Author's Note: A lot of people have written wildly varying versions of the wedding of Kathryn and Chakotay. Well, this is my foray into that plot quagmire. And in keeping with the STV universe that I created for "Man's Best Friend", "Shaken Not Stirred" and "Meet Me Tonight at Seven", this one should fit right in with all of that craziness. And believe it or not, these series of stories may be the closest thing to canon that I have written in years… Well, maybe not that close to canon… Let's just call it the canon that should have been…
Though at times a bit naughty, there will be nothing "M" rated. At least, not in this story.
STAR TREK is Paramount's property. I'm just playing in their playground for a while. All the usual disclaimers apply.
And please, if you feel so inclined, leave a review - good or bad. It's what encourages writers to keep on writing, if only to prove the negative reviewer is in error. Heaven knows, I once turned a short story into a novel in the TNG universe because people kept encouraging me. And their kind words have brought about my continuation of that alternate universe which is something that I don't think that I really would have done without those reviews.
NEVER LET A TALAXIAN
PLAN YOUR WEDDING
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Chapter 1: To Err Is Human…
Error #1
"Captain's Personal Log: Stardate: How the hell should I know? I don't think I've known a thing in months! It's my wedding night and here I am, all alone in my ready room. I am dictating my personal log rather than whispering naughty nothings to the man I love. I am NOT on a honeymoon. And, I am no where near a bed that contains my husband in it. In fact, I am hiding out from a group of well-wishers out to drive me nuts. So, maybe my mind is having a hard time comprehending all of these distressing facts - accurate stardates be damned!"
A very disgruntled Captain Kathryn Janeway shifted about in her ready room desk chair, as best she could. Being approximately eight months, three weeks and two days pregnant - give or take a few hours - was not a physical condition compatible with comfortable sitting. Or lying down. Or standing up. Or observing one's toesies when they were not stuck in the stirrups of one of sickbay's obstetrical diagnostic beds that she did not doubt were designed by someone named 'Torquemada'.
Kathryn harrumphed as she contemplated her toes. If it hadn't been for Samantha Wildman, Naomi Wildman, the Delaney twins and B'Elanna's bridal shower, she would have gone to her own wedding with unpolished toe nails. Fortunately, Naomi was willing to paint them for her after the Delaneys convinced their captain that no bride should be married without a pedicure. Kathryn wasn't quite sure what color her toenails were, though. All she knew for sure was that her toenails glittered - and glowed in the dark. She had a sneaking suspicion that the base coats alternated between chartreuse and neon pink for each toe. But since the flashing top coats projected holographic images of Flotter running back and forth across her feet, now and then pausing to pick a biliously colored poesy or two, she no longer cared what color they really were. She just knew that when the doctor saw them, she would never hear the end of it (for she could not bend over to use polish remover on her toes).
She was also very glad that she had not married Tom Paris. She could only imagine Tom's pithy bon mots if he ever saw her toenails. Fortunately, she knew that Chakotay, at least, worshipped her. Even if he noticed her strangely decorated nails, he wouldn't say anything unkind.
Kathryn was wrong on that count. Though to be honest, no one could have predicted (or blamed) a Chakotay doubled over and rolling and pounding on the holodeck floor, guffawing with hysterical laughter at his first sight of them.
Matters were not helped by the fact as to the event that precipitated how he saw the toenails. It was at their wedding reception - in front of everyone. Chakotay had bent down to remove Kathryn's slipper in order to drink champagne from it for one of their many wedding toasts - none of which, of course, was something with which the bride could partake in due to her pregnant status since all the drinks not be offered to her had considerable alcoholic content.
As she watched Chakotay rolling on the floor, Kathryn had the sneaking suspicion that Chakotay might have been up all night at the bachelor party that Tom had hosted for him at Sandrine's. And that her beloved had gone to the wedding from there, only pausing to put on the traditional ceremonial clothes of his tribe before coming straight to Holodeck One.
In short, she suspected that her newly designated spouse was already somewhat three sheets to the wind before he'd even said the sacred bonding words of his people.
