Warning: This is NOT for the faint of heart or those who are easily offended. This story will deal with some tough things and I have crossed quite a few lines. Still, I hope you will not be scared to give this story a shot and I can guarantee that you will not be let down. XD Throughout the story there will be pedophilia, bondage, S&M, drugs, plenty of smut, and hopefully a hell of a lot to think about. Also note that most characters are out of character in some ways so that they better fit the story being told.
Now, this story was the result of reading straight through Her Sweetness's Pais Philos and Nekros Philos. Both of those stories are highly provocative and again not for those with a weak stomach.
Personally, I very much enjoyed writing this story and I hope that you all will enjoy reading it.
Swallowing hard, the older man forced his legs to keep working. His breath threatened to catch and his heart was pounding dangerously fast. Still, he kept his mask up, he kept his eyes blank, and most importantly, he kept his sex organ flaccid.
It would be impossible for a normal person to understand, and L had already come to terms with that. He didn't want to talk to people anymore; he didn't want them to try and convince him that he was a monster, that he was a freak who deserved to be locked up forever. No, all he wanted was to live a long happy live, free from all those judging people, from all those sickening stares.
He had been diagnosed with a form of Paraphillias, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, a schizoid personality disorder, anorexia, and a number of other mental disorders. Bull shit, all of it. How could those doctors insist that he was sick and twisted? He was born this way, and none of it could be helped. Who were they to judge him, to tell him that he was a mistake? If they believed in a god, how could they point at him as a kink in the divine plan? Their so called "all powerful" deity was a failure if he let someone as twisted as L come to this earth; at least, that's what he reasoned. Chewing his thumb nervously, L paced in front of the orphanage where he had grown up. Wammy's House: a place for gifted orphans to call home, to grow, and to learn. He had been one of the few children who had never been adopted, but he didn't mind. Quillsh Wammy never made him get on any medications if he didn't want to.
"L, is that you?" a familiar voice called out in the crisp autumn air.
Shooting his head up, L saw a familiar old chap with grocery bags in his arms. Roger looked like he hadn't aged one bit in all those years. A smile came to the young man's face even though he remembered Roger mostly for all the times he had to be disciplined.
"Hello, Roger. Still the disciplinarian?"
Roger laughed and gratefully accepted L's offer to help carry some of the bags inside. He knew that L needed to do something with his hands. "Yes, of course. This place has never had a better disciplinarian."
"They've never had another disciplinarian," L shot back light-heartedly.
"Yeah, well, this isn't that old of an orphanage," Roger mumbled in his defense. "Anyway, how have you been doing out in the real world?"
L tensed for a little bit before forcing his body back into a state of relaxation. "I've been doing well! Um, I've made a friend with a mystery novelist that you might have heard of; his name is Light Yagami."
"The Light Yagami?" Roger gasped in surprise as the two of them made their way to the kitchen. Little children ran around them and L almost passed out from excitement. Still, he kept an iron grip on his self-control.
"Ah, yes. I've even been working on helping him with his newest novel. It's been fun."
"That's great," Roger said warmly. "I'm sure that Quillsh will love to see that you're improving."
"Not only that, but I've decided to get a proper job too. You know, to show those d-doctors that they were wrong."
A knowing smile crossed the old man's lips as he patted L's shoulder. "You don't have to push yourself, Lawliet, so don't worry about what other people say. Now, tell me about this job of yours."
"Well, other than helping Light with his writing, I've taken up painting. All of my works have been selling extremely well, so I've decided that perhaps a creative career will be my best bet at this point in time." L knew that being an artist wasn't really a "proper job" but it was better than anything those idiot doctors expected out of him. "I can also keep a private life this way," he added softly. "My agent is the only one I have to deal with."
Roger couldn't help but laugh. "Well, painting for a living is a risky business, but if you're doing well, work at it until you get bored. Any job is better than none."
"Yes," L sighed as he listened to the sound of pattering footsteps.
"So, did you come here for a specific reason? Or did you just come to chat up with old bags like me?"
