Frustrated

AN: Jane is feeling frustrated because of her feelings for Maura. Find about Jane's silly thoughts that are running through her head while she is struggling with her attraction toward her best friend.

I was frustrated, mostly with myself. I have been feeling frustrated and confused for quite some time. I have been struggling with my feelings for my best friend, trying to suppress them and keep them in secret from her. The truth was that I liked Maura a lot. She was my best friend after all and so perhaps that was quite normal. But lately I just couldn't stop thinking about her. Well, maybe that doesn't sound very extraordinary because she is my best friend but the odd part was that I wasn't thinking about her as just a friend. Because lately, I have started feeling things that I wasn't supposed to and seeing things that I haven't noticed before. Things like her looks - her revealing outfits, her sexy body, her confident demeanor. It was her fault after all. Because of Maura and her sexy outfits. So sexy and revealing...and... Well, how could I not notice her and even stare?! I wasn't blind after all. Though sometimes I wish I was because I was seeing things that I wasn't supposed to even look at them. She wore beautiful dresses and skirts with shirts and all of them were so tight that I just couldn't help but wonder how she breathes in them. But I also wonder about many other things... very inappropriate at that. The effect of her sexy dresses was amazing because she always looked stunning in every single one of them. But she was a beautiful woman and maybe it wasn't my fault that I was thinking about these kind of things. No one would deny that she is beautiful, and sexy, and smart. She has sexy body with round and beautifully shaped breasts. And that ass of hers! Oh, my! I needed to stop thinking about her! I just had to! Probably that was the reason I was so frustrated - because I was thinking about her. All the time. And I just couldn't stop. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say. That was my best option - to avoid her.

Easier said than done. It was early morning and I was at work. We were in the morgue, discussing the case. Maura had called me to go there to tell me what she found out and I just could said no. It was my job after all so I had to suck it up and go. I was fiddling with my hair nervously, trying to focus on the case and not on the way Maura looked. I was avoiding thinking about her and about the fact that she looked so sexy even with that outfit.

"Just focus, Jane, I encouraged myself. Just avoid looking at her body and focus on her face. Just look at her lips and focus what she is saying with these lips of hers... and the way she moves them... and what else she could possible do with them... Nope! Okay, just look at the dead body! There's a dead body in the room!... Why are you thinking about such things when there is a dead person?! Gross! Actually, that helps. Wait, did she ask me something? Great! You weren't listening to her! Okay, just nod at her, and agree with whatever she is saying to you."

I just nodded my head in a sign of approval and she continued talking.

"Phew! Okay, now listen. And focus. Focus on her voice. Oh my, I have always loved her voice. I just loved the way she talked, her soft and sweet voice, her sexy intonation. But probably it's for the best to listen what she is saying because you're missing important things, Jane, I was talking to myself, trying not to get distracted by my own thoughts. Okay, I'll just focus on her voice. Ooh, that sexy voice of hers! I've been dreaming about hearing that husky voice of hers moan my name over and over again... I just love everything about her."

Suddenly Maura pointed at me and I was brought back to reality. "Jane," she called my name and caught my attention. "It's a sign of sexual frustration," she stated, pointing at my hair. I was still fiddling with my hair unconsciously, thinking about her.

"Or tangled hair," I answered back as I let go of my hair.

"And speaking of sexual frustration... "she came closer to me, "Jane, last night I had such a weird dream," Maura confessed, looking at me.

"Okay," I answered, looking at her surprised that she was telling me that kind of things. I didn't want to know anything about her dreams. That would probably make things even worse. "Good for you," I said because I didn't know what else to say. I just didn't know where she was heading with that statement. "I had one, too, but you don't wanna know abou-" I murmured under my nose but trailed off when I heard what she said to me since she obviously wasn't listening to my murmuring.

"It was a wet dream," she quickly said, interrupting my thoughts and at that very moment I almost chocked on her words.

"Mine, too. I thought to myself, smiling. Oops, I really hoped I didn't say that out loud."

"And you are sharing this because..." I started saying, trying to sound normal, waiting for her to finish off my sentence.

"I was just sharing information," she told me so innocently. Like it was just a casual friendly conversation, sharing something ordinary with her friend. "And since we are on the topic, can I ask you something personal?"

"Sure," I answered and shrugged.

"Did she think that she needed my permission to ask me a question? And since when she thought so? Maybe it was something too personal since she was asking for my permission. But I really hope I am wrong."

