So here it is, my first story ever. I hope you enjoy it xx

Chapter 1

I have never felt so devastated in my whole life, or so I thought. God knows how much pain I got to experience before, but now it felt different. Just as I found one thing that I've always needed – something close to a family and being a part of something, I had to go and mess it up. It's like I always do, I mess up all the good things. That's just the way I am, a messed up girl, who always feels unnecessary and unwanted, an unwanted child of hell knows who, an orphan. I just want to know who I am so much, to find out who my parents are (or were). Is that a lot to ask for? It seems that it is.

Now everyone on the team, my team, hates me and I can't really be mad at them about it because I totally deserve it. I'm the one to blame for losing the trust of these people. And God, I miss them so much! Now I can admit that I took all of it for granted, and I want it all back oh so much. The looks on their faces just make me want to hide and cry, as if I am that little girl again, locked up in the orphanage, fatherless and motherless, and lonely. A child who wants to be loved so desperately. That feeling only escalated now that I almost got a family but lost it just as fast as I got it.

Ward. I had his trust, I had it and I lost it, and it wasn't even his thing to let people in, but he let me in and all I've done was keep secrets from him and the rest of the team. Somehow losing Ward hurt much more. Just thinking about it hurt like a bitch. I didn't notice the moment I started crying. The way I felt about him I couldn't quite comprehend but he was special to me. Every time I was with him I felt whole and happy and there was a weird feeling in the bottom of my stomach. Needless to say, it scared the crap out of me. I wasn't familiar with this feeling. It all was new to me. Having people in my life who I genuinely cared about. Or wait, I didn't have that any more.

Still lost in my thoughts, I went to the kitchen to find something to drink. I was glad no one was here because I wasn't ready to see the hate and confusion on their faces again. I felt weak and still on the verge of tears. So I took a bottle of water from the fridge and drank some but it didn't make me feel better in any way.

I didn't notice how I came to the training area. It was too late to retreat because Ward had already noticed I was there. Seeing him, I made a sigh and breathed in slowly. I didn't want to burst out crying in front of him. My puffy red eyes didn't escape his attention, though. Seeing his face and the look he gave me, a mix of hurt and confusion and something else I couldn't get to read, I thought that it would only be fair if I explained everything to him, told him what it was all about, that I never betrayed him, the team, or the S.H.I.E.L.D.

I was finally ready to tell him my story, all I knew about myself, and why I failed to trust people. I was determined to make him listen.

- Ward…

I began but he didn't let me go on.

- Skye, you…

- No, wait! You have to listen to what I have to say!

- Oh I have to?

He was irritated and obviously didn't want to speak to me even again, and just looking at his face, into his eyes made me want to cry.

- Grant, please. Don't interrupt.

Calling him by name got his attention, cause I didn't really call him by name, only occasionally. Our eyes met, and something in his expression suddenly changed, though I still could tell he didn't want to listen to me.

- I've been an orphan all my life, never had anything close to a family. The feeling of loneliness and being unwanted and unnecessary always haunted me. The only thing that mattered to me is to find out who I am. To know what my last name was, who my parents were, cause I was a lost girl who needed the answers, but more and more questions was all I had. That was the reason I learned how to crack systems, why I joined the Rising Tide. It was the thing that made me who I am, a lost girl who doesn't trust people, sometimes even myself.

Tears were streaming down my face and there was no stopping them. Ward seemed to listen carefully, so I continued.

- My life search leaded me to one single document. Redacted. By S.H.I.E.L.D.

- That's why you…

Grant finally started to put the pieces together but I cut him off, I had to finish.

- Joined S.H.I.E.L.D. Yes. Finding who I am is all that mattered. Or it just seemed to. Until I joined S.H.I.E.L.D.

- Skye, as much as I can understand why you've done all of that, I don't see why you couldn't confide in me and just tell me the truth! I opened up to you, I trusted you but you didn't even seem to value any of that. I don't just trust people that easily, Skye, but I damn trusted you.

Grant's voice got louder and louder and turned into screaming.

- And all you did was throw that away! You know the weirdest thing is that I can't even think of hating you, it just hurts too much! But you broke my heart, Skye. And right now I can't even look at you.