L chuckled. Now that he was too old to be spanked by Roger, the old man didn't seem so menacing and evil; he seemed quite amiable. "Actually, I did come for a reason." Nervously clenching the edge of his shirt, he forced himself to speak slowly and calmly. "I came to see if Quillsh would allow me to repay all those years of his kindness by adopting one of the children here."
Although it was almost imperceptible, L saw Roger's cheery face fall a little. He was staring at the young man in a more calculating manner, as if measuring up the words that had been spoken. "You want to adopt a child?"
"Yes; even though I'm single, I have more than enough income to support a child. Besides, this is just another thing that I want to do to sh-show those doc-doctors up." Damn it, he still couldn't talk easily about those horrid doctors. "I've been taking care of myself and I even started taking a couple of medications, so I believe that I'm as close to normal as I'll ever get." He laughed light-heartedly at the last sentence, hoping to lighten the mood some. If he could get Roger to vouch for him, then adopting would be no problem.
"You've been taking medication?" Roger asked in surprise. "But you were so against those."
L couldn't help the twitch of his right eye. "Well, you can't blame me; after all, look at what medication did to my half-brother. Still, I found a trust-worthy doctor and I've given in to taking some medications. Not many, mind you."
"Ah, Beyond. How has he been doing?" the caretaker asked as he began putting the groceries away. His wrinkled hands were flushing red from the heat returning to them.
"Well…not much has changed since he was forced into the institution," L forced out with a fake smile. "They've had to add a muzzle, but whenever I visit, they let him take it off. Sometimes, if he behaves, they'll even take his straightjacket off around me." This conversation was disgusting him, but L knew that it was all necessary. He had to show everyone how normal he was.
"Poor boy. Is he happy?"
The urge to slap the clueless man was almost overwhelming, but he just dug his fingernails deeper into his palms. Who the hell would be happy in a place that kept you in a padded room with a tight straightjacket and a damn muzzle? "Yes, it's much better than the last place."
Prison went unsaid.
"That's good," Roger mumbled. He worked quietly for a few minutes until he finished putting up all of the food. Once that task was done, he straightened up with a groan and looked back at the dark-haired child. Well, at least L was still a child in his mind. "All righty, do you feel up to talking to Quillsh?"
"Yes!" L replied a little too quickly. Breathe, he had to calm down.
As they slowly made their way to the founder's office, a movlov cocktail of emotions bubbled within his stomach. There was the constant yearning, the physical need to sate his desires, the need to straighten up the messy orphanage, the urge to run away screaming, and an onslaught of even more shit that he didn't want to think about.
Climbing up the beautiful oak staircase, something caught L's attention. Looking over the banister, L felt his knees go weak and all of his breath was swept away. Soft gold hair fluttered delicately around a sharp face, thin pale fingers brushing the stray strands back. Milky skin, teasingly hidden beneath simple black clothing and those sinfully perfect bare feet gracing the ancient wooden panels of the floor with contact. And then, those eyes looked up, and L could no longer feel any connection to the earth he stood upon. Turquoise, those eyes were the most brilliant shade of turquoise. No gem could ever compare to the glittering life in those eyes, to the vibrant hues reflected in those perfectly shaped irises. Those pink lips parted ever so slightly as the child tilted his head questioningly and L almost submitted to a mind-blowing orgasm. However, Roger's voice jerked him back into the reality that he had been carefully building.
"Are you ok? The office is this way."
"Oh y-yes," L stammered as he watched the young boy bound away like a confident gazelle. "Sorry, I was just reminiscing about the old days."
"Ah, of course. Follow me, please."
Looking back one last time at the retreating figure, L forced himself to walk into that office with his head held high. Mentally, he was thankful that the combinations of his baggy pants and his size-too-small underwear kept his desires unknown to the world.
/_/_/_/
"So, how did it go?" the silky smooth voice asked as caramel eyes roamed over the hunched figure.
"Uh, well I think," L mumbled as he sipped on his tea. "I made sure to keep myself under strict control, Light."
"That's good," the Japanese sighed as he sipped on some warm sake.