Now, Kathryn really understood why Tuvok had been coaching Chakotay with the words to their ceremony. At the time of their wedding, she had merely thought that her husband-to-be was simply nervous. She'd been wrong about that too.
Captain Janeway's little list of the sins that soon-to-be-ensign-again Tom Paris had committed, was beginning to grow longer. Much longer.
She really should have eloped.
Just in case her computer had not caught that sentence, she repeated it again in a much louder tone of voice: "I really should have eloped! No muss. No fuss. No Talaxian matrimonial (aka fertility) rites…"
She shuddered at the thought of those rites and what they had entailed.
And then she reflected back as to how she had gotten into this mess in the first place. And the real purpose as to why she was hiding out in her ready room. The only reason as to why she was hiding out in her ready room was because no one had thought to look for her here - again. Though once again, as soon as she detects the shivaree crowd approaching her sanctum, she'd have to do another site-to-site transfer to stay ahead of the mob. She knew that the shivaree mob was being led by Neelix. The Talaxian had really taken to the idea of banging iron frying pans and cow bells to celebrate her marriage to Chakotay with great glee. It was followed by considerable Talaxian overabundant enthusiasm as he mastered this Old Earth tradition.
And though Chakotay and his hangover headache might have deserved to hear such unending noise, her own frazzled nerves could not handle just one more thing - much less a din. So she'd fled to her ready room. She knew that they couldn't trace her through her comm badge since she'd left it in her quarters before her marriage. And she'd locked out the transporter controls to her voice command only, so they couldn't get to her that way either.
And any qualms that she might have had about using energy unnecessarily was squashed by the fact that she would quash all requests for hangover medicines before the start of the day shift. That should be enough energy saved to replace what she was using for transportation. If not, well, she had double checked with Engineering. They had an eight month reserve - which was more energy than what they usually had available during any typical month on board Voyager. And this past month had been anything but typical.
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Error #2: Things you should avoid when you propose…
This mess had all started when Chakotay's spirit guide had proposed to Kathryn's spirit guide. This was not quite what Kathryn had been expecting when Chakotay had whispered Acoochemoya by her earlobe before he nibbled it in the privacy of her cabin.
Because of her advanced pregnant status, they were sitting on her bed instead of the floor. With his hot breath on her neck, she had breathlessly agreed with whatever it was that he was suggesting. And then, she'd become entranced to a certain extent, with his sweetly murmured pleas. At first, she was somewhat overcome by the rightness of his whispered suggestions and was inclined to grant him anything that he requested. She then decided that the bonding words whispered back in the vision were a sufficient declaration of her love for this man. He should know her by now…
Chakotay however, had interpreted those same words completely differently. Because he did know her by now. She was ducking reality again… And conversely, she should have known how well he knew her by now as well…
Before Janeway knew it, he had arranged for Tuvok to become the temporary captain of Voyager so that the Vulcan could legally marry them in a ceremony that was a combination of Federation legalities and ancestral traditions. (It would take Kathryn a few days to figure out that Chakotay had clearly been plotting such a marriage ceremony for quite a while. The details had been too well-thought out…)
From her point of view, it was a whirlwind marriage.
Later on she would discover that he had even discussed such a possible marriage with Neelix - for months beforehand. Which had given the Talaxian plenty of time to plan. For that transgression alone, she would torment Chakotay forever.
And then there was the way that Chakotay proposed…
A girl dreams all of her life about how her beloved would propose to her. These dreams usually include her beloved on bended knee, protesting his devotion. Hopefully, he'd be holding a ring as well. And considering Chakotay's deep, intrinsic sense of romanticism, Kathryn had been hoping for a proposal that was cosmically extraordinary.
And indeed, his official proposal to her was cosmically memorable. But not in the romantic way of her hopeful dreams.
She thought about his proposal and remembered how Chakotay had done it…
"Kathryn…"
"Yes, Chakotay?" Kathryn bestowed a beautiful smile upon him liking the way he looked in his boxer shorts and robe, for he was planning on going to the holodeck in a few minutes. She thought about joining him for though she couldn't do much about it, she could still gaze upon a shirtless Chakotay appreciating his manly physique for hours.
