i've felt the ground before
A.N: Right, so this fic gave me the most troubles. I won't say much in this note, and get straight to it. Happy reading!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
So what if Ron left? He's clearly missing out on so much - the chance to end it all with his two best friends. And I understand the need to worry about his parents but he forgets that I have none. I'm on my own, no James, no Lily, no Sirius, no Dumbledore. What does he think I have to lose?
I always got the feeling that Ron forgot I had no parents. Like the fact that my being cared for by Mr & Mrs Weasley made everything okay. It's an unspoken bout of ignorance that I had sensed in Ron from the beginning. But he didn't know how I felt, no matter how well I was cared for by his parents. When you watch your parents die and you can recite the order in which they died, it's never okay. I'm never okay.
And he never realised that.
He had to use the words "you chose him". Like Hermione enjoyed being torn in two by the people she cared for the most. Time and time again, I would play the peacemaker between them. Third year. Sixth year... I'm sick of it, he always had to make a huge thing over something so petty as a way to hide his feelings for her. Bloody fool. He can't look two feet in front of him properly to see that Hermione loves him...
Hermione. She's sobbing in the bunk, trying to muffle her sounds under her pillow. No point, I can hear everything in this tiny tent. She's in hysterics; if it wasn't for this sudden numbness creeping over me I'd go over and comfort her. I think. Honestly, I don't see why Hermione's so mad. If Ron can't get his ginger head out of his ass and realise what's in front of him then it's his loss, not hers. She's bloody brilliant. If I didn't have Ginny then I'd go for her myself. Imagine that?
I hope Ginny clobbers him when he gets home. I'd do it too, and I'd enjoy it.
I really miss Ginny. If she was with us I wouldn't feel so hopeless and useless. It'd be completely different. Ron wouldn't have left, Hermione wouldn't be falling apart without a shoulder to cry on. But she's not. And these things are happening. And it's all Ron's fucking fault.
... No, who am I kidding? I can act like I hate Ron with a passion but then again, I felt like that back in fourth year when he didn't believe me over the whole Triwizard Tournament business, and yet there he is - was - helping me find the Horcruxes.
What hurts the most is that everything he said, I know he really felt. When Ron feels a certain way and it all comes bursting out like a rampaging hippogriff, he means every word. Am I really that bad a leader? No wonder Dumbledore didn't bother telling me anything, it's like Ron said - I don't know what I'm doing. I don't have a real plan.
So what am I supposed to do now? It's down to two of us - a smart witch who's currently having a meltdown under the covers, and some skinny black-haired boy who's barely of age with a lightning-shaped curse on his forehead. And no Ron.
I can't focus now - the rain is too loud and my thoughts are too loud and Hermione's crying is too loud and nothing is going right, Voldemort is probably going to kill me any moment now and I don't even think I'd mind except he'd get Hermione…
Hermione doesn't deserve to be stuck in this situation with me. Nobody does - who wants to be stuck in a mouldy old tent somewhere far from home with a wizard that doesn't even have a real plan?
I wish I could just for once turn off my thoughts…
Angst galore! I love Ron and Harry's relationship, but I wanted to explore some of the feelings created after their explosive argument in Deathly Hallows.
Reviews are love!
-chann3l.0rang3