I took another swing from the bottle, filled with some vodka, and thought about how much life truly sucked.

Here I was on a Saturday night, at a party of someone I barely knew, sitting outside in the cold so I wouldn't have to listen to them go on about how this was the night they were finally going to lose their virginity or see a couple arguing because he was checking out some hot girl.

I was having an internal rant about not bringing a jacket because it clashed with my black lace dress when I heard someone call out to me. I jumped at the sound and grabbed the bottle just in time before it fell on the floor. I glared at the person below me who probably thought this was a game of hide and seek in their drunken haze.

"Woops," said a slurred voice and I could feel them trying to hoist themselves up on the wall to sit next to me. "My bad."

"Listen sunshine, I'm not in the mood to be hit on," I bit out, disgruntled at being disturbed in my reflection hour about what was so wrong with my life.

"That's good because neither am I," he said in a low voice that was full of amusement. "I'm so pretty that I had to bat off all the hands in there," he pouted. "It's like…I'm not a piece of meat, ladies."

I was about to tell him to piss off when I turned around and saw him. He was staring right back at me with a lazy smile on his face and I could feel myself drowning in his eyes. His eyes were shimmered even more under the bask of the moonlight and they looked like God had taken extra care and attention with them so one day I could feel myself tongue-tied around a boy.

"So, what are you planning on studying then?" he asked tilting his head to side and running his big hand through his messy, dark hair. "Man, I'm telling you applying to university sucks when you barely know what you want to do…we're gonna be in debt for the rest our lives for something we barely care about."

"Er, ok," I said trying my best to tune him out.

"I mean, yeah, fresher's week is all cool and that but the actual learning bit is well overrated. I wish I chose to something cool like Politics or even Medicine so I could say I actually did something other than talk about why life sucked so much in the olden days," he ranted and I had to bite back a smile at the way his face got all scrunched up in deep concentration. "My sister's applying now, but she really wants to go travelling with her boyfriend."

"Listen, what the fuck are you on about?" I asked not too unkindly considering the situation. He was really confusing me considering how he hardly ever spoke like this with me: he was so drunk he forgot who I was.

"Can I please have some of the drink?" he asked and when I looked at him sceptically he started fluttering his eyes lashes like he was in a Maybelline mascara advert. I was slightly jealous at how long his lashes compared to my mascara coated ones.

I took another gulp of the vodka and gingerly passed it to him. He grabbed it with his big hands and I marvelled at how small mine were in comparison. God, I must have been really deluded, but it seemed best to just go along with whatever he was thinking as this was the highlight of my whole night.

I was sitting outside in the moonlight with a vaguely cool boy who was drunk and babbling on about his how applying to university was terrible – I really needed to get out more. And I needed to get new friends, preferably those who could handle their alcohol. Guess Jasper and Monty have been demoted then.

"So, what do you study?" he asked politely while taking small sips of the drink like a child and I had this urge to take care of him. I hated myself for it – I wasn't the guy's damn mother – but I found myself just wanting to give him a glass of water, a hug and put him to bed…by himself of course. Bet he sleeps shirtless…as a friend I'm concerned about his…um body temperature at night.

"I study Medicine," I lied I knew he was too far past it to even acknowledge who I really was and it seemed fun to just pretend to be an elusive cool girl for one night.

"That's so cool" he exclaimed while tugging at his black dress shirt that in that moment brought out his beautiful eyes even more. "What made you choose that?"

"Well," I began like I had this whole story behind it when in reality I was making up shit. "I had this boyfriend whose dick was unusually small so I decided to go into medicine and see if I could come up with a cure for his…little problem." Oh I would take care of that fool Finn's little problem.

He must have been completely wasted because he nodded sympathetically as if he truly felt bad for the predicament I was in. "Are you still together now? You see…" he slurred while putting a finger to his delectable mouth. "Don't tell anyone this but I have a big problem because I'm a big boy."

I couldn't help but chuckle as he dropped his hand to reveal a sexy pout. "No most definitely not. I dumped his arse just after Brad Pitt proposed to me."

He started laughing really loudly and I was alarmed that the neighbours would come out. "You're funny," he decided while his shoulders shook with laughter. "The only other person who makes me smile this much is Clarke…"

My eyes widened as he started going off about how I was apparently hilarious and I smirked as my ego grew just that bit bigger – a guy like Bellamy Blake found me to be adorable. Ok, so he didn't exactly say adorable but I'm choosing to go with that since everyone knows a sparkling personality such as mine is always matched with intelligence, mystery and that all around well-adjusted adorable girl look. I'm like Princess Diana, minus the death and charitable work.

I took Bellamy's rambling as a chance to give him the once over as he swung his long legs back and forth against the wall. Even in the darkness I could see that he was cute. He wasn't a guy you would associate that word with but when he smile that particular smile – the one like it was so special he only did it very rarely – his whole face transformed.

"She then turned down Spacewalker," he said pausing to chuckle at something. "Forget Buzz Lightyear, it's Spacewalker to the rescue…fuck….fuck…" he cursed while biting his lower lip.

"You…" I began trying not to laugh. "You want to explore with Spacewalker?"