And then she returned to eating her almost-midnight snack of blueberries and frozen coffee yoghurt mixed in with gagh.
Chakotay ignored the food that he saw before him, as he inwardly tried to control an instinctive shudder for he had noticed that some of the worms were still moving.
He considered Kathryn. And knew that this was it. He had to tell her.
"Kathryn, my love…"
She looked into his eyes even as she munched a Vulcan pickle.
"Yes, Chakotay?"
He knelt on both knees in front of her, imploring, "The crew cannot take any more. I cannot take any more."
"Any more what?" At this moment, Kathryn was puzzled. She put down her pickle.
He drew a deep breath, seriously considered dashing for the Antarian cider for false courage before he continued speaking, and then gathered up the mantle of his ragged nerves about him before he found the guts to continue. He clutched her knees.
"Kathryn, we have got to get married."
Kathryn dropped her spork. "Just because we're having a baby doesn't mean that we have to get married…"
"My love, that's not what I meant. We must marry. I can't take it any more." These words just tumbled out as he tried to explain himself.
"I repeat - what can't they - or you - take any more?" There was an edge to her voice, as if the 'captain' was about to emerge at any second. This was not the way that she'd envisioned Chakotay proposing to her…
He focused and dealt with the important stuff first. "I love you. For starters, your tendency to send anyone to the brig on a whim."
"You mean Tuvok, don't you?"
He nodded. "Amongst others."
"Well, Tuvok should have known better! After all he wasn't the first person that I'd sent to the brig today! You'd have thought by now that Tuvok would have a clue not to say 'Captain, I would advise that a woman in your condition should not do that…' to my face!"
"I guess he did deserve his brig time." Wondering what the Vulcan could have possibly been thinking, Chakotay warily agreed.
"Damn right he did!" Kathryn had not sentenced most of the offending crewmembers to the brig for too long a time. Usually for no more than an hour or two. Or six…
"But what about Harry Kim? You sent him to the brig for six hours."
She beady-eyed her soul mate. "Harry was hovering. Hovering! You know, I don't even permit you to do that…" She didn't have to give voice to unspoken promise of doing the same to him if he dared to hover too. Though he didn't really believe that she'd go so far as the brig with him.
"Harry cares about you. They all do."
"Oh, I'm pretty sure that there are a few crewmembers in the lower decks who don't 'care' for me."
Considering how Kathryn had been behaving as of late, Chakotay refrained from mentioning anything about his suspicions as to the current feelings of her command staff toward their commanding officer. Then he re-considered something.
"Kathryn?" He moved on his knees, even closer to her.
"Yes, Chakotay?"
He put his arms on her hips, pulling her body closer to his. Leaning near her right ear he whispered, "Would you ever throw me into the brig?"
Kathryn pulled back slightly. She had to think about it. The minutes stretched on a bit before she finally answered. "No, I don't think so." He audibly sighed in relief. "Just don't take my coffee away from me again, and then, I won't even think about ever considering it."
Chakotay shuddered. The EMH had told Kathryn that she was permitted one cup of coffee per day, and the EMH was not specifying a 2.5 litre mug. There had been a battle royale over the size of her coffee cup during her pregnancy. Chakotay knew that Kathryn would not deliberately endanger their son, but still, when Kathryn was at her stubborn best, it was quite often the principle of the thing. And her coffee consumption most definitely fell into this category. Besides, he was convinced that she argued about it just to bedevil him for the caffeine levels in her blood when the EMH had surreptitiously scanned her indicated that she was indeed following her doctor's instructions.
Kathryn stretched, damning him for what his nearness was doing to her hormones since there wasn't that much that she could do about it right now, picked up a few stray blueberries that had fallen from onto her rotund tummy, considered all of Chakotay's statements, and then nodded.
"What?" Chakotay warily asked as he observed a different expression on Kathryn's face. Suddenly, she became the woman that he'd always loved.
