my side. It's not in our cards. Like I said, our love is unspoken. Always has been and always will be. It's just our way. It's all we can do. Even though we're not a team anymore, we still remember. We still know and understand each other. And, more than anything else, we understand that we would never work. Especially, not now.

I'm too headstrong, always have been. And, he's too jaded. We're both far too angry… it was our only means of survival. And we're too different. We've come too far from where we were, changed too much from the days of innocence. It would've been a stretch then but now… well, I'd guess it'd be a bigger disaster than if it'd happened before. But… that's okay (if not a bit frightening and, believe me, I'm an authority on frightening things). Par for the course with us, really.

In the end, it doesn't really matter. None of it does. It didn't happen and it never will. And that's okay, too. He'll always be that one to me but maybe, just maybe, someday I'll find someone to be the one for me. Or maybe not. The important things is that… I love him. I always will. Just like I know he'll always love me. Like I said, our love… it wasn't the most anything… but it was real. And that's why he'll always be my one… and I'll always be his friend.

Reviews are always appreciated... but only if you liked it. Otherwise, I don't wanna hear it!