Title: It's Not a Slow Dance
Summary: They stumble through, somehow.
Pairing: Sophie/Sian
Rating: K+
AN: This was written back in January.
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Sophie finds her way back to God.
She only tries because Sian asks, because Sian's faith hasn't wavered, not since they declared their love for each other in church and she was still able to feel God's love. It means so much to her, and she knows it does for Sophie still.
They go to their new church, the one they were so happy to find but had rarely visited. It was a longer trip, they were still a little weary and Sophie's world was too busy crumbling around them.
Pastor James- an older man, with greying hair at his temples, who shook their hands and smiled warmly when Sophie clutched Sian's hand in her own as the blonde introduced them as partners- looked genuinely happy to see them again.
Sophie ended up spending many hours with Pastor James over the following months. They read the scriptures together, discuss and dissect, but Sophie still struggles. Once, she sobs, overcome with doubt. Her pastor pats her hand, tells her God will always welcome her back, that there is nothing that will ever stop His love. Sophie thinks of her parents, screaming at each other, thinks of her father's choice; choosing his son over her even though she never asked him to. Love can end, she knows that now.
Sian's waiting outside when Sophie leaves the church, with her back to the building. Sophie stands at Sian's side, takes her hand and Sian turns to face her, smiling. Sian's hand is warm, her smile is bright. Sophie looks into Sian's eyes, and believes.
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When the divorce finally comes through Sally gets to keep the house. It's a relief, but a short lived one. With the house comes the mortgage.
Rosie moves back in and starts helping with the cost. Sian moves into Sophie's room after the three girls confronted Sally with the facts and refused to back down till she relented.
Sian starts looking for a job, but no one's hiring.
She's not sure how she ends up telling Tyrone her frustrations. He's over for dinner – a somewhat regular event, despite everyone but Tyrone and Sally finding it incredibly awkward – and for a while everyone else is occupied. Somehow polite small talk leads to him offering her a job.
Kevin had finally sold Tyrone his half of the business. Sian hadn't considered what that would've done to Tyrone's workload.
"I can show you a few of the simple things, save me some time. Having someone to answer the phone would be handy as well."
Sian says yes.
Everyone looks at her as if she's mad, but when she shows up wearing the too-big overalls Tyrone has loaned her he doesn't laugh. He takes her through how to do some simple maintenance and shockingly she picks it up quickly. She finds she likes seeing how things work, understanding how they can go wrong and finding a way to fix them.
Tyrone praises her in his own awkward way and after a month she starts questioning him about getting some proper training.
"Yeah, definitely. You're a bit of a talent Sian."
Apart from Sophie, it's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said about her. They begin the process of her officially becoming an apprentice there and then.
She shyly tells Sophie about it that night, earns herself a kiss on the cheek and a teasing, flirty, "You're definitely good with your hands, babe."
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Sophie proposes on her seventeenth birthday. She's not drunk (no matter what her mum wanted to believe) and there's no party; there's just them.
Sian takes her out to dinner and books a hotel room so they don't have to get back to Wetherfield too late (Rosie was expectedly amused and inappropriate). Dinner is wonderful, as is the framed photo of them Sian gives as a gift.
But even better is once they're back at the hotel, and they can be as loud and uninhibited as they want.
Her mum may have let them share a room now, but Sian was constantly terrified of being walked in on again. A fear not helped by Sally intentionally bursting into their room at random moments, obviously trying to deter them from getting too comfortable with each other. This worked, much to Sophie's frustration.
The best part of the night though is when they are wrapped around each other, Sian gently tracing her fingers over Sophie's face as Sophie listens to Sian's heartbeat. They are naked and warm, everything is still, and Sophie knows she could do this for the rest of her life.
"Marry me."
Sian pulls back so she can see Sophie's face. It's only a momentary pause; then Sian is on top of her, kissing her, and murmuring, "Yes, yes, yes," against Sophie's lips.
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Even though she likes it well enough, Sian has always been a bit rubbish at school. So she's not surprised by her final results. She's not surprised by Sophie getting top marks, either.
When Sophie tells Sian she's gotten into uni - Bachelor of Arts, Study of Religion and Theology – Sian kisses her sweetly and tells her how proud she is. She doesn't tell Sophie about the stab of doubt, the constant fear of being left behind again.
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They marry three days after Sophie turns eighteen. Pastor James officiates, looking so proud it makes them both blush.
It's a simple ceremony, no bridesmaids, no one walking them down the aisle and only a few guests.
Sally, who had become obsessed with planning the wedding once it become clear it was happening, beams with teary eyes from the front pew. Rosie tries to hide her own tears and make references to their wedding night that Sophie would like seared from her memory, while Sean sobs openly.
Sophie spots her dad at the back of the church, holding Jack as the young boy looked around with interest. She spares him a smile, and he looks so relieved she almost forgives everything.
He leaves before the reception.