"Chakotay…" She closed her eyes for a second, and then smiled when she opened them. "Yes, Chakotay, I will marry you."
His sigh of relief was audible, even as he pulled her into his arms as best he could.
"I agree we should be married. So, let's get married. Right away. But I want a small wedding. Simple. Tasteful. With Tuvok officiating and only two witnesses. We'll tell the crew afterwards that we've been in a relationship."
When it came to what the crew knew about their relationship, she was somewhat clueless, as usual…
Chakotay waited for Kathryn to add something to her statement. When she didn't, he gathered her even closer up into his arms, ignored the gagh breath, and kissed her soundly.
His joy - and relief - was contagious. Kathryn pulled her beloved onto her bed, intending to celebrate their engagement, such as it was, with a few well-placed kisses. She still had a few pleasurable options for him, that she could do to Chakotay in spite of her rotund condition. Chakotay eventually reciprocated in kind.
One of the last coherent things she uttered was, "Maybe Tom could plan a small party… Don't let…" She never got around to mentioning her opinion of Neelix planning her party for suddenly her exhaustion overcame her and she slept in sated peace, secure in Chakotay's arms.
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Error #3: Failing to precisely define the words
you use when instructing a Talaxian…
Tom at first was flattered when Chakotay swore him to secrecy and then told him about the need to plan a wedding reception.
"Let me guess," Tom answered, as he sat, wide-eyed, by Chakotay's desk in the man's office. Tom idly reckoned that he could count on one hand the number of times that he'd been in Chakotay's office when it had not been about a disciplinary matter. He'd never really bothered - or had the time - to look around before.
"Guess what, Tom."
"You said that the captain wants something simple. Tasteful."
"That's right. Can you do it, Tom?"
"Sure. But I'll have to consult Neelix."
"Permission granted, but only if you emphasize the 'simple' and 'tasteful' part to Neelix, Tom. Kathryn's under enough stress as it is. She really doesn't need anything more added to it."
"I'm sure that our doc would agree." Tom nodded. "Relax, and just leave it all to me."
Chakotay shuddered as if a ghost had just walked over an ancestral grave. He wondered if Tom's words would be his epitaph when Kathryn was through with him.
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When Tom told Neelix of the captain's conditions, he nodded, imagining that he had a complete understanding of the situation. "Tasteful and simple?" Neelix repeated, just to be absolutely sure that was what the captain wanted. Oddly enough, no one had thought to consider Chakotay's preferences when it came to the wedding celebration - but that is another tale…
"That's what she wants," Tom agreed. He idly picked up a carved raw vegetable floret from the top of a salad that Neelix was preparing in the galley. It took all of his willpower not to spit it out when he realized that Neelix was now carving leola root into flower forms in order to disguise the vegetable. He turned his gagging reflex into a cough as he surreptitiously removed the offending vegetable, hiding it in the palm of his hand. He dropped it to the floor, kicking it under the counter. Then he eyed the various colored florets about the salad. He now had a sneaking suspicion that Neelix might be staining the dreaded raw root different colors in order to fool unsuspecting crewmembers.
Tom dearly wished that 7 of 9's beautiful copper still was assembled at the moment. Now that everyone on Voyager knew the real purpose for leola root's existence in the universe, it was a positive sin not to use all leola root for its true destiny in life which was making the best vodka in any known quadrant. One day, the alpha quadrant would know this truth.
Neelix hadn't noticed Tom's reaction to the floret. Instead, the Talaxian focused on thinking out loud. "Well, Captain Janeway deserves better than 'simple', but if that is what she wishes, then I will do it. As for 'tasteful', well, Captain Janeway's tastes and mine have always been simpatico, so 'tasteful' is the easy part. I know that whatever I like, she'll appreciate it too…"
Tom started choking again. And this time he hadn't tasted another thing.
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Error #4: Never assume that there are no boundaries
that an enthusiastic Talaxian will not cross.