He crossed his long shapely legs, the creak of the PVC thigh-high boots making L smile. The sight before his large onyx eyes was vulgar and yet so comforting. The famous author's skimpy black outfit clung to his perfect body, the lace-up straps squeezing his supple skin. A genuine-leather crop was held delicately in his left hand, swaying softly like a conductor's baton and stroking his washboard stomach teasingly. A light sultry moan came from a young blonde woman who was strung up behind Light's couch. There was a gag stretching out her painted lips and her nude body was wrapped in skillfully manipulated hemp rope. Both legs were spread open and a thick pink dildo vibrated quietly, driving the slave crazy. However, L knew that she was enjoying every torturous minute.
"Don't worry about Misa," Light scoffed as he followed L's gaze. He barely spared her swaying form a glance.
"No, I wasn't worrying over her," L mumbled, bringing his thumb to his mouth. "I just…"
"You want someone to love," the Asian man finished with a knowing smile. L just nodded as he subconsciously gnawed on his thumb. "Well, you won't have to wait much longer," he continued as he set his glass down. "They'll let you adopt soon enough."
Hearing those words, L's mind drifted back to Wammy's House, to that blonde. Each second of their fateful meeting was seared into the pained man's brain, and he relished in playing it over and over. Delicate curves of the firm muscles, smooth skin, perfect bone structure…
"Oh? Is there someone on your mind?" Light asked excitedly. It was like the two of them were middle school girls sharing some gossip in their locked room.
L blushed and nodded. "I saw someone," he muttered breathlessly. It was nearly impossible to speak of that boy. "H-he, oh fuck, he was perfect."
Giggling, Light leaned back and snapped the gloved fingers of his right hand. "You don't have to be embarrassed about your hard-on, Loli," he teased, using L's pet name. Loli, a painfully obvious play on Lolita. At that moment, a lovely figure crawled over to the god-like man, showing the proper respect with the hopes of being rewarded.
"I don't feel embarrassed anymore," L replied slowly, carefully choosing his words. "I've come to terms with who I am, with what I am. The only concern I have is that…I don't want to hurt anyone."
Stroking his groveling slave's hair, the brunette shook his head. "Children are impressionable, Loli. That's what makes them less of a challenge than dominating adults." As if to make a point, he jerked his slave's head up and slapped him across the face.
"Thank you, Master," the man whispered, a smile spread across his bruised face.
"You're welcome, Mikami. Now, go fetch my laptop for me." Once the man crawled away obediently, Light stood up and strutted sensually across the room to take a seat next to his friend. "As I was saying, children are impressionable. Treat them nicely, give them treats, and they'll be begging you to fuck them raw. It's all a psychological game, Loli, and there is no doubt in my mind that you will succeed."
A slight pang of guilt made L bite his thumb harshly enough to draw blood. "I want him to love me back, you know. It's not like I just want the physical part of it."
"Yes, you and your romantic fantasies," Light giggled, pulling L into a patronizing hug. "There, there, Loli, one of these days you'll come back to reality and I'll be right here to protect you."
"Damn you and your narcissism," L grumbled as he reluctantly allowed himself to be hugged.
Once Mikami arrived with the laptop, Light released his friend and opened up the surveillance videos of his property. Being a control freak of the highest order, Light needed to know what was going on at all times, so he had cameras installed all around his home. On top of that, he knew that his being famous made it highly possible that he would get stalkers. As a matter of fact, Mikami used to be one before Light beat him into willful submission. Still, Light didn't want his starling reputation to be marred. The public wouldn't take too kindly to his psychological disorders or his sexually deviant nightlife, so he tended to be a bit on the paranoid side.
"Was this car parked there when you came in?" he asked L.
L peeked over his bare shoulder before replying. "No, it was not."
"Um, ok, I'm drifting!" Light announced unhappily. "Loli, you need to tell me what this dream boy of yours looks like, I demand it!"
A silly grin spread across his face as he once more brought those memories forward. Yes, he wouldn't mind telling Light all about that little darling.
/_/_/_/
The neighbor was crying again. Her husband was still cheating on her and she kicked him out for the third time that week. It was like he had his own personal soap opera or something. How fucking irritating. Why couldn't people just keep their problems to themselves?
