The night before the battle against Victoria and her newborn army the Cullens are preparing to fight and the wolves are all trying to fight off their anticipation of a very large fight, from which they may not return, long enough to get some sleep.
Meanwhile, in a small tent on a secluded corner of the mountain neighbouring the soon-to-be battle field Bella and Edward are furiously humping while having the queen mother of all make-out sessions.
Hearing some odd, grunting and groaning noises, coupled with the sound of slapping skin, Jacob wakes up. "What the fuck guys?!" He demands, still half asleep, at the sight of the young couple in their intimate embrace.
They stop in surprise, as if realising for the first time that he is there. "Uh..." Bella stutters. "I had something in my eye," she explains hurriedly. "Edward was just getting it out for me."
Jacob raises an eyebrow at her as if to say 'Seriously? THAT is the story you are going with?' "You know what," he states after a moment of silence. "Fuck this, I'm too tired to deal with this shit just now. One of you has to leave or have separate time out corners or just fucking stop, 'cause I'm going back to sleep and I'm not listening to you two horny bastards humping all night. I don't get much sleep and I'm actually going to be in the big battle tomorrow, unlike you sleepless idiots, so fuck you." And with that said, Jacob lies down again and after a short minute starts snoring lightly.
Bella, who is still lying on top of and wrapped around Edward whispers to her lover, "do you think he'll notice if we're just really quiet?"
Edward opens his mouth but before he can respond Jacob's groggy voice announces, "heard that."
"Damn." The two whispered in unison.
Authors Note: Okay so this is the result of a conversation with the amazing Scarlet Temptation (you should totally check out her super awesome stories 'cause she totally didn't give me five bucks to say that) about chapter 3 of my other story 'Dreams of Three' when this popped into my head and we laughed so much I just had to write it down. And for inciting the idea, and encouraging me to post it, Scarlet Temptation, this story is dedicated to you. Sorry it's so short but I can't stop laughing at it long enough to make it any longer.
~SophieAngel69