Kathryn Janeway did not believe her eyes. She had known that she would have a combination bridal-slash-baby shower. No one - especially B'Elanna - could pass up such an opportunity to honor/and/or/embarrass her. Kathryn really didn't want either one, (in spite of the 'loot') though she logically concluded that if Naomi came to the shower - and it was hard to imagine a shower being held without the captain's assistant in attendance - that at least it would not turn into a raunchy festivity.
Kathryn Janeway was wrong again. It did not please Captain Janeway to be wrong again.
The moment that she entered the holodeck for her 'surprise' shower, she was greeted with a wall of dead silence from the guests already in the room Then she saw it. And she understood why. For what she was viewing was almost beyond description. Her vision consisted of a holographic movie on the walls depicting something swimming, for she was not exactly sure what the 'something' was at first.
What looked like tadpoles with long, eel-like appendages were swimming in animation along the holodeck walls with one purpose, in one direction. The largest of the tadpoles with a bear-form head bore an eagle tattoo that seemed very familiar. Kathryn slowly turned around, watching the progress of the streaming tadpole video wallpaper toward their destination. Once she deduced what their goal was, she closed her eyes for a second before re-inspecting the scene before her just to be absolutely positive that she was indeed seeing what she thought she was seeing; her only comment was uttered through gritted teeth to the spellbound room.
"I'll kill him."
Since B'Elanna was standing next to her captain, she got to guess which 'him' the captain meant. She also added a few pithy Klingon observations to her captain's comment when she truly recognized the theme of the projection as well.
For the tadpole goal was to swim into something that looked like a giant purple orchid. Except that it was not quite a giant purple orchid. In fact, the details that were revealed as the video progressed, closely resembled in mammoth preciseness, a certain portion of the human anatomy belonging to the female.
"Is that what I think it is?" a curious Naomi asked of her mother.
"No!" quite a few of the shower guests shouted in chorus.
"It's not a flower?" Naomi prodded her mother.
The Delaney twins giggled.
Samantha Wildman stated, "Yes, Naomi, it is a flower. And now, it's time for your nap." She dragged a visibly resisting little girl out of the holodeck.
As the last of the shower guests entered the room, they were stunned into silence too. Though perhaps it was the expression on Captain Janeway's face that was the impetus for their shutting up.
The loudest sound in the room was Captain Janeway taking a very deep breath as she broke the silence. When she spoke, none of her displeasure was evident in her voice. "B'Elanna, can you incorporate this scene into Sandrine's programming?"
"Uh, yes, I can, captain. But, do you really think such an action is wise? I know Chakotay. And Tom." She watched the tattooed sperm swim by again. "They might view this vision as a confirmation of the First Officer's, uh, virility."
"You do have a point," Captain Janeway grudgingly admitted. She was thinking first with her hormones again…
"I'm sure Chakotay had no idea…" Tom's wife wasn't about to protest her husband's innocence, though. She knew better. "I'll go erase it."
"No - save it. Put it in my private yearly reports file. I will one day want to know the identity of the perpetrator or perpetrators who programmed this 'gift' for me, thinking that it was an 'appropriate' theme for the decor of my bridal and baby shower." She glanced over at the multi-colored bridal/baby cake complete with peace roses mounted on top of a huge diaper form cake. It was unfortunate that someone thought that coffee butter cream icing was an acceptable color for certain areas of the diaper. "I shall thank them at the proper time. And in my own special way."
"May I suggest pain sticks?" B'Elanna helpfully recommended to her captain.
Kathryn Janeway considered it. And nodded. She liked that idea.
"I shall do it," Tuvok remarked as he stepped up to his captain. He placed a rather large wrapped package and a small package on the gift table. Both were covered in aesthetically pleasing, Zen-style wrapping paper. "Since I am only here to bring to you my gifts, I shall have time to resolve this incident before I go on duty."
Kathryn clutched his arm. "Thank you, Commander Tuvok." She patted his chest. "At least you are understanding. And a considerate, wonderful male…"
"I have survived many pregnancies with my wife and daughters. And thanks to our long relationship, I can predict certain of your responses. For I know you, Captain Janeway." Tuvok pulled a clean handkerchief from out of his sleeve. He handed it to her. For he had observed that Kathryn Janeway was prone to tearful outbursts at the most unexpected moments.