Sian's parents don't come at all, though her mother sends some cash as a gift. Sian shrugs and lets Rosie crush her in a bear hug.
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The reception is at the Rover's, much to Rosie's disgust. A lot of alcohol flows and more embarrassing toasts are made than Sian thought possible.
As the party goes on around them Sian takes a moment to stare at the simple bands they chose as wedding rings. They couldn't afford much, even with Sally and Rosie chipping in, but they weren't bothered. The rings represented something sacred, no matter what they cost.
But, they're so young, she thinks. They live with Sophie's mum. Sophie is in her first year at uni. They have no money. They're completely insane.
She looks at the rings.
They're perfect.
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During the last few months of her studies, Sophie is distracted. When not in class she's studying, or at church. They'd been making a big effort to go to every Sunday service, but Sophie starts meeting with Pastor James two, sometimes three times a week.
Sian says nothing, just puts in extra hours at the garage and watches telly with Sally at night and plays with her wedding ring almost constantly.
She pours her heart out to Tyrone over too many drinks at the pub one Friday after work.
"Do you think... something's going on?" His voice is hesitant. Most people wouldn't dare make the suggestion, but Tyrone doesn't trust easily anymore. She sometimes thinks she sees him watching her out of the corner of his eye, like she's going to nab cash from the till or shag his non-existent girlfriend in the backseat of the Volvo they're working on. She doesn't take it personally.
She waves off his suggestion; she knows that's not the case. She trusts Sophie implicitly, knows infidelity repulses her wife and more than anything, she knows Sophie is gay.
Like, really gay.
Sian, after much soul searching, thinks the category she fits best is probably bisexual. It doesn't sit entirely right with her, but it's close enough.
Sophie however, is gay. Completely and utterly gay. It bothered Sian at first, made her feel like they were coming at their relationship from different angles. She got over it, of course. She realised it had its benefits; she never had to be jealous about Sophie hanging about with a lad.
On the rare occasions they drank Sophie would sometimes ramble on about the wonders of breasts for a solid half hour before Sian convinced her it was time for bed. Now, Sian likes Sophie's breasts a lot, but she's certain that if she was asked about the topic that is all she could contribute. Sophie could write an essay.
Because; really gay.
It's hilarious.
It didn't help with jealousy over other girls though, and Sophie was just so oblivious when some slag was blatantly coming onto her. Right in from of Sian, even though they're married, how dare she –
Tyrone has his hand on hers, looking amused and a little scared and Sian realises she's been speaking aloud the whole time. She really can't hold her drink.
After Tyrone makes sure she gets home alright, she strips off and crawls into bed, where Sophie is already sleeping.
As soon as Sian gets under the covers Sophie snuggles into her.
"Are you drunk?"
"A little. Sorry."
"It's okay," Sophie's arm goes around Sian's waist, squeezes tight, "As long as you're here."
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When Sophie has finished all her exams and submitted her final assignments there's nothing left to do but wait for the results.
Sophie is nervous, more nervous then when she proposed, more than her wedding day.
"So," Sian asks, "What now smart girl? You've got the degree, gonna make me a kept woman or what?"
Sophie tells Sian everything.
Sophie wants to join the church, be a pastor one day. For the past year she's felt this calling, had been talking with Pastor James and trying to find within herself what it meant. When she finally told him she wanted to join the church he'd given her a knowing look;
"I've been waiting for you to tell me. You'd be wonderful."
But it's more school, longer they'll have to wait until they can have their own place, longer until they can be their own family, start their own family.
To her shock, Sian laughs.
"Sophie! This is fantastic! Why are you worried? You're twenty-one. We have time."
Relief and love fills her and Sophie wonders, as she often does, why she feels like she's on a schedule. They have their whole lives.
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Kevin dies in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver.
The hospital calls Sophie. Kevin had her listed as his emergency contact number. Sophie hasn't seen him since the wedding.
There's paperwork to sign and questions to be answered and then they're being asked if they know anyone who can take Jack or if the need to call social services.
They don't even need to discuss it; they take him home and set Jack up on their couch in the tiny one bedroom flat they'd moved into only a month ago. He's very quiet and very still. It seems so wrong for a six year old.
He falls asleep almost instantly, but Sian is awake for hours, holding Sophie as she sobs herself to exhaustion.
Sian's still awake when Jack comes into the room, his lip quivering and eyes red. Sian beckons him to her and pulls him into the bed.
She holds him while he cries to exhaustion, too.
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In his will, Kevin left Sophie everything. He also requested that Sophie take custody of Jack. When the lawyer tells them it takes Sian nearly ten minutes to stop Sophie's ranting about what a selfish bastard her late father was.
Sophie doesn't have to do it, they're told, but no one else has come forward. Jack would most likely go into care. Sophie feels sick.
It's too much. It's all too much and she doesn't want to have to deal with any of it. She wants to hide away somewhere, until someone else organises the funeral and the will and Jack.
