Cosima finds something out about Delphine
I do not own Orphan Black or the characters
Cosima knew Delphine's body like it was her own so when she discovered the almost completly faded scars on Delphine's wrists the first time her facial expression was full of shock.
"Delphine please tell me these are not what I think they are.." Cosima says while she traces her fingers carefully over the scars.
"If I told you that I would be lying to you and I promised that I wouldn't do that again." Delphine answers smiling sadly.
"Why?" Cosima asks "Why would you do something like this to yourself?" Cosima looks up to meet her girlfriends eyes. Delphine looks away and hangs her head.
"Boarding school… If you remember I told you that I didn't like it there… one day everything just snapped and ..." Delphine pulls her hands away from Cosima's and sits up.
"You didn't try to kill yourself did you..?" When there is no answer Cosima gets worried "Delphine please look at me and tell me that you didn't try to commit a suicide!" Cosima's voice is stern and full of concern.
Delphine turns her face slowly so she is facing Cosima and the feeligs behind her eyes are enough to answer Cosima's question.
"I was 16 when I tried to kill myself… I locked myself in the bathroom and filled the bathtub with water. After getting in I slit my wrists open but it wasn't enough, I should have cut the metatarsals on top of my feet too." Delphine speaks quietly her voice sounding cold and distant.
"I wanted to die that night and somedays I think that it would have been better for everyone if I had bled to death in that stupid bathtub." Delphine turns completely to face Cosima.
"Delphine you don't mean that..." Cosima starts but is cut short.
"Yes I do. Think about it Cosima. How much easier your life, your sisters life would've been if I had died long before we met?" Delphine argues her face emotionless.
"You're allowed to think whatever you want Delphine. But don't you dare to think for one second that I'd hope that you had died then!" Cosima almost yells. Everything had been so perfect before she had noticed the scars.
"Delphine..." Cosima starts but closes her mouth because there isn't anything that she could say to Delphine that would make everything perfect again.
"Baby I'm sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice at you." Cosima whispers and takes Delphine's hands in her own. Cosima only now realised that she was crying. Still there was no response from the french woman.
"I love you Delphine and the thought about you trying to kill yourself it kills me okay..." Cosima sniffs, her vision starting to blur from the tears. "You know when I was with Shay… and well we talked about near-death experiences..." Delphine looks away at the mention of Shay but Cosima keeps talking. "When she told me her theory that whenever we were to leave this life we would see what we love, like pit of the soul, can't live without kind of love and if that love is strong enough sometimes we find our way back. I realised that my near-death expirince the day when you left to Frankfurt was exactly what Shay described to me." Cosima lifts her hand and lightly touches Delphine's cheek making the older woman lock her eyes with Cosima's before she closes them and takes a deep breath.
"Je t'aime..." Delphine wishpers and opens her eyes a sad smile on her face.
"Come here..." Cosima says and lets Delphine burry her face on the crook of her neck.
"You were right ma chérie I didn't mean it… Somedays it just feels like I should've died then..." Delphine says her own tears finally falling.
"But you didn't…" Cosima answers even though there was no question.
"No I didn't" Delphine whispers and closes her eyes hugging the smaller woman tighter.
"There is one thing that you can be sure about" Cosima says.
Delphine lifts her head to look at her quirking her eyebrow in question.
"What is that?" She asks
"That I love you, like can't live without kind of love." Cosima says with a small smirk.
Delphine smiles and leans closer for a kiss.
"Moi aussi ma chèrie." Delphine whispers as she pulls back.
"Have I ever mentioned that I love it when you speak french? Even when I don't understand what you're saying." Cosima smirks earning her another kiss.