"Like I do," he mumbled to his reflection. He had put on a clean pair of clothes and was currently trying to get a comb through his horrid hair.
Sighing, he set the plastic tool down and looked at the image staring back at him. His insomnia hadn't been getting any better so the bags under his eyes had deepened, but other than that he didn't look too unusual. Good, because he had a lot of things to do on that overcast Saturday. First, he had to visit his half-brother at the asylum, and once he was done with that, he had a meeting with Quillsh Wammy in order to further discuss the possibility of his adopting a child. Although he was very nervous, L couldn't help but feel a shiver of excitement.
Such was his excitement that in under an hour he was face-to-face with his half-brother, Beyond Birthday. Sitting quite still, he watched as the security guards unstrapped the straightjacket. Each buckle was carefully undone and each knot was unlaced with shaking fingers. Slouched in front of the cautious guards, Beyond almost seemed to be sleeping on his feet. His eyes were half-lidded and he swayed a little. L frowned, wondering if they had switched up Beyond's medication again. Once all the bindings were removed, a guard guided the unsteady young man to a seat across the table from his visitor. Then, he too was gone.
"B?" L called out gently, coaxing his brother with the use of his pet name.
Dark eyes looked up and ever so slowly, a smile curled up cruelly on those pale lips. His sharp eyes shone with intelligence that very few could understand. L leaned forward and patted his brother on the head.
"Dear brother, to what do I owe this visit?" Bitterness stained the polite words, but L let the guilt roll off of his back.
"I came to visit you because I love you, B."
"Really? Then why the hell am I still here?" he hissed angrily, clenching the bare table until his knuckles whitened.
"Beyond," L warned, "you know that I can't help you. This was the best I could do to get you out of prison."
"Tch."
"Murdering three people puts a bit of a damper on your getting out," L snapped before regretting it. Those damn medications were the ruin of his wonderful brother and lately they had been putting holes into his memory.
B wrinkled his nose in thought before realization dawned on him. He remembered why he was doomed to forever be locked up in the institution and he allowed himself to sigh. "You're right, I'm sorry about that."
L reached out and stroked his brother's hand. "It's alright, B, it really is. But I can talk to those idiot doctors about your medication. Again."
The younger brother just rolled his eyes. "It's not worth it Lawliet, so don't even bother. Anyway, you've deviated from your normal pattern, so I deduce that you have some news to tell me." A mischievous look twinkled in his eyes as he took in the sight of L flushing in embarrassment.
"Well, yes. Actually, I wanted to let you know that I've decided to take Light's advice and I am now applying to adopt a child."
That cruel smile only widened. "My oh my, L, you are a naughty little vixen aren't you? Let me guess, you even went to Wammy's House to look for this child?"
L nodded. "Yes; I have an appointment with Mr. Wammy in a few hours."
"He's going to bring up your…strange behavior, you know. And he'll bring me up, I'm sure."
"That won't matter," L replied sternly. "I've worked on my cover story and it's practically perfect. See, they think that I'm now on some medication."
"Ah, and they really believed that?"
Another nod. "Yes, of course! I've been going to the psychologist Light suggested and he's been writing my prescriptions for months now. I don't take any of course, but I do get them filled out and picked up. I've got quite a collection now," he giggled. B just stroked his hand fondly. "As for you, I won't make any excuses. Everyone knows that those bloody pills they were giving you made you do what you did."
Beyond just shrugged and pulled his older brother's hand up to his lips. A gentle kiss was pressed to each knuckle, and soft dull hair tickled the backside of the thin hand. "So, who is this boy who has caught my dearest brother's eye?"
The look of jealousy shot at him escaped L's attention as he began explaining the golden-haired child. Impressively, he could still feel himself getting hard just thinking about that boy. Of course, he wasn't the first child to give him an erection, but he was the first one to do so continuously in memory only. "What do you think?" he asked breathlessly, leaning forward and studying his brother's cold reflective eyes.