"Anyway," he carried on as if I hadn't spoken. "He's not even in the same league as her with his acting like a baby and then we hugged. Clarke and me, not me and Spacewalker," he clarified while I decided not to correct him on Finn's change of name. "I didn't have the heart to tell her that her hair was all in my face because she needed me like I've needed her and I swear…"

When he wouldn't shut up about this supposedly life-changing hug I grabbed the bottle of out of his hand and nearly drank it all out of boredom. His conversational skills definitely needed improving. We hugged…barely. And? Sure it felt good but he wasn't my saviour and I wasn't his Princess Charming.

"What's your name?" he abruptly asked.

I really liked the idea of creating this whole new identity which he would think believable and it was hardly like I could come out now and be like "Surprise! It's me and I heard everything that you don't want me to!" To be honest, he was so out of it I could have told him I was Mila Kunis and he would have probably believed me.

"Lily," I decided after a slight pause in the conversation. Lily– it sounded like the name of a girl who had her shit together and was studying medicine at university to save the world one day. I could totally be a Lily.

"Pretty name for a pretty girl," he said leaning closer to me and taking my free hand into his own big ones. I rolled my eyes at his crap chat up line but didn't move away as I bit my lower lip in anticipation, for what exactly I wasn't sure.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked and I could see slight desperation in his pretty green eyes. I must have looked pretty sceptical because you practically begged me to have my wicked way with him. "I just…I want…no, I need to feel your soft lips again mine just once. Help me forget her for just one moment. Please."

It must have been the alcohol or perhaps it was how resigned and upset he looked – no one should look like their puppy just died – but I found myself leaning into him. Something had obviously hurt him somehow and he was too annoyingly good to heartbroken like that, especially over some girl didn't understand how amazing he was.

For some reason I wanted to help him forget even for just a moment because I knew what it was like to be haunted by something constantly…just looking for an escape. I knew he was using me to forget yetI was using him too. I was using him to forget about why I had found myself thinking about the boy wonder in front of me at times when I really shouldn't.

As our lips met I felt what can only be described as butterflies in the pit of my stomach. His lips moved against mine as if it would pain him not to and as he pulled me closer to him I felt dizzy. He made me feel warm all over despite the cold weather and when he hands moved down to my hips I lost it. I never allowed a guy to get this close despite all the pervs hitting on me at the club and the guys who dared grab me when I was out. This felt…intimate. As if there was only him and me in the world. I was kissing him back fiercely and trying to ignore my out of control heart as he ran his hand up and down my arm, slowly caressing my skin. When I bit his bottom lip he groaned and I knew we were moving from PG 13 to X-Rated very quickly because I swear that was by far the sexiest sound I ever heard in my innocent 17 years of living. I've been hanging around Raven too long…shut up and kiss him! Oooh I can run my hands over those abs…

"I really liked that," he said as he pulled away before I could get some action time with his abs and instead concentrated on getting my breathing under control.

Before I could say something witty back, he pushed my hair back with such tenderness that I was quickly catching on why all the girls fell for his charms. He made it seem like he was really staring at me, the real me, and I stupidly entwined our hands because…well I wanted to, okay? I forgot how it felt just being in the company of a guy you may or may not have liked and the whole kissing thing was pretty fucking good too.

"I did too," I reluctantly admitted as he grinned.

"Of course you did," he smirked. "It's me, duh, silly. Though you set my heart racing, I'll…I'll give you that," he slurred as I remembered how out of it he was.

"I'll set your legs running in a minute if you don't shut up…" I trailed as he pouted like a spoilt child. "Oh just kiss me before my friends come and kick your arse," I ordered while he looked sceptical as his mouth hung open and his eyes drawn together. "KISS ME NOW OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL JUST GO FIND SEXY SPACEWALKER AND TAKE HIM BY THE –" I never did get to finish the end of my rant as he ended up pulling his hand out of my but only to plant the mother of all kisses on me.

"Wait…" I whispered against his mouth as he slowly pulled away.

"Say I'm Rocket Man and I'm better than Spacewalker," he breathed into the night as I almost fell off the wall in shock. "Na, na, na, na, na, na, na….Rocket Maaaaaaan!"

I snorted. "You're crazy."

He shook his head and flashed me a deliciously devilish smile. "KISS ME NOW OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL JUST GO FIND SEXY SPACEWALKER AND TAKE HIM BY THE…" he trailed over uncertainly as he repeated what I said before as if it was some game. "What were you going to do?" he mocked whispered as if he was still holier than thou.

"Ugh!" I bellowed in frustration. "I'm just going to go so, you know, try not to remember any of this tomorrow. I'll send out one of the guys to help you. Don't worry, Finn won't be the one so save your weird verbal abuse for someone else."

I jumped off the wall and refused to look back. The sound of Bellamy shouting out the lyrics to "Tomorrow" from Annie weren't enough to make me look back. I couldn't even if I wanted to.

Even though I was surrounded my darkness, it was like my eyes had just opened to light: I was so screwed if he remembered any of this. And I don't even mean in the good, sweaty way either.