Carol Brady was not ready for Christmas this year. She went shopping on Black Friday morning and didn't stop until that evening when all of her children, grandchildren, even Alice, were accounted for. The gifts were packaged and wrapped the next day with no help from anyone. The same went with the house decorating. The bright red bows, the glistening gold garland, and the rainbow lights shined brightly in there usual places, including the artificial christmas tree. Carol had painstakingly arragned the fake tree branches in an orderly fashion then went on the same lights, garland, and bows that dotted the rest of the house, inside and out. Then a few handmade ornaments made by her children and grandchildren were put in place. The newest one was made by Jan. Jessica, Mickey, Kevin, and Patty's group portrait in the middle of a gingerbread house. The ornament was an early Christmas present while the life-size portrait, a Thanksgiving present, was hung proudly in her bedroom. She stared at her grandchildren and smiled back at them with tears in her eyes. No, she was not ready for Christmas. Mike was not here by her side, taking it all in like they had done so many years before.
Mike had passed away earlier that year. Only a few months before Cindy's wedding to Gary. She still could not get over the shock of waking up only to discover his cold, lifeless body next to hers. She will never understand how she did not know he had died so suddenly and without her ever feeling like something might have been wrong. Nothing had gone wrong, he had just simply died of natural causes according to autopsy. Mike was not even sixty-five years old.
Trying to snap out of her thoughts, Carol had hung Jan's ornament on the tree and wiped away her tears. Most days she was okay; other days the lonliness would be overwhelming and she would cry. Unfortunately, this particular day belonged in the latter category. However, she decided she was not going to stay home and feel this out. She grabbed her coat, walked out of the house and into the car. She was going to go to the cemetary to talk to her husband.
This was not her first trip to his grave. When it was his birthday in the fall, she brought over a bouquet of flowers and sang "Happy Birthday" to him. This past Thanksgiving, she had brought over a left-over bottle of Chardanay and poured it over the grass and soil of his plot and said a Thanksgiving prayer to him, thanking him for always being there and for watching over her and their family after death. Even on her worst days, Carol felt the soul of her husband around her.
She steps out of her car and up the tiny hill to a spot she wishes she didn't know so well. Carol kneels before his grave and blows a kiss into the air. She always had to give herself a moment of silence before she spoke. It always wasn't very long before the words did come out.
"Mike, it's December already. Can you believe it? It feels like we had just celebrated the new year and now it's time for it to come to a close. Next New Year's will be very different though. I still had you then but I only have your soul now and forever until my time is done. I know life flies but it seems to have slowed down since you went to heaven. I want to see you again, Mike. I want to talk to you and have you answer me. I want to look at you and have you look back at me. I want to see you hug your children and grandchildren and see them hugging you back. We all miss you so much..."
Carol's sobs started to grow heavier and heavier with each word she had spoke. She needed to let the tears fall and rest. Her grief had overcome her in this moment and she just needed to feel it. There was nothing else she could do. The sound of a bird overhead snapped her out of her funk and she finally pulled her hands away from her face. The sky was gray and the air was cold, matching Carol's depressive state. That was when she noticed a butterfly. Carol was stunned, she hadn't seen a butterfly in so long and she certainly didn't think she would see one now with winter coming. It had beautiful blue wings and it was fluttering over Mike's name. He was with her. Carol's frown had turned into a smile and her sobbing had turned into laughter.
"Thank you, Mike. That's just what I needed."