It couldn't be helped, so Beyond leaned forward and pressed his lips to L's lips. He wouldn't be able to hide his frustration, his jealousy if L stared at him so intently. No, he had to relax his brother, had to fool him once more. The guards watching from the other side of the glass did nothing as he leaned forward even more, his chest screaming in pain from the pressure of the edge of the table. Habits were so hard to break, so L opened his mouth and moaned as he took his brother's tongue inside.
"My goodness, what the bloody hell is going on here?"
L looked up guiltily and pulled his brother's bruised body closer. Beyond growled in irritation at the fact that he was no longer moving his painfully swollen cock inside his tight brother.
"R-roger! It, uh, it's-"
"You can wait one fucking minute," B hissed as he thrusted into the body under him a few more times; climax was too close and he wouldn't let some old bag ruin it for him. L cried out as he felt the familiar substance filling him and spilling out around Beyond's slicked member. Although L didn't reach his climax, B figured that he would just give him a blow job later.
Horrified, Roger tore the two of them apart and gave each boy a firm slap in the face. "Get some clothes on right now," he demanded. B wanted to lunge and attack the old man, but L grabbed his arm and held him back.
"Just do it," L begged; he didn't want them in any more trouble.
"Tell me that you love me," B whispered as he pulled back teasingly. The sarcasm wasn't lost on his brother.
"You know that I-"
B captured his lips once more. He loved dominating his brother, and even now he had to show L that he had it in him. Still, he didn't want to hear those empty words, he didn't want to hear that he was "loved".
His sharp teeth bit down on L's lower lip, drawing blood, but L didn't flinch; he understood his brother, and he was used to such treatment. B lapped at the blood, suckling on the swollen lip hungrily. It was unfair, his whole life was just so damn unfair. L stroked his brother's face and pulled away. He just smiled as the blood rolled down his chin, and he petted his younger brother's unruly hair.
"When did you say your appointment was?" Beyond asked, holding himself back. It wouldn't do to ravage his brother in front of the guards.
"I have a few hours," L replied as he licked the blood off his lip and used a handkerchief to wipe the rest off his chin. The handkerchief was stained with old blood and was only used for situations like this.
"Well, don't waste those hours on me," the younger of the two giggled. "You must prepare for the greatest lie you'll ever present!"
L frowned. "B, every breath I take, every minute that I spend out in the public, that is the greatest lie I have ever presented." Dark eyes watched quietly. "All I want is to…to be accepted."
'But I accept you!' Beyond wanted to scream out. Who else on this damnable planet loved L Lawliet as much as he did? No one, not one fucking person! Still, he would not say it. L loved little children, and to be honest, he was no longer little. No matter how much he tried to delay his aging, all that malnutrition, the anorexia, all of it was only temporary. And now? He would never be anything more than a fling.
"Well, you should at least talk to this little lover boy of yours."
"What do you mean?" L asked as he chewed on his thumb.
"For being a genius, you are pretty dull-witted," B retorted. "Now, first of all, you need to talk to him to see if you have a chance with him at all. Do you want a child who will only rely on you, who will be so broken that he can do nothing but love you? Or would you rather a child who will be able to function outside in the real world and yet still accept a relationship with you?"
Pulling his thumb away from his ruthless teeth. "It would be ideal, Beyond, if I could have a child who would love me back and who wouldn't be messed up in the head, but I don't think that I can ever attain that."
"So what do you want?"
"As long as I won't hurt him and he can in some way love me back, that should be fine. I can live with that."
"And what will you do with him when he gets too old?"
Shock painted across L's face. B remained unreadable and just watched his brother struggle with the question. However, he didn't have any pity or mercy in this point. After all, he had been in that position and he still was.
"I, well, I-"
"Ah, never mind. You don't have to worry about that now." L's owlish eyes continued to stare widely at him. Fuck; he always did have a soft spot for his brother. "Just get this kid, and you can worry about the future of your little romp later."
Silence passed between them for a moment before L stood up abruptly. "I must be going," he mumbled. "Try not to bite any more fingers off, understood?"
"Of course."
L paused as he stood in front of the door. Not looking back, he sighed. "I love you, Beyond."