She took his handkerchief, used it and then added it to her collection. For she was a vengeful captain at the moment, and wouldn't give way to copious more tears just yet. Though if a naked Neelix popped out of that cake, she just might…
"Thank you, Commander. You have been the dearest of friends."
"Your welcome. Enjoy your shower, Captain Janeway."
The way he said it told Kathryn Janeway his opinion of the likelihood of that happening. Unfortunately, she agreed with him as she glanced about the room. No decoration in it was tasteful or simple. And for some reason, the color scheme was orange and purple. Kathryn Janeway hated that color combination…
With his fina remark, Commander Tuvok beat a dignified but hasty retreat.
He was half-tempted to go to Sandrine's to give warning to the likely decorating conspirators, as to the captain's response to her shower decorations. But then he logically concluded that surely whomsoever had done the decorating must have known what Kathryn Janeway's likely response to the visual depiction of ceiling high insemination animation would be. They deserved their fate.
Besides, not that he was a vengeance-minded Vulcan, but Tuvok well remembered the time a certain pilot and a certain first officer saw fit to pelt him with buttered popcorn during a James Bond movie night. Tuvok knew what his innate sense of honor required. At peace with his decision, Tuvok pivoted in the opposite direction of Sandrine's holodeck. And as he walked away, perhaps, when a crewman passed the Vulcan by in the corridor, one might even suspect that there was a ghost of a smile on Tuvok's face.
An hour later, Kathryn Janeway was all tuckered out. She tried not to show it as she opened the eleventh package containing naughty silk crotchless unmentionables that she might be able to fit into again about a year from now, after her baby was born. And if she lost her thirty pounds of baby fat…
Not that she wasn't grateful for all the presents. The majority of them were practical items that the mother-to-be could actually use. And considering how many rationed credits were involved in giving her such gifts, she was truly touched by the generosity of her crew. She was bringing her baby into a real family…
What made her laugh though, was Tuvok's baby present. It was a mobile of starships to hang over the baby's crib. It consisted of many different types of Vulcan Starfleet vessels as well as Voyager, the Delta Flyer and the Sacajawea shuttle. She could tell that Tuvok had made it himself. And her heart was touched. Tuvok's bridal shower present was completely different. It was a meditation candle. She knew that once she began living with Chakotay, she would certainly need it.
She caressed the colorful quilts, the afghans, the booties and the shawls that some of the crew had knitted or made for her. Though she had privately been crocheting a baby blanket as well, she knew that all of these presents would be put to good use. She had giggled when she'd seen B'Elanna's baby presents. It consisted of a pacifier with a bat'leth shaped soft plastic handle. And a stuffed toy animal - a teddy targ.
Of course, B'Elanna's bridal shower present was something that she'd wear for Chakotay long after their baby was born. She inspected the butter soft leather bra and matching short shorts. There wasn't much to them. Though she suspected that Chakotay would really like it when she could fit into them. Maybe she could talk him back into his leather pants when she wore her outfit…
=/\= ='/\'= =/\=
Error #5: Never assume that what is good for
the goose is also good for the gander…
Chakotay could not believe his eyes.
Though he should have known…
There were nude, voluptuous females dancing on just about every flat, solid-based surface in Sandrine's. The pool table alone had four naked women. He just knew that someone would tell the captain all about it. And show her holo-pictures.
He grabbed the culprit programmer and pulled him into the storage area behind the bar. He had to shove a few holodeck dancers who were entertaining some of the party's guests, out of the way.
"Tom! I wanted a tasteful bachelor's party!" Chakotay hissed.
"No. I clearly remember you saying that it was Kathryn's parties that had to be tasteful. You said nothing about having something 'tasteful' for yourself!" Tom didn't even have the good graces to even look slightly penitent over Chakotay's displeasure. "Relax. Kathryn won't find out about this…" There was a certain look in Chakotay's eyes. Tom correctly interpreted it. "Don't tell me you're going to be the kind of husband that will tell his wife everything!"