She wants to scream, scream until the pain is gone, until she expels it from where it is sitting, heavy and oppressive, crushing her chest. She wants to beat her fists against the wall till her knuckles split and bleed and scar so she can see it, see the sadness and pain and rage.
She wants her dad. She wants her dad so much that she almost expects him to appear, brought to life by her yearning. But he doesn't, and instead she is left haunted by all the things unsaid.
She's silent for a long time.
The lawyer offers her a cup of tea and she agrees, absently watching as he walks to the outer office where his secretary his entertaining Jack, leaving the door open. The boy, her brother, turns to look at her. He smiles shyly. He looks so very like her dad.
"Sophie?"
She turns back to her wife.
"Sian... he's my brother."
"We can do this Sophie."
Sophie is twenty-two years old when she signs the paperwork to making her, for all intents and purposes, the parent of a six year old.
Sian, next to her, is twenty-three and asking about the process of becoming Jack's second legal guardian.
They're too young. But then, they always have been.
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It's not easy, taking care of Jack. It took months for her dad's insurance and to come through and for his estate to be settled and until then Sophie and Sian moved into the lounge room so Jack could have a bedroom. They slept on a mattress on the floor and wondered how they could possibly afford to take care of a little boy.
For a long time, Jack is angry. He cries a lot and throws his toys against the wall, he doesn't sleep through the night and he wets the bed several times a week.
His teacher is sympathetic, and tries to give advice but Sophie just feels lost. She's still trying to study and Sian is trying to do as much overtime as she can, but Sophie knows working with Tyrone has become stressful since he found out about Jack.
Rosie helps as much as she can; her anger at their father having faded, and her sympathy for her orphaned brother overruling any left lingering. She's awkward with kids, but Jack is fascinated by her. She takes him to the cinema a lot, and when they come back he babbles about the strange clothes stores Rosie takes him to after, and how the women there look like clowns because of their makeup.
They finally get him in to see a counsellor. It's not an instant fix, but he slowly begins to seem more peaceful. They talk to him about their plans to move to a bigger home and he perks up some more. Sian spends hours playing with him, telling him about the features of his toy cars, like Sophie imagines her dad probably did. He still has bad days, even weeks, years later. They still aren't entirely sure what they are to each other, but he is loved, and he seems happy.
As soon as Sophie gets some money from the insurance she puts a deposit on a cosy three bedroom house they'd been eying. The first night there Jack falls asleep early and Sophie and Sian celebrate having a real bed for the first time in months.
Sophie says a prayer of thanks for things not falling apart quite as much as they could.
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The day of Sophie's first sermon, she leaves hours before she needs to, just to ensure everything is ready. It's left to Sian to get Jack ready. She helps him get into his suit and put on his nicest shoes while he frets about getting a seat at the front so much that Sian concedes to leave early too.
They arrive with plenty of time to spare and walk around the old cemetery next to the church. Jack loved cemeteries, much to their initial concern, but he just liked trying to find the oldest date he could on a headstone.
Or at least, that's usually what he did.
"Is Dad here?"
"Not here, but somewhere like here."
"Can we visit?"
"Of course. We've been before, remember?"
He nodded, "But we can go soon?"
"Sure."
He nodded again, "I miss Dad."
Sian put an arm around his shoulders, "I know you do."
"But you and Soph are pretty cool."
"Oh, well, cheers Jack."
"You should have kids."
"We think we will, someday. And we've got you, don't we?"
"Yeah, I suppose. But you should still have at least one."
"Guess we need to start thinking about it a bit more, ay?"
"Don't wait too long; otherwise you'll be old, like Dad. I miss him, but was old."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"Cool. Should we go in now?"
Sophie's sermon is brilliant, her agreeing with Sian's suggestions for baby names later that night is even better.
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Jack is twelve when his niece is born. She's all red and wrinkly, but she has eyes like Sophie and when she looks at him for the first time his chest feels weird and his throat aches.
Sophie looks a right mess, but really happy, and Sian keeps touching the baby gently, like she was afraid of breaking her.
He excuses himself to use the toilet and comes back to find Sian in the hospital bed, one arm around Sophie and the other stroking the baby's cheek. Sian is staring at the baby and Sophie is staring at Sian. Then Sian looks up and they're kissing, soft and slow.
They both coo over the baby some more, and Jack's chest feels weird in a different way, until they notice him and beckon him closer.
"Oi, big head, get over here."
He frowns at Sophie, but goes to stand next to the bed.
"I don't have a big head."
"You did," she begins, pulling him up beside her even though there isn't nearly enough room, "and now I've been through childbirth I can say it; your poor mother."
He cuddles into her side and squirms when Sian reaches over to ruffle his hair.
"Gross Sophie. Am I the baby's uncle?"
He tentatively strokes the baby's light fuzz of hair.
"Yep."
"Aren't I too young to be an uncle?"
Sian winks at him, "No such thing."