"Of course you do," he replied. "Now, can I ask you for a favor?"
"Anything," L hastily replied.
"Can you bring jam next time?"
/_/_/_/
Darkness comforted him, holding him as tenderly as any mother should. Rocking back and forth on his rocking chair, he couldn't stop himself from counting the seconds it took for each rocking motion. It had to be precise, like the beating of a drum. One, two, one, two…
"Are you awake?" Light asked as he stepped out of the candle-lit bathroom. A bathrobe hung loosely over his sculpted body. Steam wafted delicately around him.
"Yes."
"Mmm, do you have some sake?"
"No."
"Tch. Wine?"
"There's a bottle in the refrigerator. Top right shelf, exactly four inches from the edge."
"In the fridge?" Light gasped. "Are you really that much of a barbarian?"
"I'm in an apartment. I don't have a cellar."
"Well, move already!" Light commanded as he moved to get his alcohol.
"I haven't bought a house."
"Damn it, you have the money! Why the hell are you hesitating?"
L shrugged, not bothering to argue. The clinking of glass teased his ears and he smiled as he imagined the content look on Light's face. "I'm going to be talking to the boy next week," he stated.
"Mmm, do you know his name yet?" Liquid poured into an expensive crystal cup.
"Mihael. His name is Mihael Keehl." The name was like music to his ears. It was so beautiful, befitting the wondrous creature he was. "But his nickname is Mello, and that's what he prefers to be called."
"Mello is a weird name," Light complained as he walked into the living room with the wine bottle in one hand and the full cup in the other. "Drink with me," he commanded, holding out the cup.
Taking the cup, L just sipped on the sweet drink. It was a tad fruity, just like he liked it. Light wrinkled his nose at the overly sweet wine, but he poured even more down his throat. Dark eyes watched in amusement as his friend continue to drink out of the bottle directly. Because he would never drink after someone else and Light knew it, L was guessing that his caramel-haired friend was planning on downing the whole thing.
"You've never told me, but are you an alcoholic along with all your other 'problems'?"
Light snorted before taking another gulp of the addictive elixir. "I recall someone telling me that at one point, but I disregarded such a notion. Just because I enjoy drinking doesn't mean I'm an alcoholic. Besides, I have faith in my liver."
"I'd hate to be your doctor," L chuckled.
"Mark this day on your calendar," Light ordered, "because I could have said something very scathing and I chose not to hurt your delicate feelings."
"Ooohhhh," L murmured as he twirled his forefinger in a circle. "You're so special for having common decency."
"Pedophile," Light hissed as he sat back on the immaculate couch.
"Sadistic narcissist."
"OCD."
"Alcoholic."
"Are we really going to go down the list?"
"I don't know, are we?"
Light smiled and stretched out comfortably on the couch, as if he owned it. "Come sit by me," he commanded good-naturedly. Not seeing any reason to deny his friend, L hopped out of his rocking chair and sat next to his warm, dominant friend. "I don't see how those stupid doctors can label you with all sorts of offensive disorders. Schizoid? Seriously? You've made a friend in me, and you care about me."
"I agree with you," L mumbled, enjoying the way that he was never uncertain with Light around. His warmth was comforting and his confidence seemed to saturate everything around him, including L.
"So, you think you can do it? Survive a meeting with this Mello, I mean."
L pulled his legs up to his chest and snuggled into his friend's side with a contented sigh. "I really want to, Light, and I will try to the best of my ability to go through our meeting without showing any weakness."
"Good. I'll be rooting for you."
"That's a comfort."
Silence filled the orderly room as they just soaked in each other's presence. Words were not necessary for the two of them to convey feelings, thoughts, and emotions.
To be continued…
Author's Notes: Paraphillias involves the use of unconventional sex objects or situations to obtain sexual arousal; this includes fetishes and pedophiles. People who exhibit schizoid personality disorder lack the ability or desire to form social relationships and have no warm or tender feelings for others.
So? How was it? :) Please drop me a review and let me know what you're thinking. Also feel free to point out any spelling or grammar errors as I make them far too often.