I grasped for air and could hardly breathe. My heart was in pieces, I was in pain, emotional pain. The things Grant has said made me feel so much worse. I could hardly understand why he couldn't hate me. I even wished he did, because it probably wouldn't hurt so much. I just kept grasping for air and it got Ward's attention, but everything got blurry and dark, and I could only see his figure, hear his voice some why full of worry and calling my name and feel his hands on my body before everything went black.

When I opened her eyes I saw Grant's face full of concern. I was lying on the floor and he was holding my head.

- What just ha…

I made an attempt to get up but he stopped me.

- You just lost your consciousness, Skye, you need to lie down.

I looked at him and wondered once more why he was so worried about me when just today he found out I've been lying and considered me some kind of a traitor. In spite of his attempt to stop me I tried to get up again but it only got him angry.

- Skye, you just fainted god knows why, you need to get checked by Simmons. And stop trying to fight me.

- Ward, I'm fine, you need to let me go.

- Oh can you even walk, you look all pale and weak! Skye, listen to me for once in your life, I'm taking you to the lab. It's an order.

- I thought you were off the clock!

- Well, it's an emergency.

I kept trying to get rid of him and go to my bunk. All of a sudden he picked me off the floor and carried me up the stairs.

- What the hell do you think you're doing? Put me down!

- I could but I can't trust you, because I know when I put you down you're going to meet the floor.

All my attempts to get away had no point. He was so much stronger than me. And I could lie to myself as much as I wanted, but I couldn't help having this feeling when he touched me that made life seem better and hell, I was enjoying it. This feeling made me want to fight, to win back his trust, to feel hopeful that everything is going to be okay in the end.

I stopped fighting and just gave in. This might be the last time I ever get to have him so close.

When Ward walked into the lab holding a very pale Skye, Fitzsimmons rushed to him immediately.

- Oh my god, Ward, what happened?

- She had some trouble breathing and just fainted right in front of me.

Said Ward, putting me on the couch. I could hear anger mixed with worry in his voice. What made him so worried, he's supposed to hate me, just as everyone else on the team. Fitzsimmons seemed to get the same worried expressions. I quickly cut in before Ward could say any more silly things.

- Oh com'on, I am perfectly fine, I'll just go to my room and lie down.

- If you will be able to reach it, of course.

Said Ward with sarcasm. He sounded very mad.

- Oh Skye, you look very pale. I have to check your vitals and run some tests. Troubles with breathing is a serious thing. Have you been experiencing any of this before?

- Yes, and it's fine! I'm okay, see?

I quickly got off the coach, ready to go but I was stopped by Ward once again. Holding me by the shoulders tightly, thus making my heart beat uncontrollably, his face right next to mine he said:

- What the fuck do you think you're doing? Have you seen how pale you are? And what exactly you don't understand of what you've just been told? Having troubles breathing is NOT FINE.

While I wondered when would he stop screaming at me, Simmons made me lie back and said to Ward.

- For a few words, please. Outside.

She seemed really pissed.

Behind the door:

- What is wrong with you, Ward? Can't you see the poor girl is not feeling well, why scream at her like that?

- Why? Because she's acting like a child? Something is obviously wrong with her but she keeps being so stubborn and says she's fine!

Seeing Ward so worried for the girl who had been lying to him and kept secrets, made her think. In spite of all the reasons not to care about her, he was worried sick, she saw it written in his face. Agent Ward was pretty much in love with his Rookie. She's never seen Ward in such a state before and it was nice to see him changed. But now was not the time to think about it.

- We'll talk later. I really need to check on Skye.

They went back where Skye was sitting on the coach, leaning back, still pale. It hurt Ward seeing her like this, not the usual cheerful Skye.

- I'm going to take your blood pressure for a start.

- I feel fine.

Skye kept being stubborn and it made Ward even more mad at her for being so careless and for lying that she was fine, he just kept pacing around the room and giving Skye the look.

- Can you stop this, please?

- Skye, you need to shut up and calm down I'm trying to measure you blood pressure here.

Said Simmons who made me lie down once more and was trying to put something around my forearm. So I just kept still, I didn't want Simmons to scream at me as well.

- You blood pressure is very high, Skye. You need to calm down.

- I told you…

Ward was about to begin his speech again when Simmons made him shut up.

- You need to calm down too, Ward! Take her to her room. She needs to rest. Don't make it any worse, please.

While they were having their discussion, I closed my eyes for some seconds and the sounds around me stopped.