"Have you ever..." she started saying quietly and then she looked down suggestively, "uhm... you know."

"What?" I asked, surprised by her behavior. I couldn't get what she meant with that gesture.

"Is she going to ask me if I have ever dreamed about her? I really hope not. Or maybe it was something else that was too personal to share."

Maura definitely looked odd, standing there, looking at me questionably. And a bit nervous, too.

"Have you done," she leaned closer to me so I could hear her better, "you know..." she said and looked down again.

"What the hell is she trying to tell me? I have no idea. Not even the slightest."

"What?" I asked, getting closer so I could hear her even better. She looked nervous and talked really quietly, almost whispering her words. Obviously it was something very personal since she was acting so weird about it. But I was getting tired of her stuttering and not getting straight to the point.

"Have you ever masturbated?" She finally asked, way too loudly and a bit angrily like it was my fault that I couldn't get what she meant with her odd gestures and murmuring.

"Excuse me?" I managed to say, shocked by her direct and way too personal question.

"Have you ever pleasured yourself?" She asked with a normal tone, repeating her question more persuasively this time. And more confidently.

"I am gonna pleasure myself by walking out of this conversation," I answered her, and started walking away from her.

"No way! That did not just happen! How could she ask me such a personal thing?! Didn't she have any boundaries ?"

"Jane!" I heard her exclamation so I turned around. I didn't want to upset her and I knew that she usually gets offended pretty easily so I waited there.

"Maura, normal friends don't discuss that kind of things," I stated, trying to make her see why the topic was so inappropriate to discuss. Especially with her.

"We are not just normal friends, Jane." she answered back at my statement.

"Are you suggesting that I am not a normal person?" I questioned, making myself sound offended by her statement. It was my only way out of her uncomfortable question.

"Jane, you are avoiding the question," she said with a blaming tone.

"What? Are you saying I am an alien now!?" I exclaimed, still talking about her statement. She was right. I was avoiding her question and it was on purpose.

"Jane!" she said my name in a threatening tone so I stopped talking immediately.

"What?" I asked after a small pause in which she was looking at me sternly.

"I think you are frustrated," she stated with a knowing look.

I gave her a puzzled look. I didn't want to hear that. Not from her. And especially not right now. Since she was the main reason that I was so frustrated.

"Sexually, I mean," she added, like I was dumb or something and I couldn't understand her the first time. Of course I knew what she meant!

"I am asking you that kind of questions with a reason."

"Really!? Cause I thought you're just jibber-jabbering." I answered her back.

"I was just making a delicate hint to you. Did you know that sex releases immunoglobulin-A? Because I do and I was just trying to-"

"You were trying to what?" I interrupted her. "To show me that you're a smarty pants?" I joked.

"What? No," she said seriously. She probably didn't get my joke at all.

"So basically you're saying I should get laid?" I asked, mocking her.

"Well, basically I-"

"How rude of you!" I interrupted her. "You should be ashamed of yourself Doctor Isles."

"No, Jane," she came closer to me, taking my hands in hers. "I was trying to tell you something. And the thing that I was trying to tell you, but you kept interrupting me, is that I think you should pleasure yourself in order to feel more relaxed and not to be so cranky all the time. And not be so frustrated, too."

"But I am not, Maura." I said and let go of her hands. "I am not frustrated," I declared, hoping she would leave me alone and stop talking about pleasure and masturbation and anything of that sort.

"I notice these things, Jane." She said, holding my shoulder.

"Good for you, Maura. You know what? You should be a Detective," I said, getting annoyed at her persuasiveness. "From now on, I will be the Medical Examiner just so you could be the Detective," I said, pulling away from her hand. "Detective Maura Isles!"

"See, you are cranky!" She made her point.

"Okay. Whatever you say," I agreed with her. "Gotta go," I exclaimed, hurrying towards the exit.

"Hey, didn't you mention something about a wet dream that you had?"

"Nope," I said innocently, biting my lips. I couldn't believe she had heard me. I murmured it so quietly and I said it to myself. So I quickly exited the room, not leaving her any time to ask me further questions. I hoped she would forget about it. And about our whole conversation, too, because it was really awkward . I was such a liar. I felt bad because I told her I am not frustrated even though it was so obviously not true. I really hoped that she wouldn't feel offended by my me and my stupid jokes.