Title: Mr. Chicken Legs & Madame Carrot Top
Set sometime after Home, Part II. Pure fluff.
Life in the office of the president post-Kobol, in Billy Keikaya's eyes, was good. President Roslin had for Gods knew what reason actually thanked him for abandoning her on the hangar deck - something about sticking with one's principles being a sign of character - and she was on the whole happier than before the ordeal. Her contentious relationship with Commander Adama had, by all indications, become a real partnership and their new trust in one another seemed to have eased the burdens of leadership that had plagued the president since the destruction of the Colonies.
In fact, Billy thought as he dumped tea leaves into two mugs and waited for the kettle to sing, he'd gone from having to assure Dee and her military compatriots that his boss was not frakking the younger Adama to slapping down rumors that she'd set her sights on the elder model. He would defend Laura Roslin's honor at any cost but he sometimes wondered privately if the conspiratorial looks the two leaders shared as they met late into the night sprung from something decidedly more intimate than new friendship.
Pushing aside all disturbing thoughts of his beloved adopted mother doing anything of the horizontal nature with anyone ever, he grabbed both mugs and headed for the curtain that served as a door to the president's office. He walked to the brown leather chair where she was sitting, glasses perched on her nose as she studied the file in her lap, and held out one of the mugs.
Laura smiled up at him and hummed appreciatively before taking it with one hand and tossing the report on the side table with the other. She gestured for him to take the seat opposite her before removing her glasses and taking a sip of the warm offering.
She hummed happily again, not even bothering to grimace at the bitter flavor the chamalla added to the drink.
"Thank you, Billy." She paused for a moment, studying his face, before fixing him with a sincere look. "I don't think I've thanked you enough for what you did for me while I was in the brig."
"Don't mention it, Madame President," Billy responded. His words sounded like a humble response to praise but he meant them literally. He still had dreams about finding the president collapsed on the floor of the brig, clutching her head in pain and muttering incoherently and he did not at all enjoy the disturbing reminder.
If his expression betrayed discomfort at the frightening memory, Laura didn't notice as she'd been reminded of one of her own. "I thought for a minute you were going to do something stupid, try to grab the guard's gun and play hero. You scared me, Billy."
The young man snorted and responded without thinking, caught for a moment in the outrage he'd been feeling that day. "Madame President, I would have shot everyone in the frakking fleet if it would have helped get you your frakking drugs."
Billy immediately flushed when he saw President Roslin's surprised expression, realizing the implications of what he'd just said and the crude way in which he'd said it.
"I'm sorry, ma'am," he stuttered. "I meant, I mean I...frak." His face turned a deeper shade of red as he used the word again, prompting a musical peal of presidential giggles.
He looked at her, confusion crossing his features.
She managed to stop laughing just enough to respond, a wide smile gracing her lips.
"You're so sweet, Billy. And you're absolutely adorable when you get embarrassed." She paused before dissolving into another fit of giggles that shook her body enough to threaten the stability of the mug in her hand.
Billy looked at her warily, momentarily worried he'd put way more chamalla in the president's drink than he thought. A weak "well...thanks" was all he could manage, which made Laura feel slightly bad for teasing him. Not bad enough, however, to stop herself from continuing.
"I'm sorry, Billy. I just remembered the look on your face when you tripped in that huge hole on Kobol and got mud all over your suit. It was priceless."
Billy rolled his eyes at the memory and thought quickly for any excuse that might redeem his dignity. "Hey! I was trying to get to you. I thought you were going to fall."
"Really? Even though I was fifteen feet away at the time," she asked incredulously.
"Yeah, well, so I was in a bit of a hurry," he said defensively, trying to remember the exact series of events and hoping his boss had been too preoccupied with things like saving all of humanity to have actually caught the whole humiliating episode.
Laura's eyes sparkled with amusement as she reached forward and patted his knee in mock comfort. "I was sitting down, dear," she said. "On the ground. I remember because Starbuck practically fell on top of me laughing when you, um, stumbled back into the mud while trying to get up."
Billy groaned inwardly but laughed for the president's sake. Starbuck and the other pilots had tormented him about his two left feet the entire rest of the trip. He was less than pleased that his normally supportive mentor had decidedly to belatedly join the game.
The president pasted an innocent smile on her face. "Oh, Billy, don't look so humiliated. It couldn't have been as bad as the time you told Dee she had supple skin!"
This time Billy didn't suppress his groan but punctuated it by burying his face in his hands and shaking his head.
"I can't believe I told you that," he said, his voice slightly muffled from behind his fingers. "And with all due respect, ma'am, you're mean. I feel like I'm back in grade school, reliving 'Billy's dumbest moments' for the pleasure of the bigger boys."
Laura smiled sympathetically. Her years of experience as a teacher had long ago told her that this sweet young man probably made an easy target for classroom bullies in his younger years. She thought, not for the first time, that it was one of the many things that made her feel so maternal toward him.
"Yes, I can imagine the combination of really tall and freakishly smart made grade school a little rough for you."
Billy chuckled at the compliment and the accuracy of the statement.
"Yes, ma'am. I had to move three Colonies away for college just to find somewhere no one knew me as 'Chicken Legs.'" His face reddened as the dreaded taunt crossed his lips.
"Chicken Legs?" Laura giggled again. "That's rough. Well, if it makes you feel any better life as redhead wasn't very easy when I was a kid." She leaned forward conspiratorially and lowered her voice to a mock whisper. "Mine was 'Carrot Top.' I pretty much had to get control of an airlock to get rid of that one!"
Billy broke into a wide grin as he imagined his elegant president using her favorite problem solving technique to get revenge on her high school tormentors.
Their laughter was interrupted by a buzzing from the comm, signaling that Commander Adama had arrived for his meeting with President Roslin.
Laura put her mug down and reached for Billy's hand, pulling him closer to plant a fond kiss on his cheek. "Time to get back to work, Mr. Chicken Legs," she whispered playfully near his ear.
Before she could pull away Billy took the opportunity to whisper back, just as kindly, "Yes, Madame Carrot Top." She rested her forehead against his as they broke into a final run of giggles.
"Um. Am I interrupting? What exactly is going on here?" Commander Adama's rumbling voice announced his entry into the room and Laura caught the slightly scandalized look that crossed his face as he took in the sight of the president nose to nose with her much younger aide, their fingers intertwined at her knee.
Quickly deciding that the only thing more fun than winding Billy up was messing with him and the Commander at the same time, Laura placed her free hand on Billy's leg and smiled sweetly at Adama.
"I'm just teaching Billy here something about women," she purred, lifting an eyebrow slowly for good measure.
The look on Bill Adama's face turned to abject horror and Billy, who'd been a little behind the curve, suddenly realized what this situation must look like. He practically leapt away from the president, standing so quickly that the chair he'd been sitting in spun slightly.
He looked, in turn, at the two most powerful people in the remainder of the worlds and wished that hole on Kobol would appear on Colonial One to finish swallowing him whole.
Laura stood to rescue her aide, patting him on the back before giving him a gentle shove toward the door. "Alright, alright. You're free to run as fast as your little legs can take you." Bill had no idea what to make of the wink she shot the boy before he turned on his heels to go.
Billy shuffled toward the curtain but, upon hearing another muffled female laugh behind him, couldn't resist at least trying to even the score with his boss. He stopped directly in front of the Commander and said, dramatically and loud enough for the president to hear, "good luck, sir. You're going to need it."
Satisfied with the very unpresidential squeak he heard behind him, he walked calmly from the room without turning back.