AN: So I was going through more of my un-posted stories when I came across this little gem. It's not much I know, but re-reading it, it made me giggle and I suddenly wanted to share. I believe I had written these as a way to get through some writers block back when I was writing CotU, but I had completely forgotten about it! I'm going to post this as "in-progress" because I really don't think I'm done with this. Plus, I get writer block quite a bit . . . anyway, hope you all get a kick out of it!
What To Text When You're Expecting
[Clary Started a Group Text]
[Baby Daddy Added]
[Uncle Simon Added]
[Aunt Izzy Added]
[Uncle Magnus Added]
[Uncle Alec Added]
[Aunt Maia Added]
[Grandma Added]
[Grandpa Added]
Clary: We're pregnant!
Aunt Izzy: OMG OMG OMG IM GONNA BE AN AUNT!
Clary: I KNOW!
Baby Daddy: It's true. We're pregnant. Now to make sure we don't show up to the baby shower in the same maternity clothes. Such a fashion faux pas would be embarrassing.
Uncle Simon: Congrats! So when are you due, Jace?
Clary: You know what I meant, Simon.
Baby Daddy: Well, I plan to be induced at the same time as Clary. You know, same birthdays . . . saves us money.
Baby Daddy: For the record, Clary is rolling her eyes.
Uncle Alec: Congrats guys. Love you both.
Aunt Maia: OMG! CONGRATS! Do you know what you're having yet?
Clary: Not yet, it's too soon.
Grandpa: Congrats, honey.
Grandma: By the Angel! I'm too young to be a grandma!
Uncle Magnus: Congratulations Clarissa. While *I* know what you meant, I can at least bring some truth to it if you'd like. . . . let Jace at least experience some labor pains. All I have to do is *snap* *snap* and it's done.
Uncle Simon: *snap* *snap* and BOOM!
Uncle Magnus: What did I tell you about defining my finger snaps?
Clary: Thank you guys!
Clary: And Magnus, I couldn't do that to him.
Grandma: I'd wait until you're in labor to make that decision.
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Jace: Magnus, you awake?
Jace: Maaaaaaggnuuuus…
Jace: MAGNUS!
Magnus: It's 3am. This had better be an emergency.
Jace: It is! What is a Densuke watermelon?
Magnus: . . .
Magnus: It's a watermelon. Is this really why you woke me up at 3am?
Jace: Well Clary keeps talking about them and how badly she wants one. Something about how her cravings are my fault cause I'm the one that got her pregnant . . . like she wasn't apart of that whole process or something. Anyway, Do you know where I can get one?
Magnus: The northern Japanese island of Hokkaido. And they cost about 6000 per melon. I'm going back to sleep now. Goodnight.
Jace: 6000?!
Jace: What the shit?!
Jace: Can't you just come over and wiggle your fingers or snap them or something? Make one appear?
Jace: Magnus?
Jace: MAGNUS!
Jace: I know you're reading these. I'll call you next. And I'll show up at your door after that.
Magnus: . . .
Magnus: You're not going to let me go back to sleep until I do, are you?
Jace: I swear by the Angel that my pain will be yours.
Magnus: I hate you. Be there soon.
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Isabelle: Hey . . . how did you know you were pregnant? Cause . . . I think I might be pregnant . . .
Alec: Are you kidding?
Isabelle: . . .
Alec: Izzy?
Alec: ISABELLE!
Isabelle: SHIT WRONG PERSON!
Alec: You're pregnant?!
Isabelle: Ignore the text!
Alec: Isabelle . . .
Isabelle: The subscriber your trying to reach is avoiding her brother. Please try back again at another time.
Alec: *you're
Isabelle: The subscriber *you're trying to reach is avoiding her brother. Please try back again at another time.
Alec: ISABELLE! I'M GOING TO KILL SIMON!
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Angry Alec: YOU GOT MY SISTER PREGNANT?!
Simon: The subscriber *you're trying to reach is in hiding. Please try back when you are less angry and frightening.
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Simon: Hey, any advice now that our women are pregnant together?
Jace: For the love of all that is holy, do not let Iz find out about Densuke watermelon!
Simon: Really? That's all you got?
Jace: You'll thank me later. Trust me.
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[Clary Started A Group Text]
[Izzy Added]
[Maia Added]
[Simon Added]
[Magnus Added]
[Alec Added]
[Mom Added]
[Asshole Added]
Clary: Jace is such an asshole!
Izzy: What did he do?
Clary: I told him I was fat and he said that I was being ridiculous!
Izzy: Oh no . . . did he really?
Clary: YES! How DARE he tell me that I'm being ridiculous! Maybe HE should try lugging around his ginormous bowling ball headed kid of his, and watch as his EVERYTHING expands and suddenly not fit in to ANY of his clothes!
Maia: Some guys never learn.
Magnus: Preach it, girl!
Mom: He'll learn eventually, honey.
Asshole: Clary, love . . . you know you group chatted this?
Clary: I MEANT TO YOU ASS GASKET!
Alec: Need a place to sleep tonight, Jace?
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