"I prefer not to keep secrets from my wife-to-be. Besides, she's the captain. She always knows everything…" Chakotay's attention was captured by a particularly buxom woman shaking her assets too near to Harry Kim's beet-red nose. Which, considering the color tone of Harry's skin, was indicative of just how embarrassed Harry Kim was.
Chakotay also noticed that Harry did not move away though…
Tom shrugged. "What a perfectly good waste of my Risian programming." With a louder voice Tom announced, "Computer, put sexy bikinis on all the Risian dancers." A moment later all the nude dancers - male and female - were wearing neon bikini bottoms. Though bottom itself consisted of a miniscule amount of cloth. Chakotay doubted that there was a yard of fabric in cumulative use between all the dancers' bathing suits. He did sigh in relief though. Now he could tell Kathryn that the entertainment had been wearing clothing. The amount of cloth actually used was not of importance…
A few of the revelers grumbled about the change though.
Neelix came over to them bearing tankards of foaming drinks. "A most interesting program, Mr. Paris. Very spicy. And you know how I like spicy." He elbowed Tom in the ribs. "Did you create it yourself?"
"Not really. I brought it with me from New Zealand. Though I did tweak it up a bit for Chakotay's wing ding."
Chakotay took a hesitant sip of the foaming drink that Neelix had presented to him, was surprised by how light and fruity it tasted, and then comprehended that which Tom Paris had just said.
"You brought a Risa pleasure program with you from your Federation prison cell?"
"Contrary to popular opinion, I really did learn a few tricks from the Maquis, Chakotay." Tom grinned like a Cheshire cat. "The New Zealand guards never noticed it. Believe me, back then that program saved my ass more than a few times…"
Not wishing to dwell on what that statement might mean, Chakotay took another sip of his drink. He decided that he really liked it. "This is very good Neelix. Thank you. What's in it?"
"Well, I know that you like your hard cider, Commander, so I experimented a bit, added some fizz and a little leola root - and this is what I thought tasted best," the Talaxian explained. For some reason, it completely escaped Neelix's mind to mention that the added leola root was in its vodka form.
"It certainly is good," Tom added as he finally took a drink as well. "Very smooth yet slightly piquant." He took another sip. "You can't taste the leola root at all." It would take a few more tankards before he would figure out what was the leola root secret ingredient.
"I added a few Ocampan spices that Kes gave me to grow, plus a couple of grams of crushed zaza leaf sweet syrup…"
As the Talaxian continued to describe what went into the drink, Tom was somewhat surprised - though he really shouldn't have been - that Chakotay was actually interested in what the Talaxian was saying. Tom let his mind wander, wondering how Kathryn was liking his deep sea animation programming of a fish named Nemo getting married to a bearfish with a tattoo that resembled their resident Indian's tattoo. He had it on very good authority that all Starfleet captains liked fish. And what harm could there be to updating a 20th century favorite film? It took more than a few minutes of mindless chattering before Tom became aware that the Talaxian was telling him something.
"I'm sorry, Neelix. I didn't hear what you said. I was just, uh, enjoying my drink."
"Oh, I was just saying that I had to tweak our fearless captain's bridal shower programming a little bit," Neelix explained.
Tom wasn't in the mood to get upset over this. "You tweaked finding then marrying Nemo?"
"Yes. You only put in the marriage part. You forgot to commemorate the blessed event part. So I added it."
Tom shrugged. His casual acceptance of this statement would be a mistake that Kathryn Janeway would make sure that he would regret making for many years to come… He had not truly realized how elephantine a memory his captain had.
"More drinks, anyone?" Harry suggested, as he tried to ignore the topless dancer still clinging to his arm.
Chakotay thought it to be a good idea at the time. He was really beginning to like Neelix's new drink. "What do you call it?" he just had to ask the Talaxian.
"Why, 'The Captain and the Commander', of course."